When I saw that this was a companion piece of sorts to 'Delacour,' I had to read it, and I am so glad I did. It's brilliant.
I love your characterisation of Dominique. I liked it in 'Delacour' as well, but this went more in depth and covered a little bit of a different side of her. I can definitely see how being surrounded by happy couples could impact you negatively when your relationship starts to go downhill, especially since a lot of those happy couples had been together since they were in school.
I was very glad to see Dominique decide not to take it anymore, and I loved that the catalyst was Lily's reaction to what Nate was saying and what it implied about Dominique. I can understand how that would spur Dominique to action, and the sense of responsibility she felt toward Lily really made me like her as a character even more. I especially liked her reaction at the end of the match and how she ditched Nate - it felt real to me, and I was so, so happy to see her do it.
My only real issue with the story was that you just have so many spaces in between paragraphs that it affected the flow of the story for me. Other than that, this was another wonderful story. Thank you.Author's Response: Aww thanks for coming back!
Sorry about the spacing, I used to be so bad at that!
I'm so happy you seem to love Dominique like i do - surprised, but happy! The point with Lily was very important to me and I'm glad you mentioned it :) Report Review
There were lots of elements in this story that I really liked. I thought the story it self was pretty solid and you've set up Dominique's character really well for readers. I love character-driven stories, and this one's pretty good. I think you've made her very likeable and it was easy to relate to her and understand her. She was strong and yet she had her own misgivings and I liked that most about her. I thought you've written her love for Quidditch really well. And I liked how she cared about Lily a lot, it was pretty sweet. And gahh, kudos for Nate. lol I like it when authors present a character you'd love to hate, not because they're evil, but because they're so human in the most negative sense of that word.
Wotters. Hahaha! Very cute.
I would've preferred for it to have more dialogue in it, because it's also another way to make your character more alive, you know? Readers normally pick up a lot on character's speech pattern and such, so authors don't always have to tell us exactly how they feel or how they reacted etc. I would've loved to see Dom's strong character come across through that. But that's more of a personal preference. :) Oh, you might want to fix the formatting as it made it hard to enjoy the story when the paragraphs are separated with huge chunks of spaces like that.
Enjoyed the little French words here and there. It added something refreshing to the story. Overall, it was an interesting read for me, so thank you!
xtinjsc (Hufflepuff)Author's Response: What a review! Thank you so much, this was both really flattering and really helpful.
So glad you liked her, the quidditch the french... Oh and you got nate! I wanted him to come accross as a jerk, but a HUMAN one - he isnt all bad... but hes pretty bad :D
Some of my stories have more dialogue, this one didnt because of the nature of the fic. You maje a point though, I will consider it for other stories!
THank you so much! x Report Review
Wow. This was a very feminist piece! In a good way. I really liked the links between Lily and Ginny. How you wrote Nate made me really dislike him, and really helped me to emphasise with Victoire. I also liked as how she became more herself, the french words got added in. That was a nice touch :)
There were a couple of typo's in there, but nothing that would take away from the piece. Very good :D
(review 5/7)Author's Response: Thanks so much for your review!
So glad you liked the links between the girls, but I'm afraid it was Dominique I wrote about, not Victoire.
Thanks again! Report Review
Thanks for entering my Katy Perry Challenge! :) Here I am with your review. :)
I love how Dom was so connected with flying. There are so many stories in which the main character loves flying, but Dom is in love with flying, if that makes any sense.
I hate that her fear of being alone or whatever kept her with Nate, even though he was taking over her, and I hate that that made her hate Quidditch. I mean, it's great with the story, great. It really is, I just hate that anyone would feel that way, you know?
My feminist side totally took over at the part where Nate said she could be like a Muggle cheerleader. I was shocked. I.. um... I can't even. Wow. It was fantastic, the way you made me freeze like that. Seriously, at much as I'm not liking Nate right now, I'm loving this one-shot. I think it means a lot to a lot of people, and is something a lot of people go through. It's fantastic.
Oh my gosh, and then when she saw Lily? And said, (well thought) "non," I was like YES! Because it's French, and Nate doesn't like French. I don't know. Maybe I'm going a little overboard. :) But I love how that was so powerful, that one little three letter word. It really got me, you know?
Her breakup was also amazing. Just the way she told him off made me grin, and then her getting a smack on the head made me laugh, along with James and Al chanting and then getting detenion. I. loved. it.
Anyway, that was really amazing. I absolutely loved it.
(LiveLaughLoveHarryPotter on the forums.)Author's Response: What an amazing review, I'm grinning ear to ear as I type this! So glad you got how incredibly important flying is to her - its her life, so i suppose shes in love in a way! Haha I'm sorry you had to hate anything in this story, I hated writing it because I felt so sorry for anyone who felt that way!
I'm so happy you liked the cheerleader thing, the lily thing, you got the french thing... eee! and the boys chanting :D
Thanks so much, this meant a lot :) Report Review
Hi there! Sorry it took so long - I had computer issues.
