Reading Reviews for Cada Flynn & the Fifth House
  
21 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Illuminate Prologue

10th July 2013:
Hi! Here for the B v B Claw Battle!

This is a really interesting prologue! You have a great balance of dialogue, description and prose. You also have an adequate amount of mystery; it makes you want to read on and understand what's happening.

I really like the man's dialogue! You have his accent written perfectly! One thing though: the woman said "I've taken care of the tab," and unless she's American the term should be "bill." Just a little Britishism tip :)

Great job!

Author's Response: Lord I missed that, thanks for your review. Gonna go edit that in now.

I plan on getting back on this story soon.

Thanks for reading

Ken


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Review #2, by AlexFan Prologue

4th July 2013:
Yet another story that's written really well! I really like your writing style and I'm really liking what I've read of this so far. I love the air of mystery surrounding this and I liked the cliffhanger at the end of this. It left me wanting to know more and to read on.

This sounds like a really interesting story and I'm interested to see where it goes!

Author's Response: Thank you kindly for the read.

I certainly hope you read more of this story, because I think it gets even more interesting. I haven't worked on it in a long time, but I plan on uploading the next few chapters very soon (they are mostly written, and just need some revision).

OCs are my favorite characters to write about, because I really think that JKR covered most of her bases pretty well. I will be introducing tons of them in future chapters, and many of them are quite over-the-top.


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Review #3, by Elizabeth Wolf The First Day

9th June 2011:
I've been trying to read this for about a week now, but my final exams kept distracting me. Now that I've finally gotten around to it, I just want to say that you're doing an awesome job. I'm SO intrigued by this story. I don't think you rambled at all. Actually, I quite appreciated the length of this chapter and everything that was revealed. I think there's obviously going to be more to learn about Cada (including his personality), but so far, he's very likable and rather sweet. I think you're explaining his recovery very well. I also really enjoy his Uncle Gerome, and I felt a little hateful toward Counselor Flipple at the end (though I didn't make any glasses shatter, haha).

Keep up the good work. I love this story. :)

Author's Response: Thanks so much for your kind review. I am very glad you enjoyed the chapter, and believe me the next one might be even longer. I gotta get the kid recovered and on to Hogwarts!

So glad you enjoyed Gerome, he's a good guy but not overly flashy...too often those folks get ignored.


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Review #4, by DemetersChild Prologue

1st June 2011:
Such an amazing prologue! I was drawn completely in from the start wondering who this mystery woman was and who the man was she'd gone to see.

I loved the way you wrote his dialogue. It takes some getting used to, but being able to really hear his voice in my head was totally worth it.

I'm already so curious to find out what they're talking about who that child is.

Lovely start!

Magically Yours,

Dem

Author's Response: Thanks so much for your review. I really enjoy writing Grufflin, a lot. I can hear him in my head very clearly and just try not to mess up when I write it out.

Oh and there's plenty to come and lots to be revealed.


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Review #5, by WitnesstoitAll Prologue

20th May 2011:
What an interesting start. It is apparent that you have a gift with dialogue. It is that facet of this chapter that really pulls readers along. Very well done. The atmosphere you paint is also compelling. I'm very interested to see where you go with this! My only qualm is in the dicotomy between the time periods indicated by the story summary and the time period portrayed here. I may be off, but this seemed very historic in nature where as the summary indicates present day. Nevertheless, this is a great first chapter!!

Go team bronze!

xx
Melissa

Author's Response: Thanks for your review. The confused time period is something that I will be addressing and explaining soon enough, in later chapters. I assure you that it all takes place in the span of time between 1991 and 2002.

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Review #6, by charlottetrips After the Dream

19th May 2011:
Whoa. This is getting VERY interesting. What a way to introduce the main character! Have him wake up from a coma--can we even call it that?--have him wake up for the first time EVER eleven years after his birth!! Wild!!

These first two chapters have successfully twisted me up in all these questions and wanting to know more! Keep going! I need to know what this is all about!!

(Your writing is so well done by the way)

xChar

Author's Response: Fear not, Chapter 3 will be here very soon! Finishing it this evening, proofreading and it'll go into the queue right after the sicth chapter of "The Chosen Boy" (gotta have it done for a challenge).

As for Cada's coma, look for more on that in chapter 4.


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Review #7, by charlottetrips Prologue

19th May 2011:
This is some wonderful writing! I am amazed by your attention to detail here especially with Grufflin's rough speech and the simple yet clear descriptions of what is happening around the characters and with the characters.

