Ahh - this was adorable. I think whatever story it is, as long as it has Louis in it, it makes me want to write him, and this lovely one-shot was no exception, and I loved reading it. Annie was a kind of quirky, dreamy character with a different way of looking at life - like Luna, but not quite - and I liked how you portrayed her, along with Louis, of course, who was so sweet and innocent and so - well, Louis that I don't know what to say, so just keep up the good work!Author's Response: Hi!! Thanks for your reviews, they were a lovely surprise!
I'm glad you like Louis here! This whole one-shot is sort of dreamy in the way it makes no sense that it could be possible between two ordinary people; it's something that makes me cringe a bit when I look back but that I'm glad that you have enjoyed :) I would give Louis a go if I were you, couldn't hurt!
Thanks so much x Report Review
I'm in awe at how you managed to weave an amazing story around a yoghurt shop. It is pure genius. You have such a way with words that I don't even know where to begin. Every sentence is masterfully created, full or metaphor and delicious detail.
What struck me most is how both Louis and Annie both put each other to such lofty heights and the your word choice seems to elevate them even higher. The both elevate each other onto a pedestal, not realising how each really feels about the other until the very end.
Louis' speech at the end was just incredible. Annie is one lucky girl to have someone in her life which has such an incredible way with words and such a love for life.
the story flowed very nicely and was set at a good pace. There was a brilliant amount of detail which enhanced the simple setting and really brought it to life with stunning vibrancy. Grammar was excellent.
Awesome job, I thoroughly enjoyed reading this story.
ravenclawprincess - ravenclawAuthor's Response: I felt stupid writing about a yoghurt shop. It's very absurd. It was slightly surreal. But isn't that sort of an author's job? Make the mundane fantastic? Well, part of an author's ambition at the very least.
Idolizing somebody is as bad as objectifying them--in fact, it's a different kind of objectification. It disallows them humanity and the lovely flaws that humans have. I tried to show how they may or may not be doomed, not to cast an overly cheery glow on this story, by the knife/etc at the beginning but I think this piece can also function as a piece of pure fluff as well. Personally I don't like fluff but I thought I'd try :)
Louis is completely and revoltingly unreal but, hey. This is my one audience-pandering thing and that's okay :P
I'm glad you enjoyed it, thanks for reviewing!! Report Review
Oh Lily, how you know how to play with my feelings. A hopelessly in love best friend, an actual good best friend to be in love with, it all equals this wonderful piece of writing.
Your characterization of Louis seems spot on. I love the description at the start of what he is like and how he would kill you with his wonderful-ness. It reminds me of a friend I have actually, and it also sets up the story really well. The problem with these stories sometimes is that the 'best friend' that they are in love with, actually isn't that nice a person, and also relating to Louis's personality, is that their ignorance is born out of meanness, not niceness. But the thing is, none of this happened with you. Louis was believable, and you could really relate as to why Annie stayed with him all this time. So amazing job!
The only thing I noticed was with the fluidity of the ending into the main body. It seemed a little ... forced, I guess, as if you wanted them to get together, now! rather then waiting for a little longer. Don't get me wrong, it's very sweet and cute and I like it, but yeah, it's a little out of character.
I LOVE the whole yoghurt shop idea, I swear I went and ate some yoghurt right after wards. It was a great quirky theme to have going through the story and in bought in a lot of originality as well.
Overall, really, REALLY cute and sweet and argh! Oh yes, and I loved Annie's personality! So realistic and and easy to relate to. Amazing job! Hugs,
- HPB (otherwise known as nikkinike from Ravenclaw) ;DAuthor's Response: NIKKI HELLO MY LOVE~
So to be honest I don't know where this came from except for the line about yogurt/supercup whatever it was for the challenge :P I do not usually indulge in fluff, because I am not, in my opinion, as good at it as other things, like pure silliness or creepy things or angst or just weirdness.
I think that I probably did force them together...at first I wasn't sure that there would be this whole *~*REVEAL*~* POOF!BOOM!SPARKLE!LOVE! moment, so, I can see that it's a problem -eyeroll at myself-
I love froyo! It's so weird to imagine that I actually wrote a story about it but hey, in order for the franchise to have gotten as big as it is somebody had to have had a dream once, right? Why couldn't it be this little wild child? :P
Thanks so much for your review and i am TERRIBLY sorry that I'm so late in responding! Report Review
I love love love this so so much it has me writing words on repeat.
It's so fluffy and perfect and mesmerizing and stuff. I love how Annie is so in lovingly fascinated by Louis (and can you blame her?) and it is not annoying but... ugh, I don't even know.
I sort of wanted to tell you my favourite quotes, but I gave up quarter-way. I don't think it would be wise to quote the whole thing.
