Hello there! Just randomly dropping by because I listened to this story's podcast a week or two ago and I really liked the story so, yeah...here I am.
I thought the story was really well done and the idea of the story is really interesting. It gave me some sort of closure (somehow), because I never really wondered where all the death eater's body went and how they were treated and the your story comes knocking on the door and it made me think a lot..and yeah, I thought the ending was really appropriate and matching.
I love love love love George's emotions in the story! I understand how he felt, he lost his other half and he definitely won't have a heart for the death eaters!
A fantastic short story! You should expand this into a mini short-story where you give us a short insight on what the other characters thought after the war...just like this one. That'll be interesting! :P
(Am I even making any sense?!) (Probably not.)
Anywho, yeah...I just came here to tell you that you wrote a really fantastic story and I enjoyed it so much. :)Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing! Report Review
Hey! Its Perelandra from the forums with your review!
Well, as you've said...your chapter is long. I suppose you could've added more imagery and more "meat" to your paragraphs instead of just having dialogue. For example, explain George's rage towards the others wanting to respect the dead while the others just want to make their peace. Your flow sounds fine however, you could have added more to make this an over 1K words easily.
For example you have: "“No, Ginny. It has to be me,” Harry says firmly."
You can add more emotions to Harry and say something like '"No, Ginny. It has to be me who does this, to finish the task." Harry said firmly while he looked around the table as if looking for anyone to defy his decision.' Adding a bit more will not only make your story longer but also more descriptive and will pull your reader into your story further.
Grammar wise you still need a bit of work specially when it comes to dialogue punctuation.
“Yes,” says Hermione firmly, “To not give their loved ones a chance to see the bodies goes beyond torture. And I speak from experience.” The first coma after 'yes' is fine however there should be a period after 'firmly' specially if you're starting the next sentence with a capital 'T'. Also, present tense usually do not flow as well as past tense but then again its your story! :)
One thing though and I'm not very sure...Hermione calling Mrs. Weasley "Molly". Although by this point she's dating her son...and would want Hermione to call her Molly. Idk...just felt a bit strange to me. But I suppose its fine considering the relationships. The rest of characters seem fine to me. In fact, I can understand George's anger at the fact that the others want to "honor" the dead Death Eaters. I would be just like him if someone were to do something to my sister. :-/ Anyway you have a FANTASTIC idea here because all of us have wondered what happened to the dead bodies of the dark side. To Voldemort. We know that people were afraid of him alive but I think the fright would still continue (and enhanced) after people see his body and its deformity.
Anyway, as I said...you have a great plot for a one-shot. Perhaps even a second chapter and that's it.
Keep writing! :)Author's Response: I think I'll play around with this for a little bit and see if I can add some more.
I'll fix that as soon as I get a chance!
You make a valid point there. In all of the books and most of the fanfics Harry and Hermione call Molly Mrs. Weasley the entire time. I feel though after the battle dynamics would have shifted and Molly would see Hermione as an equal.
Huh. A second chapter. That's certainly something I've never thought of... I'll keep it in mind though.
Thanks for reviewing! Report Review
I liked it! I like George's anger and Molly's soft resolve.Author's Response: I thought their personalities were rather canonical. Thanks for reviewing! Report Review
It's really a very important little story. And well told :) (Although maybe a bit of harry's dialogue is out of character- the way he says it, that is. And I doubt he'd know about the American Civil War..would he?)Author's Response: Gah thanks! I don't usually like writing about the trio very much but I do anyway for some reason... I prefer writing about minorish characters so I have more freedom.
It beats me if he would know about the civil war! Maybe he would, maybe her wouldn't! *shrugs* It made a good point.
Thanks for reviewing! :D Report Review
I liked it. It was good. I never actually thought about the bodies of the other side. Very well written.Author's Response: Thank you so much!
I'm glad you liked it and thought it was good. That really means a lot to me. I feel like not many people would agree with me on this.
Whoah. I think a moment of silence is in order.
That was deep and moving. I applaud you for writing this fantastic one-shot.
Ok ok it was short but still... I almost feel as if a longer story would have detracted from the message.
Yeah... One question though. Is this a prequel to This Isn't Over or a stand alone one shot?
10/10Author's Response: Thanks so much for this review!
Yeah I can understand that. I had some validation issues so I had to get rid of some things.
I see this as a stand alone one-shot.
Thanks again! Report Review
Terms of Service
categories & genres
short story collection