Okay, I'll just start by saying something I forgot to say in my review of Whispers in the Night. I actually love Molly II, and I absolutely love how you write her. This story was actually very different from what I've read from you so far, but I loved it. You have this amazing gift when it comes to description and characterization. At the same time, you find a balance. You don't have too much of either, but enough to create the mood you want for your story.
Like in WIN (I'm shortening it, so I'll just call it that instead Whispers of the Night) you see a broken Molly. Once again, you manage to write this well. You stay true to the characterization you have in WIN, but you still add some new traits as well. I love how you keep using the word: Perfect. I just imagine people around her thinking of her as just that. But in this story, you focus on the negative side of this. How Molly almost resents herself for appearing to be so perfect, like she wants nothing more than to be imperfect. She just seems broken and lost, and you can't help but empathize with her.
While Molly is in a very similar situation in WIN, I think she is somewhat different here. She is broken in both stories, but broken in different ways. Here she seems unable to comprehend what happened between them, and why Lysander wants to end things. Unable to understand, it's like she jumps to the conclusion that her perfect-ness is the reason for it happening. It's a new side of Molly, but I loved this side too.
I didn't really understand why they broke up, but that may have been your intention. But from the little that Lysander said, I'm thinking they simply grew apart. When things are too good or too perfect, they tend to break or bend easier. That's what my mum used to tell me, and it's correct in many situations. But what I love about Lysander is that it's seems like he's given up on her, like he really wanted to make it work but no longer believes they are meant-to-be. It's very realistic.
Another great story. Loving this one too :)
- Your Secret SantaAuthor's Response: I've been blown away by your reviews. I really have been because they are just so nice and i don't really expect that. I'm really pleased you like my writing style. I'm always happy when someone thinks i have a balance. It's not something I really consciously think about when I write and it's always after that i worry that it's too much on the descriptive side or too much angst or too much something. But i'm glad it works for you.
Why they broke up wasn't as important to the plot as her reaction to it. Her complete loss of what to as it didn't fit into her world. It completely made her loss it to an extent, the fact that she doesn't understand it was why i wanted to write this side of, the broken pieces that can never really put together again. They cracked, they stopped working but she didn't see it. I think you summed it up fairly well with why they just didn't work anymore.
Thank you so much for your thoughts! Report Review
Hello. This was fantastic. I enjoyed it from start to finish. I loved it. It was really interesting to read and I was engrossed with it. I loved your style of writing here, it's interesting, almost detached in a way. It's beautiful.
I am interested in why their relationship ended. Molly is in some way relatable, because we all know how crappy it is when a relationship ends, but Molly has taken it a step further. I'm not sure what I think of Lysander, he left her but it's not your fault when someone takes it really badly I guess. You can feel her emotions throughout the piece. I liked her obsession with the word 'perfect'. It is understandable with the media being now it is right now that people want to be perfect so I can understand Molly's need for perfection.
This was just so beautiful. It's so haunting. Just wow. This happened to be on of my favourite lines; I tried to draw him into my dance but he held tight and pulled me away from the glass It was just so perfect.
Thanks for writing this, you're an excellent writer and I really enjoyed your work.Author's Response: Hey SDF!
Thank you so much! It means so much to me to hear that you really enjoyed this.
Yes, it's very detached, i didn't initially intend for this to happen but as the story shaped and i got to know Molly it made sense why I was writing it like that. It fits who she was, kind of like she really isn't fully aware of how the world around her works.
I've had this question from a few reviewers and i'm not sure if i should leave it as it is or try and make this clearer. I never say explicitly why he left and a lot comes down to just he couldn't be who she wanted him to be. He couldn't fit into the plans she created for them. He couldn't be the perfect man or give her the perfect life. It might have been a little cold on his part but I think it came to the point where he couldn't put up with her anymore and couldn't pretend. I think the only hint i put in is where she's quoting back to him "am i perfect now Lysander?"
It's sad and i completely agree with you about how media twists people perceptions of themselves and what they should be. I think that definitely played a role with Molly and how she became obsessed with it to the point that she wouldn't have anything unless it was just that, perfect.
