This was perfect it had just enought action and conflict that it didn't become boring Report Review
It was an amazing story but I want to know what happens next!!! You left me hanging... Report Review
awesome story i liked all of itAuthor's Response: Thank you so much. I appreciate your comment. Report Review
u write awesome. keep writing. n the ending was gr8Author's Response: Thank you very much Daksh. I hope you read some of my other efforts. Report Review
A great little story, I have now read it twice but could not fine a review from the first time, don't know why because I always review and know how important they are.
I look to reading your next complete work and have you on my list of authors to read.
Thanks again for a great story, again.Author's Response: Thank you Riverwind for your kind comments.
I am currently writing the last chapter of 'Rolling Stone'. I could finish it quite quickly if only real life would get out of the way. Hopefully I can finish it this weekend and get it posted by Monday at the latest.
Thanks for taking the time to review. Report Review
Great story, I loved the little bit at the end there, made me smile. "Perhaps it was a good day to draw a line under the past," that's fantastic. I enjoyed the whole fic, well played to you.Author's Response: Thank you so much for your kind words and for taking the time to post them.
Glad you enjoyed it. Report Review
I TRY NOT TO READ ANY FF THAT IS NOT COMPLETE AS SO MANY NEVER ARE - WELL DONE ON THE BOOK.
AS TO HOW WELL WRITTEN - IN THE WEDDING AS THE BRIDES CAME UP THE AISLES I REALIZED I WAS THINKING THE WEDDING MARCH ALONG WITH. THATS PRETTY GOOD WRITING.Author's Response: Thank you Daft Bob ( Really?)
I'm glad you liked it. Thanks for sticking it out till the end, and for taking the time to review. Report Review
That was an awesome story! I loved every minute! Keep writing!
EmAuthor's Response: Thank you very much. I will. Report Review
I liked the story a lot. It was a very good read. It was really good.Author's Response: Thank you for taking the time to leave your kind comment. It's appreciated.
Later in the summer I'm going to begin a major re-work of this story.
Thanks again. Report Review
OK, so unless somebody snaked it from me, this would be your 200th review. Congratulations!
On to the story, it was funny to see Hermione still teaching everyone else spells that they should probably already know. Except, of course, that none of them have properly finished school, but that's neither here not there.
And Ginny was successful in her trial. Somehow, I feel like you should have made that part a little more suspenseful. We've now gone several chapters since anything difficult has happened to the main characters. I think you're going to need to get some drama back into this story soon, otherwise it starts to seem too easy.
Hermione's reunion with her parents felt like it lacked a bit of emotion to me. I think it would have made for a better plotline if you had involved her directly in repairing her parents' memories. For two reasons. First, she was the one who did the original modifications, so there's a nice sort of closure there. And second, because this would have been such an emotional event for her. She sent them away to protect them and at the time she had no idea whether she'd ever see them again. Then she fought a war and prevailed against all odds. Bringing her parents back would be the culmination of everything for her, a huge statement that the magical world and the muggle world are back in sync. You sort of deny yourself this amazing moment by letting the Ministry wizards do all the work and more over do it in such a way that Hermione essentially has to pretend that nothing has happened. This is a scene were you should have gone for the emotional jugular!
The more I read, the more I'm hoping that you really do decide to do some revisions to this story. It could be amazing with a little bit of work! Report Review
Hello, again! Back for just a little more of your story before bed.
First off, to respond to something that you said in your last review response for, I think, chapter 3, I think it would be well worth your time to go back and do some revising on this story. If you invest a bit of time in working out some of the characterization and continuity issues, you could have a truly amazing story here.
So on to this chapter. I think Ginny's decision to pursue a professional Quidditch career made good sense. She's managed to get the attention of Gwenog Jones, she's young, talented and has a good measure of notoriety from the war. Strike while the iron is hot. To me, Molly and Arthur's reactions were a bit subdued compared to what I would have expected. If there was ever an opportunity to write a full-on blow-up into your story, this was it.
From there, the way that she avoided discussing it with Harry also seemed to make sense and fit with her characterization. I do think you could have made more of that. You could have devoted a few paragraphs to describing Harry's frustrations building over a period of days as she concentrates on her training and essentially shuts him out. As it is, he comes off sounding a little petty, as though he's not very supportive of her dreams until she lays it out in black and white for him. If you gave us a better picture of the way she had been behaving, Harry's reaction would have made more sense.
