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14 Reviews Found

Review #1, by maskedmuggle In which Godric is accused of a most heinous crime, a shocking truth is revealed, and an unlikely alliance is formed.

15th July 2012:
Ahh! That was such an action-packed chapter!! I just realised what else this reminds me of: Merlin :P And again, have you watched it? Anyway, this was wonderful. I definitely expected Godric to escape but I was not expecting the surprise tagalong prisoner. That was really fascinating - especially fascinating to hear that he is also a wizard. It'll be super interesting to see the two interact, especially as Godric gradually realises who he is.

The other surprising thing was that Godric was not actually the real King's son. I thought that was a slightly flimsy story as I can't quite believe any King who hated magic would settle for an abandoned son of a witchcraft clan. Apart from the believability of that though, everything else was great. I loved how his mother came with the key, how Godric wasn't stealthy but used his fighting skills to make it out. You wrote the fight really well - I could imagine everything in my head.

This was a really fantastic read and it certainly makes for a very exciting story. Similarly with your other story - I do hope you update with a new chapter soon because you now have a big fan who wants to read more. I really enjoyed and loved this! :)

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Review #2, by maskedmuggle In which Godric has a fight that ends badly

15th July 2012:
Wow this was a fantastic chapter! So, so unlike any other story I've read on here! So it's wonderfully refreshing and original. I know you said this wasn't historically accurate, but it feels very accurate and realistic to me. Like the discussion at the start between Godric and Kendrick about marriage and girls, the hating of witchcraft and the hanging of the old man, the busy tavern with lots of drinking men.. it was all so brilliant. You wrote this really well - I could really picture everything as it was happening. It reminded me a bit of Game of Thrones - have you read/watched it?

I liked all your characters, and Godric is especially well characterised. He is surprisingly arrogant, but I suppose that is to be expected for a prince during those times. Woah, the old man was super chilling: "You are one of us! You will learn soon enough and you will know the crimes that you have committed against your very own brethren!" But the plot - the ending! I was absolutely enthralled. I suppose Godric's magic is finally coming out and the way you did it was brilliant. I loved how there was Sarlic, someone who thought Godric had cheated - this feels all very realistic, but I was curious about why Sarlic had thought Godric had cheated. Not sure if you could work that in.. but I think it would just add that final element to make this scene even more believable, rather than having Sarlic just be there so that Godric's magic would show. Another thing I was questioning was how all the witnesses instantly thought it was Godric. A small part of me thinks that the prince would have blamed it on someone else in the tavern (since there was a great mist in the tavern that would have obscured everyone's vision) but it also makes sense that Godric was just way too horrified and shocked to think.

I can't wait to see what will happen to a prince that's accused of witchcraft, so I'm very eagerly going to read the next chapter now! A really exciting story that has (like your other story) utterly hooked me in! :)

- Charlotte

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Review #3, by CloakAuror9 In which Godric returns home from battle and is accosted by a crazy old man

30th June 2012:
Hey! I'm so sorry for taking forever. My internet is still down at home and I had to go to my cousin's place.

At first I was like 'What the hell is happening? Why is Godrick a Saxon?!' and then I read more and then I was like 'I geddit, now!'. It was a bit stupid of me. :P

I love the Founders Era! Its this amazing place where everything all started, where Hogwarts was built and where the disputes started. Its a very interesting place, but there's not a lot of fanfiction based on it, and its very rare that I find one that I really like and ones that are well-written.

I thought you wrote the have a really good start, especially the battle. I love the short battle. It was very descriptive and it gets you interested straight away.

Your wording is really nice and neat, it matches the era, but I think you can still improve. Paint a bigger picture, if you will. Its the Founders Era, rich with forests, the castle (you can describe what the Saxton's castle and kingdom in more detail looks like or something like that). The more description, the better.

I also thought that Godric is very well-portrayed. I don't know much about him, but I think your characterisations of him suits him just fine. The arrogant and pompous acts because he is a prince, but I can also see his loyalty shining through, especially when Kendrick appeared.

Anywho, your story is interesting and I would love to continue reading and reviewing it. I can already just imagine how great and adventurous it'll be. :P

Izzy xx

Author's Response: Hi Izzy,

Thank you very much for reading and reviewing my story. You're so right about the description. I guess I've kind of shyed away from being too descriptive for fear of not doing it right but I'll definitely try and improve on it.