And you have a bit of mystery here! Nice!

Author's Response: Thanks for the read and review. I had to give Grufflin a lot of detail, he's my favorite character even if he isn't a main. Look for loads more with him later on.

Mystery is the fun part, just have to try not to be too stingy with my good readers. Hate to be a tease!


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Review #8, by NaidatheRavenclaw After the Dream

18th May 2011:
Hello! Here for blue vs. bronze!

GAH, WHAT'S GOING ON?! I love this. I LOVE this. You have the perfect mixture of suspense and and mystery and you have just enough detail that I understand what's going on, but not too much. Your writing is perfect. I'm racking my brains to find something I can give you constructive criticism on, and I have nothing. This chapter is a work of art.

I love how you manipulate the characters. Like the nurse couldn't tell him everything, but that also keeps us in the dark. You do a great job of getting the information out to your readers in an interesting way, and I admire that. And I'm also extrememly jealous. Amazing job, 10/10.

Author's Response: Jealous!!! I've read your work and I gotta say you don't need to be. But that aside...

I am very glad you enjoyed the story and hope you stick around for more. There are so many characters i will be introducing here as well as delving into JKRs, of course. And Cada...there's tons to be learned about him, Lynore, Grufflin, Camilda, and everything else.

This is a huge undertaking for me, having not really written since highschool (that was 1996 ugh I'm old), and I hope I don't disappoint myself too much or others.

Thanks so much for your review. Kind words are a great help, like miracle-gro for the soul.


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Review #9, by Aiedail Prologue

17th May 2011:
I just have to say that I am SOOO intrigued by this. I rarely stumble across stories that feel so real--and unique. I love the accent, the descriptions you give--there isn't too much, or too little, and it's so easy to lose yourself in the story.

I think the length is right too. For a prologue it doesn't want to be overwhelming but it wants to have enough information that we're waiting for the rest of some story--and yours definitely does this!

I was a little bit wary because of the title--you see them often, where authors are excited (ME INCLUDED) to come up with something so pointedly different than the majority of what's popular (marauders, next gen, etc), and they start out with more of that goal than have an actual story line, but yours seems like you actually have a story to tell and I'm excited to see how it unfolds!

I love the character interaction here, I think next to your description it's your strongest point. You don't have them explain everything they're thinking...I can tell that they're relying on past information and subtleties, nuances of language to communicate--just like we do in real life, and something that I know first hand is very difficult to manage in writing without seeming like you're just having the characters spouting off information. But I don't get that here--I feel completely immersed in the story, like I'm watching a film, perhaps, and I'm waiting to understand the significance of the words that they're exchanging. But you don't do it in a tacky way, which is so nice to see and something that I really appreciate.

All in all this is looking like it will be a very interesting story!! And well-written, too :)

--lily

Author's Response: I greatly appreciate your review and hope you stick around for what's upcoming. I love this story and have HUGE layers of plans set up for it. There will be lots more about Grufflin, Camilda, and the situation 10 years past.

Oh and don't worry, I have a lot more to reveal about Lynore and the child she bore.


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Review #10, by justonemorefic After the Dream

15th May 2011:
Oooh WHAT HAPPENS NEXT?

I like your set up! It's got that touch of mystery but it's not contrived and unbelievable, like many are. I also really like that your protagonist is so young; it fits the HP universe better that way for these kinds of stories, I think.

You've got a good knack for descriptions too. I like how much care you put into the first descriptions of when Cada wakes up and then when you describe the actions of the old nurse. Very fitting for the setting :D

It'll be interesting to see what's happened to him and where his family is!

Author's Response: A lot of those questions will be answered soon, with the validation of Chapter 3. It's a very meaty chapter that I hope everyone enjoys.

Thanks for your review, hope you stick around :)


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Review #11, by HarrietHopkirk Prologue

14th May 2011:
Ooh! Prologue! Very nice! Short enough so that new readers aren't deterred and long enough to have enough backstory/action/characters in it.

I love this! You've made a really good start. I like the setting - the wizard pub thing gives it more charm - and I'm glad you didn't introduce to many characters at once, as it would have been too distracting.

I like the accent, and all the dialogue - it flowed really well! Your writing style is really very good, you've got a really good opening here! Well done!

And a cliffhanger! You tease. :P

Author's Response: Thanks for reading it. You know it actually took me longer to write the opening than the next two chapters that were both so much longer. Funny how that works.

