Reading Reviews for Fighting for Them
  
6 Reviews Found

Review #1, by ginerva_molly_weasley Of Weasleys, Weddings, and a Train Ride

8th March 2012:
Hm an interesting chapter!

There is a lot of dialogue in this so you may want to consider adding in more description to really set the scene and actually make us believe this more.

I like the plot line in it though, making Hermione and Draco head boy and head girl. It makes us wonder what is going to be going on between them and whether they are going to get a lot closer whilst they are.

Draco having a little brother is interesting as is pairing Ron with Pansy! I love it!

Can't wait to see where you go with this!

Author's Response: Yeah this one is really my baby! My first attempt ever at fanfiction and there is a lot that needs to be fixed. I took it down a while ago and then put it back up so that I can go through and fix what needs to be done with it such as too much conversations like you pointed out! The plot i absolutely love as well as I feel that it is original besides the head girl head boy bit as that is done many times with dramiones. Draco's little brother will come into play later on in the story as well to help the plot along! I'm really glad you enjoyed this and I hope someday to actually get around to fixing this story up! Thank you so much for reading and reviewing!

~Slytherinchica08~


 Report Review

Review #2, by honoraryweasley Of Weasleys, Weddings, and a Train Ride

4th September 2011:
Hi there! Review swap, whooo. ;)

So, firstly, you were right about this needing some revision. Apart from a couple straight out errors, the flow was very awkward at times due to a shortage of commas and other sentence dividers and also due to sort of unnaturally worded dialogue. There wasn't a lot of contraction when your characters were speaking, which felt very odd at times. There was also the moment where Fleur just said 'Bye.' and the moment where Hermione approaches Ginny and Fleur and continues to have an entire conversation with Ginny before Fleur even greets her.

You warned me about the OOCness, and I definitely saw it there. There was also an awful lot of AU going on, and messing with the HP timeline - like moving Bill and Fleur's forwards. I'm not a reader who's overly comfortable with that kind of thing, but you know, you made it convincing enough. ;)

Your writing style was good - very good, actually! You remind me of JK Rowling a bit. Come to think of it, I really like your writing style. And in that case, my biggest piece of advice to you would be to get yourself a beta and make the dialogue more natural, fix the errors. Then you'll have yourself a great story! ;)

x J

Author's Response: Yea i'm going to work on getting a beta hopefully very soon! I wrote this chapter a year or two ago and would like to say that I have gotten a lot better at writing since then and I'm thinking of going through and seperating these into different chapters rather then having that all lumped into one chapter.

Wow I remind you of JK Rowling (blushes) thats awesome. I'm glad you like my writing style and that you think this will be a great story. Thank you so much for the review swap!

~Slytherinchica08~


 Report Review

Review #3, by Bookworm045 Of Weasleys, Weddings, and a Train Ride

6th August 2011:
I KNEW it was Draco's brother. That boy was just too smart-alec-y to be anyone else's brother. I really want you to update this, I would love to get to know Mini-Draco. This is really well written, and you wrote the 'Hermione-gets-hot-suddenly' really well, because she didn't really care and she didn't look in a mirror and see a whole new person. I can really see myself liking Ginny, she's just awesome in this. "Wow, Hermione, you look amazing. Ginny, go change." That is such a wonderful show of sibling-love. XD
-Katherine045/Slyterin

Author's Response: Yea i think its a little obvious that its Draco's brother but hopefully you like him. I have a second chapter written for this but i'm not really sure i love this chapter so i might try and fix the chapter first before i post anything else. I'm glad you like Ginny in this as i'm not a huge fans of the ones that make Ginny this horrible person as thats not her. i'm glad you like that line that i gave ron about the way hermione and ginny were dressed. Thanks for the great review!

~Slytherinchica08~


 Report Review

Review #4, by darkkid Of Weasleys, Weddings, and a Train Ride

5th July 2011:
Slow it down a bit. I know you really want to get the story rolling, but you have to make the reader work for it!
Especially with that first paragraph. Use that paragraph as an attention grabber. Take hold of the reader and make them WANT to continue reading. You started off fine in the first sentence, but it was really rushed after that. Hermione is getting ready to leave for the Weasley's in the first couple sentences, then all of a sudden BAM! She's there!

