Really amazing chapter. Shows the really deep side to James that we've all wanted, even though that's sort of what the whole story's about. James' speech was honest but unexpected, and I find myself blown off my feet. Great job! :DAuthor's Response: To be honest I didn't really like James's speech when I wrote it but I decided to post it to see what others thought. So thanks so much for the positive feedback :) Report Review
this story is really moving. books dont often make me cry, i'm really enjoying it so far and i hope you update soon :)
ps. i think lilys coming across a bit cold, i would like to see her be a little bit more relatable, but other than i that i love it!Author's Response: Thanks so much :-) As far as updating goes, I'm in exam time at the moment so I as only posting chapters which I had already written as procrastination and now I've exhausted my supply! So unfortunately you'll have to wait until after I finish exams (unless I give up on study...which is highly likely).
You're not alone with your thoughts on Lily. I didn't realise it until people started commenting on it that she was coming across so cold but just so you know, I'm now trying to make her nicer but I also have a plan for later that hopefully will explain it. Report Review
aww you left it when he's about to go patrolling with her? That'd be fun to see though! :P anyway, I thought this was a great idea. So far you have a really great story, I would just work on your characterization of Lily since we see so little of her. Either that or maybe this is just your way of really getting into what James sees and that since he doesn't see Lily all the time, and what she really thinks of him, that this is just what he's seeing. Though it makes me wonder why he still likes her, maybe showing at least something that he loves about her so it keeps us readers knowing that he really does like these things about her. So far we've seen what he's been correcting her about him, but what about the things he does like about her?
Great job! Hope these reviews make you happy as it did me reading your story :)Author's Response: Wow! reviewed every chapter for me- thanks so much...it made me very happy, especially as you had either really nice things to say to me or really good constructive critiscim.
And you are definitly right about Lily- I hadn't realised I only show her in a negative light because I have an idea in my head as to what she's like and obviously I haven't conveyed it well enough...I promise she's not horrible all the time. I work on it. :-)
Thanks for reviewing so much and I hope you keep reading
xx Report Review
Another great chapter!
I'm not sure about McGonagal's characterization though, she would have at least understood he was hurting.
It's definitely a surprise that Lily will be coming with them, that'll be different.
Another thing is that you didn't really specify that Sirius had transformed, or at least when. It seemed like he did after she came into the room. It was a great part though :)Author's Response: I agree with you about McGongall. I'll go back and change it a bit, to show she's more understanding.
And same with the Sirius thing- I fix it up...
You really don't know how happy these reviews made me and how useful they were.
Thanks very much. I hope they weren't too time consuming
xx Report Review
oh no, poor James... I thought you really nailed his personality in this one. James wouldn't have taken that from Lily, that's for sure.
Really great job!
I do think that having the part where he finds his dad's secret place would be really cool :) maybe find something hidden there, like that his dad and mum had their first kiss there engraved on a brick of the castle. Something that would make it even more of a find :)
Like I said though, really great job!Author's Response: Good idea!! I feel as though the story jumps around a bit to much time wise...maybe this could a be a linking sections. Report Review
hmm I liked the chapter, just the events seemed a bit abrupt. We hardly see Lily at all besides her interactions with James so it's hard to see how she started liking him. Plus their interactions are always short so maybe something that might change Lily's mind slightly, but then have him do something stupid. You'd briefly described it, but I think an actual scene would be good.
It's funny that he catches her little quirks though, like her nose.
Poor James being an idiot and asking her why she did it lolAuthor's Response: I was thinking of putting in a section after they get together explain this but I might add it in earlier. Once again nice spotting holes in my story for me tht I just assume people know :-) Report Review
lolol floating people in the great hall hehehehe oh my gosh, it would have been even funnier if Lily got stuck up there :D oh and especially Snape :) Report Review
This was great too! It totally makes sense James having to show Lily to Dumbledore's, and, most importantly, why he picked James! I've been thinking and thinking, and I can't figure it out either, but now it makes sense. Having the two who can learn the most from each other is absolutely brilliant!
Really great job! Report Review
lolol the parts he was restraining himself were really silly. I'd gotten confused how he knew about the cameras too, but then Lily caught it. I think Lily should have been much more shocked that he restrained himself, maybe take his temperature or something lol. Anyway, great job! Report Review
This was really cool, it's a very different way than I've seen James written as, and I'm sure he's different with his friends, at least a little, but it really was just the right amount of introduction to it. Great job!
