Hello there Charlotte! Sorry its taken such a long time but I'm finally here to offer reviews for my improvement challenge (oh dear, I know it's been a long time - but I honestly wasn't expecting quite so my entrants... well, actually, I was. It was more a case of overestimating myself but there you go).
In the name of being as picky as possible, don't take anything I say to mean I'm any less of a big fan of all you do, my dear. SO first things first in the very first line (that's a lot of firsts for one sentence) there are a few things which I think detract from how lovely the sentence is: for one the 'and sat that it was true' and the ' that your life flashed...' well, I'd say that at least one of those 'that's are unnecessary and it just makes the sentence feel a bit bulkier than it needs to be - especially when you have such a lovely style. Now my eyes are just picking out every that because I started thinking about it too much - but there's two in the next sentence too. TOO MANY THATs. This really isn't a big issue. Moving on, then.
I really did love that first paragraph - it's so pretty. You're good at pretty :)
OH I didn't read the pairings and such before starting to read and for a second I didn't realise which Marauder you were talking about and OH this is interesting and your language is reaaallly pretty. Although given everything theres this oncomming sense of doom the more I keep reading. Oh dear. No, pleeassee don't make this sad.
Well, fine. Just break my heart.
Okay, back to being as constructive as I'm capable about something which was a truly lovely piece of writing.
I'm torn between liking the fact that they only got the one day as married and not liking it. I knew that you were going to have her killed of because, well, canon and knowing that... my first thought was that it was going to be the morning after the wedding. I was like, Sirius has left her to make coffee. She is going to die.
And as much as that worked really well, distancing myself from it a sec I think you could have messed with my mind a little bit more - thrown our a few little moments when I'm on the edge of my seat yelling at Sirius, that sort of thing. I've always thought that in terms of tragedy part of the awful thing about it is dramatic irony, in a sense - that you know what's going to happen. So I think that the death the morning after their wedding was almost too classically tragic, too... foreseeable. I'd have liked the attack to come in the next scene after Sirius made her coffee (that bit about Lily teaching him how to coffee... loved that by the way), maybe when they were heading back from the honeymoon or something just to mess with my mind a little more, ahha.
The other thing is that I'd like more snatches of what Win was actually like and part of Sirius's focus after the attack to be around how horrible it was that she hadn't even had a chance to fight. I think that would be throwing salt in a very much bleeding wound, for Sirius, to have her death not even be as dignified as it should have been in his view - as Sirius hated not being able to fight when he could, you know?
I did love how you related this experience to his own death though, that was incredible and I really loved that. It seemed to me that some of the things you were mentioning were like... the voices from the veil, so that was another lovely image. The wedding was very pretty too.
What was I saying? Oh, yeah. I know this was just a short little one shot (and a beautiful one at that), but you gave me such a teasing snipped about Win - about how they met - and I was like AH! I want to know more about this girl! And... well, I never got that chance. I guess you could feed that into part of the tragedy with a bit of clever manipulation but, well, I would have thought that'd been nice... some more about Sirius's emotions too. What you had was beautiful, I just wanted moorrre.
Likely I'm just greedy.
But, okay, here's my suggestions for improvement. FIRST, keep writing beautiful things (okay, that's not improvement I know but ssooo pruudddyyy). SECOND, there were a few little mistake type things - especially near the beginning - that detracted only slightly from the awesome. Read it over out loud before posting it to ensure that it's all tip top and pretty and THIRD I want you to MANIPULATE ME. Mess with my emotions. Think about the effect on the reader. Don't get me wrong, it's not always the best way to do things... but for little one shots like this it's GREAT to experiment with that sort of thing.
So yeah, loved it and you (feel like I haven't read anything of yours for ages too, that's practically a tragedy in itself) and thanks for entering my challenge! :)
-ACAuthor's Response: E!!! I'm so happy you were able to get to me! I was so afraid that my scarcity in the forums and archives would convince you that I wasn't going to participate when I've been so looking forward to your review as I really want to get back into this writing business. (I know, me? Write?)
Thank you so much for all your very kind words. Especially coming from an author such as yourself, I really do feel validated.
