Reading Reviews for The Blue Monster
6 Reviews Found

Review #1, by BoOkWoRm24 Chapter 1

26th July 2012:

So this story was different to say the least. I can't say that I've ever read a story in which Ron has animated a water tower before, but it was original which was good. The way you tied it into Ron's emotional drama made it seem more believable, and when you made it a dream it became realistic.

Your characterization of Ron was also good. He was angsty, and a bit immature, and you could tell he thought he could do no wrong. All very Ron like of him. And even though I am a strong shipper of Romione, and don't really ever see Harry/Heromione ever working out, you made it work for this one shot, so congrats.

Now there are some areas that could use some work. Most importantly would be your sentence structure. This entire piece felt like simple sentence after simple sentence after simple sentence. Try and vary it a bit more. Add some compound, complex, and compound-complex sentences in there, it would really transform your writing. Also I felt like you started a lot of sentences and paragraphs with Ron's name. Again a little bit of variationi would be nice. Whether you just changed a few Ron's to He's or re worked some sentencing to start differently, it would really help your writing.

But overall this was definitely a very original peice. Keep up the good work!!!


Author's Response: Thanks for the review. This definitely isn't my best piece of writing. I took it as a challenge to write a story about a water tower, and this is how it turned out. By the end I was so sick of thinking about and writing it that I simply threw words on a page and was done. Thanks for the review though!



 Report Review

Review #2, by Remus Chapter 1

26th July 2012:
Heya! Perelandra here with your Pass the Parcel review! XD

There were so many to chose from so it was hard to pick one! However, I'm a true Ron lover so I had to pic this one. I seriously thought you were going to kill him towards the end!! I was ready to get my tissues just in case. But no, it had to be a dream! Haha!

I really liked Ron's personality. Despite the humor, and total randomness it had, you were able to keep him just as Ron would act. The fact that he was blaming Hermione for everything, including the monster is very true. Its something he tends to do.

Now for the CC part.

You tend to start sentenses with "Ron did this" or "Ron did that". It felt slightly repetitive saying his name. If you were to edit a few 'Rons' and add in their place "He" it'll flow a bit better. Less choppy.

Also, perhaps this is just me since I'm a visual person, but I think you may need a bit more of imagery/description to help the reader visualize the setting.

Anyway, I suppose that's it!! :D

Author's Response: Thanks for the review! Hahahaha out of all the stories you had to pick, you picked this one! This was definitely the worst and most random story i ever wrote. Probably due to the fact that I picked Ron as the main character which i can't write well because i hate him so freakin' much. I'm glad you liked it though. At least someone does even if the author doesn't! If it were any other story I would go back and definitely fix the story, but I spent a year trying to write it and am so done. I finished it as quickly as I could when i picked it back up and swore I would never touch it again. may be some day I will definitely go back and fix the he's... may be the visuals...may be... Anyways I really loved seeing your review! It meant a lot to me! Enjoy the passing of the parcel. Thanks again for the review!


 Report Review

Review #3, by CoLorful DreaM Chapter 1

4th August 2011:
I donít know really if I should cry or laugh after this. I so believed heís going to die, really Öand then he just woke up. Anyways, I liked the one-shot. I liked the way you caught Ronís thoughts: from blaming Hermione to blaming him for creating so much monsters around. Well, although I loved to see him alive, I think that dying would have been more interesting.

Author's Response: hahaha i think this is the best review i have gotten thus far with this story. Glad you enjoyed it and read it. it would've, but the truth is i rarely knew where i was going with this so trying to figure out where to go from the death would just be crazy for me ;) haha Thanks for the review! It meant a lot to me.

 Report Review

Review #4, by quixotique Chapter 1

30th June 2011:
I liked this - it was really cute :) I would have had difficulty with such a challenge haha I think it could have been funnier if you added more specific details about Ron and Hermione's relationship (or Harry and Hermione's) Great story!

Author's Response: Thanks for the review! I am so glad you think so. Yeah it took me a while to write it, and I got slightly bored writing it so I am very glad to hear that. I shall remember that in the future. More detail about the relationship :) THanks again.

 Report Review

Review #5, by Siriuslover177 Chapter 1

25th June 2011:
I really liked it!!
It kept me interested though out the whole thing, and I think it was very well written.
Bravo on that!
Unfortunately the big spaces in between make it very hard to read. :/
But I really enjoyed it!!!


Author's Response: Thanks for the review!It is great to know that someone enjoyed it! yeah i know that can be a problem, but i have no control over it sadly. Thanks again for the review!

 Report Review

Review #6, by ariellem Chapter 1

9th June 2011:
Honestly, it's like nothing I've read before, quite interesting. I didn't find it humorous per se. But it was interesting :)

Author's Response: hahaha that's fine. it was suppose to be humorous originally, but then it didn't really turn out to be. Now I'm just wondering what i was thinking when i wrote it... hahaha :D thanks for reviewing and telling me :)
Am. Ginny

 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login