I'm glad you liked it and that you liked the way I've portrayed Godric. Yeah, I'm trying to go for a high fantasy type adventure theme but we'll see how well I manage to pull it off.

Thanks very much for stopping by. I really appreciate it.

Lily xxx

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Review #4, by luciusobsessed In which Godric is accused of a most heinous crime, a shocking truth is revealed, and an unlikely alliance is formed.

26th June 2012:
AHHH so reminded of Prison Break right now. Amazing chapter. You really describe the anguish Godric is feeling. I like how you shape out this chapter, showing that he's not all pride and arrogance. I can't wait for your next chapter. Please re-request!

Author's Response: haha, I love Prison Break! lol. I'm so glad you liked this chapter. To be honest I'm not completely happy with it. I found it hard to write and I want to revise it a bit at some point.

Thank you so much. I shall re-request when the next chappie is up.

Lily x

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Review #5, by luciusobsessed In which Godric has a fight that ends badly

26th June 2012:
I love the arrogance your portray in Godric's disposition. I really am a fan of that. I guess you could say it's my guilty pleasure :p

Love the details. I can see the plot unfolding, and look forward to reading the next chapter. Your grammar is very varied and your writing flow is amazingly flexible. On to chapter 3 :)

Author's Response: Hi again,

Thanks so much for taking the time to read and review my fic. I really appreciate it.

I'm so glad you like the way I've portrayed Godric. I've really tried to write his personality well so I'm pleased you like it. :)

I'm so glad you love the details. I think I somewhat lack in my descriptions but I'm glad that you think it's done well.

Thank you so much x

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Review #6, by luciusobsessed In which Godric returns home from battle and is accosted by a crazy old man

26th June 2012:
First off, let me start off by saying that I found your banner to be quite enticing. Wonderful banner!

I love your descriptions and your detail. I don't usually read Founders fics, but this is really good. Completely hooked me on. Keep up the hard work, you're doing amazing!

Author's Response: Hi Luciusobsessed, thanks so much for taking the time to stop by. I'm so glad you liked the details and description and that it hooked you.

Thank you xxx

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Review #7, by Remus In which Godric has a fight that ends badly

25th June 2012:
Back again!

This is very interesting indeed! I can see where the plot is starting to unfold yet still have no idea where this might lead.

Your Godric here still has that arrogant attitude that a princeling should have. At least, I've never read about a prince who is down to earth and humble.

Your narrative flow is great. Never once did I get stump or had to stop because it didn't make sense. Grammar is fine and still, the one thing I would CC you is details and description of things. I say it because I'm very much a detail oriented person, so I guess its just me. :)

Overall this is a nice story so far!

Sorry for the short review but I'm at work and must get a project done!! Please! feel free to re-request if you wish!!


Author's Response: Hi again Perelandra,

Thank you so much for your review. I do very much appreciate the time you've taken to read and review my story.

I was a little worried about this chapter and I'm not really happy with how I wrote the fight scene - I don't think I'm very good at action - so if you have any thoughts on this I'd love to hear them.

Again, you're right about the description and detail. I definitely need to work on it. I'm glad you found the story flowed well with no obvious errors. I'm a perfectionist when it comes to grammar and spelling and I really try hard to make sure it's free from any errors so I'm glad you never found any. :)

Don't worry about the review being a little short - I fully appreciate the time you've taken to do this for me and I don't think it's very short at all.

I hope your project at work goes alright. I know what it's like to be bogged down at work - today I didn't even take a lunch break I just had far too much to do and ended up staying late after work as well, so I'm pretty exhausted lol.

Thanks for stopping by and I will definitely be back for more. :)

Lily x

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Review #8, by Remus In which Godric returns home from battle and is accosted by a crazy old man

25th June 2012:
Hey Perelandra here from the forums!

First off, let me congratulate you on being brave enough to post your Founders fic. They have such a bad rep! :( I have one of my own and yeah...I know the feeling.

Alright, on with the review.

At first I was a bit confused with Godric himself labeled as a Saxon. Then I understood what was going on. I can already tell that this is definitely going to be a story that I'm going to like. Godric coming to terms while being in a strong Christian hold is interesting.

The one thing that I would give you some CC is details and description. The dark ages is such a detail rich place with the meadows, forests, the castles, and its people that I think you're missing that opportunity right there.

When it comes to characterization there really isn't much to go off by since Godric never appears in the series. However, since he's a prince here, I like the arrogant attitude he has with the crazy man and when he told the guards to not let it happen again.

