Reading Reviews for Victory
  
47 Reviews Found

Review #1, by peppersweet I've found you.

1st January 2014:
Hattieee! Iíve been meaning to read this for a while, so Iíve arrived here for day 6 of the 12 days of reviewing challenge.

I have to confess that, when I started reading this, I assumed Victoire was narrating it - I only made the Teddy connection in chapter two! But it made for some great mental images in the meantime. I will not let that detract from the creepiness of the fic, however.

Loved this line: For a moment, I am in pain. I revel in the fact that it is not caused by you. - as an initial introduction to their relationship, anyway!

I really like the bit where Teddy points out that he can change physically very easily, whereas Victoire can change her personality or thoughts with the same relative ease as her Ďbeauty remains constantí. I, er, donít have anything deep to say about it, I just think itís a really interesting comparison.

Itís ironic how the child born at the end of an old war gave birth to a new one. - also love this line. So! Much!!

The rhythm of this fic is excellent; it feels like a constant, rolling beat as Teddy walks. Iím not sure if I read it right, but I got the feeling that there was a weird sort of timescale going on here, specifically in chapter 5 when Teddy talked about his relationship with the other girl. It seemed to be over so quickly that I reasoned that the fic is set in a sped-up version of Teddyís life; instead of being a moment of him running to actually hunt out Victoire, itís more of a metaphor for his process of getting over her after the end of their relationship. I mean, I might be so wrong - I am very hungover and tired today and not reading stuff right (happy 2014!!) - but itís the feeling I get. But wait!! Victoire is in Azkaban? Sheís an actual murderer? I THOUGHT THESE WERE JUST METAPHORS HATTIE WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY EMOTIONS. I also might be wrong about the timescale thing. Heís not getting over her!! Not at all!! HEíS SWIMMING IN THE NORTH SEA NOT GETTING OVER HER!!!

Dude. Wow. That ending. All the way through this fic I just assumed it was about a creepy Teddy, you know? And nowÖI know better.

Okay, seriously, well done, Hatz. After reading this last chapter I can see how tightly constructed and put-together this is. Itís melodramatic, but in the best possible way, and I definitely didnít see the end coming (I just assumed that when he mentioned she killed people, he meant likeÖmetaphorically? By breaking their hearts? Because Iím naive and too innocent for this world?). Brilliant job!

p.s happy new year! ♥ ♥ ♥

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Review #2, by blackballet I sense you.

18th August 2013:
This is so great! I love the sense (no pun intended) of anonymity, because that's how I write as well. I love no dialogue, and I cant believe you've written such a beautiful chapter without it. This definitely deserves the best written title from what I can see so far.

I think the fact that your MC keeps referring to the person as you instead of him/her also makes it feel like we are in the story. I know I found myself very immersed.

Great job!

blackballet

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Review #3, by amandatonks I sense you.

16th July 2013:
This is so beautifully written! I love your imagery. It's almost poetic! I can practically feel the pain she's feeling. It's raw and open and vulnerable...it's the kind of emotion that makes a truly good story. It makes the reader really connect. And I think sensing that pain is what makes this story so sad and yet so beautiful at the same time. I love that this is first person because you pulled it off wonderfully, and I think it's what makes a story so personal. I can't wait to see the next chapters! Amazing job!

Author's Response: Thank you so much for all your lovely comments! :D I'm really happy that you enjoyed and connected with the story so much - even though the prose is a bit purple and a bit flowery and even I can't understand it sometimes.

Thanks again for reviewing!


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Review #4, by patronus_charm I've found you.

9th June 2013:
Ah this story was amazing! This last chapter was probably the one which blew me mind both in regards to the plot and to the level of writing. I canít even think of anything to say it was just so brilliant ♥

I sort of guessed that he was swimming to Azkaban. I think it was just the descriptions of it and it reminded me that Sirius did that too and I was glad to see that I was proved correct. Ah Teddy! You gave into Victoireís power again. I honestly thought he was going to do something to her at least shout and I think it was due to this line ĎAnd suddenly I am made of steelí and I thought that he had finally realised what Victoire was really like.

Iím kind of glad that Teddy didnít kill or injure her, because despite both of them being mentally unstable Victoire more so, I would like to think that Teddy would still have a little bit of humanity to prevent it from happening. That being said, I still canít believe that he just fell back under her charm but that just shows what a strong power she held over him.

The ending was so shocking! First of all I almost couldnít believe that Victoire actually killed her lover. I didnít realise that her love for abusing power stretched that far and my sympathy I sort of held for her has almost disappeared after that revelation. But she still makes herself seem innocent with this ĎďI wanted...Ē you stutter, and the sign of weakness surprises me, ďI wanted to see what it would be like.Ēí Iím still so confused about whether I should feel sorry for her or not!

Then Victoire pushed Teddy off the cliff! Why? Why? I guess she just used the same reasoning for killing the other man by saying she wanted to see what it would feel like. One thing that I found curious about the ending is Teddyís almost understanding that this was going to happen. I guess it relates back to the theme of Victoireís love being intoxicating so it was either death or carrying on loving her.

Wow this story was just amazing and Iím so glad that I tagged you in the Ravenclaw tag, because I wouldnít have wanted to miss out on such an amazing story! ♥

-Kiana

Author's Response: Ahhh, these reviews are amazing, I think you mean! Thank you so much! I really wasn't expecting this level of analysis and praise when I went into the RRT - so thank you so much! You far surpassed my expectations!

