Reading Reviews for The Witty Men
  
4 Reviews Found

Review #1, by peace2lovepotter Lazarus and Tate

14th February 2012:
This was adorable! I can't believe how cute this was, the Weasley family are amazing to read and write about, and the way you wrote about the twins was just amazing. The story that was read to them was brilliant, so full of meaning, did you think of that yourself!? If so then you need applauding! Thank you for writing this, and I hope that you write more on the Weasley family! Love Livvy x

Author's Response: Yes ma'am, I did think of it myself. It took some planning, but I finally got it down! Thank you, I'm glad that you liked reading about them! It was one of the harder ones to write. I just can't turn down a challenge, though :)

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Review #2, by Kelly  Lazarus and Tate

27th September 2011:
I love the little Weaselys. That is exactly how I pictured them. I'm sorry, but I can't give you anything to improve on. Keep it up!

Author's Response: Aww, that's sweet. Thank you very much :)

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Review #3, by hpotterfan1 Lazarus and Tate

18th June 2011:
Hi hpotterfan1 here! I loved the story! Good work it is now on my favorite's list.

Author's Response: Thats so nice! Thank you for reviewing and for favoriting

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Review #4, by ravenclaw_princess Lazarus and Tate

26th April 2011:
Hello, ravenclaw_princess her for you second requested review

This was a sweet little story and you brought the bedtime story into it really well. the characterisations of Molly and Authur were spot on and I could really see the frazzled Molly trying to control her young boys. The dialogue was well written to reflect the age of the boys they were talking to and the boys also sounded young.

You did a good job at the beginning to show the chaos in the house, but I feel like you could do more to really set the scene. Using a little more colourful words will really help the reader to picture the scene and start to really be a part of it.

There were a few spelling errors but nothing that detracted from the story and will be easy to pick up with a second read through.

Here are a couple, but not all of the sentence
After bathing Fred and George, Arthur [] out them into their night clothes and put them into their beds. = [missing something but I'm not sure what]

The woman working [the] immediately tried to shoo him away = [there]

This sentence seems a little abrupt for a parent to say to their 4 year old on Christmas eve 'Now, go to sleep so you'll get your presents'. I would reword it to something like 'Now, go to sleep and when you wake up there just might be something special for you to unwrap'.

There was a minor inconsistency at the beginning. Molly picks up Fred and takes the cookie form his hand, then walks in to see Author. At no point do you say she puts him down, but she has to for him to then start into the cookies again with George.

This is a nice little story with nice flow and pacing. Fred and George were so cute and I love how the bedtime story relates so well to them. Good job.

Author's Response: Thank you! Honesty was what I needed for this story! I felt very crazed with this one, and I was more focused on getting all of their ages right than anything else. I really should go back and read this again, and fix things. Thank you so much for your review :D

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