Reading Reviews for A Player's Worst Nightmare
  
5 Reviews Found

Review #1, by leannemariesnape Now, she was gone.

22nd July 2011:
Review 2/5

Well, to begin with, there are many typo's in this story, which I would suggest editing out.
Ok, so I thought it was a bit strange how Fred liked Lena, but when I read that line where he thinks that- it seems a little OOC, but then again, we know very little about him at this point, so that's not an issue. Anyway, I couldnt help but feel a little sad for him.
The letter is very interesting. I think that the writer of this letter sounds like a complete pshyco, and this is what makes this chapter interesting and makes the reader want to know more. Maybe it was the Slytherin in the first chapter? Or maybe not, as he was found in the Ravenclaw common room, not the Slytherin one. Hmm, anyway, you've certainly got me thinking :)

Author's Response: There are probably a lot of typos, I typed it on a Europeon keyboard...lemme tell ya, it's so hard! Haha. I will edit it soon. Fred is a very hard character the way I make him. He has his flaws, but he tries to be wonderful for everyone around him. He's the typical jock, but he doesn't really want to be one. :) If yoju follow the story any more, you will figure out how he works ^^

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Review #2, by leannemariesnape Gryffindor's Victory

22nd July 2011:
Hi! Here with review 1/5.

This was an interesting beginning. I like that Fred is nothing like his namesake, which is what people often do when they write Fred, so this was a nice change. He's definately a character with a weakness, which I think is what makes him interesting.
Gramatically, there were very few errors, and no spelling errors. I thought that the ending was also interesting- I was expecting Fred to be in the Gryffie common room, so being in the claw's house was a good twist, making the reader want to continue onto the next chapter. :)
Leanne

Author's Response: Thank you for the review. Fred definately has a weekness, you'll figure that out in the next chapter. :) And Fred is a Gryffindor, but waking up in the claw common room? Oh, a mystery, eh? :D

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Review #3, by Precious Rin Gryffindor's Victory

30th June 2011:
This certainly is a different and interesting idea. I've never quite read anything like this before. You definitely used the quote differently than anybody else did for the challenge. I'm definitely interested to see where you take this. I'm sorry for the short review, but I want to reserve any more judgement until I've read more of the story!

Author's Response: Thank you. More is written, but I havent time until Friday to post it. BUT it is first one my list ^^

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Review #4, by TheGoldenKneazle Gryffindor's Victory

30th May 2011:
Hey there! It's me from the forums with your review, I'm so sorry it took me this long :(

Freddy was introduced really well in that first scene - you knew exactly what kind of a person he was like straight away! As it all went on, we get to know more about him, which helps add more to his life - the quidditch is good - and we essentially learn, *he's shallow*.

The plot itself was pretty funny, if a bit sick, and we want to know more about these girls automatically know, especially the original Slytherin - how's she going to get him back? :) But Lena is quite a complication, and I can forsee many awkward conversations when she finds something out, or even asks where he was that evening in the Ravenclaw common room (which is seriously funny). Also want to know lots more on how the other Wotters see Fred!

The details were really good, as put there by Fred himself, and because he explained the bits about them, it really let you know more about him indirectly. The fact that there isn't that much scene-setting shows how impatient and unobservant he can be!

Fred is basically a perverted teenage boy, and I love how upfront you are about that, because it just makes the reader want to see how he's going to get his comeuppance.

Great story! I'll be watching for the next part, deffo.
~TGK

Author's Response: Teehee. I'm so glad that you like it, or it seems like you do! I know my Fred like the back of my hand, and I knew that I had to show him in this. I actually am waiting for the next chapter to be validated, so I'll ask for your review again in the next one :) Thank you so much for your review, it's much appreciated.

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Review #5, by ilharrypotter Gryffindor's Victory

28th May 2011:
Hello there! ilharrypotter/Polkadot from the forums with your requested review.

Right away, I want you to know that Fred II is one of my favorite Next Generation characters, no matter how he's portrayed. He's the son of one of my favorite overall characters and named after yet another - so really, there's no going wrong with Fred II. Absolutely none. Already looking forward to this.

Also, I'm curious - your summary and your genre don't seem to match up. Your summary seems like it fits with a humorous story, not a horror/mystery story. I personally don't like that there's a gap there... that might just be me being picky, though.

Your introduction to this chapter - I have one word for you. Boring. Interesting-looking story + boring introduction = confused reader.

I have to admit, however - I started to get interested and less confused whenever I realized that Fred is cheating on Lena, this girlfriend of his, and he seems to do so as casually as if it isn't a big deal at all. I really like how you portrayed that.

Speaking of portrayals - I like how you've created Fred, already. Clearly, he's that insensitive jerk that I don't really like to see my favorite characters become, but at the same time, it makes for an interesting story - and I'm all for that. I'm also all for drama, and this kind of Fred seems like he'd only create drama. Yay!

You're very good at writing the action that goes along with Quidditch, but be careful about it. It could potentially get boring if it seems too mechanic, without any emotion or thought thrown in as well.

It makes me furious with Fred - not you, just Fred - for him to have his arms around Lena, thinking about having sex with her, and then look at another girl and think about having sex with her too. Are you serious, Fred? What a jerk. Jeeze.

I think this story has a lot of potential - there's a lot of dialogue and a lot of description, which is great. Your sentence structure is very repetitive and short; some paragraphs have a lot of choppy, short sentences in a row, which makes the story's flow get a little choppy too.

There's not too much to improve on just yet, but I'll be following along just in case. :)

7/10

-Paige.

Author's Response: Originally, the Quidditch scene was the first one. It was interesting, but I needed to put the Slytherin girl in there SOMEWHERE, and I hadn't a clue what to do. Thanks for pointing that out, I didn't know if it was good or not.

There are funny parts in it, but I'd say it's more horror. The reason you can tell Fred's character right off the bat is because I've roleplayed with him very much as this same person. I guess you get to know a character a lot more from things like that, hmm?

Thanks for your review. Much appriciated.


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