This. Is. Adorable.
Argh! I want to hug James to pieces :) HE'S SO CUTE! Very well written - James/Lily is not often this perfect :D
Emily xAuthor's Response: lololol NICE!
I never thought when writing this for a challenge it'd become a pretty big hit with anyone who read it.. blush.
I am pretty opinionated about this pairing so I had it in me to make it the most perfect I could, I'm just glad so many people agree.
Thank you so much for this lovely Random Review, I haven't had one for a while.
-Heather Report Review
This was a very cute one-shot, very fluffy! :)
I loved how it wasn't a big action scene, it wasn't a huge deal, it just was and I think that's what made it so good! It was something that could happen to anyone (except the house elves and that :P) and that made it even sweeter, the fact that it was so relatable. I loved the characterisation as well, they acted like normal teenagers would and I love the last line, it wraps things up really nicely! :)
A really nice piece, so cute! :DAuthor's Response: Thank you! I'm glad you found it relateable, except the invisibility cloak too lol. I thought it was really important to characterize them like that, some people almost make it like mini adults, but they're still growing up.
So many people compliment on the last line! I'm very happy with that, if a story ends, and readers love how it ends, that's a big accomplishment for a writer.
Thanks for a great review hun :) Report Review
Hi there, I'm here from the Gryffindor Review Tag.
I really liked this, it was so simple, yet so brilliant. You took something really normal, really everyday and you made this great little short story about it, and I really loved that! Fantastic idea! The simplicity and normality of it just really make it. We've all stayed up studying for exams really late, and that sandwich or biscuit and cup of tea can just really make you smile as you are stressing out, pouring over books and trying to learn useless facts/formulas that you will never need again once the exam is over!
I loved how James kept this all a secret. He didn't reveal that it was him that gave the sandwich and that just made it special. It's his secret, and I definitely think he would have ruined things if he had told her it was him.
You had some really great lines in this too, I loved this: "Ham and cheese = Happy Lily. Even with my decent grades I couldn't figure this out before?" - it's a simple gesture and a simplee act, but it's perfect, and when James realises this, he can't believe he never thought of it before. Great stuff there.
Also really loved the last line too: "I have the best secret in the world. I know I made Lily smile, and she has no idea." - it's just a brilliant way to around things off and end the story.
Okay, I better finish up before I start to ramble! Well done on a great little one-shot, I really enjoyed it - thanks for writing it! ;-)Author's Response: :D Ok, first, thank you for being the 25th review! I'm excited, it's kinda funny 'cause this is starting to get up there with my short stories, but people love it so much that it really shouldn't be too surprising, but always is :)
Next, I cannot emphasize enough how I loved that you put the quotes in that you liked best, they're some of my favorite too, I liked the beginning with Peter too lol. It's ok to ramble, it's fun to hear how excited readers can get. Yes, this was a very fun, sweet, but somehow real moment for James. He has his arrogance but in a way that is really more for Lily than his amusement :) Thank you so much for the review! It was great to see you again :) Report Review
Aw this was rather cute! I love James/Lily and thought that this was a great addition to the archives for them! I only spotted one small mistake and it was here, "She its up with a start" its should be sits. But other than that everything was perfect. I loved the whole idea and how James decides to give Lily a sandwhich in secret just so he can hopefully get a smile out of her. I thought the whole idea behind this oneshot was really sweet and I feel that having a secret smile as your challenge would be really well, challenging but you managed to pull it off wonderfully in this oneshot! Great Job!
~Slytherinchica08~Author's Response: Aww thank you :) Yeah, I know about that little typo lol, I just haven't gone and edited it yet. I will be doing a major revamping on all my stories though :) I thought this was really cute too 'cause he got to be sneaky, and for once he was doing it himself. I do want a banner for this, but if I had one I'd want one of Lily's smile, but it would be full of sandwich so it'd prolly be hard to find lol. I'm so happy you liked it, it was a challenge but was such a pay off, I think this is my best work so far that's at least finished :) Thank you for the review! Report Review
I absolutely love the concept of this. It's very sweet and innocent, she shows the deeper turns that we know their relationship will soon take. I think you did well with trying to build on imagery, especially towards the end.
