I wasn't quite sure if you intended the lack of quotations in the spoken lines here, but it really distracted me as I was reading. I would've loved to see a distinction between the dialogue and narration, but if you actually styled the story this way, then I guess I'm just not used to it. :P It's interesting that your kept you OC's name all throughout the story. I like that trick in stories sometimes. I would've loved to see a little bit more background about her or even her family, though, just to make her more relatable. But I think you've managed to portray her uncertainty and her dilemma fairly well, so that's good. Overall, it was an interesting read for me. xtinjsc (Hufflepuff) Report Review
This is quite an interesting story- I liked how short and concise it was. However, I noticed that you didn't use speech marks, which would help with the flow. Good first story- It just needs a quick edit for speech marks ^_^ Leanne :) Report Review
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