Plot wise...well, I can't dwell much on this since this is just the first chapter but I like the idea as a whole. And the fact that it has Morgana in it. Which I have to this set during Camelot?

Anyway, on to chapter two! :)


Author's Response: Hi Perelandra,

Thank you so much for stopping by. I'm glad you've enjoyed the story so far.

I'm sorry if the Saxon reference confused you a little bit but of course back then England was constantly being invaded by the Romans and then the Saxons and then the Vikings and then the Normans lololol. This of course is set during Saxon rule a few hundred years before the Normans came. lol, anyway enough of the history lesson. Can you tell I love history, lol?

You're probably right about the description and small details. I think I always shy away from writing too much description because I think I'll bore people or I won't do it well enough and of course I'm scared of not portraying the 9th century well enough. I might look at that though and think about adding in some more detail. Thanks for pointing it out to me.

Yeah, with Godric I was trying to get him to come across as arrogant and pompous - even though the king is very humble - but at the same time I want some of the traits we know about him such as loyalty and bravery shine through. We'll see how well I do, I guess.

I do have an entire plan written out for this story, start, middle and end, so I hope it works out okay. The Morgana thing is interesting. My story isn't set in the time of Camelot but a bit later and that's where there's a bit of a twist. It should all make sense if I get round to writing it and - hopefully - you read it.

But thank you again for your review and for stopping by. I really appreciate it. :)

Lily x

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Review #9, by Athene Goodstrength In which Godric returns home from battle and is accosted by a crazy old man

24th June 2012:
Okay, first off- WOW. I am an avid reader of historical fiction, and had told myself that when I write a Founders fic, I'd base it on that style. Now I find you've already done it, and admirably! Your style of writing reminded me of Elizabeth Chadwick or Sharon Penman (if you haven't heard of them, check them out sometime!). Having also been a scholar of Old and Middle English, I can also appreciate the links you've made here; the idea of a 'crazy' person being rejected by an arrogant young knight (who lives to regret it) is one we see throughout such literature, but here you've made it your own and I really want to see how it plays out! Why does Godric not realise he's magical? How does the old man know? Why have they captured him? All questions I'm enjoying asking myself!

The blurb at the beginning is perfect. Concise but illuminating, I knew exactly where and when I was, and had a picture of the threats Britain is under.

Your opening battle scene was really well done; I could picture it all. I particularly liked this line: 'Godric could not dwell for long on such bleak circumstances for their victory in battle was of paramount importance.' For me, it showed a glimpse of the more sympathetic Godric within this slightly bloody-minded, courageous leader of men. On that matter, I thought your characterization of Godric was excellent throughout this chapter. I really got a picture of a man who knows his station, who plays his part and is very good at it. At the same time, he is a young man who wants to please his father, overeats and gets told off for swearing! I would have liked to see a little more of what he is thinking and feeling, as the moments where we do get a glimpse of that are really nicely done.

This bit made me shiver: "Godric smiled with great satisfaction as he dispatched enemy upon enemy, allowing their blood to wash over him as they fell." Just wanted to let you know... An actual shudder!

I can really tell that you have researched this story, the list of foods, descriptions of clothing, the relationship with religion, all feel really authentic.

A little bit of (hopefully) constructive criticism, and there really isn't much, to be honest I'm mostly nitpicking:
'Great Heathen Army' - should these be capitalized? (This appears a couple of times).
'axes and swords and spears' - this would sound better with a comma rather than the first 'and', but if it's a matter of rhythm and urgency, I get it!

'Godric's brass horn that he blew into loudly - and triumphantly.' - could do without the 'into'. BTW, I'm totally picturing the Horn of Gondor!

'grand man dressed in a colourful tunic made of fine cloth' - too many adjectives?

'His eyes were baring into Godric's' - Do you mean 'boring into'? If that looks weird, you could always use 'his eyes bore into Godric's'

'swab of drink' - do you mean 'swab'? I haven't ever seen it used like this before!

I really had to look hard for bits to give CC for, otherwise I would have just been hopelessly gushing in this review! I really, really enjoyed this chapter, am very glad I was behind you on Review Tag, and look forward to the rest of the story :)
Athene Xo

Author's Response: Hi Athene,

Thank you so much for your amazing review! You've seriously made my day and I've been thinking how I can possibly respond.

I'm so glad you enjoyed it and I'm really excited that you're an Old and Middle English scholar. I too love historical fiction. I've read some Elizabeth Chadwick but haven't heard of Sharon Penman - I'll check her out. :) I'm a big fan of Bernard Cornwell though.

