Hahaha, I love you PP! Your AN's always make me giggle, lol!! I really like this chapter. It's odd to see a Longbottom in Slytherin, but she certainly does have all the right traits to be in that house. Her little "outsider" quirks remind me of Neville. He IS her dad, correct? Just making sure I'm keeping track ok, lol... ^_^'
I really like the way you have written Aurora's character. I've not read too many personalities like hers before, so it's good to have a nice change. The fact that she is just 1 of 3 is also interesting, even tho she is set apart from the other two. I can't wait to learn more about Astra & Aiden as well!
There were so many other things here that sparked my interest, apart from Aurora and her family that is. Like Al's "nightmares" and the introduction of so many new characters. But most importantly I am dying to know more about this Psych-Ward scandal thingy... You're such a tease with your cliffhanger endings, lol! I know all about RL getting in the way of updates tho. My own story hasn't been updated in a YEAR!! But even still, I do hope that another update will be up soon tho... Pretty please?? ;)
Oh, and just so you know, I AM available to make a CI for this chapter whenever you are ready for it! I'm not filling anything else right now, nor have I entered any challenges lately. So just fill out the form and feel free to hit me up in the "Specific Artist" section at TDA whenever. :)
Hmmm... what else? Oh yes, as for my thoughts on pie; I'm actually more of a cheesecake person, truth be told. But Cherry Pie is definitely the best, if you're really gonna make me pick, lol!!! XDAuthor's Response: So sorry I'm late in replying to this!!!
hehe Yes Neville is Aurora's father. She was just MADE for Slytherin. I had so much fun writing her. She has such a unique personality and she brings so much to the story (more to come in later chapters). She is one of three!!! That will be very important later. ;) You'll get to see a bit of Astra in the next chapter. Hope you like her too!! She's very different than Aurora.
Al's nightmares probably won't get discussed much more further than this. Though I might write a one shot about it in the future if enough people are interested. But for right now you'll just have to use your imagination.
Psych-ward scandal thing is BIG. Just remember it because it's not going to show up again for a few chapters.
I am working my butt off trying to get chapter four finished. I have about 500 more words to write and then I have to send it to my beta. So hopefully within the next month!!!
Thanks so so so much for reviewing this!!!
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That was a great first chapter. Can't wait to read the next one!Author's Response: Thanks so much for the review!!!
The next two chapters are posted and ready for your reading pleasure lol. If you have the time/want to, please tell me your thoughts on the next two chapters!!
Thanks again for reading and especially reviewing!! Report Review
I really liked the first chapter! I thought it was a really cool idea, and it will be fun to see all the characters develop. 10/10
Cassie :)Author's Response: Thanks so much for reviewing!!!
I actually got the idea from a book I read once (can't remember the title or what it was about), each character got their own chapter and each had a different POV. It was really interesting so I wanted to re-create that here. I hope I do a good job!!
Thanks again for reviewing and I hope you like the next chapter!!!
I'm flattered you used my picture for your character. I'm a big fan of the Harry Potter Series, but then who isn't? :) Keep up the writing!Author's Response: OMG I totally freaked out when I read this review!! I spent forever trying to come up with a decent enough response to convey my joy? happiness? for this review. But all I can think to say is thank you so much :) Report Review
Loving this, and I'd quite like to see a Lorcan/Lysander POV chapter.Author's Response: Beast!
Thanks for reading and leaving a review!! You get a cookie!!
There will def be a Lorcan/Lysander POV chapter, but I'm not sure I want them to have their moment in the spotlight just yet. They act as sort of distancing characters, meaning they are separate from the main story archs and kind of go off and do there own thing. Lol I truly love their story line I just don't think I can do it this early on :(
Thanks again for the review!!! Report Review
I'm not much of a fan of first person POV or second gen, but I've come to give both a bit more of a chance recently and I'm glad I continued on with your work despite my personal preferences. Rose has an interesting way of behaving - at first she comes off as tough and arrogant, and also smart (Tangents only I could follow, for example) but then she sort of loses her edge with Scorpius. She goes from being mad at him for smirking to smitten with him in general, which amused me. Its not a bad thing, I just found the quick switch entertaining.