Honestly, and this is just a personal thing, the marriage proposal was a little out of left field. If it was me, I think it's the kind of thing that I would have spent some more time setting up. You could certainly incorporate that into Harry's reaction to being shut out and blown off by Ginny while she trains. It would be perfectly in character for him to feel a lot of insecurity, as though she's going off to play professionally and leaving him behind. When that is finally resolved by their serious conversation, I could see Harry being so happy and relieved that he just blurts it out. Again, it's all about the set-up.
George's bet with Fred was a really touching idea. You should have played that up a lot more, I think, because it was brilliant.
So that's about it. Everything is moving along at a rapid clip and the story itself is actually very enjoyable. More, more, more! Report Review
So Ron isn't one to watch the grass grow, is he? That was amazingly fast. Then again, after coming so close to losing her, I guess he was strongly motivated.
I loved the plan to retrieve Hermione's parents, as well as the intricacy that you built into it. Even though it came together quickly, it didn't feel too easy.
And Ron's proposal... wow, big leap for the two of them. I still have this nagging feeling in the back of my mind, like their troubles aren't completely over. But for now, I'll just feel happy for the two of them.
Luna's reaction was perfect. I was hoping that maybe you would crack her shell just a bit and let us see what you think is on the inside. The whole scene did that nicely.
Another lovely chapter! Report Review
OK, just to get this out in the open, I'm not really sure what this two-chapter treatment of Draco's trial really has to do with the rest of the plot of the story. Maybe that's coming up and maybe it isn't. If it does relate to the broader story in some way, you probably should have set that up a little more clearly.
But even it if doesn't relate to the rest of the plot at all, I thought it was beautifully done. The healing and reconciliation inherent in these two chapters was heart-warming. Personally, at least, I never thought of Draco Malfoy as an evil person. Arrogant? Sure. A bully? Definitely. Lacking in backbone? Well, that depends on just how much you think anyone close to Voldemort would have been able to stand up to him. But evil? No. The kid doesn't have it in him. Neither does Lucius, to be honest about it. They were both just pretenders and by the time they realized that they were in way too deep, there was no way back out.
I thought it was marvelous that, even after being insulted and baited in every imaginable way by Draco's lawyer in the last chapter, Harry still stuck to his principles, told the truth and even found it in his heart to feel badly for Malfoy when it was all said and done.
Draco also seemed to have grown up a lot. Going all the way back to HBP, when we learned about him crying to Moaning Myrtle about the task he'd been given, it was obvious that he was more complicated than the one-dimensional antagonist that he'd been portrayed as throughout the first five books.
So Bravo! for seemingly taking all of my personal thoughts and opinions about Draco and Harry's relationship after the war and managing to roll them into a very succinct, beautifully-written courtroom drama. My hat is off... Report Review
Wow. Draco found himself a good lawyer. The way that he coerced Harry into admitting that he had nearly killed Draco in anger was cleverly done, although I'm not necessarily sure that it proves anything.
You did a really good job of writing the courtroom scene. Everything felt very realistic and the whole scene was gripping. I think this chapter felt the fastest of any that I've read so far. It was almost like I blinked and it was over.
I honestly can't recommend a thing that I would have done differently. Bravo. Report Review
I... wow... I'm still sort of struggling to process everything that I just read.
I guess I'll start with my initial reaction, and I hope you take it for what it's meant to be: just my opinion. I like where this chapter ended up, but I was really uncomfortable with how it got there. I struggled a lot with the things that Ginny said to Hermione in the house. And it wasn't so much that I thought it sounded out of character. Ginny has that side to her, the girl who has very strong opinions and forces the issue. It was two things, really. One, Ginny sounded very sure of herself for somebody who's still sorting out her own feelings for Harry. Two, I was shocked to see Hermione just crumble the way that she did. It's not that she hadn't had some doubts about her new direction in life, but to just utterly capitulate the way that she did without even a hint of trying to fight back... It didn't feel right at all. And the way that Ginny dealt with Robbie... it was so brief and dismissive. Felt very, very weird.