I've wanted to write an epic adventure story about the founders for such a long time and I'm so glad that you think I've done a good job. It's still early days yet but I have a whole plan written out so hopefully I can do it justice.

I'm really glad you liked my characterisation of Godric, and especially thrilled that you picked up on how I was trying to blend the personality we know of him to fit with the times and setting of the story, and that you could see his traits shine through.

I did do a lot of research, particularly for this first chapter, so I'm glad that it seems to have paid off, however it was hard work trying to bring history to life and blend it with the fantasy of Harry Potter. I'm a little scared I won't be able to keep it up.

Thanks so much for the CC - every writer needs these little things pointed out to them. I have no idea why I thought "swab" of mead sounded good because I don't think it makes sense at all now you mention it. lololol. I've submitted changes for all the CC you pointed out except the one regarding the Great Heathen Army. The Great Heathen Army is supposed to be in capitals because it was the name of a particular viking army which invaded England in the 9th century when my story is based.

The story I have planned is mostly fantasy, although I originally intended the viking invasion to play a key role. I realised though that I just couldn't make it work if I tried to keep too closely to Muggle history so most of it does enter the realm of high fantasy later on.

Anyway, I'm so sorry for rambling. But I loved your review and I totally didn't expect such an amazing one so you are awesome. Thank you so so much!

Lily x

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Review #10, by maskedmuggle In which Godric returns home from battle and is accosted by a crazy old man

26th April 2011:
Hello! :D

Wow!!! :D I really, really, REALLY loved this!! It was a fantastically brilliant read, and I ADORE the whole historical aspect of this that you captured PERFECTLY!!!

Honestly, I haven't yet read a Founders era like this yet!! At all - the whole idea of war and the fantastic way you wrote it made it seem SO realistic, and so interesting. I was completely transfixed till the end! I LOVE the whole plot of this chapter and can't wait to read more!

The way you wrote it really sounds so authentic (even though your A/N says it's not historically accurate), it SEEMS like it is (if you get what I'm saying). The language you used.. it just So suited the era.

Godric was very gryffindor-like and I thought you did a wonderful job with him! Gahh!! Just wow! I loved this! Love the idea of it, and the way you managed to capture the essence of history really just made me go wow. Amazing work - i hope there's a second chapter coming along soon! :)

Author's Response: Hiya! How strange... I responded to this review but it seems to have disappeared (no doubt I forgot to press save or something, lol).

But thank you, thank you, thank you for your awesome review. you have seriously made my day today and I really needed to be cheered up so thank you.

I am so thrilled by your compliments and even now feel a bit nervous that I will disappoint in later chapters, lol.

I'm so glad you thought it sounded historically accurate and authentic and that Godric's characterisation was done well. I like to write about characters that grow and change as people so I have a lot in mind for Godric.

Thank you so much! You are such an encouragement! xxx

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Review #11, by Phoenix_Flames In which Godric returns home from battle and is accosted by a crazy old man

24th April 2011:
I'm here with your review from the forums, and I'll just start off by saying wow.

This was very intriguing and interesting. You have portrayed a very different personality for Godric, one that I've never seen before. But I like the change. I found his drinking himself into intoxication a surprising event, but I believe it worked itself well into the story.

You had a great flow with the story and great descriptions. You've set up the time period brilliantly, and your writing reflects the period with your dialogue and word choice. When reading, it didn't jump back and forth from contemporary to possible language of the time. You stayed away from the use of contractions - which is a definite must when you want to keep the language appropriate to the time frame because they did not use contractions at that time.

I also found your mention of his father and the un-Christian like language a good detail to the story. I'm not sure exactly when the whole King Arthur and Camelot events took place, but I know it was around this time, and in Camelot, the Christian religion was a big part of the world and half of what Arthur built his kingdom off of, therefore we know that in this time frame, appropriate treatment of the Christian religion is a MUST unless the characters want to face exile or treason. So, in my views, you stuck very well to that aspect of the story.

You did a great job with this! Really excellent!


Author's Response: Hi Phoenix Flames, thank you very much for the review.

I'm glad you liked the characterisation and language and felt it worked well - those are two of the biggest worries for me. I'm thrilled you thought the language was authentic because I stress a lot over little details like that.

The description is one of my weaker points so I'm glad you thought I had done well there. Personally I think I could have worked a bit harder with the description nearer the end so I might try and fix it up a bit more.