It's very charming to see James use how cloak in such a sweet way, also.
I do think this could benefit from having a beta reader look over it. You have some random capitalizations, misplaced commas, and a beta could help to really smooth it out :)!
JamiAuthor's Response: I'm glad you liked it! I'm especially proud of this one-shot, I never get any negative reviews on it that's for sure. I like showing things like this in my stories because it's the way I show my originality in a very popular couple.
Thanks for the advice, I'm starting to accept that when people say to get a beta doesn't mean that they didn't think your story was good, it's just how we help each other make our stories the best they can be.
Thanks so much for this review :D Report Review
Hey, I'm here from the Gryffie common room.
I like your James. He's got a fun voice, and he's a great narrator with a hint of borderline-stalkerishness which is somehow cute rather than creepy, so well done on that.
He's a little bit... erm... clean?... and a bit sappy for a teenage boy, but I'll give you the benefit of the doubt on that one and say that his infatuation's addled his brains. xP
The story itself is adorable. D'awww, James making Lily smile. :3
One last thing before I go: your characters are a bit American, which is jarring, and your punctuation's not entirely perfect. Nothing a good proofread can't fix, but you know.Author's Response: lol the teenage boys I knew, and the ones you know must be different :P at least when I was growing up. If you have any ideas how to make them sound less american, feel free to pm me, considering I am, and have only visited england twice, my experience is limited. The sandwich idea is something I got from having one in England, something my uncle made me, and treacle tart is completely english, not something we have over here.
Thanks for the advise, I'm glad you enjoyed it :) Report Review
This was so cute! I loved how he snuck down for a sandwich for her. That was really sweet :) The line where he says "Ham and cheese = Happy Lily" is very funny. Good job!Author's Response: aww, thanks so much :D I'm very happy that I was able to make something so simple into a wonderful little story! Yes, very silly line :)
Thank you for the great review! Report Review
This is an interesting idea for a story. I really enjoyed how James was so interested in just making her smile for him, that's all he wanted. I thought that was cute. It seems very Lily-ish that she would be skipping dinner to study more and then proceeding to study late into the night. That definitely holds true to what I know about her. You've done a wonderful job! :)
RecenseoAuthor's Response: Aw, thanks so much! I thought it was important to focus on those areas of character because it helped bring out both sides of their characters that they don't show often. Thank you for the lovely review, and being the 20th reviewer for this story!! :D Report Review
It's InTheShadowsIDwell from the forums here with your RtPAY review. There was a lot I really liked about this little one-shot, and I think the biggest thing is how you managed to capture such an interesting moment, and this whole other side to James, the side that is completely, and totally in love with Lily in the space of a single chapter.
I really loved the sweetness of this chapter, and how in the end what he does to make her smile stays as his own little secret, something he can use again to impress her. There's definitely that sense that he truly loves her in there and it's easy to understand why he would act in such a way, he does care for her, and you really showed that here, and it's something I think is completely in character, well for the both of them. James caring from her while never really being able to prove it, and Lily, working hard not noticing James.
I noticed a few little grammar issues, mostly misplaced comas, though they are really nothing major, and a quick beta could fix them up pretty quickly! Overall it was really well written and flowed really nicely, I only wish it were a little longer because you really captured both James and Lily so beautifully!
Well done on such a lovely little one-shot and keep up the great work!
~ In The Shadows I DwellAuthor's Response: Aw thanks so much hun, this has to be my one story I prolly won't change much of anything with, it's pretty darn perfect the way it is, and I'm so happy everybody seems to think so!
You'd think after so many reviews about how well I seem to do this that I'd do more Marauders' things, which I might, but for now just working on my WIP. Thanks soo much for reviewing, I'm very happy you think James is so in character, I think I brought something to it that others seem to miss.
