plz bring out the other chapters ASAP. Report Review
Seriously? Is that the best you can do? Add snarky comments to your author's notes (a title which, in my opinion, is one you do not deserve, given how many errors and problems with your style and plot) and say "who needs those readers"? Well, let me tell you now, darling. The only person losing out here is you. If you want to be a writer, a proper writer, then you need to learn how to take constructive criticism and respond to it in a mature manner. For a start, why not actually have the guts to respond to my review?
I previously said in a review that your story has potential. Well, I think I've changed my mind. Dramione has never appealed to me, as a matter of fact, and this one really is filled to the brim with cliches, bad characterisation, Americanisms, and -- above all -- spelling and grammar errors. Just because people tell you it's good doesn't mean it actually is. So instead of behaving childishly about what really is quite a simple matter, why not do the mature thing and take my advice (and Aimee's) on board? It is very, very possible for you to find a beta. And it has become impossible for you to have this many errors in a document and not have Microsoft Word indicate that they are, indeeed, mistakes.
So. If you want people to take you seriously, and not think that a ten-year-old wrote this, I advise that you get a beta. Preferably an experienced one, and one that can help you along the way with the basics of spelling, grammar, punctuation and characterisation. And perhaps they will also be able to assist with the plot, since that is also something very weak at the moment.
Please remember that I am not criticising your story because I like criticising them. If I wanted to do that, I could have easily said that your story looks like it's been written by a five-year-old and left it at that. Instead, I have explained exactly where you have gone wrong, given very valid points, and I really, really hope you at least learn something after reading my review. I only am a humble writer, and I just want to help other writers along the way.Author's Response: Look let me put this sweetly, if you don't like my story stop reading it! Okay it doesn't matter if only one person reads it and likes it or if one thousand people read it and hate it! If you don't like it don't read it! And if you are critcising other people's work I hope that if I read one of your stories (but I don't want to put myself through that torture) , then there shouldn't be even one mistake. And usually I'd be kind and laugh off and agree with my grammer errors when people review about them but, you are taking it too seriously. This is fanfiction, not an actual published book! I take my writting seriously and sometimes as I've explained before I get so caught up in the writting I completly loose my attention on the grammar but, in the story itself. If you don't like that I'm sorry. I suggest you don't read it. Report Review
omg i want more that was amazing i so want to find out what happens next xAuthor's Response: thank you very much you are a wonderful reviewer
I likeish this story so far (likeish cause I hate dramione). But I think this story would be loads better if you lengthened your chapters. And also, it might improve the fluidness of it if you break apart your paragraphs more i.e. when you have dialogue.
I'll keep an eye on this one!Author's Response: I'll try my best
Honestly, I can't believe you're taking constructive criticism this way. I'm not trying to be mean or nasty, I'm trying to help you. There are betas out there who'd be more than willing to work with you, I know. All you have to do is ask them on the HPFF forums. Your general idea is good, and I can see that your dedication to the story and the amount of imagination you've poured into it is generating a good response from people. It's also quite funny, when you look past the awful grammar and spelling mistakes.
What word processor do you use? Does it have spell-check? Use it, and you will generate more reviews and a better response, I can almost promise it. Your story is screaming out to be told well, which is why I've come back to try and convince you to sort out your mistakes again, but please, this time, don't take this as a flame. It's constructive criticism, and it's designed to help writer's mature and grow.
Please, listen to me and get a beta. And stop making snippy comments in AN's about how you don't need helpful reviews - it's actually quite hurtful to me, and I have spent a great deal of time trying to convince you to get help.
(3/10)Author's Response: Yes I use spell-check which is why cannon names are misspelled. I'm sorry to say this but.take your criticism and stick it up to where the sun don't shine. (let's see if your smart enough to get that). You are a loser and don't deserve to read my story! It is isn't bad it's just way too good for you. Report Review
Still enjoying it... Report Review
Well, I'm laughing hard, and smiling, so I suppose it's time to keep reading! Report Review
I'm sorry, but I've got to review this just to tell you how much you need to improve on your grammar. Your story has potential. But I honestly think that when it comes to grammar and spelling -- particularly canon spellings like "Weasley" which you spelt "Weasly" in the previous chapter -- that you can't go wrong with Google. So please, don't take it offensively when I tell you that you seriously need to work on spelling and grammar.
I'm surprised these chapters have even been validated on here -- to be perfectly honest, the amount of errors in your story are horrendous. Simply a spell check would eliminate some of them, although of course, a spell check can't always be relied on for complete accuracy. And it's a real shame that you respond rudely to anyone who is offering you CONSTRUCTIVE criticism, because I'm 100% sure that none of them wanted to offend you. Instead of doing that, why not listen to their advice? Take it from me, a fellow teenager (I'm guessing you're a teenager, because someone in their twenties or older would certainly not write like that) who has as much to learn about writing as you do.
And please understand that no one is trying to patronise you when they're saying that your grammar and spelling and punctuation need improving. If you want to write, you've got to do it properly. Thanks for your time and I really do hope that you don't take it offensively, because I can assure you that that was not my intention at all, and I simply want to help you. I'm sure there are tutorials on HPFF Forums that can assist you, or you could get a beta (or two). I know you said that you can't always catch errors, and that's okay. But ask someone else to do it for you and then they can help you with characterisation as well as spelling and grammar and punctuation, and you can learn along the way. Like I said, the last thing I want to do is patronise you so please, please don't take this the wrong way.
