Reading Reviews for Come Back Home
  
4 Reviews Found

Review #1, by schoenberg12 Come Back Home

29th May 2011:
very cute. i've never read something where sirius and remus were out and were in an on-going relationship, and where remus was so out that he had had previous boyfriends. very interesting take!

Author's Response: Thank you very much, that means a lot :D I hope you liked it!

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Review #2, by ravenclaw_princess Come Back Home

25th April 2011:
Hello...ravenclaw_princess here to review

This is the first Remus/Sirius story I've read but it was very convincing. The characteristics of the two seemed to be about right. I could imagine Sirius being impulsive like he was and doing something rash like sleeping with a girl. Remus on the other hand seemed more sensible about the whole situation.

As for the story itself, you write 'the boy' or 'the grl' or 'the other man' quite often. In this sentence "In the picture, Remus held tightly onto Siriusís hand, his other arm wrapped around the boyís waist. Sirius was looking up at the other boy, a grin upon his handsome face." it makes it sound like there is a third person by saying 'the boy'. It would read better if you used pronouns like him or their acual name. 'The boy' can become quite impersnal for a moment like this.

This is repeated through out the story. Saying 'red head' to descibed Lily is fine because that is a personal trait linked to her. Also, by saying 'the boy' is tends to reflect someone generally teenager or younger but this story makes it sound like they are adults, even if only just. They are not at Hogwarts and any rate.

For this sentence "Tears began to run down his cheeks quickly, striding down his chin immediately" striding sounds a litle odd. I would recommend slidding, or simply run the sentence together to say eg "tears began to run down his cheeks, quickly making there way to his chin".

The story flowed quite nicely with enough detail to know what was happening and how they felt. I would recommend developing the scene in the lobby though when Sirius realises that he is meant to be with Remus as it seemed a little quick. This is quite a big emotional moment for the character and it warrents a little more reflection by Sirius.

The story flowed nicely and the song lyrics fitted in really well. I suggest adding a page break or stars or something to separate the sections between Remus and Sirius to make the setting change immediately apparent. As they are, the run together.

Over all, this was a nice read and you have written it well :)

Author's Response: Thank you for your review. I guess I'm use to writing younger characters, so I use "boy" or "girl" a lot. Thank you for pointing that out. :D

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Review #3, by ToReleaseMe Come Back Home

24th April 2011:
I'm not much a slash fan but I do love Remus and you've done a great job with this one-shot. You should definitely do more song-fics! :]

Author's Response: =D Aww, thank you!

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Review #4, by Usgirl Come Back Home

16th April 2011:
l liked it. It was very depressingly sweet. It was well written I thought

Author's Response: Thank you for the review, and comment :D

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