This is such a beautiful one-shot, I should have stopped by aaages ago to read if I'd known what to expect!
Nope, this was definitely not a fail. I think the fragmented style fit the story beautifully, and it fots with Marlene's train of thought where epshe sees everyone in the Order as fragmented. Your take on the Order was brilliantly done -- everything is suggested and nothing is made entirely explicit, but at the same time we know exactly what's going on and the mood is conveyed so well.
I love the confusion we're left in at the bgpeginning, not knowing who's who, particularly because your banner seems to suggest James and Lily when actually not at all, which is a refreshing change.
Okay. I'm done rambling, now I've got to add this story to my favourites!Author's Response: This was written a while ago, so it was such a lovely surprise to find a new review on it, so thank you! :)
This was the beginning of my experimenting with styles, so I'm glad it seemed to work to you! I definitely left it a bit vague at points, haha, so I'm glad it made sense.
Thank you so much for your kind words! Means a lot :) Report Review
This piece is amazing.
Sad and moving.
I loved itAuthor's Response: I'm so glad you liked it, that means a lot to me. :) Report Review
Hello, here from the BvB review battle!
I think this was a truly amazing, moving piece. You wrote about Benjy and Grace so well, and I love how the phoenix flower ties in with all of that. Seriously, this piece just gave me the chills in this hauntingly beautiful way...
Ah, the circle of life. (Gah, Lion King! xD)
~Chocolate_Frog (Ravenclaw)Author's Response: Sorry for the late response - blame NaNo! :( But thank you for reviewing!
Thank you for all your kind words, they mean a lot to me. I'm glad you liked it! :)
(and I have to admit... the Circle of Life got stuck in my head occasionally while writing this) Report Review
Dear heaven above. I have honest-to-god and literal chills and goosebumps. That was so beautiful and full of life and death and the endless circle that goes on through the ages.
Seeing the cycle through one pair of eyes, of Benjamin, was taking a look at one life that is every life. We all have loves and fears and hates and losses. We can't forget that. Seeing the fact that they just had Casualty Lists with names but knowing the story behind that one name brings it to my mind that one can't forget that these names and obituaries we see have lives and stories attached to it.
Grace and his love was so light and airy and dreamy to read about. Complete romance and lovely to read. To have it end so tragically did tighten my throat and tear up my eyes.
When Benjy died and Marlene cleaned out his apartment, I felt like I had lost someone I had come to know well, just from the snippets of his life you provided.
Such a finely woven story of just a few lives that you've put here. It was astounding the effect it created on me.
charlottetrips [Ravenclaw]Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review and kind words! It really means a lot :) I am so glad you liked it.
The idea of the circle of life (gah, whenever I say that I think the Lion King xD) was one I was really interested in, because even as one person is dying, another is being born, and it keeps on continuing.
Grace was a joy to write :) Her and Benjy cooperated very nicely with me! heh. So I'm glad you enjoyed reading about them.
Thanks so much for the review! I'm glad it affected you. :) Report Review
Shame on you for making my cry on my birthday. I went into this, reading the first few paragraphs, thinking about how I'd finally write you the review you deserved. How I would talk about each part and how much I loved it and how absolutely gorgeous your prose is and it would be the best review you ever received. Then I kept reading and I felt my words slowly leave me until I'm left as nothing more than a sniffly mess and an aching heart.
I've never read a story about Benjy, but I can imagine him exactly as you write him. I love the idea that he joined the Order because he lost a loved one, a beautiful girl who brought life and love into his life but left him with nothing more than loneliness and a bitterness against a war that stole life from him.
There were so many lines throughout that just really stood out to me and made me go, 'wow.' I am so incredibly jealous of how naturally you write something so tragic and beautiful.
This line, especially hit me hard: he gave his life so that others wouldn’t have to. It just seems like the perfect description for someone who sacrificed so much so that people wouldn't die unknown.
I loved your descriptions of Grace from Benjy's perspective. All I could imagine was this ethereal person who couldn't possibly be real. But she was real to Benjy and he was the one who made her beautiful.