~Soraya~Author's Response: Spell-check is what makes my canon names misspelled. and for the record you spelled three words wrong. Added an extra comma and forgot a period. F*** that. Report Review
Yes, fun! Keep the chapters coming. You're doing great!Author's Response: don't worry i'm taking a short break but, i'll be back! thanks for reviewing!
stormi Report Review
OMG please put up more this is EPIC!
xDAuthor's Response: Your so nice! Gracias por todo! The next chapter will be coming soon! Thank you plz keep reading and reviewing!
luv all reviewers
stormi Report Review
OMG that is so fuc*ing funny
"Hermionejusttoletyouknowyouneedtocometodinneratthemansioncauseitoldmymomiwasdatingyou" lolz love Draco Report Review
I like the story so far as I just started it. I mean this in the nicest possible way, it is a little hard to get into/involved in the story with the chapters being so short. That is the only criticism I have. Keep going just longer chapters pleaseAuthor's Response: you don't need to feel bad about criticism. Really and my new chapter that I'm still planning is super lod. So continue reading and reveiwing.
luv all reviewers
stormi Report Review
overall a good story.the grammar mistakes are really distracting though. if you can correct those you'll be good :)Author's Response: Gracias por todo. Thank you for everything you know how criticque a person kindly and i'm working my best on grammar. Thank you for reviewing!
love all reviewers
stormi Report Review
Nice!! Keep up the writing!Author's Response: Thank you and the next chapter is already waiting to be validated. Please keep reading and reviewing Report Review
Hi love your stories but could you make it quite longer?Author's Response: don't worry after the fourth chapter they'll be extremely gone. I just want to make them short till the dinner which is chapter five thank you for reading. And for reviewing for each chapter it shows what a dedicated reader you are. And thak you for saying you love my stories not many people do. Please keep reading and reviewing. Report Review
Hi awesome story! Keep on writing! :-)Author's Response: Thank you. Keep reading and reviewing and try reading Pansy Isn't STupid another one of my stories Report Review
write more. quickly
its amazing... i want to know whats gonna happen next!Author's Response: thank you i'm writing as fast as i can but, validation does take a while. And after the next chapter they'll be major drama. So keep reading and reviewing even though in my opinion the next chapter is boring. But still read and review Report Review
I'm sorry, but I didn't like it much. To be honest, you spelt review wrong to start with...perhaps a little proof-read before you post, if you aren't going to bother with a beta. The storyline, like you said, has potential, but I couldn't enjoy for how much my mind was correcting all the grammar mistakes.
AimeAuthor's Response: Well yes I know I do have mistakes but, so does everyone else. Infact, I've never read one story that hasn't at least have ten grammar mistakes. And sometimes your in such a hurry that you forget to spell the most simple of words. And if you didn't like then I apoligize for the dissapointment but, there are elven people who do and i perfer thier opinion over yous anytime. Report Review
This so funny, I can really imagine everyone's expressions in this chapter.
Just one thing, it says that Hermione's hair was not cascading in ringlets down her back, shouldn't it be they were cascading down her back? I don't know I was just confused.
8.9/10Author's Response: oops your right, guesss i made a mistake. Thank you for pointing it out. And thanks i try to make it as funny as possible without making it a over kill thank you once again. And keep reading and reviewing cuz it makes me so hapy Report Review
OMG this story is so god! haha pleeeaasee write more (:Author's Response: thank you and my next chapter won't be up for at least three days. because i decided to write a quick one-shot called Pansy Isn't Stupid when it's validated please read it and reveiw its a dramione. And thank you for the compliments. When the next chapter comes up please continue to review and read. Reading what people think of my stories makes me so happy. So thank you Report Review
I absoultely loved it!Author's Response: yeah my first reviewer for this chapter. Thank you so much, really! And please keep reading and reveiwing cause trust me everytime I get a reveiw my heart grows three times bigger Report Review
I loved it! It was funny how he just said it so casual like.
Keep em comingAuthor's Response: Eep thank you so much and what is up with pineapple dreamer? Favorite fruit? Report Review
Hahahah...loved it!!!...Can't wait to read what happens in the following chapters...keep them coming...:)Author's Response: Thank you so much and my newest chapter is awaiting validation so keep checking. Keep reading and reveiwing because i love reading them. Report Review
Keep writing. Its really good. Maybe a bit longer if possible. But all in all fantastic. Cant wait till the juicy stuff happens.Author's Response: After the third chapter they will get longer this is just the rising action how we're getting to that big dinner. And thank you for the compliments really, and don't worry volcano of juicy stuff will erupt just not in early chapters proably like i said after the the third chapter. Thank you for reveiwing and keep reading and reveiwing because all my reviews make my day. Report Review
LOL, too funny!
I love it how Draco just casually said that, I'm kind of more interested in Ginny and Pansy's reaction than Hermione's.
8/10Author's Response: in my new chapter I didn't mention thier reactions to that part because oops don't want to spoil it. In another part their reactions are Pansy shocked and Ginny trying to hold Hermione down. Hopefully I didn't give anything away Report Review
Terms of Service
categories & genres
short story collection