Take a moment (a minute or maybe even an hour or two!) to add descriptions. Explain HOW she got ready (in a sentence or two) and then tell the reader how she got to the Weasley's (in a full paragraph!) You have the opportunity to really pull me in! Give me a setting and give me action. Rushing is fine for some parts, but in the beginning you really want to drag it out a bit. Really show us readers what you can do!

Be careful with dialogue. Remember that people speak a lot differently then they write. Think about it, would you more likely hear someone say "I'll get this done now." or "I shall finish this promptly." When speaking, people are generally really lazy. When writing descriptions, using bigger words is GOOD! Don't slouch with that, but people don't speak like that in this generation.

Ok thank you. I shall just go bring my trunk upstairs and then head outside to see Ginny.
You could make this a really great, in-depth sentence. Really make an effort in your writing! Make it simple, but make it good! Like: "Okay, thank you. I'll take my trunk up and find Ginny." Sometimes, the shorter the sentence, the better. Taking out "head outside to see" really saves space. It's not essential to write that because it was already stated once that Ginny was outdoors. ;)

When having a lot of dialogue, especially between two or more character, don't forget to throw in the occasional "Ginny said" or "Hermione muttered" and so on. This gets rid of confusion and helps with flow.

Your on the right track. You have a good plot going, but you are rushing too much. With proper descriptions, you could have made this one chapter into as much as three or four chapters! Don't get too eager when writing. Spend a lot of time on characterization and descriptive details. Write a chapter, take a day's break, and then go back and make edits and add revisions. :)

Author's Response: Thank you for your very lengthy review i can see you put a lot of thought into it and that is great! I will deffinately be working on these things i'm still working on this story so maybe i will go back and add more description and maybe get this chapter into one or maybe two more chapters. thank you for all of your advice.

~Slytherinchica08~


 Report Review

Review #5, by LadyL8 Of Weasleys, Weddings, and a Train Ride

21st June 2011:
I think I will just jump straight into it. Well, that was such a good ending. I just want more and more of your story. I felt like the characters were realistic and I fell in love with Hermione. (I have never liked her that much before). You manage to create a good communication and connection between Hermione and Ginny, and Draco was written so good that I am quite jealous. This was really good. I will keep an eye on the story. I look forward to seeing more of it :D 10/10

Author's Response: wow thank you so much! your review has truly made my day! i'm glad that you like my hermione and like how i have draco as well. i will try and get something up soon. thank you so much for your review!

~Slytherinchica08~


 Report Review

Review #6, by slytherangoddess Of Weasleys, Weddings, and a Train Ride

14th April 2011:
You've got an interesting start and I love that you added a lil bro for Draco. That will really make this story yours and not like all the other dramiones out there :D

There are a few nit-picky things that i gotta add cuz of my english background.
1-Sometimes it was a little difficult to decifer who was speaking because you don't have any dialogue tags (Hermione said. or Ginny explained).
2-Another thing is that it seems that time flys so fast while Hermione is at the Burrow. The transitions arent exactly fluent for the reader. One paragraph it's the wedding, the next she's on the train. I was thinking that maybe it would flow together better if you added a bit of description of what's going on or maybe some detail about the wedding.
3-punctuation... theres a lack of it and some of the sentences (expecially Molly's paragraph) are just one large string of words... a few commas and periods go along way :D

Other than that, I'm excited to see where you're gonna take this! You've got a great start :D

~*~Sly~*~

Author's Response: thanks hun! yea i wrote this over a year ago and havent really looked at it since so i knew that there were punctuation mistakes and such. as for the dialogue tags i completely forgot that i hadnt put them in here so i will try to make sure to check it out. i have a (hopefully) new idea as to where i want to take this whole story so that it would be different then other dramione stories. Thank you for reading and reviewing.

~Slytherinchica08~


 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login