Scorpius is bundles of fun - I absolutely adored the line 'I hadn't always tried to make my father want to make a voodoo doll of me'; it seemed to capture a rather wry, witty humor. I like the way you've taken his and Albus' story so far - that they didn't really get the whole truth from their parents. I'm interested in what Albus had to say to the Hat - so I'd have to say he'd be the POV I'd want next. I'm also interested in Ara, who has quite the mouth and sharp attitude on him.
I also find it absolutely hilarious that Scorpius forgot about Rose entirely XD
All in all I like it so far, and I'll be keeping an eye out for updates!Author's Response: This is my first time ever writing next gen AND first person. I wanted to challenge myself and do something I wasn't totally comfortable with. Because if an author just keeps repeating one style of writing how are they ever going to grow? Anyways, this was a big leap for me and I'm glad you stuck with it :)
At this point in the story Rose has a major crush on Scorpius, but she knows that her father doesn't like the Malfoy family and that they have a dark history. So she's fighting an internal battle with herself over whether she should just let go and let herself like Sco or whether she should continue on being indifferent towards him.
Scorpius is quite an interesting character isn't he? I LOVE his sense of humor, and that's probably one of my favorite lines from the whole story so far ^.^.
Scorpius and Albus have sooo much in common, but at the same time are two totally different people. Keep an eye on them throughout the story and you'll see how that realization that both their fathers lied to them effects their personalities and effects who they become.
You're probably not going to find out what Albus said to the hat :( I hadn't planned to have that scene in the story at all. I just wanted to show that both he and Scorpius talked the hat into sorting them into different houses. Albeit Albus's conversation with the hat was much more forceful than Sco's. Maybe I will write it as an outtake and post it...that's a good idea! Lol thanks :)
Ara! Oh I adore him! He's sooo different from any other character I've written, you'll see more of him next chapter (and more of Al too).
Well Sco had a lot to think about! And remember that earlier in the chapter he said he was only taking her to hogsmede to make his father mad. More on that next chapter!
Thanks so much for reading and reviewing!!! Report Review
This is a great story. I love how you've conected the charectors and explained them in detail. If there's one critisisem i think the house chose's are a bit odd at first. But other than that i rely got into it. Please write more! :P
Thanks...Author's Response: Thanks for the awesome review!! You get a cookie! *hands cookie*
Yay for successful introductions!! I really wanted to get all the characters out there and explain just a little bit about them before diving into the real story. I'm glad you liked it.
There is a reason my characters are all over the place house wise. They are there own people, not governed by their parents choices. I really wanted to emphasize the fact that they are the NEXT gen, meaning they are different from there parents. That and I wanted to get an inside look into more than one house.
Thanks again for the awesome review!!
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You've got the "I'm a cool modern girl" monologue down pat. I could see this being the mind of a magical Hannah Montana or Princess Diaries, er, princess whatever her name is. In case you're in doubt, that's a compliment. It sounds natural and imitates a very popular style of 1st person narration very well.
Now you asked: Do I like the story? So far, no. Thus far it's the sort of teen romance I really don't care for at all. However, I'm sure the number of people who will genuinely enjoy this story on this site outnumber me 1000 to 1, so don't feel bad that I don't like it. This is not a genre I really enjoy.
Did you introduce too many characters? Yes. Too much detail done in the wrong way. You would have been better off introducing them as they appeared somewhere in the plot. You did a nice job giving a chatty description from the main character's point of view, but I really found it tedious after the first thousand characters (if that's an exaggeration, sorry, I lost count somewhere). Siriusly, though, if you had introduced half as many it would have been fine.
