Hey Tiffy!! OMGosh, I can't tell you how good it feels to finally be reading this story again!! I loved it before and I still love it now. I really like the way you started this with such a strong, detailed beginning. The way you described everything was so great! and the ending was really good too, You can't help but laugh at Vernon's expense, lol. =)
You are SO good at writing ALL of the Dursleys, and I especially felt like everything you said about Vernon was spot-on. You really captured his character perfectly here! I laughed so much when he called Kingsley "Shackleybott," hahaha!!! I really liked your version of Dudley the most tho. You wrote how curious he is about the magical world in such a way that it was all very believable. & I couldn't help but laugh at him when he was in the bathroom talking to Zabini, lol. That was a very Dudley-like thing to have him do. ;)
Aurthur was Aurthur, that's for sure. But given that his son just died fighting in the biggest wizarding war of all time, I feel like he would not have been as cheery as he was tho. You definitely wrote him in character, but with his current circumstances I just feel like he would not have exactly been himself in that moment. But that is only my opinion tho. Either way, your writing is good and I have always enjoyed reading this story hun. I really am glad you're back Tiffy!! =D
~Deana~ Report Review
Hi! I'm here for the holiday review! =)
This chapter started out quite slow, mostly because you decided to reintroduce us to the aftermath of the war and the Dursleys. Since the information you gave us wasn't new to us, you could have just started from when Dudley was sitting in Shacklebolt's office, and just add relevant character descriptions to that scene. That would've made the beginning much more interesting.
After we got to the Minister's office, I was intrigued. =) I like the idea of introducing Dudley to the wizarding world, and rediscovering it through his eyes.
Arthur and Blaise Zabini were good additions to the fic. If Dudley is going to learn more about wizards, he definitely needs some guidance. I was just thinking that since there are so many things muggles can't see due spells, it's going to be interesting to see how you will write this from this point on.
Your writing was smooth except the beginning that was bit clunky. There weren't any typos or glaring grammar mistakes that I could see.
All in all, when the story got going, I quite enjoyed reading it. =) Report Review
Maybe Fluffy will now come to rescue him upon his...er, how do you say his for a three headed dog?...arrival? Great update!Author's Response: Thanks for your review. Well Fluffy will be here soon :) Glad you liked the update and I'll update again soon!! Report Review
Hi, Val returning your holiday review!
I really enjoy your characterisation of Vernon and Petunia, wanting to stay away from magical nonsense and the like.
Arthur also seems pretty much spot on, cheerful, friendly and fascinated by Muggle devices. The only thing that seems a little off is the fact that he's a bit too cheerful - I'm assuming this is immediately after the war, so shouldn't he still be in mourning?
As for Dudley, I like the fact that he isn't completely against magic like his parents are. You've managed to balance him as a positive but flawed character, and that makes him realistic. And I don't know if it's just me, but do I detect some romantic inklings between him and Blaise? In any case, the fact that he lies about being magical was very believable.
All in all, this was a very good first chapter! :)Author's Response: Hi Val! Thanks for the review swap :)
Yes, a lot of people may notice that Arthur is a bit too cheerful- without giving away too much let me just say that there is more to that and his odd behavior later on but I really don't want to give that part away. But for just this chapter and all yes you are right- he is out of the ordinary.
I really put a lot of thought into Dudley's character. I wanted to give him depth without straying too far from what he is. Ahh let's just say you will being seeing Blaise later in the story lol.
Thanks for you review and I'm glad you enjoyed the first chapter.
Hey, here to return a review for the holiday swap! :)
Quick side note: I'm not sure you need the "One Month Later" at the beginning. One month after what? I could figure out when it was just from the first paragraph, you know?
This story has a lot of promise, and I really enjoyed reading it. You have a distinct voice that definitely shines through your narration and gives it a genuine and highly entertaining feel. At first, I wasn't sure what whether I liked it, but the slight streak of sarcasm won me over in short order. Great job.
