Really good!! Good job knowing that McDonald's came around in the 1920's, therefore making it around in the time of the marauders. Just remember to capitalize I and the beginning of dialogue. But great job! Report Review
A nice start. I never expected Remus to be attacked in a McDonalds though, I thought you would have followed other peoples example and have him being bitten at home. I give you 10/10 and ask you to update soon.Author's Response: Thanks for the great advice! I'll take into mind your suggestion and think about it when I update the story! Thanks! Report Review
OK, that wasn't half bad. Your language is pretty good, but remember to put a new paragraph every time someone speaks.
Also, I highly doubt there were McDonalds in England during the Maurader days.Author's Response: thanks for reading it! I appreciate the suggestion and will remember to fix it when I update the chapter!
Ps- McDonald's was founded in the early 1920's
Thanks! Report Review
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