Personally, I found the characterization of Rose's love/hate for Scorpius to be cliché. I know, that sort of review is itself a cliché, but it's what really struck me. And you even used a few clichés to pound the point home, such as "calm, cool, and collected" when description would have been better.
Other readers will probably like this and won't care if you reuse characterizations others have used. You did write it well and if weren't for how you dragged the encyclopedia entry style listing of characters out for too long, it would have been a fine read-- despite my not liking the genre.
Sorry for the negativity, but I did warn that I have no sympathy for ship stories. Hope my comments will give you something to think about.Author's Response: Thanks for the review!! You get a cookie! *hands cookie* It's not poisoned I promise :)
I'm glad I got the first person down! I worked so hard on not screwing it up, and I'm glad all my hard work paid off.
Okay so what you have to remember when reading this, is that Rose is a 14 year old girl who has a crush. I tend to not like romance either, but for this story she has to walk that certain path. But this story is not about the romance, it's not central to it at least. But it does factor into who Rose becomes as a person.
The character introduction was the hardest part of this story by far. A lot of next gens intro people like you said as the plot develops, but I needed all of the characters to be mentioned in this chapter, and I didn't want to have them all physically in one chapter. Her 'assignment' was just a convenient way to get all the intros out of the way.
The romance is cliche, because you are seeing it from the perspective of a love-struck teenaged girl XD It's supposed to be a contrast to the way Scorpius see's there relationship in the next chapter. I'm glad you brought it up because I was hoping people would catch it.
I'm really glad I asked for this review, you pointed out everything I put in the chapter on purpose (many people didn't). Even though this first chapter wasn't your cup of tea, I have a feeling the rest of the story (as it gets darker) will be. I'll probably re-request your reviews again.
Thanks again for the review!
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Hi there, LMW from the forums with your requested review. You mentioned that this is your first Novel length and your first next generation.
First off, you don't stick to canon by using your creativity to manipulate the characters. I'd be sure to mention that in your summary so readers are aware because it may offend some readers. Personally, I prefer canon simply because I think you have a lot to play with. But you are welcome to do what you want.
Secondly, you need to watch your grammr and such. Make sure to capatlize things like Fourth Year, etc. If JKR capatalized it in the books, captalize it in fanfiction. You said you had a beta reader but it just seems to me that she missed a few things. Maybe giving it another read over would be helpful.
Rose is a likeable and believable 14 year old. Her ADD and general nervousness makes her a realistic character. I also think the assignment was a clever way to introduce how you wanted to include all the characters. Though, if I was doing a bloodline, I'd start with myself and my nucleur family. Just something to consider if you wanted to edit the chapter.
Overall, I think its okay and will appeal to some readers. Best of luck.
LMWAuthor's Response: Thanks for the review!! You get a cookie! *hands cookie*
I had thought about putting a warning that I did mess with the family tree, but I really didn't mess with it too much. Granted I deleted some characters, but overall I kept the female/male ratio the same, the number of next gen cousins the same, and the Potter Children and Ron's kids exactly the same. So in my mind I didn't change anything but a few names. I know it's not everyone's cup of tea, but I'd rather not put the warning and get the reads, than put the warning and not get the reads.
Did I not capitalize Fourth Year? Huh, I should go back and fix that. But this thing has been beta'd so many times, if there is anything else you saw wrong please let me know (besides the capitalizations).
I'm glad you found Rose to be likeable :) I had a really great time writing her and I'm glad her personality fits.
The assignment...yeah I had thought about different ways to start the family tree, but my train of thought behind choosing the way I did was that Rose is thinking of this as an assignment and not as her family members, so therefore her Ravenclaw mind/habits make her do it in chronological (sort of) order. I know it's a round-about way, but Rose is kind of round-about too haha.
Thanks again for the review!