King Arthur was actually around the 7th century whereas I'm writing in the 9th century here. The king in my story is actually King Alfred who would later be known as Alfred the Great - the only English king ever to possess the title "the great". Alfred the Great was a great Christian man and would have emphasised heavily on Christianity in his kingdom of Wessex so I as trying to keep semi realistic there with his potrayal.

But thank you so, so much for the review. You have made me extremely happy! :)

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Review #12, by Snapdragons In which Godric returns home from battle and is accosted by a crazy old man

24th April 2011:
Confession: this is the first Founders story that I've ever read. So I don't have much to base it off of - but for my first Founders era, I really loved it.

It felt very authentic and true to the time period. (I'm pretty sure this happens before the Crusades, right? Think that was the 11th century.) The speech and the mannerisms felt realistic and I felt as though I was in a historical novel - really excellent :) I'll admit that I don't know too much about this time period, but I noticed and enjoyed the attention to religion, which also felt very realistic.

I'm really interested to read about and meet the rest of the founders and to see their relationships. Also - did I sense foreshadowing with the old man? :P Also can't wait to see Godric learning he's magic - especially with the heavy religious aspect included as well.

An excellent job and it felt true to the time period and was an interesting and enjoyable read! Looking forward to the rest. :)

Author's Response: Thanks hun. :) I'm really glad you liked it. It's great that you felyt it was authentic. Thank you for taking the time to read and review.

- Lily x

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Review #13, by babycakes93 In which Godric returns home from battle and is accosted by a crazy old man

22nd April 2011:
Hey, just here with your review!

Yay for founders stories! There really aren't enough of them out there. :) Let me just say, first off, that in terms of authenticity, I think you've done great. The bloody wars, the glorification of war heroes, the emphasis on religion, it was all there and I think you've put them into this story very believably. On the same note I really like how you've used your vocabulary. It's believable for the times, yet understandable.

Your great vocab also goes a long way for your flow, which I thought was great. Personally, I thought it moved at a very comfortable pace and everything moved together nicely. Going along with that, I think you've hit a great style for this piece, very easy to read and to get caught up in, it's great.

I think we've got a good first look at Godric, but in future chapters, I would love to see more inside him; why he does what he does, what he's thinking about them, so that I, as well as your other readers, can feel even more connected to him and he gets that deeper level to him. That being said, I totally understand that this is a sort of introductory chapter and there isn't going to be mounds of character development right off the bat.

Honestly, I don't have a lot of CC to offer, your grammar and spelling were flawless and you've really got the beginnings of a great story here. Again, I absolutely LOVED the authenticity of the piece, I think you've really done a great job so far in portraying the time period. Awesome job, and I can't wait to read further chapters!

Author's Response: Hi Angela,

Wow, thank you so much for your lovely review. I'm so glad you thought the flow and authenticity was good as that is something I fret about a lot.

I know, description is a bit of a weak point for me and I realise now that you mention it that I didn't get into Godric's mind pretty much at all, so I will keep that in mind for my next chapter.

Thank you so much. I love Founders stories too but it is quite a tricky one to do well I think which is why people shy away from it, so I'm thrilled you thought it was a good introductory chapter.

Your review has made my day, truly.

Thank you so much for taking the time to review my story. :)

- Lily Windsor

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Review #14, by puiwaihin In which Godric returns home from battle and is accosted by a crazy old man

21st April 2011:
Very richly detailed opening scene for the chapter. There is a slight feeling of epic storytelling, like a bard's tale in a tavern inn. If you can maintain this same feel in future chapters you will have an excellent story.

Your Godric character seems similar to Arthur in the the Merlin TV series, if you are familiar with that. As this is the first chapter, having him seem a bit entitled and arrogant is probably what you were going for. I'm sure he will be different, especially once he begins doing magic.

As detailed as your chapter was, you might consider adding more description of the places. A paragraph for describing the feasting hall or perhaps one for the small chapel where Godric prayed would have added to the richness.

Very good start to a Founder's era story. I look forward to reading more of this.

Author's Response: Thanks so much. I'm glad you liked it :)

Description is actually my weak point so I'm glad you found the beginning nicely detailed. I will certainly look at incorporating some of the detail you suggest later in the chapter.

I've actually never watched the Merlin TV series, but I am going for an arrogant Godric (at first) so I'm glad you could see that.

Thank you so much for you review. :)

- Lily Windsor

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