I'm thinking that my 2nd piece will also have to be a one shot so I can incorporate the bits that you put in the above. I feel like with a chaptered story, it's easier to make you connect with the characters and manipulate the reader than it is to do with a one-shot. Which is why I guess it'll be a challenge.
The "that" thing totally gets to me and reading my story out loud is very sound advice (though I'll feel a bit cracked doing so).
Thank you again for all your lovely words and while I don't think I'll be able to write something as pretty as this (because, really, I do have to admit to that), I'll get my knuckles creaking once more at the keyboard.
(This challenge is awesome, AC.)
Char Report Review
I love it. Beautiful, heart breaking and so sweet. You are good.Author's Response: Thank you so much :) Sorry so late answering! Report Review
This was so beautiful! While I've read a few Sirius/OC stories before, they have never felt half so like they could be canon, as this piece did.
I loved the way that you slowly built up Sirius and Win's relationship, with his memories of how they met colouring the reasons for why they were perfect. I love how you had them meeting because she had put out a rumour to protect muggles - it was such a wonderful way for them to meet, and I can only imagine that someone who had done that sort of thing (protecting others, etc) could be right for somebody as proud yet volatile as Sirius.
The way their wedding was so perfectly simple, with only the best people there, was also very Sirius-ish; at least, very like the Sirius you characterised here. I loved how you made him very true to the Sirius that JKR writes, and not at all like the ever-popular "player Sirius". It so much more true, to the point that when Win was murdered, his reaction seemed all the more real.
I love how you brought it around to him helping Harry at the end; telling him to not be scared and welcome death the way Win had helped him. It was so sad how he had been unforgiving of himself for all those years, but seemed all the more natural when Win didn't need to forgive him... it was just so gorgeous and wonderful and ahh :3
~TGKAuthor's Response: Thank you! I wanted this to fit into canon somehow even though we don't know of any close relationships that Sirius formed except for the Marauders.
Ah, your whole review just made me smile because it's so nice and lovely! You really pointed out all the points that I was so proud and happy about and I feel like you totally got what I was trying to write! Thank you!!
xChar Report Review
I'd never read anything like it. I loved the last paragraph, even though we know how much it hurt Harry to see Sirius die.
I like how this one shot could perfectly fit into canon. I mean it would make sense for Sirius not to talk about Winfred. The wedding scene was lovely too.
Sorry if it sounds like I'm rambling on but I don't know what to say besides that it the most bittersweet one-shot I've read.Author's Response: Thank you! I like to think that it did fit within canon. I'm sort of like "missing moments" type of writer. It satisfies me for some reason. And rambling is OK, since you were saying nice things! :) Report Review
Aww, I knew that was going to have a sad ending. But I suppose it was happy too, because he was relieved in death to know he didn't need to feel guilty anymore.
I have to feel sorry for Sirius - it must be tough not being able to live your life because of the oppression of the Death Eaters, not even being able to love. But this was really uplifting because he loved despite the dangers and she knew that it wasn't his fault they couldn't be together.
MarinaAuthor's Response: I'm at least glad you didn't go into it thinking it was going to be all hunky-dory and get all saddened as a result. It does have a bit of a hopeful not though doesn't it.
Yeah, Sirius basically has a tough life. But he did have this moment of happiness and I like to think he had some peace in the end!
xChar Report Review
I like this too! Man, you've got a good writing style. I really enjoyed reading this. You're balance between description and emotions and characterisation is just awesome, and seeing how you haven't used dialogue to convey backstory or emotion, it's all executed really well.
I really love this line: "Although it was but a small thread in the fabric of his life, if it was removed, the whole of him will unravel." It really reminds me of a line from Never Let Me Go. I love your characterisation of Sirius as well - it's so different to how we usually see him (the casanova, the lover boy, the good looking one). I also love Win! She's really awesome.
The descriptions of the wedding were really, really pretty and I could picture it all. AND NOOO WIN! WHAT! Ergh I hate Death Eaters! The actions and emotions or Sirius in that moment were all beautifully well done... so, well done. :D
Overall, congratulations on writing a splendid one-shot!Author's Response: Thank you! I like to think of this one as one my better stories so to hear/read all your lovely words...makes me squee in side :) I definitely was working on descriptions and such so I'm glad you were able to enjoy it! Report Review
Hi! I'm here from review tag!