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Oooh interesting... I like the idea of this story and I liked how you described each next gen character (was Lily meant to resemble Pippi Longstocking? XD)
This is the first next gen story I've read so I'm looking forward to seeing where you take this. Normally next gen stories don't catch my attention but strangely your's did and i'm glad :]
xx Kizzy xxAuthor's Response: Thanks so much for the review!! You get a cookie! *hands cookie*
I don't know much about Pippi, I mean I think I saw the movie about 15 years ago. Gah that makes me sound old haha. If you mean resemble as in outward appearance, no. Lily is much cleaner (for some reason I remember Pippi being dirty, but this may just be faulty memory).
Okay I just looked Pippi up (on wikipedia so I don't know how accurate this info is). Lily is like Pippi in the way that she doesn't want to grow up, but she doesn't really shun/mock adults. Lily clings to the innocence of childhood, and has the mindset that the world is all unicorns rainbows and sunshine.
Anyways, any resemblance to Pippi was purely coincidental XD
First ever next gen story? Wow! Fun times! You should know that I deviate a lot from normal next gens. I have my own family tree (as you saw) and my characterization is pretty different as well. I hope you enjoy it!!
Thanks again for the review!! Report Review
Hey Robbi!! Thot I'd give this a quick read before I set out to make the Chapter Image for it... This chapter is REALLY GOOD, and such a great way to start off what I am now positive will be a fabulous next-gen. story!!! I love the first-person POV, and was shocked to hear that this was your 1st attempt at writing it! Your writing style is so great here that you almost seem like a natural, haha!! And I didn't really see any spelling errors, but there were a few missing commas in some places. So whatever you're doing; do keep it up hun! =)
The absence of some of the names I have become familiar with thru reading other next-gens (i.e. Dominique, Molly II, & Fred II) took some time to adjust too in the beginning, but the characters you have added in place of them seem to be really well thought out. I especially loved Wilfred, lol, but I cannot wait to learn more about each and every one of them as this story progresses... I also cannot wait to make Chapter Images for each of them as well - if you'll still have me after the 1st one gets finished that is, lol!! =P
There were SO MANY other things about this that I absolutely loved tho... Like the new History of Magic teacher, Henrick Henwick, (very creative name btw) and the way that Proff. Binns got blown away by the wind - too funny, haha!! Roses personality is addicting, and I love her sense of humor too! I also enjoy the way that Rose acts like she can't stand Scorpius sometimes, like when he smirked at her in the beginning, and yet she is so obviously into him, lol! I sense that the 2 of them will end up together very soon, no? ;)
I promise I will get started on the image for this chappie ASAP!! I have already added this story to my favorites, and will be eagerly awaiting your next update soon, haha!! 10/10Author's Response: Thanks for the awesome review!!! You get a cookie!! *hands cookie*
I'm so glad you think I made a good first attempt at first person!! I tried so hard to make it sound okay, so I'm glad my hard work paid off :) I hate commas DX hehe
Molly is here.and Fred is just Wilfred XD I excluded Dom, Lucy, and Roxanne (all girls) in favor of some boys! XD Oh and Technically I just changed Fred to Wilfred and made him a girl lol. I wanted to do something a little different and I hope my changes pay off.
Wilfred!! She is SUCH a cool character and I can't wait to write from her perspective (another funny/humor/fluff chapter). :D
Henrick, ah my brainchild. You will see lots more of him (as he is the only teacher I have planned out XD) in upcoming chapters :) Binn's story will also come back to into play later!!
Rose!! She was so much fun to write, I absolutely had a great time incorporating her character and personality into her homework assignment :) Hehe Rose is a little frustrated with Scorpius (because obviously she's head over heels for him but doesn't want to admit it), but the frustration will be to her advantage later ;)
Scorpius's POV is up next!! ;) You'll enjoy it I'm sure ;)
Thanks again for the review!!
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first of all, i love that she talks to herself. and her spin-turned-sexy little dance. I fell on the floor and got weird laugh for that :D i love their assignment, and even though its a little weird for me to not see NG cannon children, they are all cool enough. I love WilFred ;) and Rose is nervous around Scorpius ;) Ah. Love.Author's Response: Thanks for the review!!! You get a cookie!! *hands cookie*
XD I love Rose, I absolutely do. From the moment I read the epilogue I knew this was how Rose was going to turn out. Kinda weird, a little eccentric, and so in love with Scorpius!
