I really liked this. One of the reasons is because you teamed the boys up, which is something that is a great idea but I never thought of doing. Second, I like the first-person view of this and how you show Lily's feelings, because I thought if a book like this ever came out it would feature Al's view, but I really like Lily's because she is the youngest and you can really feel her anger as you read this. Third, you are a really good writer, as you showed much detail and a lot of how she is feeling. I hope I get to see Lily at Hogwarts! Report Review
i really enjoyed reading this :) i hope you update soon!Author's Response: I'm glad to hear you enjoyed it! An update probably won't be until after I've finished Break My Own Fall (or BMOF, as I lovingly refer to it), but it's still nice to hear feedback, as I've given up hope on this story a bit. Thanks for reviewing! :) Report Review
hahahahaha oh my gosh I love this. I really wanted a story from Lily's POV and here it is!! Ah how I love randomly looking at who's online on the home page and clicking on authors, I find the best stories that way :) I also saw you have one about Oliver and Alicia I'm totally checking out as well. I've always pictured them together :) I have a George Angelina one, and another story which I'll be putting all these different couples in, not sure how it'll turn out, but so far it's ok... sorry, going on a tangent. Point of all this is, I love this story, and can't wait to read more! k going to do that now :)Author's Response: A George/Angelina, eh? I must look into that. And I've always thought of Alicia and Oliver as getting together too, probably because she was usually the one who put him in his place (when Angelina didn't, of course)!
I'm really glad to hear you like the story so far! I haven't read a lot of Next Gen stories (I know, that sounds awful!) and so I'm really nervous about how this story is gunna turn out. Thank you so much for all your reviews, they've made me smile and feel rather big-headed actually ;D Report Review
Ha ha, this is certainly quite amusing. I think you've certainly managed to make me smile a lot in just reading this first chapter.
As far as grammar and spelling go, I didn't pick up on many errors. However, you may want to fix this line: I donít know what is more surprising, the fact that you too are so easily amused, or that James is actually thinking for the first time in seventeen years." Too in this instance should actually be two. Other than that, I didn't pick up on anything huge that needed mending.
I have to admit that Lily is funny. Her attitude, how she feels about her brothers, and the fact that she gets so angry so easily. I suppose she does fulfill the whole 'redheads have nasty tempers' stereotype. (Though, to be quite honest I haven't met a redhead that doesn't have a bad temper.)
Although, to be truthful, I'd probably be just as livid if someone put a niffler in my room and it decided to destroy it.
I like your characterizations of Lily and her brothers. Albus and James certainly seem like a handful. Albus seems rather adorable, though, I can certainly see that he's not all so innocent as he tries to be.
As far as flow and pacing go, everything seemed to go well on that front. So kudos there!
This seems like a promising start - especially with Lily's dramatic fall on her face sequence. Trust me, when you try to be graceful when you're angry it's almost always a fail.
I've done it before.
Ha ha! Great job!
LindersAuthor's Response: Thank you so much for your lengthy review! I'll change the whole 'too-two' thing when I go back and edit this whole story - I'm planning on doing it once I have everything written! Again, thanks so much for the feedback, I really appreciate it! Report Review
A fab start!
Such a refreshing way to introduce the characters in their home environment so you got a look att he whole family before others appeared :D
I've been looking for a good Lily story and I think I've found one! :D
10/10Author's Response: Thank you! I didn't even think of starting Lily off at home to introduce characters in their natural habitat...I just...did? Yeah, I did, appareantly. And I hope you stick with this story, because I'm HOPING it'll turn out to be good! If it's not, feel free to use the Cruciatus Curse on me to your heart's content! Report Review
hehe this is brilliant i absolutely LOVE it especially the opening and Lily falling on her face hehe classic please update quickly because i promise ill be reading it :DAuthor's Response: Ah yes, the classic 'angry person attempting a dramatic exit and then fails completely' move. :D Thank you so much, and I promise Chapter Two is coming ASAP! Report Review
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