You know, I always forget /why/ I wrote that Teddy swam to Azkaban. Looking back on it, it seems a little silly, a little unbelievable - but that connection with Sirius (him being a 'dog' too) makes it all make sense, so thank you so much!

Like I said before, I think that Teddy is only obsessed with Victoire, whereas Victoire is only obsessed with his obsession, if you get me. I don't think that makes sense for anyone but me, but hopefully it'll work. It's very dark, and Teddy's a bit crazy, so I wanted my writing to reflect that. It is very different to all the fluffy TedVics out there. She changed. He changed her into a werewolf thing, like him, so he fell in love with her all over again because they were finally on the same level. But then.. dun dun dun... she rearranged the power struggle so she was back on top of it. Superior, and all that.

Yeah, Victoire's crazy. She kills everyone. She's a bit mental. I actually love that line you pointed out - all of Victoire's dialogue is so unpredictable, I think, and at times quite cliche.

Metaphorical deaths are always fun - lots of burning souls and longing looks and over-pretentious grasping onto someone as the breath leaves them. But real deaths are more fun. I love my body counts and this story has... three, I think. Maybe more. Victoire might have gone cray cray elsewhere.

Thanks for the review! Really, thank you so much, Kiana!


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Review #5, by patronus_charm You were wrong.

9th June 2013:
I almost thought that the person approaching Teddy was Dom due to the differences yet her being similar to the memories of Victoire. It was only when he started talking about moving I realised it was in fact Victoire. I really liked the mystery that surrounded their meeting as it matched what Teddyís been thinking of her so far.

Itís strange how Iíve got used to thinking of Victoire as this almost demon like person due to the flashbacks and Teddyís thoughts about her, yet when we get around to actually meeting her she doesnít feel like that. In fact, she seems to be rather innocent and it was due to the way she said hullo. Ah Iím so confused about my feelings towards Victoire but I suppose itís a good thing as I can relate to Teddyís actions towards her then.

Itís almost as if Teddy views Victoire as two different people. Thereís the one in the present and who weíve just seen and he seemed to be able to bear her then. Then after she left there was this line ĎAnd now I am alone, and searching for you.í and it made me wonder was he searching for himself or perhaps another version of Victoire different to the one we had just seen. I usually donít like ambiguity but it really worked well here.

Ok I did not anticipate the ending. Now that Teddyís jumped it makes sense to me as he had been showing signs throughout the story that he was psychotic and I suppose thatís why heís drawn to Victoire as sheís psychotic too. Ah Iím going to have to read on and find out whether he died or not!

-Kiana

Author's Response: You were right the first time! Sorry! It was actually Dom, but you could infer as anyone who /wasn't/ Victoire. I know, I'm sorry. This was my first time writing in this waffly, slightly flowery style, and the thing I was most worried about was whether the readers would even understand what was going on - vague metaphors and ridiculous imagery can sometimes means nobody has a clue what's going on. I was worried about this.

Sorry about that! I love ambiguity, so I thought I'd go a bit mental with it. No names. No nothing. Just excess amounts of flowery language and annoyingly pretentious choppy sentences and Roman numerals and repeated, italicised sections.

Sorry, sorry, sorry! Thanks for the review though!


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Review #6, by patronus_charm I'll miss you.

6th June 2013:
Hello there!

I really, really loved this chapter! First of all, it feels as if weíre going to meet Victoire soon. It was mainly due to Teddy deciding to begin running and I suppose heís running to her. I really canít wait to see that confrontation as both of their personalities are so volatile and extreme almost that I canít predict what may happen when they do finally meet in the present.

I didnít think that their relationship could get any more complex but it did. It seems as if Teddy and Victoire almost have this magnetic pull to one another and even though they feel such intense feelings for one another, both good and bad ones, they canít leave. It was shown when even though Teddy saw Victoire with another man he still stayed watching and even though it was hurting him it was as if he didnít have the strength to leave her.

Your descriptions in that scene were amazing ♥ They all flowed so brilliantly and had such wonderful imagery that it was almost like poetry. I really liked this Ďexposing your white skin, your shieldĎ as it kind of showed how many insecurities Victoire has and that sheís hiding so much about herself one would never really know what sheís thinking.

Even though I should hate Victoire as it should be my natural reaction thereís still something there which pulls me to. I think itís the way youíve made her so tortured and vulnerable I want to get to the root of the problem and find out whatís causing her to act like that before judging her. I really love reading tortured Victoire though; itís a lot more fun than happy Victoire!

Gah this line Ď"If you loved me, you'd understand."í It was so powerful and showed how twisted her mind set is. I canít even come to a conclusion about what she could be meaning as her idea of reality is so warped at times. My only reasoning is that Teddy didnít love her so it caused her to do this so she could feel the love she never got.

I adored this chapter ♥

-Kiana

Author's Response: Hello there too!

I know - it's exciting stuff! It was great to write this massive build up until they finally meet. There's been so much mention and description of Victoire that readers are itching to finally meet her, to see whether it's just Teddy being a biased, unreliable narrator or whether she's genuinely crazy. I guess you'll find out which one is right soone nough!

I really wanted readers to have a better sense of the characters as the writing style means that descriptions and introductions and backstories are all left out, and I hoped this narrative did that. I needed to show their unhealthy relationship - Victoire is a monster (her mother's got Veela blood, her father was bitten by a werewolf) and Teddy keeps wanting to get revenge. He has these dark, angry thoughts but then when he sees her, he can't help but fall under her charms.