Yes! Success with the assignment! I was trying to figure out a clever way to introduce all the characters without just having all 15 of them in one chapter.
I wanted to do something a little different with the family tree. So I played around a bit, kept some characters, tossed others, and invented a few new ones (I LOVE Wilfred too!!). And technically, I have one less cousin on my family tree (I make up for it in OCs though XD).
Rose and Scorpius ;) More to come on that next chapter!
Thanks again for the review!! Report Review
My head is spinning a bit with all the names but I think that always happens to me with Next Gem, because the Hogwarts Gem multiplied a TON!
The double spacing between lines annoys me but that is a me thing.
I am rather excited to see where this all goes. I like the idea of Draco being upset his son was sorted into another house besides Slytherian it seems I always read he is fine or even pleased with the idea.
I am very excited for you and I can't wait to read more.Author's Response: Thanks so much for the review!! You get a cookie! *hands cookie*
Haha yeah the Hogwarts gen had lots of babies lol, but even with my changes to the tree I kept the same number of kids. JKR has 12 next gen, and so do I. 13 really if you count Teddy, and 15 if you count Lorcan and Lysander. I do have a few more characters I'll admit (the triplets Aiden, Astra, and Aurora), but I hope it's not too many for people to keep track of ^_^
The spacing! Gah the online editor kept messing up the spacing in between my paragraphs. It kept telling me that I needed double returns i.e. one space between paragraphs, but I already had a space! Then it kept adding 5 spaces and I got fed up with it! Then I thought I had it right, but the spacing is still messed up :/ I will have to go back and edit that.
I think I stayed true to who Draco is as a character. Or at least as close as I could. Draco may have switched to the good side, but he's still a slytherin and he's still a pureblood. So really his views haven't changed at all. He would want his son to be in Slytherin. You'll find out more about Scorpius' sorting in the next chapter ;)
Thanks again for the review!! Report Review
This is really good for first person on a first try! I mean, what do I know, I only have one chapter up right now, but I've done a great deal of writing before and I find first person views to be hardest.
Just a note, dont indent your paragraphs. Sure, its proper, but this is fanfiction, and it makes it a little hard to read. Another note, you dont need to start a new paragraph as much, only for dialogue and when a completely new thought starts.
The spacing is a little off, but you'll find that the chapter editor seems to be tempermental. If you look at my story or someone else's, you can see how the paragraphs are spaced out. I find the best thing to do is paste it straight from word (though it says not to) and when it asks for permission to my clipboard, I say no.
Back to the fiction. I've never read a next generation story yet. I've been trying not to let people's writing influence my definition of the characters I have up, though this was interesting. The characters werent exactly what I would have imagined them.
I think this story will be very great after setting and people are established. Wonderful job :)Author's Response: Thanks so much for the review!!! You get a cookie! *hands cookie*
This is my very first time using first person EVER! My beta, my sister, and I all combed through it to make sure that I indeed stayed in first person (I have a horrible habit of switching), so I'm glad that our hard work paid off.
I've had sooo many issues with formating this chapter, I swear it was a nightmare. The indentations...I'll fix that and resubmit it ^_^ I hadn't noticed that I indented them to be honest, I don't usually.
Again the formating with this chapter was nightmareish! I tried so many times to copy and paste it (I did copy and paste from word, but it still added extra space). It kept telling me that I didn't have enough space, then when I went to fix it it put five spaces in between my paragraphs! And this chapter still turned out with too many spaces :/ Seriously not my fault haha
The next gen characters are fun to write because we only see them for one chapter and we don't know that much about them. So it's pretty easy to invent your own ideas about who they become over the years. So everyone's next gen characters will be a little different from one another.
Thanks again for the review! Report Review
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