Wow. I am so, so glad I stumbled across this beautiful story. It's just wonderfully written, and I loved reading it.
The intro is awesome, especially the personification of death--such a great way to begin this story. Actually, my favorite sentence came in that first paragraph:
"Although it was but a small thread in the fabric of his life, if it was removed, the whole of him will unravel."
I just love that line. It's so achingly beautiful, and it made me want to read on. Great job on pulling the reader in right from the beginning!
This shows a side of Sirius we don't often see, and I really enjoyed it. I like the tenderness he shows when thinking of Win, but you've also kept him true to the character we see in the books. I also really like Win; she seems like a great match for Sirius. The story of how they met proves taht she is strong and committed to the Order's cause, and yet she seems very compassionate and calm, a balance for Sirius' strong personality. I love them as a couple, and that makes their fate even more sad.
The wedding scene was just beautiful, and the morning after scene was heartbreaking. I love how you can convey such emotion in so few words, and without dialogue. And I love the ending, where it comes full circle to the moment of Sirius' death. After everything Sirius has been through, I'm glad to see his story end peacefully :)
I am just blown away! I'm so glad I got to read this, and I've added it to my favorites. Awesome, awesome job!
-MaggieAuthor's Response: Wow thank you! That line! That Line is my FAVE out of the whole thing! You don't know how long I tinkered with it :)
Thank you for loving my couple. I'm actually thinking about expanding on them (though unfortunately we all know how it ends now).
Thank you for this lovely review & favoriting! Report Review
Hey again! I told you I needed to read more of your writing!
I adored this. You managed to capture the smallest canon detail and craft an entire life out of it. Sirius's smile as he fell through the veil. Gah. So beautiful. I never really considered Sirius to have dated anyone ever. In my mind, he's always been happily and comfortably independent. Living vicariously through James' and Lily's relationship, but this worked to well. Win sounded like a lovely person, and I adored how they met!! I can't believe she was killed the day after their marriage. Poor, poor Sirius. The ending bit was my favorite. The idea that sirius taught Harry to greet death as an old friend. so gorgeous.
You're really fab, you know?
MelissaAuthor's Response: Aw *blush* and you're totally cute! I love filling in possibly canon stuff and I'm glad that that little bit filtered through. Thank you for this! Report Review
Here from review tag!
Wow this story may have been short but it definetely made an impact! I like the way you framed it as a flashback of Sirius looking back on it when he's facing death himself. Since he said in the books that it was "easier than falling asleep," this helps give some perspective as to what helped him face death that way.
I liked the insights we were able to get into Win's character even though she didn't seem to have that big of a role. It seemed like she had a lot of spirit and could definetely keep up with Sirius and even put him in his place sometimes.
Southern France is definetely the perfect setting for a wedding, and the descriptions really brought across the feelings of happeness they must have been experiencing, and enjoying being away from the war for a few days. Having the Death Eaters show up there really shows just how pervasive their reach was, and the fear and uncertainty that people would have had to live with during the first war. While her fate was sad, it was also expected. I think Sirius is similar to James Bond in the way that anybody he gets attached to will inevitably end up hurt in one way or another.
And then the last lines tied everything togther by showing how Sirius helped inspire Harry to face his fate. Great job!Author's Response: Wow thanks! I'm glad it fit well with the Sirius you know and that you were able to pick up the subtle bits I threw in there of how his death affected Harry and his acceptance of his fate. Sirius is one of those people who feels that they bring doom to those around them, though we know that that isn't necessarily true. Thank you for this! Report Review
Brilliant. No other word but brilliant. I loved this, I really thought this was just so epic on how good it was. I really enjoyed reading it, and I'm happy I didn't just pick the first one, because even though I'm sure it's great, I would have missed out on reading this one, and this one-shot was great, really, really great!