Ughhh - I never think I can get the balance between too much/too little description right. Especially with this style, you need to get it right; it's very simple, very condensed in some places, and sometimes I just find myself describing the colour of Victoire's lips or the paleness of her skin or the moonlight and the shadows. Emotions are more difficult, more complex.

Dialogue can sometimes ruin things, so I kept it considerably low key. A lot of the spoken lines are actually quite simple and sometimes cliche, but I think it works - especially when she dumps him. I had to restrain myself to not put in 'it's not you, it's me'.

Thanks for reviewing, again! I'm so flattered!


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Review #7, by patronus_charm I love you.

3rd June 2013:
Hello there, Iím back :D

I really liked how we got to see even more of Teddy and Victoireís relationship in this chapter and itís almost abusive and trying to overpower one another. Victoire so coldly manipulates peopleís emotions and she doesnít even seem to be phased by it. I think itís the way she views herself as something that should be worshipped, almost bordering on the idea of being a deity. It was the comment about how everyone would be beautiful and she would then be worthless which really showed it.

The control of power comes in what she says about others and what she makes others say about herself. It was the shock of Teddyís when heís complimented which really stood out to me, because one would assume that if theyíre dating they would have exchanged compliments and that really highlighted the division of power between the two. Then there was Victoire assuming that Teddy would jump off the cliff with her. She said it so simply it was as if she couldnít comprehend what she was fully asking of him.

Iím intrigued about which man Victoire supposedly killed and the reason why. I have a feeling that Teddy may be talking about his former self when he talked about it, but I suppose I wonít find out until later on so Iíll just have fun with my hypothesising.

One thing I really like and which is really effective is the striking difference between the flashbacks and the present. In the flashbacks Victoireís the dominant one, the one who power whereas Teddy is fully under her control and it seems as if heís in love with her. in the present it seems to be the reverse and itís so different itís hard to almost connect the two together.

Another amazing chapter, and your writing blew me away yet again ♥

-Kiana

Author's Response: Hello Kiana! Thanks for coming back again!

Victoire is a bit crazaaay. She's obsessed with her own and other's immortality - hence the obsession with killing herself and others. She thinks she is an angel. She looks like one, Teddy treats her like one. She obviously doesn't fit anywhere on earth because of her psychopathic tendencies. She is incapable of love, but does love Teddy. She talks about him as if he is merely her companion, someone to keep her company.

I think it's so shocking that Teddy had been complimented because he's always the one telling her how beautiful she is, and she becomes obsessed with that as well. In some ways, it's almost his fault that this happened - he shouldn't have encouraged her with his words, with the way he always admired her beauty. They are both monsters. Victoire has Veela blood in her, as well as her father having some werewolf symptoms. In short, they are both monsters. His is more instinctive - the werewolf cannot control his own actions like when he is in his human form - whereas Victoire is much more a praying mantis/black widow sort of a girl. Vicious, manipulative. A cow. I think that's why they clung to each other, in a way.

Ehehe... I guess you'll have to find out about that.

With regards to the structure of the story: usually I focus more on the plot and, even though I think it's important that the story is well written, writing style usually takes second place. I wanted to try something different. In this story, the plot and writing are so closely interwoven, because I wanted to make Teddy's narration as realistic as possible. It's a lot short, choppy sentences because the rhythm flows wells with the way he's running, and he's obvo thinking of Victoire, so there's some flashbacks/memories thrown in as well.

Thanks for reviewing!


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Review #8, by patronus_charm You have me.

2nd June 2013:
This chapter blew me away again. Your writing really is phenomenal and Iím sitting here feel amazed and very envious of it ;)

Teddyís feelings regarding Victoire are so complex and well developed Iím sitting here confused as to what he really feels about her. In the present he says ĎI am the hunter.Ď and that appeared to be rather possessive and made me wonder why he wanted to hunt her and then he referred to her as the victim and it got me even more worried about what heís planning on doing to her.

The first few flashbacks were really great and despite them only being a sentence or two they still left such a big impact on me. Teddy didnít seem to abhor her as much as he currently does in those ones though the idea as to why her lips should be red instead of pink made me wonder why. The only idea I could come up with is that red is usually associated with danger and Victoire is a danger to Teddy.

The main flashback at the end was brilliant, as it revealed so much about both of them. First the whole issue with Victoire being so blunt and cold really chilled me and I really want to know why she acts like this and then the next part was the most chilling/shocking/gah worthy part of the chapter. Victoireís really confusing me because when Teddy complimented her beauty she appeared to be pleased about it with her confident tone and then for her to wish that she could be ugly made me wonder whether something happened to her in regards to her looks or whether she was treated differently because of them.

This was another amazing chapter and I hope to get to the rest of the story :D

-Kiana

Author's Response: Aaah thank you for your lovely comments, and thank you so much for coming back to review the other chapters! :D

And that's the point - you're meant to be confused by what they actually feel for each other. I'd like to think of this as love/hate gone terribly awry, both of them pulling and pushing at each other. Both are equally possessive of each other, I think - but Victoire /can/ go off and meet other men, and still have this hold over Teddy.

You're completely right about the red/pink lips scenario - with red being associated with danger, and how dangerous Victoire is to Teddy (and possibly the other way around). The fact that her lips were pink when she was younger also suggests that she was more innocent and then grew darker and more dangerous or something. I don't know, I just wrote it.

