Reading Reviews for Guardian
25 Reviews Found

Review #1, by The Last Marauder II

18th July 2012:
I just want to read more. This was brilliant, again I really don't know what to tell you because from what I can see this is brilliant, far better than anything I could ever write, so I can't think of CCs or anything!

I just can't get over what you can achieve in so few words. Normally I can't like chapters this short, because I feel in order to do justice to characters you need to have a chapter at least 1,200 words - but here you are, proving my whole view wrong.

I love how you write, the minimalism of it all - it's very Beckettian - it's just fantastic. You draw me in so much. I'm actually upset now that there isn't another chapter for me to read!

Then your switch from Narcissa to Lucius was great, because I could really tell that the piece was from the pov of a different character. You wrote with the same style but made each character unique and their own. just fantastic

Just absolutely fantastic work - you've got some serious talent, I'm serious! Brilliant stuff 10/10

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Review #2, by The Last Marauder I

18th July 2012:
Your mastery of language here just blows my mind. I don't even like Narcissa and I never read stories about her, but now you have me literally etching to read the next chapter.

You set the scene so well, you draw me in, the langauge you use is FANTASTIC!

You really capture the young Narcissa so well, the idea that she is turning into one of the people who torment her. I'm really getting a sense of the fall from Innocence to Experience, she is just doing what she has to in order to survive, it doesn't matter if she agrees with it or not.

Brilliant stuff another 10/10 can't wait to read on

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Review #3, by Santa Claus II

27th December 2011:
Hello again!

This chapter confused me a little bit. I think I understand what's going on, but I'm not totally sure. That could just be me, but maybe you could try to clear a couple of bits up.

I love your descriptions. You describe everything so well, and always seem to find the right word to use. I can't describe it!

I'm not a fan of time-travel fics, and honestly, I don't read many Narcissa/Lucius stories BUT wow. This isn't a normal time-travel fic, you manage to make it different through the way that you write it. Plus, this isn't the typical Lucius/Narcissa, so I think I'll enjoy that aswell.

I didn't see any mistakes, which is obviously great. :) It's a shame that you left this at only two chapters though...


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Review #4, by Santa Claus I

26th December 2011:
Santa's still working, even after Christmas! :D

This was great, you got a huge amount across in a small word count. The imagery you used was brilliant, and I think that the low word count accentuated that. You're descriptions are brilliant.

You manage to give these descriptions and details, but in a way that allows you to keep information back, making us want to read on. This, of course, is what I'll have to do. :)

I don't have a lot to say, but I'll be back to read Chapter Two soon!

Hope you had a great day yesterday

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Review #5, by Catairly II

26th August 2011:
Annie, I can't really put into words how amazing your writing is! Let's hope that a simple "mind blowing" will do the trick. :P
I've personally never read anything Narcissa related but your summary really caught my attention and I knew I needed to give it a try.
And I'm really glad I did because your story is simply fantastic and delightful to read! I surely wasn't expecting a time travel fic but I adore the way you got around into writing it with such a different, and yet wonderful, tone! I'm loving every single of bit of it and can't wait for the next chapter!

-Maria (:

Author's Response: *squish* Thanks so much for the review Maria! I'm glad you like it so fara nd I promise I'll update... when I get poked and then bruised into updating *hides* Anyways, thanks so much! :)

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Review #6, by caomoyl II

24th August 2011:
She got sent back to 1926!?! Now I am really curious! ' still made him cringe. Like when a professor sent her nails down a chalkboard for attention...' Is it bad that I had shivers down my spine when I read that? =P I was surprised when I saw that it was Lucius!! I wasn't quite sure who it was, and I don't know why I didn't think of him, but I actually thought it was Regulus for some reason, but that is probably because he was a Black. Also, you had me thinking if Narcissa had a brother or not =P Another amazing chapter! So much suspence! Amazingly written! I can't wait for the next chapter =D

Author's Response: Did she? Snap! *squish* Thanks Amez!

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Review #7, by caomoyl I

24th August 2011:
Wow, absolutely amazing!! So much suspence, so many things I want to know!! I can't wait to read chapter two! You write so beautifully!! I loved it! Even though it was pretty short, you said all that needed to be said! Awesome job!