LizzieAuthor's Response: Thanks! I'm glad you thought it was epic considering that it was just a one-shot! :) :) Thank you for all the lovely words! Report Review
You look those twists don't you. There I was getting all settled into a nice lovey one-shot and then BOOM!! Angst, drama and a whole other bucket load of emotions!
Great descriptions as usual. I thought that the pace was a bit slow at first, but then it picked up nicely. I suppose though it helped keep the reader, in a comfort zone before you took it away lol :P.
It's sad that this happened on his wedding day, that is absoultely devestating!! I really enjoyed the plot and how you entwined Sirius going though the veil and into Win's arms. It added a nice touch.
A throughly enjoyable one-shot!!
SilverstarletworldAuthor's Response: Very very sorry for my delay, you're probably never going to see this :(
I'm sorry if it seemed like a bait-and-switch to you but that's kind of how I like my stories--angsty.
I'm glad that I was able to pull it off to being an enjoyable one-shot though!
Another lovely piece of writing. Your flow is nearly perfect here, and the word choice and phrasing almost perfectly sets the mood for a bittersweet romance. Aside from that, what I really like is how you've used this piece to rationalize what drives me (and I assume others) crazy about Sirius - his reckless, sometimes foolhardy, need to be in the heat of the battle. I like that you acknowledge that it is part of his personality from go (I get the impression that most Blacks are leap first, look later, just save my family and you did a good job implying that), and then closer to the end, we get this lovely little line about Sirius making his life's mission to prove DE's wrong that just seals the deal. Very, very nicely done!Author's Response: Thanks so much for this review!! I'm glad I was able to bring Sirius' crazy characteristics into a more likeable-ish light. Report Review
So, I adore Sirius to pieces and I am often times critical of how he's portrayed in fanfics. For someone who has never written outside of the Trio before, you nailed Sirius's characterization so well. His temper and arrogance that mask his softer interior. How he doesn't let too many people close to him but found his soulmate in a girl who is brave and courageous. I felt a little disappointed that for someone who had so much fight in her that she was killed while defenseless, with no opportunity to protect herself. Sirius's thoughts as a failure to do his duty to protect her was heartbreaking but it was nice to see that Win never blamed him.
I love how everything ended full circle. It started with his death and ended with his death, finally reunited with that one person that held his life together.
Your prose here is gorgeous. It seems as though you chose each word with precision, in order to evoke the most emotion out of your scenes. Everything was just beautiful. It was sad, but while I was reading it, I felt a sort of peacefulness to it all, which was nice.
I liked Sirius's last lesson to Harry. It reminds me of the third Peverell brother who met death as an equal because he wasn't killed by his greed for power and lost love. I'm not sure if that was an intentional reference or not, but it was a well-placed one.
I really enjoyed this, and you should write Sirius more often! I'd happily read it. :)
forsakenphoenix (Ravenclaw)Author's Response: Thank you for your review!
I'm glad I captured Sirius well because to be honest, it has been a long while since I've read the books (been livin' on fanfiction).
The circle thing was kind of what I was going for and I'm glad you found it peaceful. That's actually how I did want to represent it.
Thank you so much! I will be writing more Sirius because of this! Report Review
Oh my. This really had me tearing up by the end. I knew it was going to be sad when I started it, but I never expected it to be so. heartbreaking. I applaud you for writing such an amazing story. The descriptions are beautiful, and the story flows really well. The part where she died, and Sirius ran to her was just brilliant. Well done.
(Kat1394 - Gryffindor)Author's Response: Thank you so much for your review. I'm happy that you were able to experience the story! Report Review
This story was beautiful. You definitely did well for a first non-Trio centric story.
I loved the way you didn't characterize Sirius as he usually is in fan fiction and that you chose to focus on how he was once in love. Even though I'm sure it happened, most people seem to go about it the wrong way and make it seem as though there was only one woman who he would change for. I love that you made his wife somebody who accepted him for who he was, arrogance and craziness and all. It's quite refreshing. (Plus, Win doesn't seem to be a self-insert and isn't a Mary Sue, which is more unique than it should be!)
Even though I had the feeling that she was going to die, I was sad when Sirius found her dead body. We rarely got to see him in a fragile state, so I liked how you managed to characterize it so well.