I'm off to read the prequel now. And sorry I left you such a weird review; my mind is currently existing at another level.Author's Response: aww no need to apologize! i'm very pleased that you liked it :) i have a hard time going back and reading it and not wanting to gag a little but it was all in a moment, and while i was writing it i just went with what came...so thank you for your abundant compliments! i appreciate your reviews very much :) Report Review
okay, so this story has been squeed a' plenty, and having read transference, I know you're awesome. And having read this all the way through, I know you're really awesome. I might have to start stalking your author's page. Really. Phwoaar this was a good story. I feel quite giddy. You captured that whole 'arggh-I-really-fancy-you' air really well, and I was listening to this super-duper tense piece of classical music while I was reading, and somehow that made everything kind of 100% more intense or something. Louis was awesome! He was perfect in a not-perfect way, if that even makes sense. No, it doesn't really. I'm quite the incoherent person sometimes. Short and short of it is that I loved this, loved it to bits. Especially lines like this: 'under the knife of his antics.' woah. I love that description. Anyway. I'm going to stop rambling now. This was lovely ♥Author's Response: JULIA.
hahah i'm exceptionally happy that you liked it so much. i'm so surprised that it seems like everyone likes it so much...but i'll take what i can get :P
i was listening to classical music when i wrote it! maybe that's why it went so well with your song.
and i understood every single word of this review because i have special powers.
THANK YOU FOR THE REVIEW! Report Review
There was something altogether beautiful with the way this was written. I’m not quite sure what is is but sentences like this, “I watch him, trying to figure just what about him is a different material; but he slides in and out of my conscious understanding too quickly for me to grasp” are what I am talking about.
I was confused by one line: “He sets my [composition] alight when he is happy”. I don’t quite follow—“work of art”, “the way things are arranged”, “a piece of music”?
The part where Louis is describing the things he remembers about Annie was SWOON-worthy!
I’m so glad that I read “Best Served Cold” first because it really let me in on how Louis felt about Annie as well (since this story is told from Annie’s perspective and I could’ve felt a bit sorry for her seemingly unrequited love). The way that she adored him and the way he obviously adored her was so sweet, innocent yet passionate.
It was lovely, simply lovely. XD
xChar (#3 review by the by!)Author's Response: baww thank you! this review made me smile :)
that line about the composition is the second definition you've offered: i meant it as her makeup, the things that compose her body and spirit...ish deal :P
i'm glad that he prequel actually serves as a functioning prequel and lets you know a little more about louis :) with this story i meant for annie's love to be a little ambiguous, because louis is so unintentionally manipulative, but i guess that isn't the most noteworthy aspect hehe :D
thanks so, so much for the reviews, you've really made my day !! Report Review
Ah. I love love love Louis/Annie's relationship. I just read your prequel to this and am in love with the two of them just after the stories. How they both think the other is perfect and somehow out of this world is great. Wonderful Jobb!Author's Response: awww thank you so much! personally i gag a little...actually...when i go back and read this BUT i am still fond of it and am thrilled at all the feedback i'm getting!
thanks so much for leaving a review, it means a lot to me to know what you're thinking! Report Review
Right now I am incredibly stoaked that I decided to come find your stories. This is the most fun loving, most amazing story I have read in a while. I love the emotions woven in here, seemingly effortlessly, and then the conversation that shows that Louis cares just as much for Annie as she cares for him. It was beautiful.Author's Response: awww i'm so happy that you did too! but for more selfish reasons i'm afraid :P
i'm very flattered that you feel this way--i honestly had no idea that people would glom to this little fluff so well! i'm also glad that you didn't think that louis's concern was overdone, i was so insecure about that.
thank you for your reviews, they've really made me feel a whole lot better and more hopeful right now. *hug* Report Review
THIS IS SO ADORABLE AND FLUFFY I FEEL LIKE I SWALLOWED A DOZEN KITTENS X3
You managed to write about an infatuated girl without her being annoying, and I commend you for that. She's in love with him and fawns on and on about him, but in a way that makes sense, that's endearing. She does it with fascination, and not in some unhealthy way I keep seeing around fics that's very worrying ;P And they're such CUTE FRIENDS. AND THEN IT GETS EVEN CUTER. I MEAN:
“Annie,” he whispers, “I forgot you don’t like yoghurt.”
I WAS LIKE :O :O LOUIS IT'S OKAY BUT HE'S ALL DISTRAUGHT.
Does Veela hypnotism work through fic? Because I am just totally in love with this Louis. This strange but charismatic boy I JUST WANT TO SQUISH.
“You’re—you’re making a mess," SO CUTE.
