Hi,

Scorpius Malfoy is bad...good..! lol i was getting a bit tedious of them "nice" malfoy persona that so many write, its nice to stick with tradition sometimes :)

Aside from the introduction of young malfoy, this chapter lost me completely for 2 reasons

1. The siplenlg and gmramar etc, sntut the folw of the srtoy and mekas the cnteont vrey cufnouisg and a bit of an eoffrt to raed (i know its not this bad but i'm just trying to prove a point on how it feels reading it; you CAN understand it, but it takes time to read it)

2. I dont know who any of these people are as people (i.e what they do, what their talents are, who are their parents etc.) and i really feel you should develop this before you move the actual plot of the story on, even if its just a reflection of someones thoughts or memories.

Please dont think i am being harsh i am purely trying to critic and hopefully help you out along the way, i really do want to find out who will be kidnapped, rescued and killed (eek!)

Its sounds like a great adventure story and I can't until your next update :)

~Kim

Author's Response: I am so happy you like the 'usual' Malfoy.
I am very bad at grammer for the first time. I am getting it fixed as soon as I can.
I try not to make chapters so long, but I will end up showing who each person is ect. Most you should know, because they are J.K. rowllings charcters. (If you read the books!)
I enjoy critisms like this. Thaks for the input!

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Hi,

Very nice intro..!! the link to his parents past really emphasis whats going on in his head and as a reader you already get a sense of what he's feeling, and his reluctance to share this Vic suggests that they may be something going on or she teases him alot at home.

lol :)

Who is tom? A son of Harry's? im intrigued. interesting choice of name too...

For a first story you've started this really well, but as a pointer you should maybe get someone to proof read before you post as the grammatical errors got progressively worst toward the end.

Well done though, cant wait to read on :)

~Kim

Author's Response: Tom is just a charecter I made up.
I am not the best at grammer, i am working on fixing it!! Im glad you enjoyed!

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