Once the two of them came back to the Burrow, things got better for me. I did find Molly's reaction a bit odd. Throughout the story, Molly and Arthur both have had this back-and-forth quality to their characterization: either too overbearing or too permissive. She more or less just smiles and lets Ginny drive the bus in this case, which didn't really match some of her earlier behavior.
I did love Hermione and Ron's reunion, although I have a strong suspicion that their troubles as a couple are not over. The way that Hermione gave up so easily to Ginny makes me wonder whether her change of heart was completely genuine. We shall see... Report Review
So a thought dawned on me as I was reading this chapter. It's probably the best constructive criticism I've had for you so far, so here goes. I understand the choice that Hermione is making, but I'm still not very clear on why. I really wish that you were giving us more of her thought process. Starting back when Ginny tells her to back off, she sort of took off in a direction and it feels as though she's mostly been traveling on momentum ever since then. It would be really great, I think, to explore the thoughts and feelings that are driving her away from Ron, Harry and the rest of the magical world.
Beyond that, I actually rather liked Ron's reaction to her, even though many would say that it's out of character. He's had time to brood and stew and really ponder their relationship by this point, and it made sense that his thoughts and questions for her were fairly succinct and he wasn't just babbling aimlessly.
Poor Harry and Ginny are sort of caught in the middle of this, although neither of them is really guiltless in the great scheme of things, especially Ginny. I'm interested to see where her conversation with Hermione goes. Maybe I'll get some more insight into what's going through Hermione's head.
And Harry's last line was classic. Report Review
So far, you've presented a number of different ideas as to how different characters are coping with life after the war. Some of them are fairly normal: Molly and Arthur busying themselves with their daily routines and Harry throwing himself heart and soul into his rekindled relationship with Ginny. Others are less conventional: Ginny struggling to understand what her feeling for Harry really mean, Ron being angry at the world and especially Hermione just sort of fleeing back into the muggle world. They're all very interesting ideas to explore and I think you have really fertile ground here to develop a lot of gripping plot lines.
We haven't seen moody, brooding, angry Harry since the first chapter and I'm wondering whether he'll make a comeback any time soon? Right now he's in this sort of goofy, lovestruck frame of mind, which is a really pleasant place to see him for somebody who really loves the character and wants him to finally find some peace in life. But I doubt it can last.
I liked the way you wrote Mr. Weasley a lot better in this chapter. He seemed a lot more like himself, warm, loving and slightly mischievous. Molly also seemed to be back in her element, forcing Ron to stop and see reason.
I liked what you did with Robbie and the bar drunk. It allowed Hermione to feel safe without any need for magic, something that she probably hasn't felt in a long, long time. His career as a marine is an obvious situation brewing. What is going to happen if and when he gets redeployed? How will Hermione handle not knowing whether he's safe?
Five chapters in and I still think this is a good story. I may get to some more of it later today. Report Review
Interesting. Based on the first chapter, I was thinking we'd have more of a Harry/Ginny story, but the biggest subplot so far seems to be more of a Hermione story. It's a very unconventional choice, and I applaud you for that. She's always cast as the stable, quiet one in canon-based stories, the one who talks others out of doing impulsive things.
I'm still having a bit of a hard time drawing a bead on the dynamic you're trying to create between Harry, Ron and Ginny and Mr. and Mrs. Weasley. In the last chapter, Mrs. Weasley doesn't say a thing about the three of the apparating away to find Hermione and in this one Mr. Weasley is reading them all the riot act for doing it. His character felt kind of odd, in general. The way that he more or less says to them, "I've had a tough day at the office, now leave me alone," didn't sound like him. Sorry to keep harping on this point, but overall you've done such a terrific job of keeping everyone in character that small deviations are really noticeable.
Mr. Weasley mentions the Trace, which actually made me think of something else about the last chapter. Ginny is underage, but she uses her wand to open the door to Hermione's house. Shouldn't that have alerted the Ministry? Not a big deal, but it stuck out.