Also I saw that you didn't have too many reviews, when I have about as many chapters as you and I thought I was doing badly lol. So I'm here to remedy that :DAuthor's Response: I thought I was doing badly too!! But then I decided I was mainly just writing for myself so it didn't matter. BUt thanks for reviewing :-) It makes me very happy
Aww (: love this - but what the hell is up with Lily? : ( she seems really bitchy and, I'm sorry, but that's just not how i see her... Maybe you could make her a little nicer? Keep writing - I want to hear more about the broken Jamez!! Cos' Im strange like that... L o l.
x x xAuthor's Response: Thanks for the feeback :-) You are totally right about Lily...I didn't realise how mean I had made her. I have always really liked her but I have struggled with her character so much for this story. Nothing really seems to work with her like it should...and meaner is seeming to work better than not. But she'll hopefully become nicer soon.
But on the other hand, I'm glad you like my James character. I have to say I really like him too :-)
Thanks so much for the review though
xx Report Review
really enjoying it (: continue please
xxAuthor's Response: Thanks so much :-) I will keep going Report Review
Hello! I've read all of your texts and they are amazing ! I live in Finland and this story is the best story I've ever read about Lily and James. This is exactly how I imagined their final year to go and you seem to be the first one who sees it exactly the way I do ! Please keep writing and release new chapters so I can find out what happens to them. Have you ever thought about writing a book, 'cause you should. Your a great writer and you really can capture readers and when I started reading I just couldn't stop! Please write the rest of the story soon, you have at least one big fan !Author's Response: Thanks so much for the positive review :-) I'm so glad you are enjoying it so much. And no, I have never considered writing a book. I'll add it to my list of possible career options and if I ever think of an original idea I might write one. Next chapter is coming very soon
xx Report Review
This story is HILARIOUS!!! Its absolutely brilliant! You've really captured James and the types of pranks that the Maraunders would have played. I love the relationship with Lily its just how i imagined it! Please update soon- i cant wait to read what you write next :)Author's Response: Thanks so much for reviewing and I'm glad you liked it. Posting a new chapter soon :-) Report Review
Aw. He embarrassed her. He should have shut up and enjoyed the fact that he was kissing her. I love this story!!!Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing. Glad you like the story :-) Report Review
I like it so far :) The only tips I have for you is writting out the numbers-as a general rule, numbers under either 100 or 1000 (can't remember, though I think it's 100) are to be written in word form :) And you may want to pop over to the forums and get a beta. They're increadbly helpful and can help with the grammar issures (I use one for most of my stories).
Anyway, great story!
~LilyAuthor's Response: Thanks for reviewing :-) I'm trying to work on fixing the numbers thing in the later chapters and I will go back and fix them in the first chapter as well.
And thanks for the tip about betas...I have heard of them but wasn't sure how to find one. Thanks so much :-) Glad you enjoyed it Report Review
Hi! :) Please, post another chapter. I was searching for some james/lily love and your summary was (the only one) that got me interested. When i started to read it, I noticed I also like your style of writing, and your portrayal of James so far:) soo, post another chappie for me, will ya? ;) xxAuthor's Response: Thanks for reviewing. :) It's great to know that I'm not the only person out there who can enjoy my stories...and more chapters are coming. I wrote quite a few before I submitted it but now it's just finding time to upload them. So keep a look out. :) Report Review
i thought it was very good. you had a great way with the imagery and details and i could really see it. i love places like that. my place is similar to how you said but i hav to ride my horse there from my farm and its only a tree by a lake. still i know the feeling... anyways... i cant wait for the next chapter and i know it will be good! haha keep writing love!Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing and giving me incentive to keep going. It made my day :) and i really like the sound of your little place...for me there is this one view as I walk up a street near me that I could stand and look at for ages...i often take the long way home just to look at it :) Report Review
I really like your idea, but there are a few things you could improve on: using commas where there are natural pauses in sentences and (I know this is a bit picky) numbers should really be written out rather than in digit form in a piece of writing, unless they're in a date.
Keep writing, though, it's an interesting idea!
Aph xxAuthor's Response: Thanks for reviewing :) I really appreciate it. Thanks for the grammatical tips. I will try and improve it, though commas have never truly been a strong point. Thanks for taking the time once again :) Report Review
Terms of Service
categories & genres
short story collection