The fact that he didn't mention her afterwards seems to fit, because it would be the one of the best and worst 24 hour periods of his life and he doesn't seem like the type of guy who would dwell on the past unless he absolutely had to.
As I'm sure you can tell, I really liked this piece. I think you should definitely write more Marauder fics in the future; I know I would like to read them. =)
Lily Flower (Ravenclaw)Author's Response: Thank you!
I don't see that falling in love with someone means you'll change for them; for me it's falling in love someone who loves you for who you are. That's why Win was like that. Mary-Sue doesn't work for me! :)
Sirius seemed private especially after Azkaban and I like to think that this is something that could've happened.
Thank you so much for this!! Report Review
At first when I saw the challenge this was written for, I went, "Yay! Wedding fluff!" Except, it turned out, this wasn't really fluff. But I'm glad, because instead I stumbled on something that's really incredible and powerful!
I loved how you set up and ended the story with his death, which was clever and worked really nicely. It was a beautiful way to set it up. "Although it was but a small thread in the fabric of his life, if it was removed, the whole of him would unravel." I thought that was a gorgeous way to put it!
It was a little surprising to see Sirius getting married, but a happy one. I was glad to see he was with Win, and that he was in a healthy relationship who loved him for who he was, despite flaws. The way you described the wedding was perfect! I did get to have a little bit of my wedding fluff, after all :)
Her murder - I didn't see it coming, even though we know that Sirius has nobody when he comes out of Azkaban. It was so abrupt, and it was so horrible that they only had that one day together. That's just not fair! :(
"We are everywhere and we will win" is such a frightening message. The rise of Voldemort really was a terrifying time. :/ I loved how this was what spurred him, though, and how Win's death was the motivation for his fight.
It was so sweet for him to realize at the end that the reason why he had never received forgiveness was because it was never needed.
And I adored the last paragraph, which was really powerful and beautifully written. "In the final moment of your life, when you come face to face with Death, you donít fight him, but welcome him." Really, really beautiful - reminded me a bit of the Tale of Three Brothers.
This was gorgeous all around and I'm so glad I read it! You did a wonderful job :)
-Snapdragons (Claw)Author's Response: Yeah, sorry about the throw off :) But I'm glad you enjoyed it and you thought so well of it!!
Thank you so much for what you said about that line! I thought so hard about how to word that, I'm very happy that a) you were able to understand it and b) you thought it was gorgeous.
Yes, you did get fluff!!
And then I took it away ::sighs:: I'm sorry--just so angsty I am (plus Yoda-y).
Sirius, to me, loved deeply and was driven by impulse and passions so it would make sense that such a catastrophic event would lead him through his days.
I did want to tie the ending into canon somehow and this seemed the best way. I'm glad that you were able to enjoy this!
Thank you for your review!! xChar Report Review
Now I can see why this won! This was beautiful! The detail and imagery was incredible. You know those stories that leave a sort of lingering inside you, kinda like a nagging feeling to reread it. This was one of those!
The fact that you wrote it without dialogue and it still be so intriguing is amazing! Very good job! 10/10
gryffindorAuthor's Response: Thank you so much for your kind words!! It was a beautiful story that came to mind that I had to write and I'm glad it received justice. I hadn't noticed that I didn't have any dialogue until the end so it was unusually good of me on that :P Report Review
Just as this is your first foray into something not having to do with the Trio, this is my first realy foray in the land of Sirius/OC. And it was a nice trip. I've heard all sorts of horrors about the clicheness and Mary-Sue-ness of these sorts of stories, but this wasn't like that at all. I'm so happy that they didn't meet at Hogwarts- that they were older (not childhood sweethearts). His first meeting with her gave the reader a glimpse of her bravery and courage, which I assume would be necessary to live with Sirius.
The only thing I noticed was the sentence "Although it was but a small thread in the fabric of his life, if it was removed, the whole of him would unravel"- the phrasing sounded awkward to me.