I appreciate the review and about the cliffhanger...well...sometimes you just have to


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Review #12, by NaidatheRavenclaw Prologue

12th May 2011:
Hello! I love reviewing prologues, because I get to give really nice comments because I can't critisize characters or plot yet, and I don't think I would have critisized yours even if it wasn't a prologue, just because your writing was so alluring. Often, with prologues, things can get too vague, but I think you had a sense of mystery without leaving me confused at the end. You descriptions are simply amazing! I am so jealous! Interesting idea too, very different. My favorite part was your writing yes, but the plot seemed interesting too. So great job on creating a sense of mystery, and with the descriptions! Really liked the start to this!

Author's Response: Thanks for the kind review. Hope you'll stick around and read more of it as it comes out.

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Review #13, by CrazyForYou After the Dream

5th May 2011:
Dang. A lot happened in that chapter, even if only a little bit was real...

I'm not sure if the first time he wakes up is a dream or if it's real. In fact, I'm not really sure how this relates to anything. I mean I can assume this is the mystery baby the Prologue mentioned, but no guarantees I'm right about that (because it's fanfiction, I'll give myself pretty good odds, but still...)

I've developed a liking for Iris because she's honest, something that doctors and nurses these days seem to lack. The fact that she's willing to talk to Cada is interesting because it means that she's either bored, genuinely nice, or has creepy ulterior motives. I'm thinking it's the first and second, hopefully not the third, but eh, anything can happen.

I appreciate the irony in the end about the sleeping draught haha. This kid is really clever.

I'm rather confused as to how they would know that Cada could talk.not really what I'd assume about someone who had just woken up for the very first time. Either there's some magical solution (doubtful) or it's a minor inconsistency (which can be easily fixed or just overlooked). Not a big deal.

I look forward to watching everything tie together more as well as getting introduced to more characters (the family!)

Well done and feel free to request again when you update!

Author's Response: that's two for you, excellent :)

I have a lot of love for Iris too, and its a bit sad we won't be seeing any more of her. Fear not though, there's plenty of more new folks in the works.

The sleeping draught joke was a bit of fun I just had to throw in.

As for Cada's strange ability to speak. I gave a pseudo explanation about his speaking in his sleep, and all is explained in later chapters. Have no fear.

Thanks for reading :)


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Review #14, by CrazyForYou Prologue

5th May 2011:
Interesting start! I haven't really been able to get a feel for the characters, but it sounds promising.

I must admit I went back and read the summary because I couldn't remember the setting and at first I thought this was set in the past. But I liked the rural feeling and the way the town and the Professor seem to have come out of a more archaic time. Of course, seeing as how it is only 5 years after the fall of Voldemort, I'd like to know just who these characters are. First impression is that the Professor is a lot like a Hagrid but maybe more childish if his sulking and such are anything to go by. He seems like a genuine man but rather forgetful (almost saying muggles as well as attempting to pay with knuts).

She seems to be more in control but at the same time she's rather at this beck and call. This relationship will be interesting to watch develop.

I'm intrigued by the end of this, getting to know more about Lynore, her relationship with the Professor, how the Ministry fits in and this child.

Nicely done!

Author's Response: Thanks for your review.

The prologue takes place ten years in the past, so its a bit weird. Look for a bit more about those two wizards and their journey up the hillside path later in the story.

Lots of fun in the works :)


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Review #15, by justonemorefic Prologue

4th May 2011:
Oooh, I like muchly! I love the way you set up the atmosphere and the characters. This kind of wizardy-old-time-pub setting, it's hard to pull off at times, especially the old-fashionedness of wizarding culture that gives it its charm. And also, I must applaud you for keeping up the accent of the Professor very well -- that's plenty tricky enough!

The dialogue in general, I was quite fond of it too! Flowed very well and I could sort of get a feel for the action going. The end, especially. I like how you presented the suspense :D

Great start!

Author's Response: Thanks a heap for your review. I think praise is the muse's best meal.

I'm glad you liked the story and hope you come back to it.


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Review #16, by Elizabeth Wolf After the Dream

4th May 2011:
Another great chapter. I'm very intrigued by all of this.

One question, though: How do you pronounce Cada's name? Is it Kay-Duh, Kah-dah, Ka-duh, or something else? Just curious.

Like Cada, I'm frustrated with the nurse. I wish she could have told him more! I suppose I'll learn in the next chapter, right?

Keep up the good work! :D

Author's Response: Pesky nurses won't tell you anything :P

It's Kay-Duh, an old English name that means "an orphaned animal or a lamb". I wanted an old sounding name with a good meaning and think it works.