Thanks again! Report Review
Wow, I've never read, or obviously written--well, I have a word document open to start as soon as i'm done with this review;D-- a James/Lily, but I love this! I think your characterization was absolutely...I don't want to simply say wonderful, it was much more then that. James wads so wonderful, and even when we weren't...inside Lily's head--if that makes any sense?-- her body language was enough to characterize her, for a first chapter at least.
I think the detail you put into this was the perfect amount--enough for the perfect imagery, but not enough to make me jab my eye balls out 'cause nothing interesting was happening! Bravo!
I think this...the situation, I suppose you could say, was unique. I think how he went to get her a sandwich just to see her smile was adorable! And now that song is in my head;P it's a good song, I'm sure you've heard it!
I really wasn't expecting this, it was such a lovely surprise! I was expecting some fluffy baby moment thing, but I'm also guilty of having not read the summary.
James was homesick...adorable! I think the little things you added like that, was simply wonderful. It was a bit of insight...that wasn't unbearably long and drug out, but it was enough to give us enough to interest us, and really add to the story and the characterization.
There very minimal errors, for which I was thankful;P
I don't know what it is about your style of writing, but I really, really love it!
I think you're a talented writer; this really, really captured me, it was truly fantastic:D I think it was absolutely adorable, and entertaining!
Please keep writing, I'll be adding you to my list of favorite authors.
The moment I log in.
But right now, I'm too lazy.
But siriusly;D Please, please, please keep doing little cute things like this! You're truly very gifted, and I want to see you make the most of that! I'm sure you won't let this talent go to waste, and I surely don't say that to everyone! You're the second person I've said that to! You're really a brilliant writer!
EverAuthor's Response: Well, congratulations! you're the first reviewer "Ever" to make me tear up from a review! (as a good thing of course lol)
jeez, I'm still tearing up... Maybe it's because it's late, or maybe it's 'cause you're the sweetest reviewer "Ever" (lol I like doing that :P)
I'm just in shock of this review. If there was any doubt of sleeping well tonight, there isn't anymore!
You'll definitely get a mention in my Blog Random Reviewers lol :)
I know putting in details really makes a story, but the readers who catch them are the ones who gather the full meaning of the story, and THAT makes it great.
Thanks again sooo much, truly.
xoxoxox :) Owlpost68 Report Review
I loved this! I've recently become obsessed with James&Lily :) I really enjoyed this. I love reading unrequited love stories and this is one of the best ones I've read so far :)
Good job and sorry for such a short review!
JasAuthor's Response: oh no I didn't respond to this one!!
ok well here I am :)
I'm so glad you liked it! one of the best?? yay!! :)
thank you so much for reviewing :) Report Review
I'm here I'm here! :p
ARGH. I will have you know I'm a very dedicated Snily shipper, but this was just way too adorable! It's like a big fluffy bunny! It's that sincerity that I think eventuallly overcomes James' arogance making Lily fall for him. I thought it was way too sweet how he did all that for her.
This was way too adorable, thanks for pointing it out for me!Author's Response: HAHAHAHA
I'm not opposed to Snily, but I've always loved Canon, but I hate how people tend to overemphasize their teenage annoyingness. I like writing like this, it certainly leaves you feeling better after reading it :)
I'm proud to say I wrote something so adorable, :D Thanks for the review!! Report Review
Hey! This is one of the sweetest things I have ever read :) It was such a cute and real moment between Lily and James and it shows that he really does care about her. Aww I'm just a sucker for a good Lily/James. This was great and I loved it. Well done! :D xAuthor's Response: awww yay! I'm so glad this was one of the sweetest things :) I definitely am too, so when I came up with the story I was very happy to write it. Plus it was for a challenge, there was supposed to be a secret smile. This seemed like the perfect way to do it :)
Thanks for reviewing! Report Review
This is really sweet! I love the way you characterized James in this. The idea is amazing! I love that James made Lily smile and she doesn't know. It clearly means a lot to him, which just makes him that much more endearing.Author's Response: Wow, Thanks so much! lol getting another review on this makes me want to write more Lily/James-ness :D They are a really cute couple, unfortunately people tend to emphasize their conflicts by drawing them out, I tend to do just enough to make an impact, and then make the sweet and loving things stand out just a bit more.