However, since your beginning (and such a lovely opening it was!), I'd been half-thinking that she would turn out to be a Death Eater, and I was so glad it wasn't true. The only problem I noted was that wouldn't they have put protective wards around their honeymoon destination? (But then, that would be the Death Eater's point, as you said, that they can get in anywhere and everywhere).
The ending was very appropriate and I liked the inclusion of Harry's last lesson from Sirius. I think that it was very well done and very well written.
This was a pleasure to read.
Roots in Water (Hufflepuff)Author's Response: How funny you would be thinking she was a Death Eater, but in looking at it again, I could see how you saw that.
Yeah, pretty much it was the Death Eaters can be anywhere and let's just say Sirius wasn't quite as proficient and paranoid as he was in his later years.
Thank you for your review! Report Review
I love the chapter image. ;D
And I love the first paragraph - I like how you connected his past to the 5th book and Sirius' death.
I like your word choices - it all flows very well and it's easy to read. Sometimes it feels like people try and overload a reader with all these "fancy" words - which, I find, gets annoying to read after a few sentences. You don't overuse words and your sentence lengths vary, making it more enjoyable to read and infinitely more engaging. The way you put sentences together is lovely - it reads smoothly and paints a picture in my mind, like I can see what Sirius is seeing and I can feel what he feels, too. A good author should be able to do that; feeling connected with a character and, in turn, their story.
The scenes of the wedding (and before it) are lovely - they made me smile because I love weddings and I could just see it. You gave me goosebumps, though, at the images of Sirius on his knees, the pain he must be feeling and gah. It's so terribly sad, but very powerful when it comes to descriptions! o_o To be perfectly honest, I've always seen Sirius as a loner, relationship wise. It just seemed to fit better in my mind, because of how he was raised. However, there's nothing wrong with stories where he does have someone he loves - as long as it ends appropriately and realistically, because we do know Sirius is alone by his death. But I guess that's the beauty of not knowing everything about him! :) In essence, you can give him whatever you want - as long as you write it well.
Because we don't know more about her death - save for the fact that it was Death Eaters - I can't really comment on it. I'm not sure if this is a stand alone one-shot or not, but if it isn't I hope you do elaborate more on why she was chosen for death. I like things with well-thought out backstories and histories, even if they're not written outright in a story.
The ending was really sweet. :) I like that Sirius, in a way, got the happy ending that he so deserved. It's a bit hard for me to comment on Win's characterization, mostly because I don't really know her. We know a little about her, but not enough for me to give much comment because the details about what makes Win Win are unknown. Rather than always go through Sirius' eyes and his direct opinion, you could instead actually have him 'interact' with her at a some point, just so she feels more 'real' to the reader. However, doing that might be a bit hard to do because of the length and the feel that this one-shot has; extra details and scenes might ruin the effect that it has: these are scenes, important ones, that are flashing by his eyes before he falls through the veil and I really think it reads like that, too. These scenes "flash" by us, as well, and I love how there seems to be a parallel drawn between us reading and what Sirius is feeling.
I think Win is loveable in the fact that we can see that Sirius loved her very much - it's easy to be enchanted by a character who's loved/adored/a part of another character's life. The fleeting knowledge that we get of your OC fits with what I said above, too. Sirius didn't get much time with her and neither did we, so with the ending, it almost felt like I was being reunited with a lost friend.
This was a lovely piece, and I think you did a very good job with conveying the emotions and portraying the scenery and images. :)
Thank you for requesting!
[uncivilized/hufflepuff]Author's Response: Wow!! Thank you so much for this review!!
I did take a lot of care and attention on wording this story correctly and I'm very happy that you noticed it. I'm glad I wasn't overwhelming in my exactingness of the words.
You're right, it would be better to have a backstory to this and I actually do want to write one now that I've read enough complaints/gentle admonishings of not giving Win enough screen time.
I like how you compared the reader's viewpoint being similar to Sirius' because that's how I wanted it to be.
Thank you so much for your lovely and thoughtful words!
xChar Report Review
Hiii preaah here from the forums! sorry for the super delay but here i am so onto the review :)
...and blimey, all I have to say is you nearly made me tear up, which is a feat on its own! I never cry so therefore tearing up is the equivalent, and you did it! This was truly an honour to read, because it was just a stunning melding of so many different elements... your writing is so easy to read, it flows and transitions so nicely into the next part. But most of all was how realistic the emotions were, how it completely reaches out and prods the reader to feel something for your characters... you did a superb job with that. I think I'm gushing a bit too much here, haha.