I think you're right about being treated differently because of her looks - I didn't really know what I was trying to say with that 'ugly' bit, but I thought it felt right because it was the unpredictable answer and Victoire /is/ unpredictable. Throughout the story, Victoire is completely obsessed with how she looks and how other people should, or do, react to her and her beauty. Teddy constantly refers to it as her shield because she hides behind it.

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR REVIEWING AGAIN!


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Review #9, by patronus_charm I sense you.

2nd June 2013:
Iíve always wanted to read a dark Teddy/Victoire story so when I saw this on your page I got really excited and Iím so glad that I did read it as it really blew me away.

The detail of your descriptions was amazing and Iím still sitting here revelling despite it being several minutes since I finished reading it. You really took care when choosing what to say and each bit fitted together perfectly. I really loved this line ĎOur first meeting haunts my memory, like some obstinate ghost.í Gah I loved nearly every line in this but it wouldnít fit in the review box if I quoted everything.

I really loved how complex you made Teddy and Victoireís relationship, and how bitter you made Teddy as Iíve never seen that done before and I loved it! He talks about how he had no one and was isolated, so it got me thinking about Andromeda and Harry and where were they and what caused him to feel like that and I loved it because the best stories, in my opinion, are the ones where I ask a lot of questions after reading it.

The structure of this was brilliant. I really enjoyed those single line sentences interspersed with the flowing paragraphs as it made really interesting to read and I felt that I connected a lot more with Teddyís emotions in those parts. Then they increased more and more throughout the chapter almost showing Teddyís discontent with life and Victoire and I hate sitting here and not knowing why.

Ok I couldnít help but not quote this two lines as I really did love them ĎOf course, in the light, you were in your element. I was at my weakest.Ď and ā I taste victory on the winds. I sense you.Ď. I really loved the first as it sort of brought up the idea of the full moon and how he was a werewolf and then the second was really great as the idea of him being able to sense and taste suggested that he held really strong emotions for her and it made me want to know the cause of them.

That was an absolutely amazing first chapter and Iím definitely going to carry on reading this, exam permitting! ♥

-Kiana

Author's Response: I've taken a while to respond to these long and luscious reviews because I'm worried my answers won't be up to scratch! I'm so happy you chose to review this story!

I was really worried about uploading this story to the archive, merely because I'm not sure if I like it - it's so different to my other stories, so different to my usual style that I was wary about its reception. It's a bit purplely, and a bit flowery - but I'm so glad you think that's it's good, that really encourages me to write of this sort of thing.

I've wanted to write about Teddy and Victoire, just because (I think) there was this assumption that they would always end up together and Teddy would become a Weasley (I would read 'One and Only' if I were you because it deals with this assumption). Plus they're both so pretty, and also a bit monstrous - Victoire's a bit Veela, plus Bill's a bit werewolf, and Lupin was a werewolf. I loved exploring that bit of their personalities.

Really? The structure? I think that was the bit I was most worried about, just because the flow of the story seemed to stop and start so much... so I'm really glad about your feedback, thank you so much! I love how you've analysed this - I had never really thought about it like that.

Thank you so much for reviewing and for all your lovely comments!


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Review #10, by HPG You have me.

29th October 2012:
Oh it's Teddy Lupin talking with Victoire.

*Yes I didn't look at the characters *

Author's Response: That probably would have helped :) Thanks for reviewing though!

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Review #11, by HPG I sense you.

29th October 2012:
Hmm.is she talking about who i think she i talking about?

Author's Response: Yes. Thanks for reviewing!

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Review #12, by Cirque Du Freak I sense you.

4th July 2012:
SO I'M FINALLY REVIEWING THIS BECAUSE ITS JUST TOO GOOD.

So you've started this off so wonderfully. You come up with this simple and totally strange first sentence where you infer something but then double-back and then change into something completely different to what the reader is expecting and I absolutely LOVED that. This has such a beautifully poetic tone to it. Honestly, the words just melt and glide and flit with each other - intertwining into this huge ribbon-y thingy that I just...can't even. iaofjhfsjk.

Okay before I completely lose my mind let me offer you a little bit of critique:

"alone if hadnít been for you." -- there should be an 'it' after 'if'.

Towards the middle (and a little after), I feel, that there are too many commas. Some of them are needed, but I think if you'll look over it again you'll see you don't see many of them.

"your lips taught" -- I think you meant 'taut' here.


And, erm, I think that's it for now. :P

"The ground swoops up beneath me and catches me achingly. The concrete embraces me and I am left, stranded and abandoned, in the open." -- these two lines are love on a platter. They are my absolute favourite our of the whole chapter. I am a sucker for personification and you've been doing SO well with it!

I love the small simplicity of the sentence 'That was a little white lie' because that's when all the thought processes mould together and he snaps and he's just all ssbisdueynjd. This is when my thought process and just general vocabulary go out of the window completely.

I just love the difference between human!Teddy and erm not-so-human!Teddy ahah. It was a surprise and it was so good and you left so much to the imagination and the visual aspects are so amazing.

Okay seriously I'm just fan-girling so hard over this and I really can't say anything else because I am so speechless.

I adore the last paragraph as well its just so wow and Teddy morphing into this other person and usually people who want to do something to get back at other people never really do it or just don't mean it. There's this weakness in them and Teddy no longer has it.

The last line is just so chilling and brilliant and argh you make me love Teddy even more. (':

Okay so enough before I... yeah, I'm not sure how this review could get anymore irrelevent and fan-girly, paha.