And you've given Hermione a new potential love interest. One more thing to try to lure her away from her life in the wizarding world. You're constructing a very elaborate, intricate and involved story, and I like how you're willing to be ambitious and challenge people's closely-held ideas. Report Review
Things seem to be continuing to come along nicely in your story. I liked that fact that nerves are still a little frayed and tempers are short. So soon after the end of the war, it seemed like a realistic way for people to be. To me, you handled Harry and Ginny's row just about right. Ginny certainly still has a lot of insecurities that she's trying to come to terms with, and she basically admits that's why she and Harry wound up in bed together. So I think their relationship is going to be touch-and-go until she works her way through it all.
I'm struggling just a bit to reconcile the way that Harry, Ron and Ginny were treated in the last chapter with the way that everybody just up and apparated away to look for Hermione. Molly didn't seem to take much exception in this case, which felt inconsistent to me.
I also found it a bit strange that Harry was able to walk right into Gringott's and make a withdrawal, considering the circumstances of his last visit and more particularly his means of exit. I would have imagined that the goblins would still be very upset with Harry. In fact, I would have imagined that the building would still be undergoing repair. Not a big thing, but I think it at least could have been mentioned.
The bit of detective work that Harry and Ginny do was interesting, and I liked the dynamic between the two of them. I thought Harry's reaction to Ginny's revelation was maybe a bit too subdued. Not that I expected him to last out at her, but I do think he should have pressed her a little more for the specifics of their spat, just so he knows what to tell Ron.
Again, your writing was pristine. No typos or grammatical problems. Nicely done!Author's Response: I think what you are highlighting here is indicative of the niaivete of my early (2005) efforts. You have me, for the first time, considering substantial edits and re-writes. Report Review
Another very nice chapter. Your writing is very good. Technically solid, free from distracting typos and grammatical problems, and everything flows nicely. Your balance between dialog and narrative is good, and the characters sound like themselves when they speak.
So one thought I had while reading this is that the way that the adults are treating Harry, Ron, Hermione, Neville and Ginny to a lesser extent seems a bit over-protective. These are young adults who just finished defeating history's darkest wizard and his followers and suddenly Molly is chastising them for taking a walk and the Order is excluding them from closed-door meetings. Maybe this is a conflict you're planning to take up in later chapters but at the moment it felt a bit odd.
For Fred's funeral, I thought it was really nice that you found a way to include everyone, even Neville, Dean and Seamus, in some way or other. In a lot of the post-DH fics I've read, all of the characters except for the Trio+Ginny seem to rapidly fade away. And I will nit-pick you just a bit for Luna's apparent disappearance. I hope that you can continue to be inclusive as the story evolves.
I really like this. I'll see if I can find time to read and review more today, work permitting.Author's Response: I do pride myself on my spelling, (even without Spellcheck). As for grammar, if it makes sense when I read it then it's fine.
Molly and the Order have not made the transition to thinking of them as adults and after a night like they've just had to disappear for four hours is a bit thoughtless.
Luna comes to more prominence later.
I love the way you write reviews, it's an object lesson.
Thanks for taking the time. Report Review
You're right, I have no idea why more people aren't reviewing this if so many are reading it.
So this story is set in my favorite time period to read, seemingly revolving around my favorite characters. Your story is probably the 9th or 10th "after the battle" fic that I've sampled over the past year and at least based on the first chapter I think it's one of the better ones. Granted, the way that Harry and Ginny come together felt a little on the easy side for two people who have just come through such a traumatic series of events, but by the end of the chapter some of their actions and reactions scream "survivor's guilt", which made it all feel believable.
Enough prattling. I'm going to read chapter 2. Looking forward to seeing where you're taking this.Author's Response: I started to write this story in 2005. That's five years before I found HPFF. This was my first attempt at writing (other than technical reports) and I had no plan, no plot and the tale seemed to go where it pleased. For this reason you will find many errors in the continuity. I should also have given more indications of the passing of time. Hopefully I have learned from these mistakes.
Thanks for taking the time to review.
BEST. STORY. EVER. =)Author's Response: Thank you. It's wierd for me to think that parts of this story are 6-7 years old.
Glad you liked it. Report Review
omg i almost cried while reading thisAuthor's Response: I never know if I should feel good about making people cry or nearly cry.
I'm glad you like the story. Report Review
wow that was good continuing to the next chapter now Report Review
I loved this story. Keep up the great work.Author's Response: Thank you so much.
Good of you to leave your review, it's very welcome.
Thanks again. Report Review
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