Thank you SO much for your lovely compliments, they made me grin so much!! Report Review
This was a very interesting piece to read- and very different from "All that Glitters". It's very interesting to see the contrast between the situations and the difference in the characters' reactions... Here, Molly rapidly breaks down over the break up of her relationship. There, Eleanor is slowly worn down by the war. I think that you've done a fantastic job of writing both of the very separate reactions.
I really liked your style of writing here. It was detached, which worked perfectly (:D) with Molly's feelings. She felt apart from the world, touching down only in explosive moments. As well, the repetition of the word "perfect" and its opposite was beautifully done because it really emphasized Molly's loss and incomprehension of the situation. Everything had been perfect- why had it broken down? Why was her life destructing around her?
I'm very curious as to why Lysandar broke up with her. I noticed a small hint when you wrote "the dull and the bright", which I took to mean that Lysandar was very intelligent and Molly sometimes felt inadequate next to him. And then it seems that Lysandar wanted something different... Though I don't think that he wanted Molly to change, necessarily. My guess is that he felt that there was something missing from their relationship. Am I close? :)
I noticed one small typo: with the phrase"gleaming were pictures" I think you meant "where" instead of "were".
As well, I noticed that several times you wrote Molly's thoughts into the story. I think that you should italicize them, so that it's clear that they're thoughts, or else it can become slightly confusing between the dialogue and the description. :)
I think that you did a great job with the ending because it really highlghts Molly's mental troubles as well as giving her a poor and sad sense of triumph.
All in all, I really enjoyed reading this story and I think that you did a great job of creating an emotional scene with such few words. Great work! :DAuthor's Response: Hey Roots! Sorry for the massive delay in responding to this! I didn't get a ton of review swaps, however, they all came within a few days and they sort of piled up...
I'm really glad you liked the style of this. It was, and still is for that matter, one of my favourite pieces to write. It was done more in a stream of conscious style trying to capture this moment where someone's life completely falls apart. Also, Molly's own slight OCD tendencies and all her plans for the future made it that much more startling and horrifying to see to an extent. It wasn't something she could put into her schema's because none of it made sense because they were 'supposed' to be together forever, their plans said so.
Why Lysander left? I understand why you wonder and i left that more up to the reader in this as i was more interested to see Molly's reaction to his betrayal. Though, i'd say he left partly because there was something missing but mostly because he couldn't be part of her perfect little picture anymore, he couldn't be the perfect man for her perfect version of the world. Sometimes, things just cave, the stop existing, the love he felt for her once drifted away or was lost. Which is why she asks him "am i perfect now Lysander?" it's sort of quoting back to him some of his words that he said to her during his explanation. The dull and the bright, is almost like you said but i imagined it more like him bright like a flame, his character shone and she felt dull and lifeless next to him.
Thank you so much for your thoughtful review! I really appreciate it so much and i'm glad you liked the ending, so many stories end with hope, that the character has learned from their mistakes, Molly just falls right back into her old patterns though because it's the only thing she knows how to do.
Thanks again!! :P Report Review
Wow hun! The description in this was wonderful! I really felt for Molly here in this oneshot! Its so hard to get over a breakup, especially after you put three years of your life into it and thought that everything was going fine. I think her reaction here was wonderful and spot on for a girl who has lost her love. I also felt bad for Lysander to have to witness her coming undone when he never really meant for things to hurt her as badly as they had. I feel bad that I haven't really read much of your stuff but I'm happy to be here now and have read this oneshot. I love reading about different pairings so seeing the molly/lysander is really interesting to me. I felt bad for them both in this oneshot and wished that there had been a happy ending for them but sadly there is not. I really liked how you opened this up as well. I thought it was a great beginning and caught my interest right away! Great Job!
~Slytherinchica08~Author's Response: Hi hi! Thank you so much! I'm so pleased you enjoyed this and connected with Molly. She's a really interesting character for me to write about :D. I'm really happy you're here to read my stuff! *hugs*
No, i don't think he meant to hurt her, but he couldn't be the guy she wanted him to be, he couldn't live the life she had planned out for them and sometimes things just cave. It's sad because i wish that Molly could find peace and happiness but she has this obsession with perfection and her plans and not even the loss of Lysander can break through those walls.
Thank you so much or review, i appreciate it a lot! :D Report Review
To start out, I don't know how much you know about or like the hunger games, but I couldn't help but smile at this line, "the mahogany wooden floor". Just because of how much that line from the movie was spread around tumblr.