Hanzi xxx

Author's Response: Aaw, thank you so much!

It is poetic but it is so ambiguous. Sorry about that! I love ambiguity, so I thought I'd go a bit mental with it. No names. No nothing. Just excess amounts of flowery language and annoyingly pretentious choppy sentences and Roman numerals and repeated, italicised sections. Heh, apparently you like it.

I was a little scared about posting this. It's very different to everything I've ever written: the writing and the plot are so closely intertwined that I felt huge pressure about word choice, sentence structure, even formatting and paragraphs. It's very dark, and Teddy's a bit crazy, so I wanted my writing to reflect that. It is very different to all the fluffy TedVics out there.

Oooh, thank you! I will go back in and edit those. Thanks for pointing them out!

I genuinely looked at ssbisdueynjd for a while because I thought it was a real word. I was all like 'what is she trying to say?' but then I realised it was a good old-fashioned KEYBOARD SMASH! Haha, I'm glad you feel that way about this story.

Teddy keeps wanting to get revenge. He has these dark, angry thoughts but then when he sees her, he can't help but fall under her charms.

Thank you so much for the review!


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Review #13, by jen I've found you.

5th March 2012:
I love this!! Well done!

Author's Response: Aaw, thank you!

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Review #14, by Serendipity1234 I've found you.

4th March 2012:
I really liked reading this. It's very different and dramatic. I love the way you phrase things with such intense adjectives and the haunting tone of it all.
But while most of it is fuzzy in a good way -mysterious, and whatnot- the end is so hazy that I'm not quite sure what happened...
I think she pushed him? I wasn't sure at first if she jumped too or if he jumped of his own accord with just some help from her...had he planned to jump? Or did he just give in and allow her to push him?
One thing I did like about the end was the small sense of closure.

Author's Response: Victoire pushed Teddy off the cliff/island/Azkaban. She's just loca like that. Teddy knew that it would always end on her terms, I think, and so he sort of let it happen. Thanks for reading and reviewing! :D

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Review #15, by Serendipity1234 You were wrong.

4th March 2012:
This is really well done. I like the mystery and dramatics. The haunting descriptions are beautiful as well :)
I'm confused, though. I think I've been following so far, that it's a story about Teddy and Victoire, but did Victoire ACTUALLY kill the guy she cheated with? And she's locked in an asylum or prison?
Or was that meant figuratively? Because it seemed like it could have been figurative until I got to the part where she was locked up...I don't see how that can't be literal.

Author's Response: Ehehe... the vagueness and the mystery and the dramatics does get to you in the end and now you don't really know what is going on! Ahahaha!

But seriously, you're right on track. Victoire killed that guy and now she's in Azkaban. It's literal!

Thanks for reviewing!


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Review #16, by In The Shadows I Dwell You have me.

22nd February 2012:
Hi,
It's InTheShadowsIDwell back again for your second review, sorry it's taken so long to get around to, I've been swamped in work for the past month. Let me start by saying that I absolutely love the narration style, it's perfect and somewhat haunting to read him reflecting on the relationship in such a way, the second person perspective works well for this story, it gives it a very unique and kind of I guess, creepy feeling as you read. The fact that Victoire is being portrayed as almost this evil, villain type character is also really intriguing, because we are actually getting glimpses at how the relationship has formed.

I absolutely love the level of detail you give with this story, it's the perfect amount and leaves us with enough to wonder what is going to happen next while making the reader want more, the descriptions, the same, perfect. I love the description you put into Victoire and her actions, because they really give me, as a reader a good sense of her character and how she behaves, also the dialogue between her and Teddy works well because it reveals a lot about their relationship and the way that behind her beauty there is something much less so hiding beneath the surface.

Overall, I absolutely love this piece, I still remember the first chapter so clearly even though it's been over a month since I last read it, it's just so intense. I find it particularly interesting that Victoire wants to be ugly, although I'm not entirely sure why at this point, I only have my suspicions, but I find it incredibly interesting. There are so many lines I wish to mention that were particularly interesting, but I fear that if I actually start to mention them, I'll be writing forever, there are so many, that in so few words give us as readers so much information, but in particular, 'You define nature, not refine it.' really caught my attention.

I think you're doing a brilliant job with this story, it reads so perfectly that I really didn't want to stop, even to review. I look forward to finishing reading it in the future!

~ Ash

Author's Response: Hi - I'll respond to this amazing review later. And by that I mean a year and four months later. I'm so sorry, so don't you apologise for being late in leaving it.

I was a little scared about posting this. It's very different to everything I've ever written: the writing and the plot are so closely intertwined that I felt huge pressure about word choice, sentence structure, even formatting and paragraphs. It's very dark, and Teddy's a bit crazy, so I wanted my writing to reflect that. It is very different to all the fluffy TedVics out there. I really wanted them to have a better sense of the characters as the writing style means that descriptions and introductions and backstories are all left out, and I hoped this narrative did that. I needed to show their unhealthy relationship - Victoire is a monster (her mother's got Veela blood, her father was bitten by a werewolf) and Teddy keeps wanting to get revenge. He has these dark, angry thoughts but then when he sees her, he can't help but fall under her charms.

Really? Detail? This was my first time writing in this waffly, slightly flowery style, and the thing I was most worried about was whether the readers would even understand what was going on - vague metaphors and ridiculous imagery can sometimes means nobody has a clue what's going on.

