it's sammm (aka bellatrixx) and i'm loving this story so far!! so therefore you must continue asap!! :)
don't keep me in suspense krys! Report Review
Sev here with your review:
I REALLY like this story for some reason. It's not just that you're a wonderful writer, but it's that I've never seen a story like this one.
I love Astoria. I have an odd interest for unpopular characters, and she is one of them. I love how you write her, and how you write Daphne as well. Blaise/Daphne would be a cute pair.
I see no grammar errors, but I'd put a little more detail into some things. The five years difference is good, but what happened to Draco after those five years? Is he married to Astoria...? Does he love Astoria? Or has he not met her? :) This is interesting. If youw ant me to read anything more, just request again! :)
~Severus~ Report Review
Hyenni101 here with a review (which is appallingly late! sorry!) :D
grammar: overall, very well done! i didn't spot too many mistakes, but there were a few.
"nostrils flaired" would go to be "nostrils flared", and "He had a reputation to uphold. Not that his reputation could help him now" would work better if you got rid of the full stop in the middle and replaced it with a hyphen :D
characterisation: Draco was nicely done - I thought the opening, inside his head, is very effective in establishing him as a slightly regretful version of the Draco from the books. Obviously, it's very difficult to get canon characters exact, but I think you've done a nice job of it with him :)
Daphne and Astoria have a lovely relationship, and obviously, i can't talk much about character development because it's only the first chapter. Plus, they aren't mentioned much in canon, so it's difficult to judge them :P But i think a little development over the next few chapters will just round them off nicely!
flow: mostly, this was done very nicely. however, the first segment seemed a little rushed - maybe if you dragged out the courtroom scene a tiny bit longer, perhaps mentioning how Draco was taken into custody - what he expects his sentence to be, did anyone try to help him before? - just padding out little details :)
but mostly, very nicely done!
areas of concern: you said everything, and I've covered all the basics, so here I'll just babble :D
I like the plot idea - it's not too unfeasible and if you carry it out well, it should be a good read! you addressed the reason for it being in Korea at the start, but i'm just going to say it's a little random - hopefully you'll cover the reason for them being in Korea later on?
a nice start, congrats! ^^ Report Review
Hi, there! Here's your review, as requested. (:
This chapter is a really nice set-up. I'm immensely intrigued by this idea. I love how you've made your characters your own, in a way, with Astoria being the way she is. Even Draco seems unique; not out of character, but a unique take.
I love the opening line. It's a very nice way to get us into the story. However, it seems like the first paragraph is told more than shown. I'm not sure why, but it seems to be a bit clunky. I can't quite put my finger on it, but it took me a few reads to get through it.
There were a few specific things, as well, all minor details:
"Infact" = in fact
There are some commas that are missing, and sentences kind of drag without them, if that makes sense?
When Astoria says "sooo" to Draco, it seems like it's a bit immature; perhaps rewrite it as 'so' in italics?
But overall, this was an excellent opening. I really want to read the next chapter! I love the set-up, and I like the dynamic that Daphne and Astoria have. I'm immensely intrigued. Please do drop me a message when the next chapter is up, I'd love to read on. (:
- Jasmine Report Review
Ok, I have to say that after one chapter I'm totally hooked ;) The idea behind this is a really interesting one - Purebloods as muggles and no memories? whoa - and having the trial at the start of this set the scene really well to show you how far they've been sent away from everything they know. Then, in comparison, it seems almost comical how unaware Astoria and Daphne are; unaware of their history, and who exactly they are meetin up with!
Draco was portrayed really well at the trial, he was acting like a true Malfoy but extremely scared. I felt so sorry for him when he was shouting for Blaise :( also very true to character when he bumped into Astoria! And Astoria is a really interesting character the way you've done her, with her dreamy state, and it all kind of hints that she has a slight feeling something's not right - you did that SO well!
I loved the description of Draco at the very start too; it really planted him straight into your head, and the trios of decriptions worked *really* well.
Overall, I LOVED it, and I really hope you work on this some more :) 10/10!
~TGK Report Review
Hello, ravencalw_princess responding to your request.
I really like the preimse of this story. The thought of having all your powers stripped and living the life of a muggle would be worse than Azkaban for the likes of Draco. The beginning of the story was really good. It cut right to the chase and drew me in completely.
Draco was characterised well. I like how he was so emotionless through it all and being a Malfoy, even though you could sense he was scared. I thought his facade broke at the perfect time when he was truely faced with the consequences.
The story flowed really well and there was a nice use of descriptive terms. I noticed very few grammar or spelling mistakes. There were a few sentence that were a little odd and they are below:
"Astoria raised her eyebrow [at friend] wondering what it was that she wasn't being told"
"We played together  we were children" = [when]
"Daphne handed her the photo when she pointed [it at]"
Over all, good start. The story is well written with what looks like a very intersting plot. Report Review
First of all, your graphics are pretty. I really like your banner and chapter image.
I loved your start! It was a perfect start because it pulled you straight into the story and kept you interested. I actually read like that they've stripped Draco of his powers, I mean, it's actually very realistic, I could see that happening easily.
I really like your writing style, it was fluid and I loved your narrative. It flowed effortlessly. You instantly bought all the characters to life.
I really liked the relationship you had between the sisters. I've read a lot of stories where they are like practically enemies so it's enjoyable to see a story where they actually get on and are like sisters that can talk semi openly with each other.
In all, this was a perfect first chapter and I've really enjoyed it! This is so interesting and I hope you update soon.
xxx Report Review
OMG I LOVE THIS.
WHEN IS MORE COMING?
I want to give you a better review, but I can't because my thoughts are too jumbled to type! It was just so good. I love obsessing over things.
PUT MORE UP SOOON!
ASHAuthor's Response: ha. thanks. i will update at some point. i'm in a writing rut right now. so yeah. lol. help me get out of it and i'll update? Report Review
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