Okay, okay, onto the actual review. ;)
I normally don't notice these little things, but these jumped out for some reason...
Just a small detail, but at the beginning, you have reminder instead of remainder.
Then, this line: "around like a dee" just ends. End of the third paragraph.
Now, onto the story...
OH MY GOD. That was brilliant. I don't know how to describe it. It's like...I love it. You're inside her head, and her world has been crumbled down, and it is just amazing. I just don't even know what to say. The repetition of certain words was brilliant, the way you described everything was brilliant, and this story is just...
There are no words to describe it. Just... brilliant. I'm so glad I read it. I would love to know why he's leaving though...but it doesn't even matter. Not to the story, anyway.Author's Response: Hahaha! That's great, i know HG and i had to go look up the clip and it just made me laugh because it's almost perfectly represents how Molly feels about her wooden floors. :D Too weird.
Ah, thank you so much for pointing that out, i'll have go in and change that :D
Thank you so much for your kind words and i'm really astonished by them. Thank you! I don't know what else to say but i'm really, really happy that you liked it so much.
Hm, he's leaving because sometimes relationships just don't work, he doesn't seem himself fit into this perfect life Molly has carved out for herself. It's too organized and I think it came to the point that he couldn't be who she wanted him to be and he can't deal with her anymore - her obsession with perfection and this life they were supposed to have together. But no, it doesn't matter too much to the telling of this story of why he left, only that he did.
Thank you so much for your review, i really appreciate it!!
Hi! Here for Holiday Review Swap! Long time no see :)
I thought I'd read this one of your stories because the summary drew me in so! We all know how it feels when a relationship ends badly, and on some level I can perfectly understand what Molly is feeling, but on another she is so far gone it's unsettling.
The whole structure of it and how there is sometimes just an unbroken stream of words and thoughts in her mind, and the repitition is completely believable. It's very illustrative of exactly what is going through her and how crazed and heartbroken and angry she is.
I would say I feel sorry for Lysander but because he left her with a somewhat knowledge of her mental state makes me dislike him xD
Stunning, great job! :)Author's Response: Hi! Thank you so much for this review! I'm so pleased that you liked this story! Even if she's a bit far gone to really relate to. Bad break up's are bad enough to deal with without adding the extra crazy in. You're the first to tell me of your mixed feelings with Lysander and i'm not going to defend him but also, on his side of it, he's dealt with this kind of behaviour before, he's had to deal with her and her obsession with perfection. This doesn't excuse him from just leaving her like that, but he's just tired and doesn't know how to deal and doesn't see it as his responsibility anymore. Also, in that moment, it was her way to try and manipulate his feelings to get him to come back and he wasn't going to fall for it again.
Thank you so much for reviewing this and all the kind words! Report Review
Hey! I'm here from the TGS Review Exchange :)
Wow, this is really original! I always appreciate finding a good story that features mental illness (or something like it) as a central theme, and I think you did a good job of illustrating true mental chaos here. Even if Molly's not crazy, though, she's so empowered, and it's very inspiring to see her break up her perfect life and take charge of it all.
At the same time, though, the emotion and vulnerability that Molly feels here is more than evident. I can really sense her anxiety at the beginning, with the perfection closing in around her, and I like how frustrated she gets when she's looking at the picture and seeing how she was happy at a past moment in time. You've really done a good job of adding complexity to a pretty unknown character, and for me, the effect is that Lysander can't even hold a candle to her. She's distraught internally over him, but I see her as being so much more than he could ever be here.
Your imagery is quite striking, and I liked the flow and pacing of the piece as well. I didn't see any technical mistakes either, so that's great. Overall, I think you did a really great job with this one-shot!
-AmandaAuthor's Response: Gah! Well thank you so much! I'm so pleased that you liked it!! There are so few stories that feature mental illness well that i actually tend to avoid them. I think it's such a sensitive topic and a complex thing that it's hard to get across. I'm beyond flattered that you felt like i handled it well. :P Not that she's quite crazy here, but i think she's definitely teetering on a narrow line, i can see how if she was pushed more emotionally, she'd crack a little more. Her psychological and emotional state are very fragile, even when she isn't going through change of plans.