Thank you so much for the review! Thank you, thank you, thank you!


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Review #17, by In The Shadows I Dwell I sense you.

9th January 2012:
Hi!
It's Ash from the forums here with your reviews! Let me start by saying your level of detail is absolutely fantastic! I absolutely love detail and the attention you have given in this particular chapter is amazing. It was easy to picture this scene, and your writing was amazing from start to finish. The second person perspective works well for this piece, it certainly created a strong connection with me as I was reading and that's always a good thing, and having it from Teddy's perspective works extremely well as I'm definitely interested to see where this goes. I've never particularly seen Victoire portrayed as some sort of monster but it makes sense the way you have written it. It's clear that it's an unhealthy relationship in a lot of ways, and I really think you've captured this well across this entire chapter.

I really can't fault anything about this chapter, and I really see very few areas where I believe it could be improved - certainly something rare to see when reading. The style of writing certainly works for you, I was amazed as a reader how effortlessly it seemed to flow, and the chapter passed by before I knew it, and I was definitely left wanting to read more. The last words were particularly haunting and left the reader with a sense of what was happening and what is to come in later chapters, and it seems to give a particular insight into the mind of Teddy that despite everything he is searching for her, stopping her from escaping. The only area I could possibly suggest perhaps changing a little is making it a little more clear who the narrator is as it did take me a while to figure out who it was, but it was made more clear towards the end so it's not a massive issue at all really, it was really the only thing I noticed overall.

You have created a really interesting beginning to this fic, and it's extremely well written. It's dark and it presents a ship that I've read quite a bit of in an entirely unique way, it's interesting that you've portrayed Teddy as half werewolf, but it's in a way which seems possible and is certainly believable considering it is the first I've read of such a thing happening to him. I think overall this is an excellent beginning to what sounds like it's going to be an extremely interesting story. Despite not having seen Victoire yet, you've given the reader enough information to draw some conclusions about her personality as well as Teddy's and I really can't wait to see what they are like if he manages to find her.

This was a great start to your story, it's hauntingly written and I'm sure it will stay with me for some time long after I've finished it! Keep up the amazing work!

~ Ash

Author's Response: Hi Ash!

Sorry it has taken me so long to reply to this amazing review! Really, it's been almost eight months - just blame my massive lack of productivity and my amazing procrastination skills. But here I am, finally, to respond to this amazing review - hopefully I will do it justice.

Really? Detail? This was my first time writing in this waffly, slightly flowery style, and the thing I was most worried about was whether the readers would even understand what was going on - vague metaphors and ridiculous imagery can sometimes means nobody has a clue what's going on. I was worried about that with this - but also making the mistake of revealing things too soon in the first chapter. Eh, confusing.

I love writing in second person perspective - it's definitely fancier, and I think, and the story seems to flow better. It engages the reader more, so I'm so glad you like it and think it works! I really wanted them to have a better sense of the characters as the writing style means that descriptions and introductions and backstories are all left out, and I hoped this narrative did that. I needed to show their unhealthy relationship - Victoire is a monster (her mother's got Veela blood, her father was bitten by a werewolf) and Teddy keeps wanting to get revenge. He has these dark, angry thoughts but then when he sees her, he can't help but fall under her charms.

Thank you so much for your lovely comments, I'm so happy you didn't see any mistakes and you liked the style of writing - really, thank you so much, you're too kind. I worked hard on the endings to the chapters to make sure they didn't give too much away, and left the readers wanting more. I'll have to look about the narrator thing - I can understand where you're coming from - and edit it up.

Thank you so much for the review! It really is so wonderful!


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Review #18, by iheartzuko I'll miss you.

24th September 2011:
Oh, one review until thirty? okay ;)

One thing I would have liked to see in this chapter was them being more /together/ (not in a romantic sense, but more of a friendish or /them/ sense) but I knew that wasn't going to happen, so it's alright. The way this chapter specifically is written is practically mind-blowing.

I'm extremely jealous of the way you can add in dialogue without it becoming tedious or irreverent. Somehow, you make the talking seem more like an extension of his thoughts than anything. It's absolutely incredible.

The way he pulls himself away from her is perfect, because we all knew it was going to have to happen eventually.
"And then you are gone and I am free of you."
This line is my favorite in this chapter. It's poetic, and it sums up pretty much the whole story to this point in eleven words, which is quite the feat.

I can almost feel the /pain/ in this line, speaking through Teddy's thoughts.

-Brielle :)

Author's Response: Oh, only a month since you left this review? My apologies.

I really, really wanted to write them having a massive kiss sesh (well not /really/, but I understand what you mean about having them more together and /in love/) but I thought it would be better - seeing as the story is narrated from Teddy's point of view - if she still retained some sort of distance, that there wasn't /closeness/ between them.

The dialogue was a challenge. I didn't want it to overpower anything, especially the description, so it turned out a little short and simple and in some places, a little cliche (see the chapter where she dumps him). I wanted it to merge with the writing, and I'm glad you liked it.

Well, he says he is /free/ of her, but is he really? Victoire doesn't seem like the type of person who would /really/ let Teddy go. All her ex-boyfriends/lovers are probably still infatuated with her, and she could probably skip back to them and they would accept her in a heartbeat. I'm glad you like that line though - it was a bit of a summary, ending line, sorta thaaang.

Thanks for the lovely, lovely review!


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Review #19, by rich_blonde marauder23 I've found you.

