First of all, as I am with everyone, I apologise for getting to this so late. I never intended to. Anyway just incase you don't know, I'm WolfieAli on the forums, so I owe you this as you entered my challenge. :)
Anyway I can't say I've ever read a Barty Crouch Jnr fic before, so this was something new for me. I thoroughly enjoyed it though, I think you captured him well. He wasn't all lovely.. which as we all know is NOT him at all, but he wasn't so dark and evil that it was boring. You did really well. :)
I love how it was McGonagall in this that was the reason why he was capable of transfiguring his father into a bone. That bit when she realises was brilliant. That was a really good idea actually, having her see what she'd unknowingly done.
Also my final point.. I loved it all hahaha but I liked the bit where he's saying how he's never alone when he has his Master. That was good. :)
Overall brilliant job, I think I'm tempted to read some more Barty Crouch Jnr stories after reading this. Thanks for entering, great job. :) Report Review
i loved the insight into minervas and crouchs relationship as teacher and student. and then the description of the kiss! wonderful!Author's Response: Thanks schoenberg12! I appreciate it! :) Report Review
As twisted as he is, Barty Crouch is an interesting character.
I kind of wondered what his encounter with McGonagall during Goblet of Fire was like. And, the idea that he would gloat about what he did and what role the Transfiguration professor play in that would fit right into his character.Author's Response: Oh, he is SO interesting. I was going to make this longer, actually. A short story. But I decided against it. I always wondered that too, and this is what I thought may have happened. I'm glad you enjoyed it! :) Report Review
Hi there! You requested a review off the forums :)
This was a really intense piece, and thought the feeling of insanity is very hard to manage if you want to get through to people, you managed it. Barty's insistence that he was never alone was like a mantra being drummed into me as you read it, and his absolute lack of care is scary, like all security has been taken away (which it has). It really shows us that we don't know anything any more, because if he, the captured, can be so sure of rescue, what is coming?
Barty's rock-solid assurance that he was never alone and of the highest intelligence were really the core of this piece - and it works really well. Because he is talking to Minerva so normally, it is very odd and again, scary, and that is what shows us how far he has come, and where his father comes in too. We know who he is from it, and we hate it, because it's easy to see where he's coming from.
Minerva is a very reassuring rock to hold on to, because she knows Barty too, but she's keeping her head - just. She works very well as the questioner, because she is angry, but is a bit scared too, which is worrying, because someone needs control of the uncontrollable Barty. She is the voice of reason, and the flashback with her works really well with her characterisation, because it shows us how far they have come together before they turned in different directions.
The ending was pretty shocking, and unexpected, because once he's caught you up in the flow of memories and assured company, it's very hard to remember what then happens even as it is described, like a bucket of water over the head, because it's just so wrong by this point to have Barty NOT unalone.
This was a really perfect one-shot about Barty. 10/10, deffo.
~TGKAuthor's Response: TGK, I am SO sorry this took SO long to respond to! I apologize!
I am so glad that the insanity came through. It was really hard to write that into his thoughts, but after a while it became easier. I'm glad you thought it fit! YAY! That means a lot!
I'm glad also that you noticed my core thoughts when writing this piece. I really wanted him to come across as perfectly sane in some points, and then almost so sane that he was insane, which he was. Does that make any sense? lol. I'm also thrilled you thought I did Minerva justice. I was a little concerned about writing the contrast between her and Barty.
Woo! Surprise ending! YES! Exactly what I wanted!
Overall, I'm very thrilled you enjoyed it, and I'm grateful for every compliment you've left! Thank you! Report Review
Hi! Naida here with your requested review! First off, there's a small, but not very important detail you missed. It's impossible to get seventeen owls, even with a timeturner, because Howgwarts simply doesn't offer that many classes. Super minor, don't edit the whole chapter for it, but things like that just bug me, and probably me alone.
You specifically asked for feedback on your characters, so I'll start with that. I think Barty's characterization was perfect. he was cold and sinister, but at the same time, he was calm, and I think that fit him perfectly. He was also good with his words, and I definitely saw that in his character. I loved the "never alone" element you brought into it. It added a lot of flavor to your story.
Minerva's characterization was also very good. I think she was strong, and you did an excellent job of describing her emotions and reactions. I think you got a good insight into her character, and I love the addition of the explenation of the bone. Little things like that can really make a story for me, and yours definitely did that.
Overall. I think you have a well written story. It has an interesting plot, it's well worded, and you have a lot of little details that add a ton to your work. Great job and good luck on the challenge!Author's Response: Naida, I'm so sorry that this took forever to reply to! I apologize! But here is my response to your FANTASTIC review!
First off, thank you so much for catching that. I didn't have GoF with me to look up the details at the time I wrote that scene, and I thought I knew the answer - but I have fixed it! Thank you!
Second off, thank you thank you thank you a million times over for all the brilliant compliments you've paid me! It's reassuring to know that I've accomplished my goal with two brilliantly different characters. It was VERY difficult writing their interaction and I was a little scared of how it turned out.
Thank you so much! :) Report Review
This is really well written. You've done a wonderful job with it! I love the whole dynamic between Minerva and Barty Jr. It's really great.
~LilyFireAuthor's Response: Thank you very much, Lily! :) I appreciate it! - Ginni Report Review
well, that has my mind in a complete twist. I can't help but wonder why was McGonagall the one to go and try to talk to Crouch? out of all the people, im suprised that anyone would allow her to even view him. Very very good, keep wrighting or the world is likley to suffer!Author's Response: In Goblet of Fire, Dumbledore tells McGonagall to keep watch over Barty while he takes Harry to his office to meet with Sirius. :) Thank you very much! Report Review
You really don't see many one-shots or stories out there about Barty Crouch, Jr. I think that you did a very good job with this! At first, I was a bit confused as to where he was, but I soon cottoned on that this was whilst he was at Hogwarts not when he was in Azkaban.
As far as grammar, spelling, and syntax are concerned I didn't pick up on anything that needed mending, so kudos there! I always appreciate pieces that have that polished look to them.
As for your plot, I liked it. In essence and as a whole, it might seem rather simple, but collectively it was really rather nicely done; in my humble opinion.
Your characterizations of Minerva and Barty were rather spot on, me thinks. I really rather enjoyed this tale despite Barty's depravity and Minerva's obvious disgust and despair. I imagine that one would feel terribly for a person who had wasted their talent like Barty had.
Then the part with Barty and Fudge, that was just downright spooky thanks to the Dementor. I was more than a bit annoyed in the books when that happened, and I was outraged here, as well.
I know that Barty Jr. was an atrocious person, but now he could never account for all the things he had done as Dumbledore said.
& I loved the transformation of Barty to It. Because as soon as he lost his soul he became nameless, emotionless, empty. I loved that his eyes just went blank and unseeing because I would imagine something like that would happen after one's soul has been ripped from their body.
Absolutely wonderful job with this one-shot!
LindersAuthor's Response: Linders, I am SO sorry that this took forever to reply to!
First off, thank you so much for your review! It made me smile, so so so so much! Such a fantastic first review! I'm actually glad you were outraged! Haha. That's how I sort of wanted emotion to get across; if I can make my readers feel something, anything at all, then I've accomplished everything in the world.
The Dementor kiss was probably one of the hardest things I've ever written. I was really stumped on how to write it for the longest time. I just couldn't figure out how to convey a soulless character across when everything was based off of him, and it was from his point of view, pretty much. The transformation to It was necessary, I felt. I felt like there was no other way to write that sort of thing, you know?
Thank you so very very much, Linders! :) Report Review
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