The obituary piece killed me too. How he got four more lines than Grace did. It made me think about why he had joined the Order - so that no one had to die unknown again - but based on Marlene's reaction to his apartment...the Order members didn't really know Benjy and well, doesn't that make him a victim of the very cause he was fighting for?
I especially adored the phoenix flower and how it was continually brought back into the story as a reminder that life goes on. Despite the war and the deaths, there are people living and growing and moving on. It's a beautiful metaphor.
I really really loved this piece and your writing is phenomenal. I wish I could keep reading your words and never stop. :)
forsakenphoenix (Ravenclaw)Author's Response: I've been putting off answering this cos I don't really know where to start. But how about HAPPY (late) BIRTHDAY! :) -hands you tissues- And I'm awfully sorry about making you cry. Except not totally, because I'm glad you had a reaction to it? if that makes sense? :P Oof, I feel horrible.
But you're far, far too kind to me. It really means a lot to me, coming from an author like you.
Tragedy is definitely much easier for me to write. What that says about me, I'm not sure... :P
Benjy definitely was, unfortunately, a victim of the cause he was fighting for. It's always been sort of sad for me, skimming over the obits in the newspaper, and seeing how they managed to summarize a whole life in a paragraph. There's so much behind each person, yet there's so much that is never recognized. We go through life, but how often do we get to really know a person?
Glad you liked the phoenix flower... I was reminded of the fact that life is everchanging, always moving, and that life really does keep going on.
Again, thank you so much for everything you've said, it means so much to me. This review has really brightened my day - no, week :) Thanks! ♥ Report Review
I ended up here from the Ravenclaw review thread, and I have to say, I liked this much more than I originally anticipated I would. It's so pretty and bittersweet! I loved how Benjy went to Dumbledore to ask to be a part of the Order, because Snape couldn't have been the only one.
Very enjoyable piece and a very well-written one at that! :)
Nisha/faerieall (Ravenclaw)Author's Response: Thanks for the review! :) I'm glad you ended up liking it. Bittersweet is definitely a good word to describe it. Thank you for your kind words! Report Review
This was so beautiful! I loved the repetition of the phoenix flower. Just a constant reminder that life goes on. That last little section was one of my favorite things i have ever read in fanfiction. It was just worded so well. It really carried a great message, and the way you wrote it was perfect.
The voice of the man in this, Benjy, was just super. The style worked. I loved how you portrayed his grief. It made sense to me, and the angst came through without being overly dramatic.
Great job with this!
-NaidatheRavenclaw, RavenclawAuthor's Response: Thank you! I'm happy you liked Benjy - I grew to be quite fond of him :) Glad it didn't come off as overly dramatic, either - I didn't want it to be. Life goes on, and that was definitely one of the things I was trying to get across. Happy you liked the last bit, too - it was actually really satisfying to write, for some reason. Thank you for all the kind words! :) Report Review
My gosh this is amazing. A hopeless fail in style you say? NEVER! Keep with this one! It works, it's amazing, so keep with it. ;D
At first, when you are reading this piece, it seems like it will end just at the end of them finding the flower. But NO! It continues it all it's amazing-ness, which I think really adds to the piece. And then you could even end it after she dies, but NO! EVEN MORE AMAZING-NESS CONTINUES!I like how it seems to come in a full circle almost, well to me it seems that way. Start to end, a perfect ending place.
The phoenix flower is a wonderful invention, by the way. It provides a nice constant/theme throughout the story, which ties all the little paragraphs together in a way. Speaking of those little paragraphs as well, there's amazing-ness right there. It's a big challenge to get the fine line between to small so it seems jumpy and the too long that you forget it jumps. You nailed it, absolutely on the head. While reading, I was thinking, oo is this going to get jumpy, but it didn't! Go you!
The only thing, now I think about it, that I can mention, is that the writing seems to grow as they do. For example, at the start the writing is a little ... confusing I have to say a little, basic. But then it progresses and maybe you settle into it a bit more, and it flourishes it to this beautiful piece.