5th September 2011:
Hellooo! :)

So, the first thought I had when I started to read this was: "Grrr, Victoire pisses me off." Because, well, let's face it- I'm sure she pisses pretty much everyone off.

And THEN I was like WOAH because of all the metaphors and all the angst and drama and darkness. It was intense, to say the least. But you really captured their emotions well, and I thought that was great.

I liked how you based this story off of Teddy coming to her, running to her, and how you added memories and other images to that. It was fantastic!

At first I thought Teddy was going to Azkaban to save her, but, I dunno anymore! It was all so confusing. Was he going to kill her? Teddy hated her, yet loved her.

I'm happy Victoire apparently changed in the end, but she still KILLED HIM! I mean, what a crazy woman! What is UP with her? She is definitely one crazy girl. I didn't exactly like her for that too- she lured Teddy in and then used him. Ugh.

This story was very dark, and I really liked that you kept it that way until the end.

All in all, amazing story and characterization!

Oh, and one question. Is Victoire a VAMPIRE? Because he kept on saying how she had blood on her lips and how she was always the predator. I dunno, maybe that's just me. Is Victoire just plain crazy? Cause she still murdered him in the end, and he let her! HE LET HER. Freaking crazy people.

10/10

xxx sofia! :)

PS Is Victoire's family dead or something? Because she kept on saying something about going to them, coming back to be an angel with them. I dunno anymore!

Author's Response: Victoire IS one of those 'grrr' characters I think, but that's only when I read her in fics where she magically appears in Teddy's bed after a heavy night of drinking or when she's pregnant with her babies. I always have this fascination with people you are perfect and beautiful - like they need to be dirtied or ruined in order for them to face the world.

In this one, Victoire is just psycho, really. So is Teddy, a little bit, because he fell in love with it.

This is pretty intense, yeah. The style is the most different thing I've ever tried - it's second person present tense, which is such a challenge to write.

TEDDY'S COMING TO GET YOU. To be honest, I wouldn't mind in the slightest...

At first, yeah, he was coming to hurt/kill her. She'd betrayed him and killed her other lover, so he was pretteh angreh. He loved her, yes, which gave him the power and the determination, as well as his werewolf-ish tendencies, to get that far and also swim to Azkaban. Who does that? Teddy does.

She changed. He changed her into a werewolf thing, like him, so he fell in love with her all over again because they were finally on the same level. But then.. dun dun dun... she rearranged the power struggle so she was back on top of it. Superior, and al that.

No, Victoire is not a vampire. Too much like Twilight then, what with Teddy being temperature hot and physically hot and a werewolf who is related to the Blacks... ?? She's just psycho, really/

THANKS FOR THE LOVELY COMMENTS. YOU MADE MY DAY! THANKS FOR READING AND REVIEWING!

P.S. No, they aren't dead. She thinks she's more beautiful than them, so she's an 'angel' and wants to return to heaven where 'she belongs'. She cray.


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Review #20, by SiriuslyPeeved I sense you.

11th August 2011:
This is gorgeously written and haunting -- I'm not going to forget it easily! It's a feat to take a character who is so well loved in the fandom and turn him into something to be feared -- bravo. I'll be reading more as time permits.

Author's Response: Thanks so much for your lovely comments: glad you like it. I'm quite proud of this little fic.

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Review #21, by Toujours Padfoot I've found you.

6th July 2011:
:O

WHOANESS.

???

!!!

She totally killed him! She killed him. He swam all the way to Azkaban to kill her and once he got there, he was STILL too weak to kill her. Just one look from Victoire, and he's back under her spell.

I will mollify myself by believing that since he had touched her throat just before she pushed him, perhaps he grabbed onto her and pulled her down with him.

Victoire has got a powerful hold on Teddy.

This was an amazing read, Hattie. You really have a gift with writing, and I am very glad that I read this.

MUCH LOVE

:)

Author's Response: :O

HELLO SARAH.

???

!!!

Yeah, she totally killed him. It was epic and mental and totally crazaaay. But that's Victoire - she's a total monster, especially after Teddy 'changed' her into the strange quasi-werewolf that he is. She's also got Veela blood and a bit of werewolf blood from her dad, so... YEAH SHE'S MENTAAAL. Originally, they were both going to commit suicide, but that's a bit ToS dodgy and I think that this ending is a bit more... MENTAAAL, because there isn't enough of it.

Thank you so much for all your lovely comments, Sarah. ILY xxx ♥


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Review #22, by Toujours Padfoot You were wrong.

6th July 2011:
I am running again, now. I am as fast as lightning, and ready to burn you.

BURN HER!

Gahh, why did he jump?! NO, TEDDY. YOU MUST FLY UP THERE SOMEHOW AND GO BURN HER. He can't kill himself! It will only please her because she is sadistic!

As always, this chapter was fantastic. I loved every piece of it; Teddy's desperate longing to be rid of her, to get Victoire's claws out of his soul, Victoire's explosion of red lips and sick obsessions with perfection and what she wants from herself and for herself...and the list goes on and on. I would quote the whole chapter back to you, but that might get kind of repetitive.

This is gorgeous writing, lovely.

:)

Author's Response: Burn. BURNING.

A little cliff-hanger for you all. Well, a quite possibly literal one. And yes, it would just please her because she is sadistic/she loves the idea of killing herself and other people so she can be an angel and that. She looks like an angel and people treat her like one. She thinks she's other-worldly too.