I really liked your characterization of the Dursleys in particular. There wasn't a lot of depth to Vernon, but at the same time, I didn't really feel like there needed to be. Vernon doesn't like magic and is generally hostile to a lot of things, so some impatience and hostility here just felt like the Vernon we knew and put up with from the books.
Petunia had a little more nuance, I think, but not much. Again, though, she's a doting mother who says embarrassing things - that's a perfectly reasonable way to depict her, especially when the focus isn't really on her at all. The one thing that I really didn't like was in the fourth paragraph, where you said that Petunia had cooed over her son to spite Harry. That seemed both unnecessarily petty and very out of Petunia's character to me.
Dudley, on the other hand, had a lot of depth, and I thought that he was very well done. The interest about the magical world and disliking having to share space with his parents and be cooped up all the time was a perfect mix of privilege and curiosity, and I can easily believe him being in that place following the war.
There are only two things that I really would have liked to see more of in your characterization of the Dursleys as a whole, that I think really would have helped push the chapter to the next level.
First, while I liked that your depiction of the Dursleys was consistent with what we saw in the books, I did feel like you could have pushed a little further with it. It sometimes felt - especially with Vernon and Petunia - like it was too close to what JKR wrote and didn't really have your own spin. I would have liked to see a bit more originality there.
Second, I would have liked to see some mention of Harry. It felt like the only points where he was mentioned was in the beginning of the narrative, but he never seemed to enter into the Dursleys' minds at all (aside from Dudley at the very beginning), and the other characters didn't mention him, either. That seemed out of place to me - surely he would be on somebody's mind or get mentioned by someone in some context, especially considering how immensely popular he had to be at that point.
It could have been funny to see Arthur bragging about Ron and Harry, or to see someone go up to the Dursleys in the Ministry and start fawning over them because they're related to Harry, or even just someone saying that they're very sorry and working as quickly as possible because Harry Potter's relatives are of the highest priority. Just, something, you know?
The only other issue I had with this chapter was really more mechanical than anything. There were some little grammatical typos here and there, and the writing just didn't always flow as naturally as I think it could have. It can be hard to find a beta, but I'd recommend looking into it, because I think that this chapter was great and showed a lot of promise.
On the whole, great chapter. :)Author's Response: Hello and thank you for the long review. You have a point about the beginning, I think I can edit that out later as I see what you mean.
I appreciate all your observations and critique and while yes I'm sure I could have mentioned Harry or Ron, I really wanted this chapter to focus on just the Dursleys, particularly Dudley. Also this story was a stretch from what I have written before, and it wasn't easy to step out of my comfort zone lol. I tend to go back and edit here and there and I have a beta though she's been off and on for a bit.
Thanks again for your review and for reading this first chapter :) Report Review
Hello! Thank you so much for giving me the chance to read something different. I think that's the beauty of review swaps; you really get a chance to read something different!
I really enjoyed this! I liked your use of the lesser known, but not totally obscure characters! It was excellent.
My other particular favorite thing about this fic was the first line! At first, it confused me a little, but I really grew into it! It was really expressive, and it kind of mirrored the '19 years later' line, hehe.
XxAuthor's Response: I'm glad you enjoyed this chapter, and I really like the lesser known characters because we can mold and shape them to be what we want lol. I know it can be kinda confusing but I'm glad it wasn't too bad hehe. Still trying to work on my writing as well as extend to new areas so this was the story that gave me a boost to do that.
I enjoyed the swap and it is really good to find new and different stories. Thank you again :) Report Review
Hello, it's Ali from the Holiday Review Swap! Thanks again for reviewing my story :)
I really liked how you used the phrase "all was well now" in the third paragraph. It really tied in the epilogue of DH, whether intentional or not. On the other hand, you described Vernon as "level-headed" which, basing off what we know about Vernon and his temper tantrums, doesn't really seem like a fitting adjective.