Overall, amazing. (Hehe, I seem to be using that a lot.) Great job, and stick with the style! Oh and the paragraph at the really sums up life really well, and the fic. Oh and I love how you don't let us know it's Benji to the ending. Nice little twist. Hugs,
- HPB (otherwise known as nikkinike from Ravenclaw) ;DAuthor's Response: Thank you! -sends hugs back- Heh, glad you liked the style! ^-^ I think I'll try something else like this, because it was fun to write. And I'm glad you thought it had plenty of amazingness. heh ♥
I had fun playing with the whole idea of things coming full circle. And with the flower! The story actually started from the idea of the flower, so I went with it.
Glad the little paragraphs worked, because it's definitely a fine line between jumpy and working. I was a bit nervous about trying it out, I'll admit!
I definitely did settle into it as I got farther into the piece, so yeah that probably does show in the writing ^-^ Took me a bit to get used to it.
Thank you for your review! Brightened my day :D Report Review
Hello there! I'm here with your review as requested, and wow! Thank you so much for requesting and introducing me to this lovely story.
This was absolutely brilliant. Moving, romantic, and sweet, and just pure wonderful. You did this brilliantly. The way you set it up with the breaks and using second person really got your point more across. This was absolutely wonderful and it nearly brought me to tears. I also think the inclusion of the mention of the Order in 1981 was great and it added another sense of worry to the story because we know what's going on.
This was brilliant. You had amazing descriptions, dialogue, and everything just flowed. There was emotion in every piece of this story.
Honestly s brilliant piece of work. Thank you so much for requesting! :)
DrueAuthor's Response: Thank you for reviewing! I'm so glad you enjoyed it, because I certainly enjoyed writing it.
I put in the part about 1981 because I realized it could be a bit ambiguous, especially since the names never really came up. It also worked a bit as foreshadowing, because everyone knows what happens then.
Thank you so much for all the kind words! It really means a lot to me :) Report Review
Hello :) Just to let you know I'm WolfieAli from the forums, I have a different name on here. Anyway not sure whether you remember but you submitted this in for my Underrated Characters Challenge, sorry it's a little late but here's my review.
I've not read anything around this particular character before, which is one reason why I created the challenge in the first place. It's giving me the opportunity to read characters that I wouldn't ever consider ordinarily.
I really enjoyed it, it gave Benjy a voice and you really felt your heart break for him when she died.
This line in particular, I thought said it all. "No one escapes the Order unscathed in some way." It really does pretty much sum up the Order. They're there to fight the dark side, no one is going to leave without being "unscathed in some way" you're right. People sometimes tend to glorify it in fanfiction but you haven't done that which is brilliant, as it's true.
The ending little section definitely ends the piece on a strong note also. I tend to talk a lot about the endings of a story but it is the last thing you read, or one of the last things you read. If it ends well, it stays in your mind and you end up remembering it.
Great job, thanks for giving me the opportunity to read this.Author's Response: Hello! :) I had a lot of fun writing this; underrated characters are my favorites, so thank you for coming up with the challenge!
I feel as though a lot of times the Order is sort of glorified in a way in fanfic, but if you think about it, most of the Order members end up dead or injured in some way. I felt as though that ought to be represented.
I'm glad you liked the ending - I agree that they're important, and you want to make it strong :)
Thank you for reviewing! I had a wonderful time writing this. Report Review
Your story is wonderful and so sad.
It was a wonderful insight into a character not many people ever write about. I think that was really interesting.
i loved the way you wrote it only in describing little moments, like memories flashing by.Author's Response: Thank you for reviewing! :) I'm glad you liked it! Report Review
Hi there--I just had to take a look at this piece and I was so glad I read it.
It really is positively beautiful.
I like this story for so many reasons...where do I begin.
