Really funny story, with inventive original characters and a quirky un-put-downable plot.
Firstly, I thought you drew us in really well, setting the scene brilliantly with the perfect amount of description. No typing ares either! Just a couple of spacing errors, but I thinkI'm the only one that noticed.
Secondly, Awesome!! I like the way you made Esmerelda stand out with such a creative name and personality and original charcter traits that the readers can laugh and both empathaise with.
Thirdly, the wit is really amusing! I think you were right to ground her, anymore energy and quirkiness would be a bit over whelming. It's written in a unique style that is very readable.
I'd like to see a lot more of it! :) Report Review
Your OC is a bully, she targets Rose continuesly and never lets up. She remindes me of the petty girls at my school who are very stuck up and believes that people's discomfort is funny.
The first chapter I liked your OC a lot thought she was a down to earth character with a lot of potential, then she turned around turned into a very ugly person inside. Which I must say isn't fun to read.Author's Response: I'm sorry it seemed like that! I'm trying to show that Rose is a bit of a bully, as is Essie, but clearly I'm having a bit of trouble with that. I'll try to work on that in future chapters!
Thanks for your review! Report Review
I like your story just that your OC and her friends do seem like bullies. It almost makes her unlikable, to the point where I wanna not continue reading the story.Author's Response: They are kinda bullies, but they don't really pick on individual people- just houses as a whole, for fun. It's true that they do pick on Rose, but it's for her own good, really. I'm trying to make her a little more likable, but it's hard making a balance between it obvious that they aren't perfect and are a bit of bullies and not overdoing it.
Thanks for your review! Report Review
I AM TOTALLY HOOKED ON YOUR STORY!
You have no idea how many times I have burst out laughing!
Keep it going please! Report Review
Your story is very intriguing...I am so different from Esmerelda so she really annoys me at times with the her stuck-up-im-so-talented persona, but thats what makes it interesting! Nice and funny writing style. Great!Author's Response: Thank you! It's a little hard writing in Essie's point of view, because I'm not really like her much (sarcastic, yes. But otherwise, no), and I'm trying to find the fine line between stuck-up-not-perfect and stuck-up-completely-dislikable.
I'm glad you liked it! Report Review
i love James. "Llama," "Camel," "Escargot" :)
and when she accidentally silencioed Albus.
And them watching Rose get mad.
I love this story.
AlexAuthor's Response: I love the nicknames, too.
Thanks! I'm trying to concentrate more on writing, since I all of a sudden noticed that I hadn't updated in three months. (bad, bad me. I promise I'm writing and working on this story, but I don't write the chapters in order. I'm sure you'll be happy to know, though, that chapter 20 or so is halfway written, but very little between chapter 4 and 20 is actually done. oops) Report Review
I really love this story it's incredibly amusing to read. What with all the fireworks, pranks and continuous hilarity it's pretty darn amazing. Please write more!!
Your faithful reader,
JustOneOftheWeasleys Report Review
This is really good so far! I hope for an update soon! Report Review
Please update soon. I love this!!! I love Laurels spunk!Author's Response: An update will come soonish, I promise! The next chapter is already written, I just have to re-read it to make sure I don't have any odd spellings!
I love Laurel's presonality, too. :) Report Review
I REALLY love this story! I like how she acts and the way she sees things.Author's Response: Thanks! I'm glad you liked it! Report Review
Hi, Lily here from the forums with your review!
I do have a bit of advice-your character seems a bit...perfect. She doesn't seem real. She could do and control magic from the age of six, she's a metamorphmagus and can control that from baby-hood. She can do wandless magic, which is supposed to take years of hard work and practice to do. Dear, I'm not so sure your character is believable.
Maybe if you changed your approach, gave her a more normal traits. I mean, everything about her and her family screams Mary-Sue, from her powers to her looks to her amazingly posh family that she's the total opposite of. It just--it doesn't make sense.
I think if you put in a bit of work with her, tried to make her a little more normal, then your story would probably be a blast to read.
~LilyFireAuthor's Response: Thanks for the input- I've been trying to make Esmerelda more realistic, while still keeping her more powerful than average, so I have redone bits of the first chapter to try to take out/change bits that are a little overdone, about both her and her family. Hopefully it will make her a lot less Mary-Sue-ish and a lot more loveable. Report Review
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