Author's Response: AMEZ! You're amazing :D

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Review #8, by forsakenphoenix II

10th August 2011:
Oh! This was not what I was expecting but it certainly is delightful. As I said in the first chapter, I like the short chapters so thank you for keeping them. :)

With the line about being 1926, I'm assuming the vials allow the drinker to go back into time (or depending on the vial, forward in time?) I was not expecting a time travel fic, but this is definitely a unique way to go about it.

This line, "Another vial of what had sent her there in the first place..." and your banner remind me a lot of Alice in Wonderland. Kind of like Narcissa has gone down the rabbit hole, so to speak. It's very intriguing.

Hm, I like your characterization of Lucius. Quite unlike what I usually see, but I see it fitting. I rather enjoyed this line: "Not for him, the heir of a name so pure and dark it sent shivers down the spines of his cohorts." It really brings to mind the ideals of those ancient Pureblood families and their state of mind.

Your imagery, as usual, is so wonderful. I'm definitely very interested in what's going to happen next. Who says short chapters can't be just as mysterious as longer ones? Very, very nice job with this story. Seriously, I rarely ever read fics based on the Malfoys but you definitely have me wanting more. :)

forsakenphoenix (Ravenclaw)

Author's Response: Thanks so much for the amazing review! I really like the Alice in Wonderland comparison, as I hadn't thought of that but it makes perfect sense now! :D Thanks for the review,

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Review #9, by forsakenphoenix I

10th August 2011:
This was recommended to me and though I don't read Narcissa stories very often, I must say that the summary really drew me in. I'm going to read the second chapter shortly, which I also noticed was short, but I like that. I think there are some stories that are meant to have long chapters and some that are meant to have short chapters. This is one where I think shorter is better. You definitely get a lot across in so few words.

I think the word count certainly adds to it - but the imagery you use here is fantastic - and it creates a certain urgency to the chapter. Hm, makes one curious as to what she's running from though I might have some sort of idea.

I really like this line: "Falling at her knees, it reveals her bare legs and the scars that have been dug into them by those who she is turning to. She must escape them and the fate they bring to her." I'm not sure why...maybe because it's an interesting contradiction. That she's running towards the people who have scarred her, knowing that she's becoming them but so desperate to escape what she knows is happening.

This line also made me stop and pause: "Seventeen is far too young for what has been brought on her, but what else is she to do? The threats of the pain she will suffer is enough to scare even her sister into finding this run-down place of secrets, magic, and the unknown." It sort of follows with the other line I quoted - that she has the knowledge of doing whatever she's doing but recognizing it's either wrong or she's only doing it because it's something she must do. She obviously seems to look up to her sister, you can tell even just from that small little mention, that she thinks her sister is brave ("scare even her sister"). I liked that you can tell a lot about her from so few lines - it's the mark of a great writer.

A few corrections:

"Her dress glints against the moonlight with it's dark shimmer." - "it's" -> "its"

"and even breath when she finds" - "breath" -> "breathe"

"open the door as beggar" - maybe put an 'a' before "beggar"?

Otherwise, everything else was perfect. It flowed beautifully. I can't wait to read the next chapter. :)

forsakenphoenix (Ravenclaw)

Author's Response: Wow, thanks for the amazing review! Those lines you pointed out are two of my favourite lines in the whole chapter, and also thank you for pointing out those mistakes! *hides* I'm not very good at catching my own mistakes, but I'll be sure to edit those in my next edit. Thanks so much! *squish*

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Review #10, by DarkLadyofSlytherin II

10th August 2011:
Interesting. While I am assuming that there is time travel involved in this, I am still intrigued. I rather dislike time travel fics, but you seem to have come up with a far more original means to pull it off. If that is, of course, the case.

I'm a bit confused as to who is speaking at times. Like I know that Lucius is now after Narcissa, and I'm assuming Narcissa's father has sent him after her, but that whole scene is a bit confusing. However, I still like it.