I like it because I think its a pretty original idea! I really enjoyed the idea of breaking it up here. I sometimes imagine that somebody looking back on the war must see it exactly like this--little pieces of memory threaded on a string. It kind of reminds me of hearing about Snape's last memory in the pensive in Book 7.
The flow worked amazingly, and though we don't really deal with well known characters, I think this story is much bigger than that. I love the symbolism and significance of the flower and what it contributes to the overall story.
There are too many stories, in my opinion, that are so character-centric. That's okay, but this story has really reminded me of the importance of the times. I think this is where we can all really learn to explore the creativity of our writing.
I truly applaud you on this. It was a true pleasure to read!!Author's Response: Thank you! I'm so glad you enjoyed it. The short section style was inspired by the idea of someone looking back, in a way - not fully linear, but remembering parts of it.
Also glad you liked the flower bit, as the idea of that was what really inspired the rest, and I had a lot of fun using that.
I do like character-centric stories, but I also felt as though I wanted to talk about how time passes. I had a lot of fun writing it, so I'm glad you liked it! :) Report Review
Aww, that was so sad. You showed all their love and then you broke it all apart in an instant. It was all so tragic.
I love your use of unknown characters in this story as it heightens the theme of being just a name and a few words in the paper. Not knowing much about them and without the emotional connection to more well known characters, the whole point of dying and being but a name for other to read works well. You also slipped their story very well into the canon aspects which I liked.
The narrative of this story was quite effective. It is quite detached from real life, if that makes sense, I kind of felt when reading that I was watching everything from a far, yet every moment and every emotion clearly comes through. I felt connected somewhat to Ben and Grace and immersed in their love, yet I did not know them at all.
Flow was lovely. At first the shorter sections bothered me a little but as the story moved on you could see them as short snapshots in time. the use of quite short, succint sentence was also very effective at showing how quick and decicive life can be.
I loved the imagry of the Phoenix flower, it again showed the cycle of life, that while it may seem to be over, it really does keep on going on. It was a nice constant throughout the story.
The whole story was very well written. You created a beautiful atmosphere full of emotions. It was a wonderful read.Author's Response: Thank you for the review! I felt as though using unknown characters would work better for this case - for instance, all we know about Benjy is that he was in the Order and all they ever found was pieces of him, which sort of struck me.
I'm glad the shorter sections ended up working - it was a bit of a weird set up, but after a while I got more used to writing like that. It was fun haha :P
The phoenix flower was my original inspiration - the rest of the story was really born from it :) Thank you so much for the kind words! Report Review
I must say, that was incredibly touching. It's so terribly true; in the end, we will be nothing more than what we leave behind, and that will eventually go, too. Life continues forward.
You wrote that very well; I could see it from the beginning. And the gentle love, oh God.
Really, really fantastic. Bravo to you.Author's Response: Thank you so much for your kind words! They mean a lot to me. I'm so glad you enjoyed it. :) Report Review
This gave me shivers. At first I was unsure about the tiny little paragraphs but about a quater of the way through I decided that I loved it. I really love the whole thing actually - it's right up my street.
I also love the phoenix flower - it's was a really beautiful imagery and really added to anything.
All your words were potent and well considered and it really creates a beautiful piece of writing which holds emotions and my attention. Loved it :)Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm glad you ended up liking it - it was an experiment, and I was a little bit unsure about it myself.
Thank you for the kind words! It really means a lot to me :) Report Review
That was really good! :) I enjoyed the point of view you used and it was sorta sad but not sad at the same time! It was a great one-shot! Well done :)Author's Response: Thank you very much! :) Report Review
Thank you so much for entering my challenge! I have to say, I really enjoyed your piece - angst has always been one of my favorite things to read, and you certainly didn't disappoint. I thought your trying in of an unknown character to such a rich and vivid storyline was impeccable - once I made the connection, I was seriously impressed, believe you me!
Seriously amazing entry - thanks so much for taking part in the challenge!Author's Response: Thank you! Sorry about the lateness again :P I had a wonderful time writing this. I'm glad you like it! Report Review
Terms of Service
categories & genres
short story collection