I see what you mean now about editing the chapters, but I don't think it was too confusing! In fact, I think it'd be perfect if you just moved this chapter to be in front of the previous one! I really, really liked this chapter... and I'm really, REALLY starting to HATE Hunter!
I mean seriously, Why on Earth would McGonagall make him Head boy?!? She must have bumped her head on something! :P
I imagine it WOULD be frustrating for Lucy to complete something on her list, but for it not to count since she wasn't seen doing it. I thought that was very realistic and a nice touch! I also liked how Lucy doesn't really WANT to do the things on her list, but she's going to do them anyway to get back at her dad. That shows that she's not as bad as her Dad likes to think that she is, but she IS determined!
Again, I'm sure you're really busy, but I'd love an update when you get the chance!! :) Report Review
Another brilliant chapter; you've got me sitting on the edge of my seat, ready for whatever's coming next! I already know it's going to be awesome!!
I liked that this chapter was a bit longer, but not crazy long; it helped me to concentrate on the story! I'm slightly worried that Hunter (said in italics) might be the person who puts Lucy in her terrible predicament later... *Cringes at the thought* Speaking of which, I really loved how each time you said "Hunter", you put it in italics. It's very realistic; it really made me think of a teenage girl and how they'd say the name of someone they really don't like!
I also really, really love how the entire Weasley family here isn't the goody-two-shoes, famous group that many other writers make them out to be; there are a few good apples in the bunch, but most of them are mischievous, which is awesome. I really loved the line where you said Rose is like a monster! So great!
Another great chapter, and off to the next! 10/10! Report Review
Okay, so I just realized that you can't see the entire name I had typed into the name spots on the reviews for "Mr. Evans"... I guess I used too many characters or something. XD But anyway, just in case you were wondering, it's supposed to say "Sandy Claws, who just-so-happens to be wearing Hufflepuff Colors XD".
Anyway, enough of that; on to the review! I can already tell that this is going to be another of your stories that I'm going to get completely HOOKED on. I was kind of wary when I read the first line (the one that sounded like a Fairy Tale), but when I got to the second line I just KNEW this is gonna be awesome!
I just LOVE how Lucy says "This is not a Fairy Tale"; I think it gives the reader a GREAT look into her characterization, here at the beginning of the story. I also LOVE the idea of the list of things she's going to do in order to make her father mad, and I love how she's just not your typical well-behaved Weasley child. It's really just fantastic!
I can't believe this was your first story; it's so awesome already and this is only the first chapter! I can't WAIT to see where it goes from here! 10/10Author's Response: Wow. Now I'm even more embarrassed. I wrote this about two years ago, and it's probably the worst I've ever written.The only reason I haven't deleted it, is because I like the idea. I think I will change it eventually. Anyway, you are way too nice to me. But I do like to get positive feedback :)
- LadyL8 Report Review
It's Roots in Water here with one of your reviews to thank you for reviewing the podcasts!
I think that this is a very interesting idea for a story, though I'm a little confused as to why deliberately making him angry would make him incapable of yelling at her. Would it make him too angry to speak?
And right out of the gate you have a very interesting enemy (or is it love interest?) for Lucy. It seems as though he has a bit of a crush on her... And isn't doing too well in hiding it. I wonder how their hateful relationship started... Is that going to be revealed later on in the story?
As well, you've certainly demonstrated the reasons why Lucy will go to the extremes that she will to anger her father. I liked how she stood up to Hunter in front of the whole school but I was a little surprised that everyone paid the attention that they did to their exchange. Not everyone cares so much about everyone's business. On the other hand, though, it was dramatic and humiliating and most people are drawn to those sorts of things.
Her reaction to Louis' decision to quit Quidditch fit in nicely with her character- she's very protective and fierce. It will be interesting to see how she deals with being pregnant, once that happens.
I would suggest, though, that you include more in the way of physical description. Though you're doing just fine in writing about her thoughts and her dialogue, you haven't really given out any physical description of the characters. I'd like to see what your interpretations of the looks of Roxy, Lucy and the rest of the Weasley gang are.
