This was...oh my god, it was so amazing! So different from the one I just read but still amazing!
It was so sad at the end but you wrote it so well and the way you wrote Arianna was amazing!
10/10 xxAuthor's Response: Really? Thank you...I never really liked that one, it's not very good in my opinoin, but thank you so much! Report Review
Despite the fact that this was very short, I still loved it! Ariana is such an underrated character, and I am glad that I have read a one shot on her. I felt sorry for her, in a away, because she wanted Aberforth, but it was only Albus who was there for her. It was so sad when she died, after all, it could have been her own brother who killed her! This is my last review, and I have to say that all of your stories have been a pleasure to read, so I thank you. Love from Livvy xAuthor's Response: Thank you for your review :) It was actually a hard story to write. It's hard to write a character that doesn't really talk very much. I'm really glad that you liked it =D Report Review
I liked how detached Ariana's character was in this little story. We all know that magic had somehow affected her functioning as a person and I liked how you've portrayed that here. It was quite chilling and touching to read about her, especially the way she was asking for Aberforth.
It must have been so hard for Dumbledore to take care of her and see her that way. You've also managed to capture his frustrations really well. And it was quite heartbreaking when I read that part about Ariana being aware that Albus didn't care for her. At least not as much as Aberforth had.
The ending was quite haunting, especially as it was written off as murder. I would've loved to see more descriptions, though, and a little variety in sentence structure, because some paragraphs sounded a little choppy for my taste. ;)
Overall, it was an interesting read for me, so thank you!
xtinjsc (Hufflepuff)Author's Response: Awwies, thank you for the compliments. Honestly, I didn't put much work into this fanfic. I do need to go back and write a few things. Thank you so much for your wonderful review :) Report Review
Right, to begin with sorry I'm only getting round to this now. Anyway I really liked this story. I've never actually bothered to sit down and read anything involving Ariana or the Dumbledores before so it was good to actually read one, and see what I was missing.
I think you definitely captured well who her favourite brother was, being Aberforth. Albus' obvious frustration with his sister was portrayed well, I think too. I loved the point you made about the soup being bought rather than made. It really stuck out to me the fact that he apparently couldn't even be bothered to make his sister some soup. You emphathised for her there.
Your last sentence is very powerful. The fact that she would never live to see the boy who lived because she was murdered is a good point to end on. You've pointed out that this is what she's missing out on.. because she was killed, something she had no control over.
I couldn't find any obvious mistakes other than the spacing, which you could easily sort out. Overall great job, and thanks for taking the time to enter this in my challenge. :) I enjoyed reading it.Author's Response: =D Oh my, what wonderful compliments. Thank you so much, that means so much to me. I wasn't very comfident on this fanfic, but now I am! I can't thank you more for giving this challenge :D I loved it, and I had fun writing Ariana. I'm glad you enjoyed it. Thank you for your compliments :) Report Review
Hey again! Me from the forums ^_^
Aww a fic on Ariana D: I rarely see stories written about rare characters, and when I do, I feel like squishing the writer for making an attempt at it :)
Your summary, I think, should really only have the challenger's penname and a bit about the story :) We know Ariana isn't written about often, so having this in the Author's Note would probably work better (:
Straight off it's easy to see where in the books this story is taking place, and I love how it could be a snippet of canon. The wonderful JKR has left so much for fanfic writers to work with that it thrills me to see aspects being written I would not have thought about before :D
The plot, pace and length are all brilliant - you managed to get so much in a small word count, and at the end of the day, it's so much more about quality than quantity :)
One tip is to reread this chapter and try to combine some of the shorter sentences. You have a lot of them with so many pauses that it almost feels like the full stop is stopping the reader too much. A few commas, some conjoining words, and you'll be all up to scratch in improving the flow.
Ariana is very realistic, and I'm so glad to see that. She's a tough character to write because of her mysterious magical condition, so the way you wrote that is fantastic :D
One other thing is how Albus' spectacles are 'slumped on the end of his long nose' which sounds a little awkward and out of place. Instead of 'slumped', how about 'had slipped down'? :) Just an idea :)
A beautiful viewpoint for a story, and a pleasure to read :)
Well done on it :DAuthor's Response: Thank you for taking the time..I don't think I like this Fanfic much. It was pretty hard. Thank you for your review :) Report Review
The scene was captured perfectly, particularly Albus's frustration with his sister. The way he treated her...it would explain so much of his guilt in his later years, specifically his desperation to use the Resurrection Stone to see her again.Author's Response: :) Thanks for the commets! And thank you for taking the time to review :DDD Report Review
that was really quite good, it is very well written, and very believable.Author's Response: Thank you! That means a lot to me, because I didn't know if I did too well :) Report Review
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