I'm interersted to know where this is going. Like I said, if it involves Time Travel, I hardly ever read those sorts of fics. But again, I wish there was more to this chapter.

Author's Response: I actually don't like time travel much either, but it was in the challenge and I didn't want to alter the plot too much, involved it still is. I'm hoping it will work out, but I don't read much time travel stories, so I hope it's not too cliched!

As for the speaking, I'll have to go work on clarifying that. I was worried about it, but couldn't figure out what the problem was until I got this lovely review and went, "oh" so thanks dear! :)

And I'll update... when I write the next chapter. Or when you scare me into updating! Thanks so much! :)


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Review #11, by DarkLadyofSlytherin I

10th August 2011:
As promised, I came to read and review.

First off, I'd like to say I love that you are writing from Narcissa's pov. And I can only imagine what it is that she is running from. I'm quite intrigued.

Second, I think the recording would say something like "Black, Narcissa" rather than using a nickname. But that's me being nitpicky. It's fine just the way it is. If a little short.

I sort of wish there was more to go on. But as it is only an introductory chapter, I'll have to move on to chapter two in hopes that some of my questions are answered.

Lovely chapter, Annie!

Author's Response: Thanks Len for the reviews! :D And the Cissa/Narcissa thing bugged me too, but I mostly used Cissa because I wanted to have it show that Narcissa couldn't go anywhere without being known. *still doesn't know who the lady is, but she isn't important* Thanks again! :D

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Review #12, by academica II

10th August 2011:
The vials of blue liquid and the hints of what is come have generated a great deal of interest for me. Your imagery remains something to be admired, and your characterization of Malfoy is interesting and somewhat deeper than I usually encounter. Again, the smooth flow and short chapters make this an easy and pleasurable read. Looking forward to your next update! I'm excited to see where this one goes :)

academica (Slytherin)

Author's Response: Thanks so much and I really have a new level of enthusiasm for this story as it's a lot of fun to write and shorter chapters make everyone happy in a review fest! (And take less time to write *lazy*)

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Review #13, by academica I

9th August 2011:
This is a great start. I love how short the chapters are; your writing is powerful enough to make an impact despite the short word count. I also appreciate the focus on imagery, as it seems to be lacking in many stories on the archive. I particularly liked the line about how her shoulders would bear more than taffeta. Your writing flowed quite well and created a sense of urgency that I felt as a reader. As I suspected, it is immaculate technically as well. I love Narcissa and I'm really looking forward to reading more of this. Great job! :)

academica (Slytherin)

Author's Response: Thanks so much for the great reviews and I'm glad you liked it! New chapter coming... as soon as I write it! :P Which should be soon! :D Thank you for the review. :)

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Review #14, by SexyDoorFrames I

9th August 2011:
Hi! Ah, the ending was really frustrating because I just wanted to read more! This is such an interesting start and it brings so many questions such as why is she running? From what we've seen, I really like what you've done with Narcissa's character. I think you've got her spot on so far. Your writing style is amazing, you've created some beautiful lines. This was an excellent opening and I hope you can update soon.

- SexyDoorFrames, Gryffindor.

Author's Response: Thanks so much for the review Keely! (And I caved and posted the next chapter when I ought to be reviewing!) I appreciate it, and go Gryffindor!

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Review #15, by Cleopatraa I

8th August 2011:
Happy Gryffindor Monday!!
Well you really have a lovely and very elegant banner btw. I actually have no idea what is happening and you stopped at such an perfect moment because it makes me want to read more but itís also annoying for me because I want to know what is going on. Give me answers now! Just kidding doll! But Iím really wondering at the moment what happened ? Why is she running? Mystery is so not fun for those who have no patience. ( in other words me). But I have to say this is brilliant start for a story!!
Cleopatra ( Slytherin)

Author's Response: Woop woop! Thanks for the review dear; it's greatly appreciated! :D

And I love my banner too! I saw it in the UFG section and almsot did a happy dance because it was so stunning! Graphics people amaze me with their prettyness! Hehe, I know I need to update this, but worry not, new chapter soon! I think! :D Thanks so much,


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Review #16, by Debra20 I

8th August 2011:
No, no, nooo! Why do you leave it here? Why are you such a teaser? :(

I feel my review won't do too much justice to your story. Honestly. I can't even begin to tell you how awed I am. You write beautifully and with a style much closer to well known and respected authors from long ago. It fits perfectly with the time of the story.