Thank you so much for reviewing, it was nice and unexpected! Report Review
"She its up" - 'sits', oh, Word, we hate you!
Hello! Here's Santa with a late present.
This was a really lovely story. I really enjoyed it all, the bits of humor in James' leaving the boy's Dorm (Haha, Wormtail has an interesting sleep!) to the bits of Sweet humor in James' thoughts towards Lily. This was a really innocent, simple, but really intelligent way to make his Lily smile. Good job!
Well, I didn't have the time to log out or anything, but that's it. A late Merry Christmas and n early Happy New Year!
RamonaAuthor's Response: Thanks for the gift Santa-mona :P I'm glad you liked the story :D I thought it was a great way to do the challenge, and really emphasized how I've always pictured James :)
Thanks again :D Report Review
I am so sorry! I completely suck at being a secret santa but I'm going to try and make up for it!
This story truly is beautiful. James is portrayed as being so thoughtful in this and this is how I see him most of the time because he will do anything to make Lily happy. I love how he just watches her and looks out for her even though he knows he will get no appreciation from it, he does it purely for her advantage.
The last line is just so beautiful and I do really like it!
Well done on this 10/10Author's Response: It's ok, I'm patient :) Plus I loved your review, I'm glad you thought of this story that way, that's exactly what I was aiming for :)
Thanks so much! Report Review
Well ho ho hi there! Secret santa here with the first of your presents!! I love this especially how James likes to think of this of his secret, he could use it against Lily anytime he wanted but hopefully cuz he loves her n all that jazz he might not. If Lily had known I wonder what her reaction would have been, maybe she'd have thrown it at him or got some mistletoe just for the occasion, we'll never know. James' characterisation was spot on, I loved it.
Secret Santa :D Report Review
Hey there . . . I think you usually request a different story in review requests, but hey, I'll be honest here. I was looking for something short, and also this has the fewest reviews of anything on your page. :P So this was it.
I don't normally read Marauder stories, to be frank, though I seem to be getting/choosing them tonight! I never did care for the Marauders, and Lily/James usually makes me go ick!
This was a different spin on it than I usually see, though. Yeah, James was a loud, obnoxious narrator like he often is, and I couldn't take him all that seriously as a '70s kid. However, I could take him seriously as a regular person, which I can't always in Marauder stories, what with him and his friends running around pulling several outrageous pranks a day.
James was very sweet in this story, secretly sending up some food for Lily. That was thoughtful of him, especially when he didn't come by to gloat about it (which he seemed to realize would definitely not earn him any point). He's kinda cute with his little secret at the end.Author's Response: Hey, I really appreciate that even though you don't usually go for Lily/James that you read it anyway, that was really awesome of you! I didn't really think about making him a 70's kid, I tried to focus more about what the Marauders actually saw him as, instead of how he normally acts stupid around Lily 'cause he doesn't know how to act normal around her. I also wanted the readers to see that he really did have a sweet side, and he wouldn't actually have to change a heck of a lot, if any, for Lily to like him.
I'm glad you thought he was cute, and sweet, I never thought him nearly as obnoxious as others make him out to be.
Thanks for reviewing :) Report Review
Awww. This is so absolutely adorable. I love that it was so easy to make Lily smile even though she's up late and clearly stressed about exams if she's missing dinner to study. I also love that James thought about doing this. It makes him seem like less of the annoying self centered boy that he's often portrayed as and more like a caring boy who just wants to make the girl he likes smile and happy for once.
I thought the characterization was really good and loved the bit where James told Peter to go back to sleep only to not even have to finish his sentence. Overall I thought it was really well written and a lovely little one-shot and moment to look at them in. I'd love to see more James/Lily written by you as I think the stories would be really cute and lovely.