I'm so glad you are enjoying reading. I enjoy writing it greatly, and have just finished a short break to write a short story about a Sirius/Neville bodyswap. I'll be refocusing myself on Chapter 3 now: "The Next Morning"


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Review #17, by orderofthephoenix After the Dream

4th May 2011:
A well written 'proper' first chapter! I was engaged all the way through and interested to learn about Cada's story.

I've read HP fanfiction stories before where characters have woken up after an accident or coma and discovered the Wizarding world they thought to be true, actually wasn't. I am looking forward to seeing how your story develops.

All in all, this is a great start to your first story. I will be interested to read further and see what happens next. You've got a good grasp of syntax too, which keeps your story interesting. :)

-Sophia

Author's Response: Thanks so much for your kind words. Believe me, the rest of the story is definitely in the works as Cada has so much to do in his first term. Look for loads of new characters too.

I decided on 5 years after the battle because it would be fresh and unfamiliar; the next generation has a few years to go before they get there.

Anyway, glad you enjoyed it.


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Review #18, by orderofthephoenix Prologue

4th May 2011:
Hey! I'm here for the Blue vs. Bronze. :)

You've made a good start to your story. You seem to be slowly developing your characters which is good. I'm so glad you didn't introduce many more characters in this chapter. It would have become too confusing!

The bold speech is a little distracting, and to be honest, doesn't need to be there. You can leave it as normal text; your readers will still be able to work out what is being spoken. I love how you wrote the Professor's speech in his native accent. It really helps to get to know the character. :)

The ending of the chapter has certainly left me intrigued about the baby.

Great start! :)

-Sophia

Author's Response: The bold speech is gone, or will be once re-validated. I took a lot of people's advice on that one. Look for more on Camilda and Grufflin in upcoming side chapters too. I plan on telling two stories that are one story.

I appreciate the review and hope you read more when it gets here. I've took a small break from Cada to write my Sirius/Neville body switching story) but I will be returning to it soon a it is kind of calling to me.

Thanks again.


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Review #19, by silverstarletworld89 Prologue

3rd May 2011:
This is a good start to your story =). It was a nice set up giving us a glimpse of what is yet to come in the story but not giving us too much so we are still kept wondering. I am curious about the child and who these people are, and I liked the way you portrayed their emotions and how familiar they are with each other, you didn't just tell us you showed us too =). I was just wondering, is there are reason why you put the speaking parts in bold? It kind of put me off a little bit, of course it is your story so you can do it however you like but I was just cruious as to why you did =).

Great Start!
Silverstarletworld

Author's Response: That was just a bad call on my part. I'll be fixing it a little at a time but the problem is the wait for validation. I've got like 6 chapters between two stories that need to be upped and am playing the waiting game like everyone else. Also revisions have to be re-validated, which is a necessary step, but a pain nonetheless.

Thanks so much for your review, nice words bolster the heart, free the mind, and make everything else a little more worthwhile :)


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Review #20, by Hyacinth Dursley After the Dream

3rd May 2011:
Sorry it took me so long to pop by and leave a review. :( I've been busy writing up a storm for one of my other stories. I've learned when the muse visits go with it. Now on to you.

First things first, An excellent premise and engaging beginning. I can see improvement even from the epilogue to the first 'real' chapter. You seem to become more sure of where you're going with the story and how you're going to get there. :) There's an nice little mystery hook to start people with and to keep them coming back to find out what's going to happen. The paragraphs are well formed and very few grammatical mistakes. The descriptions are well done without being overly detailed. All in all I'd definitely grade this an O for Outstanding. It's hard to believe this is a first effort, it's very well done.

Now this is just a suggestion, but I wouldn't bold your spoken comments. It's a good way to make sure people know that those are being said aloud, but it can be distracting when reading to have the font changing so often. Especially when you get to longer comments or conversations. Otherwise it's great, obviously thought out with a nice flow and good pacing. I am very much looking forward to reading more and seeing where you take it.

Hope to see more from you soon!

Author's Response: I appreciate the review, and am glad you liked it. I liked your story a lot, so your kind words are very encouraging :)

Reviewing my stories, I have found that you might just be right about the bold. I'll have to fix that later.


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Review #21, by Elizabeth Wolf Prologue

28th April 2011:
Nice start. Very descriptive. I really want to know what happens next! I look forward to more! :)

Author's Response: Chapter 1 is in the process of being validated, I'll throw you a link when its up.

Thanks for your review :)


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