Reading Reviews for Unwanted
  
3 Reviews Found

Review #1, by xtinjsc Unwanted

9th August 2011:
It's odd, but while I've never been a fan of Petunia, I do like to read about her in fan fiction. This was rather insightful, but I do think you could've done better with Petunia's character. You've managed to portray her resentment about leaving fairly well, but I really didn't see Petunia in there. And a part of me was hoping I'd see that moment in DH when she choked on her words and tried to tell Harry something... it didn't happen here, so I was a little disappointed.

I liked the ending, though. Petunia has always been that kind of person who loves to ignore and disregard the obvious, someone who likes to pretend that some things don't happen and don't exist if you stop acknowledging them. That was a very nice touch. This was an interesting read for me overall. :)

xtinjsc (Hufflepuff)

Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing! Hm I've heard of the Petunia/Harry conflict but I haven't seen it... I think I'll take a look at it and revise the fic a little.

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Review #2, by thehyacinthgirl Unwanted

28th June 2011:
Hey there!

In my humble opinion there could be more description in this piece. While the general flow is all right - it seems a bit choppy and it jumps around a bit. It would be better to express more feelings, opinions, or even more flashbacks.

It's a nice concept, and I rather enjoyed the plot of it. I know something like this can be quite an effort to undertake, but it seems that you're off to a decent start.

The spacing is off. I know that this shouldn't matter so much, but personally I find it a bit distracting. I don't know if this happened because of frequent editing or because of the program you used to type this up, but I thought that I would mention that.

All in all while a nice concept, like I mentioned before this seems rather brief. It seems the bare bones of a story, I think a few things could have been better explained and more elaborated on for instance Petunia's feelings instead of her mere reactions to things.

I did like the idea of her having a subscription to a gossip magazine because I do believe that is so like her.

Just a note, though, Harry was found early in the morning. Far earlier than the post and she was putting out the milk glasses when she found Harry. So you may want to edit that a bit if you're keeping with the canon, if not it's fine, as is.

You asked me if I thought if Petunia was too nice. I don't think so. I think she would be kinder to Vernon and Dudley, if you're still unsure, however, you could make her a bit more snappish and tense. Both of these seem to embody Petunia's character quite often.

I do like that she did feel guilt for the way they treated Harry, because I do believe that she would. She's not a robot and therefore would have feelings. I am of the opinion that these could be and should be more explored in this story.

All in all, however, this was a nice piece and a good idea. There are far too Petunia stories out there.

As far as spelling and grammar go, I didn't pick up on any errors. So kudos there! I do adore those pieces that have a more polished look to them.

Good luck and happy writing!


Linders

Author's Response: Wow, thank you for the awesome review! About the spacing, for some reason the editor here wouldn't let me have it less than what I had in the story format, which stinks! I like it better the other way as well.

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Review #3, by mugglemania Unwanted

9th June 2011:
That's interesting. It's always refreshing to read Petunia's thoughts. I never imagined her quite as cruel as she was described in the HP books.

Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing. I agree. I think there's a lot more to Petunia than the readers give her credit for. I got the inspiration from this story from Deathly Hallows, when it showed Petunia when they were leaving. I'm glad you think it's interesting. ^_^

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