This is fauxthefox from the forums with your requested review!
This idea is pretty interesting - you don't see a lot written about what Snape did right out of Hogwarts. I have trouble imagining him wanting to go to a concert, though, especially since I've always pictured him joining the Death Eaters fresh out of school. I can't imagine Wizards really catching onto the whole mosh pit thing either, but that's your choice.
In the sentence, "Fluffing out her short red hair Rose turned on her heel," you're missing a comma after the word "hair." Also, the sentence, "Even from the ridiculous muggle inventions – namely motor cars," would probably read better as "Even from ridiculous Muggle inventions - namely, motor cars." There are some other mistakes here and there in the chapter, so you might want to either look through it yourself or find a beta for future chapters.
You have a pretty good start here! Just make sure to look over the chapter, especially for places where you might have missed commas!
FauxAuthor's Response: Hey! Thank you for the review. The challenge was to write a story with him at a concert, which was why the story ended up being like that. Thank you for pointing out the errors, I'll go and look into them. ^^ Report Review
*shifty* I could have sworn I'd already reviewed this but I looked and I hadn't...whoops? D=
Anyways, this is certainly an idea I've not seen before on the forums. It's interesting to have Snape had a concert, and both of your OC's were lovely. =P
'Why was it always the redheads?' - that was definitely my favorite line. Always those pesky, sometimes violent red-heads, eh? *snickers*
It was well paced and well done all around, and I'm actually curious to see just how this connection might be explored. =P The last line, I think, is realistic in saying it might not last forever...but might as well try it anyway. Very teenage-esque.
Lovely job as always. ^^
-Cappie/HufflepuffAuthor's Response: Whoops :P You just made me wanna go watch a movie with a quote about that in it. Anyway. I'm glad that you haven't seen it on the forums before. It's great that you thought that the OCs were lovely. Yup, definitely always the pesky red-heads although it's true... given Lily and then Rose.
I'm glad you think that it was well paced. I might very well go on and explore the connection some more. Yup, definitely a teenager's point of view :P Glad you liked it. ^^ Report Review
First of all- I never thought that FloRida and Snape would ever be mentioned in the same summary! That made it quite cool to begin with. I loved the name of the group and I liked the atmosphere that the concert have. I really could imagine the buzz, and the mayhem of being stepped on all the time at concerts, so well done for that!
I really liked your OC's who seemed to be amazing together- the bright and bubbly one and the more reserved one. Perfect! I liked the Snape that was portrayed in this fic. He wasn't a ball of greasy angst, as many people tend to write him. I also liked when he thought about how it was always red-heads- that was adorable. :)
Rose got her guy! Yay! The last sentence was a good addition, too. I thought that it kept the romance grounded. Rose acknowledged that it may not end up like the fairytale that she imagined, so for that, well done!
Leanne (leannemariesnape, Hufflepuff)Author's Response: I'm glad you thought that was cool. Thank you! It's great to know that you could imagine the buzz and the mayhem. I'm glad that you liked the OCs. They're characters I write quite a bit so I'm glad you thought that they worked well together. She did! And Rose always has been that grounded. Thank you very much! ^^ Report Review
Major props for doing a Severus Snape fic! I love it!!! To be fair I think I'd love anything that is different and interesting, so of course I love this! Plus I just like your writing style so I'm horribly biased!!
In particular I thought these lines were hilarious:
Although some people did question her taste aloud more than once when the topic had come up in the Ravenclaw common room.
Which had been surprisingly often now that she thought about it.
Very hysterical with the dry humor that Rose has infiltrating this segment (I'm biased because I just like Rose as well!) but it's definitely going to be an interesting read!!! Nice creativity on the emotion bubble as well! 10/10!Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad that you loved this and the whole writing style thing as well. Also really glad that you liked the dry humor of Rose given she so often has that going on. Thank you very much for your review ^^ Report Review
You definitely had one of the hardest challenges, Snape/OC is tricky enough, but getting the wrock concert situation, yikes! Definitely big potential for OOC. I think you did an awesome job though! The challenge wasn't too much for you!
Loved how you introduced the OC (Rose) at the beginning, alluding to family tension and the war, building her character into someone with similar viewpoints to Snape's at that time (although less drastic, as I didn't get the idea she was destined to become a Death Eater, in fact it seemed she was on the opposite side of the war as Snape). I loved the contrast between the seeming cool and collected Rose and the overexcitable Colleen, definitely a believable friendship!
I do think Severus is maybe portrayed a bit more popular than I'd have expected from the view we get in the books (although really they're from Harry's point of view, and who could really be cooler than the Marauders?), I do you also happened to capture a different side of Snape then any I've read so far, he's more secure/comfortable with himself than we see during his 5th/6th year at Hogwarts, yet less guilt-ridden and cynical than we see as a teacher at Hogwarts.
I think you did a perfect job of capturing the excitement and energy of a concert (having just been to a rather big one myself, I thought this was very true to my experience).
I also really like Severus' line about always redheads, that made me smile, and I love the last line of the story, emphasizing that not all relationships last forever.
Excellent job! Thanks again for participating in my challenge, I will be announcing the winners soon!Author's Response: Wow thank you very much :D
I'm glad you liked the OCs and thought that their friendship was believable. I've never written them together before so it was a bit of a long shot when I was writing them. I was trying to strike a balance with Severus, trying to make it that he was growing up but that he hadn't become completely cynical yet because all in all Lily is still alive. If that makes sense? It was the first time I've written him so I'm at least glad about how it worked out XD Was rather worried when I was writing it.
Thank you! I have only been to Celine Dion and Cliff Richard (the latter dragged to by my parents) so I was trying to play off what I'd experienced even though they're not particularly 'rock' stars. I'm glad you liked it. Thank you for the awesome challenge and the wonderful review!
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