However, I loved how you characterized Vernon otherwise. He had just the right amount of obnoxious and rude and a Super Muggle. Arthur seemed a bit too chipper, though. His son just died, not to mention several of his friends, and so I don't think he'd be his normal cheery self, even in the prescence of Muggles. However, I did appreciate all the aspects of the Ministry you described through Dudley's eyes. Very creative!
classicblackAuthor's Response: I see what you mean about level-headed Vernon- I was trying to portray he was not flgihtful or whimsical but I think I used the wrong word so thanks for noticing that :) I didn't catch that before.
Yes Arthur was out of place, though I don't want to give away too much for his behavior plays a part in the story later. But for this chapter yes I do see how it could come across as off.
Thank you for your review and the review swap :) Report Review
Fun stuff! Great capture of the Dursleys, too. I like how Dudley has gotten himself into some serious 'soup' here!Author's Response: Thanks. Yeah Dudley usually doesn't know what he's doing so I like how he's so oblivious to that. Thanks for your review :) Report Review
Very interesting story, can't wait for more! Duddy, meet FLUFFY! :DAuthor's Response: I'm glad you like it and I'll be updating soon. Thank you for reviewing :) Report Review
Oh I can't wait to see what Dudley thinks of Fluffy! Please post soon!
FoMAuthor's Response: Thanks! :) I'll be updating soon and again thanks for reading it. Report Review
I was wondering just how you were going to present Dudleys encounter with the Dementors. It was perfect. If he does one decent thing he should take the doll to the little girls family. But you have promised more, so on we go.
FoMAuthor's Response: I'm glad you liked the way I wrote about his dementor encounter. It took a lot of thought and was kind of tricky taking into account his personality, trying not to overdo or under do it. Yes there will be more chapters. Thank you so much for your reviews, I noticed to reviewed all chapter. I hope you continue to enjoy the story. Report Review
Oooh I like it. I saved this story and will continue to read. I am amazed that they brought the Dursleys into the Ministry. Of course that would be a punishment to Vernon. I like how you have Dudders being a bit adventerous. Cool!
FoMAuthor's Response: I'm glad you like this story. It's a little different and something new I decided to try a while back. Thank you for reviewing :) Report Review
I loved this, please update soon! :)
I did notice one mistake though - you put stirring wheel instead of steering wheel :)
xxAuthor's Response: I changed the typo and thanks for reading :) Report Review
Great first chapter :)
I can't wait to read some more, especially since this story seems so original! Great job
P.S I realised on that site you have to sign up to read the stories. I haven't done so yet but I will when I have a free moment, which will probably be next weekend or something. Just thought I'd let you know ;)Author's Response: Thanks so much for reading and hope you continue to enjoy my stories :) Report Review
I'm really enjoying your story. Dudley has been the subject of both the stories I've posted. I too think the Dementers changed him. I saved this as one of my favorites. I'll be looking forward to more from you I hope you will review my work too.Author's Response: I'm happy you like it! :) I wanted to make something that nobody has done yet and hopefully I succeeded. Thank you very much for your reviews Report Review
LOVING IT! Ready to read chapter 2Author's Response: Glad you liked it :) Dudley can be a fun character to write about when putting him into sticky situations. I'll check out some of your works in the near future. Report Review
Ah the reunion of Arthur and the Dursleys. Haha. So, you being with one month later. Was this one month after the Battle of Hogwarts? Anyways, there seems to be some spacing issues with your story, which throws me off a little as a reader. A simple editing will fix that up, however.
So Kingsley is the Minister of Magic, obviously. However, he Dursleys have met him, and actually like him, so the interaction above threw me off, even though I did notice your note at the top. Just an FYI for you, though.
I like the story, especially with the Dursleys. I don't see many stories about them. And Blaise...very...intriguing; this is not a bad thing, only that it keeps me interested. I'll have to keep an eye on this story to see where it goes. Great job.Author's Response: Thank you for your review and I appreciate you letting me know about the spacing issues. I thought I fixed it lol. It was a challenge writing a story like this so yeah I can see how it would throw you off. Hope you continue to read though and I hope you enjoy the rest of the story. Thank you again :) Report Review
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