I can't stop wondering what was she set out to do. Why was she so scared? Where was she going? I have a partial answer to that last question, but I can't be entirely sure. Did she go to see Bellatrix? Her emotions are raw and the reader finds himself hoping against hope that she would be ok.

My favourite part must be "Some way of finding her shadow against the murky depths of her past." At first I thought the story was set during Hogwarts time. The analogy is perfect: it felt like she was so lost, desperate along her way that she had lost her 'shadow'. And we all know that our shadow is a permanent part of us. She's there with us wherever we go. That adds an even greater depth to her mystified state.

House Cup 2011, End of an Era Review Extravaganza
Forum name: Debra20
House: Gryffindor

Author's Response: Debbbraaa! You write the best reviews! They are... just AMAZING! :D I kid you not. :)

So I can't answer your questions... but I can say that I'm looking to update this soon! (And if not, poke me!) It's really my highest drama story and the writing is a really detail focused high pace style I've never really tried before, except maybe in my ScoRose. Thank you so much! *squish*


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Review #17, by Ronsgirl29 I

8th August 2011:
Hi hi :)

I really enjoyed your writing style in this! (it's much different than the Annie story hahah.) You gave us a lot of beautiful details, yet we were still left unsure of where she was and what she was doing. Mystery is fun! But now you've left me with so many questions! I want to know what she is running from and what's happening, I'm a curious gal.

Anyway, great chapter. I love that you told us who the girl was right at the end. I was thinking it would be Narcissa! haha I was getting that vibe.

Wonderfully written,
Ronsgirl29 (gryffindor)

Author's Response: Hehe, thank you! (I was worried when you brought Princess Annie up! :P) I have so many ideas for where I can take this story, so I think I'll be updating soon! :D Thanks for the review,

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Review #18, by Akussa I

8th August 2011:
Hello dearest!

What a beautifully haunting opening chapter this is! I was at the edge of my seat all the while I read this. I absolutly love the poetic style you chose for this fic. Not only are you very good at it, but it's also original and very fitting for a character such as Narcissa.

Now, because of this particular style and because English isn't my first language, I want to check a couple things with you. I mean that, it could definitly just be me who doesn't understand the specific turn of your sentences and, if so, please ignore my notifications!

"Or rather the harm her life here will not be given to her."; I don't understand this particulare sentence. No matter how I turn it around, I simply cannot make head or tail of what you mean by it... (again, don't take it personal, it could be my lack of understanding of the english language!!)

"and even breath"; I wonder here if it's the right orthographe. Personally, I wonder if you might mean "and even breathe" or rather "an even breath"... but right now, it doesn't make sense to me

Overall though, this was a wonderful, powerful opening chapter and I cannot even begin to imagine what happened to this girl and what is going to happen to her either. I will definitly want to check out the rest when you send it in. Keep up the great work and congrats on trying on this daring different style; you are pulling it very well!

Akussa (Gryffindor)

Author's Response: Hello again, oh one of my favorite reviewers in the whole world! :D I'm glad you liekd it and as soon as this whole crazy reviewing thing is done, I'll have an update on it! I just need to, you know, write it! :P

Wow, "Or rather the harm her life here will not be given to her." took me a while to figure out too, so I definitly need to change that! I think what I meant was "Or rather, the harm it will do to her life here will not be given to her" or "she won't be harmed at least" :)

And the "and even breathe" should be, "and even breathe" but I think just taking out the word, "even" might be a better thing, since it doesn't really fit. And thank you so much for pointing those out! It's really hard to see where things don't make sense when reading my own writing, but now that you've said that they don't make sense, I can see exactly what you mean. Thank you so much and I really love your reviews! :D


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Review #19, by daliha I

4th August 2011:
I like the pace of it's quick and you can feel what Narcissa is going through, even if you don't who she is until the end.