I think Teddy is more than a little infatuated by her. He thinks he loves her, seeing as it goes along with the family's wish that they get together and that they've been together for so long. She's just a little mental, that's all.

Thanks for your wonderful comments, lovely. ♥


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Review #23, by Toujours Padfoot I'll miss you.

6th July 2011:
You change so callously and so quickly that I don't have a chance to keep up.

I do now. And I am running.

-GAH! The pace is incredible. I am actually excited about Teddy running after Victoire. I want to see him destroy her.

Ironic how the child born at the end of an old war gave birth to a new one.
-Fabulous phrase.

We still stare at each other, your infidelity fluttering around the room. I want to capture it, harness it and use it against you: another weapon in my arsenal against your beauty and your charm.
- Once again, this is just such beautiful writing, it's like poetry. The littlest things inspire such an influx of thoughts and images... It's really fantastic.
I also like the line about floating so high that he touches the sun and burns.

are standing alone in this great, cavernous hall that only just seems to fit you in it
-God, you have such a way with words. I can't find a flaw in anything. Your diction, your syntax - everything is impeccable. I feel like I'm right there with Victoire and Teddy, following along while Victoire floats through life, tugging Teddy after her with puppet strings. He was weak and powerless under her spell, and I'm excited to see this new Teddy, the burning, vicious Teddy that is running after her, wanting his revenge.

Excitement!!!

!

Author's Response: Hey, hey Sarah!

I did a lot of work on pace. I think it's really important. In the sections where Teddy is running to Victoire, the writing reflects the pace of his running. There's lots of short, choppy sentences that coincide with his footsteps. When he's pausing and admiring the moonlight and the shadows, there are more complex ones. I wanted it to contrast with the flashbacks, not only to signify a different period, but to create a happier atmosphere - when they were together.

Descriptions are the bane of my existence - whether there's too much so people get dragged down by one too many descriptions of someone's dress, whether there's too little so people have no clue what is going on. Especially with this style, you need to get the balance right; it's very simple, very condensed in some places, and sometimes I just find myself describing the colour of Victoire's lips or the paleness of her skin or the moonlight and the shadows. Emotions are more difficult, more complex.

Eee ee eee, Sarah, thank you so much... you are so lovely! I'm so glad you like it! Thanks for reading and reviewing and everything! ♥ ♥ ♥


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Review #24, by Toujours Padfoot I love you.

6th July 2011:
Another lovely chapter. I think this was my favorite yet. I loved the way Victoire was dancing along the edge of the cliff, sort of daring Teddy to stop her. She's just a little bit insane and I find her character nothing short of mesmerizing.

Favorite bits time! *claps hands*

The cold brings you in a dark coat. It brings you in red lipstick. It brings you to me.
-I don't know what it is about this that I love so much. Just like with many other of your lines, it's short and sweet and to the point, but it packs a lot of power.

White spray flies everywhere and the smell of the sea is ripe upon the air.
-Painted poetry. I admired this quite a lot.

From across the miles, from across the oceans and from across the never-ending expanse of your extremes, you see the moon drift out of the clouds. You think of me.
-Gorgeous. I am so jelly of your skillz.

-marches on to the next chapter with the speed of an Aztec warrior princess-

Author's Response: Victoire is a bit crazaaay. She's obsessed with her own and other's immortality - hence the obsession with killing herself and others. She thinks she is an angel. She looks like one, Teddy treats her like one. She obviously doesn't fit anywhere on earth because of her psychopathic tendencies. She is incapable of love, but does love Teddy. She talks about him as if he is merely her companion, someone to keep her company.

EEE EE EEE! SARAH! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE THAT YOU TOOK THE TIME TO REVIEW MY LITTLE STORY. THANK YOU SO SO SO SO SO MUCH! ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥


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Review #25, by Toujours Padfoot You have me.

6th July 2011:
This story is like poetry. I love your metaphors and imagery; it flows so smoothly and it's all so incredibly beautiful. The characters are dark, too. I'm trying to figure out who is darker, Teddy or Victoire. Teddy's running now to get his revenge on her, to silence her once and for all because she no longer has a hold on him. But in these flashbacks, her hold on him was so powerful that maybe she deserves a little bit of revenge.

Some of my favorite bits:

I want to rush up to you and kiss you so earnestly the breath leaves your body and you die.
-WHOANESS. So intense.

Great resounding leaps that let me fly over puddles and around corners: a dark shadow flitting amongst the light of the moon and the orange of the streetlamps and the white of you.

I am coming.
-I love how smooth these lines flow, how poignant they are. I can see the flashes of light and the memories just like I'm Teddy himself. You're very talented with making even the shortest, most concise lines powerful and filled with meaning. Very vivid.

Passion should believe itself irresistible. It should forget civility and consideration and all the other curses of refined nature.
-So true.

I gaze at you with a hint of a dreamy smirk and lust-filled eyes as you heartlessly consume me.
-Wow. Just...wow. Such cold passion!

And now, I shall eagerly skip off to the next chapter!

Author's Response: Hey Sarah! Thanks for your lovely review! :D

They are both monsters. Victoire has Veela blood in her, as well as her father having some werewolf symptoms. In short, they are both monsters. His is more instinctive - the werewolf cannot control his own actions like when he is in his human form - whereas Victoire is much more a praying mantis/black widow sort of a girl. Vicious, manipulative. A cow. I think that's why they clung to each other, in a way.

Glad you like those bits and thank you thank you for your lovely comments! ♥ :D


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