This was amazing and I enjoyed it from the start to the very end. I think you write feelings really beautiful, your style is quite poetic and I like the way you describe everything. Your choice of words are amazing. I love your take on the Lily. You've captured her character wonderfully. She comes to life in the small words that you have given us which is hard to do. I think you've done really well one this one shot.
- SexyDoorFrames, Gryffindor.Author's Response: Thanks very much for the review. Report Review
James and Lily is another one of my favorite pairings :)
I love your take on Lily! I thought her inner monologue and doubting about things really went well with how I imagined Lily might be. With slightly hectic thoughts, but still thinking everything through.
And again, your writing has a poetic feel to it, the way you describe her actions and emotions is just really beautiful.
-Ronsgirl29 (gryffindor)Author's Response: Thanks, fellow Lirate! This review is nothing but lovely. Report Review
This piece is very unusual. I like how you've left us to learn who the protagonist is bit by bit, by focussing on the present rather than spending a long time on overt description or explanation of the back-story. This always feels more natural.
I liked the use of poetic language too. However, it did at points get a bit too strong, which made the jump to a more narrative style at the end somewhat jarring. Perhaps more narrative from the start would help, or more poetry at the end? It might also help the flow if some of the commas were replaced with other punctuation, namely full stops or semi colons as needed. That could just be me, but I think it could make this piece even better.
Overall though, a really nice concept. Thanks for sharing it with us!
CapellaBlack, GryffindorAuthor's Response: Thanks. I do have problems with getting from narrative to poetic and vice versa... I'm into poetic, but narration is also needed... Report Review
I love your choice of words throughout this. Especially this: That irresistible sympathy which I had for him... We went too far so I can give back no more. This mixture of joy and sadness, innocence, all made me understand that if, at the outset, Iíd have failed to dominate this proud nature of mine, he'd have been lost for me.
Especially the last line of that paragraph. I'm glad I chose to read this piece :)Author's Response: Thanks much, daliha. I'm glad you liked it. Report Review
I really enjoyed this one - I think it was your word choices throughout. Like this ...
I didnít want to be like a child who is bound to see, tumbling, at the wake up, the castle heís forged over the night. I didn't want to receive in my life people to take everything and leave. And me? I would remain with my memories with which to build an unsure future. I didn't want to remain with nothing after another newcomer who'd soon be gone anyways.
It was really evocative and gave such a strong insight into how she was feeling - concise yet hugely emotive. That's a real talent and one that I wish that I had, but here it seem so effortless. Really an excellent story and one that should have had more recognition. Great job!
melian (gryffindor)Author's Response: Thanks much, melian! Report Review
This was another lovely story of yours to read! I noticed that you seem to have your own writing style, very insightful that focuses on characters thoughts and feelings. Are all your stories written like this?
It was nice to see the moment that (I felt) Lily finally decided and accepted her feelings for James. I can imagine that from now on, things could only have improved for them. I also enjoyed Sirius' reply. I always thought he didn't get along too well with Lily, and that only changed after they graduated.Author's Response: Thanks for the wonderful review, Debra! :D Report Review
Ooh, this was really good! You did well on this one. :DAuthor's Response: Thanks!
~Ramona Report Review
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