♥ ♥ ♥Author's Response: AWW *squish* i'm actually surprised that no one has asked about the veela charm transposing the boundaries of reality and fiction (*blink*) because i hoped that would happen MUHAHAHA
i was also hoping that some people would question whether or not annie is herself in her right mind but apparently i made her seem so normal that it isn't coming up...another evil laugh from moi.
bawww thanks so much for the review Ã¢Â™Â¥ Report Review
Hello Lily! :D
LONG TIME NO REVIEW!! I admit I've been kinda swamped, but also very lazy. I've wanted to read more of your stuff for awhile now, so I'm glad I finally have!
Great story! I really, really enjoyed reading this! EVERYTHING YOU WRITE IS SO.. unique! and so interesting! I love how your plots are so completely different to anything I've ever read before! And your talented writing is obviously a bonus!
The feelings, emotions and dialogue in this is so.. deep :P It's so carefully worded.. every sentence just adds to the story. Okay, I'm not explaining it very well, but your writing is just terrific! And I loved the different and interesting plot :)Author's Response: Awww I feel special ;)
And beyond flattered.honestly you make it sound like I'm something else :P
And I know how it is to not be able to explain something, happens to me frequently! But I'm glad that the emotions came through--while I was writing it felt a lot like I was skimming the surface of something, but not like I was actually getting into it. Apparently it worked despite myself :P
Thanks so much for the review *hugs* Report Review
I love this!
I love the opening. I love how the narrator is a little infatuated with Louis (I suppose that's his Veela qualities coming out) and her stream of conciousness/though train/whatever you want to call it is very realistic and very powerful at points.
The dialogue flows, it's believable and realistic and funny. Your Louis is very charismatic. I can see how Annie is attracted to him. I wish I had a Louis in RL!
HNG THE ENDING IS JUST GORGEOUS. I love how observant the both of them are, how Louis is so honest, how they are both so lovely. Gahh...
Lovely, lovely one-shot. Well done!Author's Response: awww thank you! i'm so glad that you like it :) i wish i had a Louis too, although he might be a little too detached for me personally :)
thanks so much for your lovely review :D Report Review
This is one of my favorite one-shots! In my opinion, Louis doesn't get enough attention and I absolutely adore him. I love Annie (and not just because that's my name, too, but that certainly helped me enjoy the story all the more ;D). She's so believable and innocent in how she puts Louis up on this pedastal of perfection and I adore how Louis turns around and shows that he has done the same thing to her. It's just altogether brilliant and I love it and I wish there was more!
bowloforangesAuthor's Response: awww thank you so much! this review made me smile :D i have gotten to like Louis too; i've always wanted to write a character like him, and annie. i'm actually thinking of making a novella of annie and louis's adventures at hogwarts, but i have lots of WIPs to be working on before then ;) i'm so glad that you like it though, thanks so much for the review!! Report Review
That was so sweet! I loved Louis, he was such a cool character even if it only was a oneshot.Author's Response: i'm so glad that you liked him!! thanks so much for reviewing :) Report Review
OMG Louis *SWOONS*! I must contain my swooning long enough for me to review.
This was some good fluffy goodness!!! You know if I wasn't so set on me/any male next gen character, I would TOTALLY be a Louis and Annie shipper lol =p. They are so cute together!!
Descriptions, GREAT! Characterisation, FABULOUSLY believeable. Great pace and nothing felt too rushed =D. You totallly made me hungry btw, just throwing that out there!!
'have told him before that his rear isn’t the most sanitary item to be placing there, but this is his spot' - L.O.L!!!
Great Job Lily! Fantastic
Silverstarletworld =DAuthor's Response: woahhh you were a reviewing ninja! i'd just refreshed the page and then BOOM your review was here! :D
i'm so flattered, stop, you're making me blush... haha i was so hungry while i was writing this!!
and well, yeah it would be a problem because nothing can be as good as you/any male next gen. i'm writing a 'prequel' though, it'll convince you!! :)
heh thanks so much for the review! *hugs* Report Review
Hey! Okay. Wow. I LOVED this! It was just great. Absolutely amazing!! I am really glad that you got this up and sent me the link. The descriptions are wonderful, as are your characters. They were developed really well, and I really felt like I understood Annie. Well done.
~KatAuthor's Response: you were so quick with your review! thank you again for taking it so late *shame*
but i'm very pleased that you liked it! and that you connected with the characters--always a concern with a one-shot! :)
thanks so much for the review, it was an awesome challenge by the way ! :D Report Review
I loved this. You wrote Louis and Annie's relationship very well! I adored your writing style with this piece and your ending was perfect. I was rooting for the characters the whole time. In all, I think this was a brilliant oneshot and I really enjoyed reading it.
- SexyDoorFramesAuthor's Response: thank you so much! i was worried that i didn't explain enough about them to make them a couple worth rooting for, but i'm glad that you were able to connect with them that way!! :D thanks so much for the review, i appreciate it!! Report Review
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