Reading Reviews for Dawn Undone
5 Reviews Found

Review #1, by KtRose Discoveries

25th April 2011:
Wow, this was fantastic!
I love the idea of this story, it's so completely unique and unlike anything I have ever read before.
Really, really wonderful-update soon! 10/10

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I obviously haven't written here in a long time, but I've just started revisiting fan fiction and this story still has a very special place in my heart! Honestly I'm a little bit stuck as to how to complete the circle and I think I'm going to have to revise the entire thing which makes the feedback really great to see so I know which aspects are most important to preserve in my rewrites! Thank you so much! (:

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Review #2, by long_live_luna_bellatrix Prologue: Playing God Has Consequences

6th April 2011:
Wow. I don't think I can ever live up to the lovely reviews you've left me, but I'll make a sorry attempt. I think "Wow" is a good starting point, don't you?

What you have here is something one hundred percent, totally, gobsmackingly (why yes, I did just make up a word) original. We've all wondered what magic can do for big things like life or death, but even with this huge potential sitting right in front of us, we don't stray much farther from resurrection stones and ghosts. So even if the writing was terrible, the characters OOC, you would still have me right there. Luckily, you displayed talent in those areas as well.

I am genuinely excited by all the flaws your character displays this first chapter. It's nerdy of me, but it's true. To have someone saying that they did it for the money, that they aren't grossed out or shying away from the moral issues of creating a person that's not a person. . . It's extremely appealing, to me. Gives the story and the character a zest that will make it that much better.

And then there's the twist of these last three sentences: "I did it for the dying people and their families. I did it so I could help those of us that can feel. I never realized that youd be able to feel too." Ok, so, a lot of morality there! What a character. What a character.

Brilliant opening chapter, by the way. You mentioned enough details to convince me you're serious (Neovitite, selling musical instruments!) but didn't throw information at me. And all the while, you dangled enough in front of me (Aurelia!) to make me want to read more, badly.

No critique, no suggestions, nothing really extraordinary here. . . You're going to have to take me for my word that I NEVER get this excited over the first chapter of a story. Or even a story, period. This has a lot of potential, no doubt about it. You mentioned on your author's page that you're focusing on two other stories that aren't this one, but I hope it's still somewhere in the back of your mind! 10/10.

Author's Response: More than THREE YEARS LATER and I am at last replying to one of the most heartwarming reviews I have ever received. Three years of being paralyzed by how overwhelmed I was every time I looked at this review, but I've finally gotten to this point.

I think part of my fear in replying to this review was the knowledge that I hadn't really figured out where I was taking this story (and three years later, I have abandoned it and still ponder it regularly). It's really an idea that I am completely in love with (the themes that carry it are present in many of my favourite ideas) and I am so glad to hear that it is indeed original (well, as original as an idea can be in our communication and legacy driven world).

One of those themes does happen to be indulgence. I personally am constantly playing the Id, I love ceding to mortal temptation and all that. I mean, it's a theme so prevalent in modern day we hardly notice it, partly, I believe, because acknowledging it would imply taking responsibility for it. We go around screaming YOLO (Was that even around three years ago?) and our automatic reaction is to let "You Only Live Once" represent an opportunity for decadence and risk. We are constantly giving ourselves excuses to break "rules" and because I love ethical implications, I'm constantly trying to explain why we allow ourselves to have reservations, what causes us to break free uninhibited, and for the love of Merlin, why do we feel the need to uphold them in the first place? It's a constant struggle underlined by guilt and shame and I think that especially in this story, where the protagonist is driven by greed and compassion hand in hand, it forces us to see that ethics and morals aren't quite as discernible as we'd like them to be. At the same time, Aurelia's arc was always meant to break even further from the narrative that sort of piggybacks on the idea of "virtual reality" at first and focus on the fact that regardless of intention, regardless of impact, regardless of net benefit, and regardless of her origin, she is being farmed to be exploited at a later date.

And I think one of my biggest problems in writing this was that I didn't give myself time to ponder this more. It was all on the tip of my tongue and I was so desperate to shout it out I passed it all by in a few keystrokes.

Sorry, I just ended up rambling a lot at you! I guess the point is that I'm still thinking a lot about this story and I definitely plan on revisiting which does involve a lot of rewrites I think (though this review always reminds me to keep most of the first chapter intact!). I hope time hasn't faded the potential of this story because it certainly hasn't faded my eagerness to explore it!

Thank you so much for your lovely review!

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Review #3, by TheChosen1 Waking Up

5th April 2011:
It's amazing. Never read anything like this before. Very unique and addictive. Once you start reading, nothing can't stop you. Except the end of the chapter, of course.

Aaron seems to be a smart boy, I mean, he IS a smart boy, coming up with an idea like this. But he doesn't think about the consequences, like most of us don't.

And as you probably already figured out, I love your story. Can't wait to read more. :D

Author's Response: Hi!

Thank you so much! I'm glad it's unique! The concept came to me randomly and I'm so happy the story that ensued is getting good feedback!

As you said, most of us don't even consider the consequences. Aaron is like most of us, just a bit more of a genius, considering he created life and all. ^_^

Thank you again for both the review and your flattery!

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Review #4, by TheProphecy Prologue: Playing God Has Consequences

5th April 2011:

I really thought you did well with this prologue. You gave enough detail to give us a feel for the character and to intruige us. I like the idea of a Wizard trying to 'Play God' it is not one I have ever considered before.

I thought this was well written and I really enjoyed it! Well done :) Trust me, it is better then my entry for the banner challenge :)

Hannah x

Author's Response: Hey Hannah!

I'm glad it's good for a prologue. It's certainly seems to be working as a hook. The plot bunny was a bit random, but I'm glad the idea came. I was just thinking about human nature when the concept came to me.

I'm so glad you liked it! And your entry for the banner challenge isn't bad! It's a good concept, and I'm sure it'll be a great one-shot...once you edit it. ^_^ Sorry if I'm being cheeky. I'm tired, if that's an excuse..
Thanks for your review and the flattery!

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Review #5, by Kaida_Snape Prologue: Playing God Has Consequences

3rd April 2011:
Oh, you know what? I think I was reading about this story on the forums. I like it! I hope it will continue on soon because this is actually a very interesting read. I usually don't like first person, but for this story, it works!

Great job, can't wait to read more!

Author's Response: Hi!

You probably did, teehee. I've been asking for help with this plot bunny forever. Mostly about titles and such. I'm glad you like it despite the first person, and I'm even happier you plan on reading more!

Thanks so much for the review and the compliment!

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