But enough about your ability to write because you clearly CAN write. Onto the story itself, I loved it as well. I loved the premise of the story, of how it began with Sirius' last moment of life, and how it flashbacked to his wedding day, then again back to his final thoughts. I loved how you didn't overdo Win's death, it was simple yet powerful. But most of all, seriously the best part of this whole story, was Sirius' final thought: about teaching Harry the lesson of accepting death when it comes. It is sooo perfect, because of how it relates to the actual story, of how Harry really did have to accept death and how Sirius had been there at that time as well. Brilliant, this was just utterly brilliant.
Great job!! xxxAuthor's Response: HI!
Thank you so much for the lovely gushing review!! Those are my faves!!
The ending, especially after seeing DH2, is so appropriate in my universe now. I'm so happy that it didn't come across pretentious or cliche!
xChar Report Review
Well... That was interesting...
I'm quite impressed with how you pulled off having no dialogue. You really got the whole "making it more deep and powerful thing."
Results will be up August 3rd on my blog!Author's Response: Yeah, love "no dialogue"! Thanks for reviewing and I'll keep a look out! Report Review
This is so bitter-sweet! At first I was a little confused because it sounded at the start like it was going to be a sad memory when it was all happy which gave it a great sense of foreboding. I knew it was coming but I just so hoped it wasn't. Oh those stupid death eaters. ;P
The line that really got to me was 'A sound came from the very depths of his soul, the keen of a man who had lost his lifeís mate. It haunted that room forever more.' The noise in my mind is just so terrible and heart wrenching that it really shows how much it really hurts.
Overall, a great fic. The only thing I maybe would have liked to see a bit more was some of Win's personality. You get little tibits all over the place but maybe if you put a little more in there it would make the story a little more realistic.
(HPB/nikkinike/Nikki) :)Author's Response: Yeah, it came out more angsty then I thought it would. It was supposed to be a nice wedding fic.
Thank you for your review! I will probably go back and fit in more of Win as much as I can without ruining the flow of it all . . . somehow.
Thank you again! Report Review
Awe. This was absolutely beautiful.
It was a wonderful story, soothing and relaxing, and so enjoyable. It was full of emotion and love and care. I could feel everything Sirius and lily felt. It was a beautifully bittersweet piece.
I also loved how you didn't use any dialogue. I dont know if you did this on purpose or not, but to read a story with no dialogue here and there is a nice change from everything else.
This was beautiful. Really well done job. :)
DrueAuthor's Response: Thank you so much Drue! I'm glad the emotion was there for you.
I have a tendency to not use dialogue because I have trouble writing it :P I find description much easier to do (partly because I'm so good at it--pardon the snobbery ^_^) Report Review
Hey! Finally here for your review swap! This was so lovely and so sad at the same time, it would really explain what happened with Sirius, why he was the way he was. I was so happy for him at first, the wedding was so nice, but knew it couldnt last. The end was poignant and written very well. Well done!Author's Response: Thanks! I'm not actually sure I reviewed something for you so I'm going to do it now! And if I already did, then you get double! :) Report Review
That was a really well written one shot! I was a bit surprised at first, seeing Sirius's name, because I was wondering how you were going to keep that in accordance with canon, but you turned it around really well. The actual wedding part was written beautifully, and I think you captured it well. You had some beautiful descriptions in there as well.
I have to say, I got a bit confused at the end. The time jump was strange and unexpected, and I had to read it twice before I realized what you were talking about. I liked the idea, but maybe a sentence in there to show that they're now in the Department of Mysteries may have helped? Other than that, this was flawless. Excellent job, 10/10!Author's Response: Thank you very much for your review! I'm glad I was able to keep in canon to a large degree.
On an edit I think I'll add a sentence or something letting y'all know we're back in the Department of Mysteries.
Thanks for the 10/10! :) Report Review
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