Great job! ^^Author's Response: yay! I'm so glad you liked it! I hadn't considered doing more James/Lily, but now that you've said it, I just might do someday. No plot bunnies at the moment, but we'll see! Thanks for the encouragement, I hadn't thought about it :) I'm so glad you appreciated that I made him sweeter than we usually see him. That's important to me, there had to be a reason for her to like him, even if she doesn't see it til later :) Thanks for the review!! Report Review
This was so cute! That bit on how all James wants is for Lily is so sweet! And it was rather funny as well! Good job!Author's Response: awww thanks :) I always think, there has to be a real reason Lily can fall for James even before he matures a bit. No one can change over night right? Thanks for the review!! Yours is up too :) Report Review
this was the story i reviewed, but it never went through i guess. :P which sucks, because it was a freaking awesome review. really. im actually extremely upset that no one else got to read it, because it was hilarious. oh well.
i think i said something along the lines of how cute and adorable this was! i really loved james even though he was being a minor creep when he was watching her sleep at one point. pshh, i do that ALL the time. ...not really. but i would if i was james. because thats how awesome he is.
and unfortunately, i dont remember anything else i said, but thats okay i suppose.
...and i just thought i should mention that there are some little kids running up and down my street right now pretending to be wizards. i feel like i should run out there and yell avada kedavra just so they will shut up.
im not a fan of little kids.
BUT ANYWAYS, like i said before, this was a really cute one-shot...you should totally do more of them! :)Author's Response: OH. MY. MERLIN. I didn't respond to it like I thought I did... sorry lol it's funny because you had trouble reviewing it, and I had trouble responding to it... hmmm. lol I'm glad you thought it was cute, I always think it's creepier that he asks her out all the time, at least this time he's keeping it to himself lol.
I'm also glad for the kids' sake you don't have a wand or magical powers lol. Now I know why you're a Slytherin lol :P
Thanks for the review! I probably will, We'll see what I come up with right? :) Thanks! Report Review
This is so good, and I especially liked how you made James out to be kind and thoughtful!! And I guess we now all know where Harry gets his love of treacle tart from!!Author's Response: yay!!! I'm so happy you picked that out! I know, I feel like he must have been at some points, I get it he's not like that all the time, but I loved this plot :) I'm glad you do too! Thanks so much for the review! Report Review
Awww... this one- shot is really sweet!!
Great James POV XD
I loved it.Author's Response: Yaaay! Thanks for the review! It is pretty sweet right? I loved doing it from his POV I'm glad I did it justice :) Report Review
This is RaindropDancer. I know this has taken forever for me to do but life's been in the way lately.
Anyway, I love this story! It's not too abstract to feel like I should know more, but it doesn't drag out description or setting the scene.
The narrative is good and the storyline simple while making it fairly unique. I love how excited Lily was by a ham and cheese toastie and how satisfied James was with what he did for her.
I enjoyed your James, and your Lily was adorable.
I thoroughly enjoyed it, thank you (:Author's Response: Thank you very much! I definitely understand how life can get in the way of things, don't worry about it.
I'm so glad that you liked it, one day the plot just hit me. It took a little while to iron out details, but I'd like to think he knows slightly more about Lily than she thinks he does. Why else would he really be so head over heels in love with her? I wanted to go into more with other characters, but I felt it would get in the way of the point.
Thanks for reviewing! :D Report Review
Really great one-shot! I loved the concept, it was really well written, and was just generally a really lovely, cute little story. You wrote James and Lily perfectly, and the idea of James making her smile without her knowing (plus the fact he realises how in love he is at the end) is just marvellous; bravo!
I spotted one tiny grammar thing, though it was very small;
- "than to let Alice and Marley in charge" (should be than to have left)
Appart from that, really good work. Great job! :-)Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm glad you love it. It was really hard for me to come up with a way to make a smile secret for the challenge, and make sure they were in character. Thanks for letting me know about the spelling error, I'll change that when I can.
(pulls out pan full of cookies) thanks again! :) Report Review
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