All in all, I think that you're doing a good job of writing the story and the interactions between the characters. I would just be careful not to speed too quickly along through the scenes- description is always a good thing to have. Good work!Author's Response: Okay, so I really don't know what else to say than what is in the other reply, but I can tell you once again that I really appreciate the fact that you took the time to review, even if the story is totally embarrassing right now. And I will take all you advice in to consideration and definitely write this story a lot better when I have the time to do it. Thank you once again :)
LadyL8 Report Review
Great chapter! I can't wait to read more! Please update ASAP! :)
10/10Author's Response: Thank you, again :D Well, I will soon update. I just have to validate my stories to the challenges Ive entered first :D Report Review
I loved this chapter! It was definitley longer than the first. I love how Lucy's friends are all very protective of her and they care about her alot. This chapter was great! Can't wait to read more!
10/10Author's Response: Thank you. Well, I havent rewritten it yet, but Im working on it. Thank you, once again, for reviewing :D Report Review
Hi!! It's HPGirl1! I thought I should return the favor and review your stories! So here it goes:
First of all, I absolutley loved the first paragraph. I love how you make it sound like a really nice fairytale but then Lucy Weasley comes in and ruins it. Loved it! I also love how you got straight to the point about how Lucy was going to make her dad angry ten different ways.
So, I loved this chapter! Keep doing what you're doing because you're doing great! Continue writing because you're fantastic at it! Can't wait to read more!
10/10!Author's Response: Wow, thank you :D
Yes, I kind of noticed that I always start my chapters so boring, so I tried to get straight to the point. Thanks for noticing that ;)
Oh.. and thank you for saying that what Im doing is great, cause it means a lot to me Report Review
Hi again! I decided to read another chapter of this story. Is it not your newest story? Just curious...!
Wow, so Lucy has to do those things, AND get caught while doing them? Haha, sounds interesting! This list is definitely amazing. Wow, it really sounds like an exciting ride for this year at Hogwarts!
There are some small errors with grammar/mixed words/typos in the story. I just wonder if you've thought of getting a Beta? They can be a great help, and I almost always try to have one myself, a person who can look over my chapter with a second set of eyes to help me catch things. There's a section in the forums to find Beta-Readers, I think. It's just an idea, if you were interested in it. (o: Maybe you already know about it, by now!
Hm, I do wonder why Hunter's name is always italicized? Is there a special reason for that?
Hm, so, Hunter... I hope he had nothing more on his mind than just kissing in that compartment, otherwise it would be very troublesome!
It will be interesting to see if Lucy can do all these things, and make her dad terribly angry. Hehe. (o:Author's Response: It`s not rewritten yet, but thanks for checking it out. I have also noticed the errors, and I have thought about getting a beta. I just have to finish my stories for the challenges I have entered first. I will do it later, though. As for why I italicize Hunter, I don`t remember. It wrote this a long time ago, and I probably thought it was good than.
Thank you for reading it and giving me advice. It means a lot to me :) Report Review
Hi there, dear! It's a really good idea for a story - interesting concept. I want to know what's going to happen with this girl and am intrigued by her connection to her father - that he means so much to her, in a way, that it makes her want to do this. (o:
As for me, I'm not really into the first-person style of story telling - I dislike having all the "I... I... I..." and "me... me... me" but it's mostly just about style and preference. You've done a lot here, by way of having Lucy tell us all about herself, and there's a lot there, but it also makes her sound a bit precocious, because a reader will keep in mind that this what she wants to tell about herself. This may work perfectly for the kind of character you're using and story you're telling, though.
From your author's note, it sounds like this is your first story here...? (o: Well, I hope you'll continue to write, write, write! And in the future, I'd suggest playing with the 'show and not tell' concept. By this I mean, how can you show us that Lucy is different from the rest of her family, rather than just having her tell us? It takes one line for Lucy to tell us, but it may take four paragraphs to show us a scene with her and her family, and her sticking out like a sore thumb. But we will see a good picture of her, her life, and the other characters that way. (o:
Very interesting beginning, and it makes me want to know more about this girl and what's going to happen during her 6th year!Author's Response: Hey, thank you for your review. I totally agree with you, but have unfortunately gotten so used to writing "I" that I can't change it now. It is my first story here, but I have written other after this one. I just kind of remembered it a few weeks ago. Thank you for your kind review and good advice. I will try to keep that in mind, and make sure I don't make her say things when I can show them instead. Anyway, thank you for your review. It's very appreciated :D Report Review
It's really good. i can't wait to read more.
I love the li'l list. But ugh! Percy is so annoying!
:)Author's Response: Im glad you liked it. I have never liked Percy that much, so writing him as a "bad guy" was kind of funny. Thank you so much for writing this review. Report Review
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