Ok, so I really loved the main plot of this. It was a really strong dilemma that you showed both sides of really well, and really played on Dom's human emotions - nobody wants to die alone, but when she had so much to lose from not doing quidditch...? It was so well balanced! The fact that she was possibly going to France for it at the end was a really nice touuch too; a clean start for her, for everyone.
I loved Dom's relationship with Ginny and Lily. I loved how she wanted to be the same figure to Lily that ginny had been for her, and it only made you feel more strongly for Dom, more close to her. The fact that she showed Lily so much care and love made Dom's decision of dumping Nate all the more strong.
The description of both of Dom's options was beautiful, perfectly laced with emotions and events to combine together to create a really lovely background of their history, and Dom's love of quidditch. The little French phrases also really emphasised how Dom was getting herself back, and I loved it!!
This is so great - 10/10! I would definitely be interested in reading more of the related fics :)
~TGKAuthor's Response: Hey! Not a problem at all.
So glad you got what I was trying to put accross, it was a hard decision for her. And that you liked the connection between Ginny dom and lily!
REally appreciate this review, and so glad you got everything I tried to do, with the French, etc.
Thanks!! :D Report Review
Hey, there! I'm here with your review, as requested. (:
So I liked this a lot. I think it was really well done. I loved the way it flowed, and the story was really, really nice. I'm a huge fan of Dominique stories, and you explored her character really nicely.
There were a few grammar errors;
She knew she was exceptionally good, this as a fact rather than an opinion.
I think it should say 'this was a fact, rather than an opinion'. It makes more sense.
"... and Molly then sixteen,"
There should be a comma after Molly.
Also, there were really wide spaces, and it was a bit distracting.
Other than that, though, it was good on that front. (:
Right away, I liked Dom. She's a really strong character - and not only in terms of physical/mental strength. She jumps off of the page, and we know who she is, and who she's hiding inside because of Nate.
Nate, on the other hand, while having the same strength to the reader, seems to me like he's weak, and scared. He wants to control Dom, and she can't be tamed like he wants her to be.
They were both really interesting characters, but in vastly different ways. I don't think Nate is the 'evil villain', like you said, but I don't think he's necessarily a good guy, either. Something that jumped out at me as being really controlling was that he told her not to speak French; as though anything he couldn't understand wasn't worth his time.
You did a really good job with both characters, but I think Nate was stronger than Dom. Great, great job.
Also! I really liked how Dom's transformation, as it were, was because she wanted to be a good role model for Lily. That was really sweet and really showed their bond. (:
I really love the line "She had not yet made herself strong." I'm not sure why. It just jumped out at me; she was young then, vulnerable, but is that really the bad thing? I'm not sure; I might just be rambling here. Sorry.
And her speech starting with "He was not a bad person..." was really, really well done.
I liked this story a lot. (: Great job.
-JasmineAuthor's Response: Sorry for the delay in response! What an epic review, just wanted to give it justice! I will of course look into grammatical errors!
So glad youy liked Dom, I wanted to show that she is normally stronger, though not here. I'm so glad you understood Nate- thats exactly what i was going for, but i couldnt go into it too much as it was Doms POV, and she was too in it to see it, if you know what I mean?
So glad you liked her and Lily!
"She had not yet made herself strong" - I think to her, this was a bad thing, but it is supposed to catch attention. She's trying to move beyond the willowy Delacour appearence, and the fragility that i believe would come with being a next gen kid.
So glad you liked that, i hoped that would come accross well!
Thanks again, great review, very helpful :D Report Review
Wow. this was simply breath taking. The description was simply delicious and the dialougue seemed to flow so naturally, but in a small way I feel for Dominique. You've seemed to capture her personality so beautifully and am rushing to read Delacour now!!! 10/10Author's Response: Oh wow, I'm so happy I logged on and saw this review! Thank you so much, this really means a lot since I was nervous about thee reception of this piece. I'm so glad you liked Dom and if you read Delacour, I hope you like it too :D Report Review
So here is finally your review Brightie! Must i say i loved this.the whole idea was entirely awesome and the dom seriously believable. Its like i understand what she goes through, and how she doesnkt want to be alone, which is why she kept resisting nate's crap. O get his jealousy and think he's a :6(_!?/ because of it, and he never deserved it. The writing was beautiful and just GORGEOUS and it is as of now my fave from you :D great job!Author's Response: Hey! Thanks so much for this, really happy you liked it so much! I was worried people wouln't like my Dom, so glad you got her! YAY! Thanks again! *hugs* Report Review
I. LOVED. THIS. :D
You have the best word usage and you showed a side of Dominique I've never read! I loved how it was all about Quidditch really, and how it talked about all the family. I wish I was Dom's best friend, she seems like such a strong, beautiful person :'D
Bravo! 10/10 Author's Response: Oh wow, what a lovely review!
So pleased you like how I write, and you like Dom! to behonest, I'm not sure everyone does" She herself is all about Quidditch and family, so that's why the story is a about it!
Ok, I know I'm not dom but I'm so flattered you want to be her friend! I really am so delighted you liked that much!