Author's Response: Thanks so much for the review! I really appreciate it, and it's so much fun to write something that is so high pace :)

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Review #20, by Capella Black I

4th August 2011:
Ooh, dark! This story is beyond gripping, and I'm already totally hooked! I love how you paint such a vivid and visceral picture, and yet at the same time tell the reader almost nothing. You've given a real atmosphere to the piece, when often writers just focus on the creation of the mystery itself. I need to know where she was going, and why, and what had happened to her, and that's a really exciting feeling.

I particularly love how you've painted Narcissa. Until the name was mentioned, I had no idea who it was, and yet as soon as she's named, it feels completely right. This is really hard to do, so well done for building the suspense so well!

Thanks for sharing this - hope there's more soon!

CapellaBlack, Gryffindor

Author's Response: Capella you really do write the best reviews!! Hehe, Narcissa is someone who I have always wanted to write because she isn't as cray as her sister but she isn't defiant, so it is always fun to try to see who she is under the coward we know her as in the books. Thanks so much for the reviews,

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Review #21, by TheHeirOfSlytherin I

31st May 2011:
Wow. This is really interesting. I found this while browsing the challenge section. My favourite legend with my favourite characters/pairing...? I love this story already!

Can't wait for more!


Author's Response: I have wanted to write this pairing for a really long time, but just haven't been brave enough until I got it! I really hope this will continue to go well and thank you so much for the review! :)

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Review #22, by LilyFire I

20th May 2011:
It is very attention grabbing. It makes me want to keep reading, to find out what's happeneing next and why she's runinning. Who's she running to? Who's she running from? Why must it be in secret? Those are the thoughts that are in my head as I fininsh this chapter. It's amazingly well written and the words you've chosen are perfect! It seems to be the start of a very good story!

Author's Response: Thanks Lily for the great review! I've been trying to update this, but the chapter won't be written... but it's so much fun to write! Thanks so much,

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Review #23, by BrightStar I

8th May 2011:
Hiya! Sorry for the delay...

I have no idea what's happening, and I love it! So well written, so floaty? is floaty a word? so much emotion conveyed, beautiful language... I love the way you write!

Can't wait to read more!

Author's Response: No worries, given how long it has taken me to respond! Floaty! I like it, and thank you so much! I'm almost done with editing up the next chapter, so an update in the not so distant future! :)

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Review #24, by Miss MarlaG I

7th May 2011:
So love, this was FAN-TASTIC.

I have always admired your gorgeous way of describing things so effortlessly, without missing a single beat. I love how you describe her angst, her feelings, her fears, and how its written in present tense it makes it more marvelous. I'm in AWE, annie. seriously. And I loved this. TOO MUCH *heart*

you are fantastic, and you know that.

Author's Response: YAY, thank you so much! I really love your reviews and I'm glad you though the present tense worked out well. :) Thanks for the awesome review,

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Review #25, by justonemorefic I

7th May 2011:
Ooh cool, some Pre-Hogwarts stuff :D I really like some of the description you've got here, though I think sometimes there could be a bit more sentence variety so it doesn't feel as abrupt and stilted. I get you're trying for some urgency but it's like, add some variety so the really really urgent stuff stands out.

"This is not a place for outsiders, much less insiders" I do believe you mean the reverse in this? (This is not a place for insiders, much less outsiders)

I love this bit of description: There is a needle running over the record, but she can hear her own breaths against her tongue as well as the caustic spinning of the vinyl. A sleek vase is on the antique coffee table, but the clear water is the only thing it holds. All around her are the most normal of circumstances that are just off enough to catch her eye.

Loveee that bit. It's perfect for setting the mood!

Nice start! :)

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the helpful review! :D

Hehe, this didn't get the usual rigerous editing, so I'll be sure to work out the dialogue, as I can see what you mean by it being stilted and needs some mixing up. :) As for the outsiders/insiders thing, I had origionally meant it the way it is, but after thinking, I do like the reverse.

Hehe, that was my favorite part of the whole proloue/chapter! :) Thanks so much and have a great day! :D

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