I like how you've labeled her as empowered and how she shines in the moment of madness. I always thinks it's sorta cool when someone sees something that i never really thought of or intended for the character explicitly. I don't think that she really saw what she actually was, she sees herself in a box at times and has nothing too great to offer the world. Anyway, much Molly love, i wish there were more stories about her because i harbor much adoration for her! :D
Thank you so so so much for your lovely review Amanda! Gahhh It was so lovely! I really appreciate your ideas and thoughts on this and how you really dissected Molly.
zayne :P Report Review
So I came to this given that it's a prequel (kind of) to 'Whispers in the Night' and I'm really glad I did. This is so haunting and harrowing, especially at the start. It's far darker than I expected it to be but it really gives me a greater insight into the Molly from the sequel and perhaps a small hint regarding what's to come there in terms of her character.
Your style in this is a little different but it works: the fragmentation of the sentences was especially striking and really links with her state of mind in this story. It was almost violent in the way her character's been written but that is wholly intended as a compliment because it really is stunning.
I think you have a bit of a masterpiece here, actually, especially stylistically. It's very different from a lot of what's on HPFF and needs a bit more love! It's really special.Author's Response: I have another huge thank you to you for all of your lovely words! Seeing all these reviews from you made me squee like a child, they are all so nice.
I think this is the best response so far for this story, you got it and got the violence and harrowing ( i really like your word choice, it really encompasses this piece exactly) emotions and atmosphere that i was attempting at.
This is actually one of my favourites that i've written, i'm not sure why, but i really enjoyed exploring Molly here and she sort of tumbled out this way when i started writing. The only thing that was planned for this was that is was supposed to be a Molly/Lysander pairing, everything else just sort of happened. Anyway, it sort of sparked me into writing a sequel of sorts to it. I'd probably just say they are written in the same universe.
Anyway, thanks so much for your words, i don't even know what to say to them, but it blows me away to hear your compliments on this piece especially. I always think that it's just styled too weirdly to be liked by many. Thank you times 100, really. XD. Report Review
I have to say this was an AMAZING piece of writing. You wrote Molly so well!! I can totally see her having this sort-of-OCD being Percy's daughter. You did a great job capturing it! I loved your writing style too, the descriptions and the narrative flowed really well. I could feel the raw emotions as well.
The only little thing was, in one or two places you wrote "were" instead of "where" - this is a mistake a lot of people tend to make, better correct it though :)
Apart from that, this was an amazing piece of writing. I truly loved reading this! Great work!
(AditiDraco95)Author's Response: Hi! I'm glad you chose this story!! this is one of my favourite pieces, simply because Molly is such a nutcase. It was really fun to write and explore since i haven't written anything with next gen's so it was new to me. I'm pleased you thought i captured Molly.
Thanks! I'll fix that, little embarassing, i must admit ;D. Silly mistake snuck right in there. Thank you so much for your review! Report Review
THIS SHOULD GET SO MUCH LOVE Author's Response: thank you so much for taking the time to review! I appreciate your words very much and i'm pleased that you liked it :D Report Review
This was horrifyingly good - it was wonderful! I was shuddering with Molly - you can really feel how much she's suffering. Most of the entries for my challenge were sappy, fluffy love pieces, which I usually enjoy more than things like this, but this was really great. Loved it. :)
Thanks for entering my challenge, and I'm sorry I took so long. I'll be announcing the winners within the week.Author's Response: thank you so much, this is my first next generation fic so i'm so pleasd you enjoyed it!! Your comments are so lovely and i'm glad you liked it even though you don't usually go for styles like this. It's definetly not fluffy by any means. It's just sad, hard life. I'm pleased you enjoyed it! And thank you for issuing this challenge, i probably would never have written anything like this if not for that! Thank you again!! Report Review
I really like this piece. Writing it in stream-of-conscienceness allows the reader to see into Molly's mind as she comes undone. I really felt for Molly, her anger and distress with her failed relationship.
There's one little typo in the second paragraph: "I turned to the door amd dropped my wand..." Just fix the 'and'. Otherwise the grammar and spelling was good.
This is a really nice piece. Keep writing :)Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm so very pleased that you enjoyed it as it was very interesting to write. I really loved getting to know Molly as i don't see her written about as much. Thank you again for all your lovely compliments and pointing that mistake out to me! Report Review
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