Thank you! :D Report Review
I really really liked this story. I didn't read the accompanying piece but I think I got enough of a feel for both Dom and Nate. Very well done.
I liked the intermixing of French, especially because it seemed to occur in moments where she was more passionate which I though revealed a lot about who she is.
While I might not agree with her reasons for choosing to reject Nate (that they're so focused on Lily and not overcoming her insecurities), I like the fact that she can admit that and then still make the "right" decision for her situation.
The spacing in your story was rather annoying, but not a big deal. Although it had me worried that I wasn't going to like your story haha. So I guess first impressions matter even though they can easily be proved wrong.
Overall, very well done. I really enjoyed this one-shot!Author's Response: Hi! Oh gosh, sorry about the spacng. I edited it to try to sort it out, obviously it didn't work :(
The other piece is only partially about Dom, she's five in it so you dont need to read it, it just tells you a bit about her. I'm really happy you liked it, and you could feel for oth - this was a problem in the earlier draft, i was too hard on nate.
So glad you liked the French- you picked up on exactly why i did it. I know what you mean about Dom's reasons, in another one shot about a different couple ("You're Not Sorry", James II/OC) the girl breaks up with the guy for that reason, here Dom's reasons are completely different. She still has a lot of growing up to do.
Thanks so much for reading and reviewing, I really appreciate it! :D Report Review
You starting from the end and going from there to the beginning and back was an incredible way of taking the reader through Dom's thoughts as she's sitting there with the Snitch in hand.
There were so many things that anyone could identify with in this story--making a path for yourself in life or bowing to the wishes of others; the conflict that one can feel in a relationship, the fact that you may be sacrificing a part of yourself just to appease the other; the vulnerability one can get from this.
I love that Dom got back on her feet in the end! I was like "You go girl!" like a fan in the stands though I was only in my room on my laptop :(
Other than a few things you'll probably get cleaned up with a beta, it was perfect.Author's Response: Hi! Thanks for reviewing, so glad you liked it! I really wanted people to identify with this, and im so happy you had that "you go girl!" moment!
Thanks a mill :D Report Review
First, I want to say this was a nice effort.
In my opinion, this was sort of confusing. I was confused with Nate and Domi, actually. And Lily as well. I'd say you need a bit more detail here and there, then you'll be good.
One-shots are usually based on dialogue, since they're so short. There's barely any dialogue in here, and I think you should have more. It's basically Dominique only going back, thinking about her years and times before that day...But what actually happened THAT DAY?
It was sort of confusing, how it kept going from past tense, then to present...you might want to seperate those with colens or something of the sort.
There is a sentence that doesn't sound right to me..."Her aunt Ginny, the person she held above all others even now, and brought Dom flying with her one day when looking after her." :) Might wanna check that one, love.
Altogether, It was a good fanfic, but very confusing. Nice job. :)Author's Response: Hi! Thanks for this, really honest and what i need :D
will be editing later, so im definately going to take your adive into account.
i uploaded in a huge hurry, which i regret, butt hopefully ill make some sense of it later! :D Report Review
my oh my, you'll never guess who it is! ...alright, it's me! Hyenni101 from the forums! pleased to see me? you should be! i only have good things to say...mostly ;)
first impressions: well, i love Dom. and I love Lily. and Ginny. so when i saw the list of characters for this story, i was rather happy! and i'm shocked you've not yet got any reviews. well, that shall be rectified!
grammar: lovely. just like with the others, you seem to be very adept at keeping your english perfect! as far as i can see, there aren't any errors, and if there are - well, i didn't notice them! so congrats!
characterisation: i loved Dom. she was so realistic! i thought the way she stayed with Nate for so long was sad, but very true - people don't just leave their boyfriend because of a slight jealousy issue. and the way she broke up with him - well, that made her seem a little bit of a cow to me, although the way you portrayed Nate in this perhaps suggested he deserved it. my only issue with that was that i felt bad for Nate - but hey, i'm a sucker for a bad guy! :) i think Lily was sweet, and the way Dom gave the cup to her was SO cute.
flow: like in the other one-shots, this was also fairly addicting, especially as i wanted to know exactly which one Dom would choose! however, there is a slight issue with your spacing - well, the gaps between paragraphs are huge, and although it's not much to do with the actual writing, it was just a little annoying. but hey, no biggie, that's easy to fix, right? :D
areas of concern: i've already covered characters, but i'll just sum up: love 'em! and the flow is also great, so well done on that score! and for 4am, with no beta? well...kudos to you for producing something nice like this!
please don't hesitate to ask me to review anything else by you. i honestly have enjoyed reading and babbling so much about them! thank you! ^^Author's Response: Hey! Thanks again for reviewing, I was so cheeky asking for so many!
I will be editing viciously, so reviews are very welcome! So glad you liked the three girls! Also happy grammar was in order, as was characterisation - I was a little unfair to nate, but I was sleepy and a little angry at the time, i'll fix it up a little!
Ugh, spacing. Thanks for pointing it out, I always do that. Another thing to edit!
So glad you liked, you give great reviews :D Report Review
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