It was lovely! Cant wait to see how the ball goes and what happens next, and what is going on with draco.Author's Response: Aww, very happy that you liked it! The next one is out I believe, and the next one will be out soon. :D Report Review
Chapter seven was simply lovely like all of the others! I look forward to chapter eight, hopefully the wait won't be nearly as long, lol. Thanks again for taking the time to write it!!Author's Response: Thank you so much for the the reviews! I feel so bad for having started this story and not giving it as much attention as the others. You are a big reason why I'm still writing it, and I hope that it will live up to your expectations. :D Report Review
Oh No!!! A Hiatus??? Those are the worst words in fandom.
If theres anything I can do, whether throw out some ideas or encourage, please let me know!Author's Response: Hopefully not for very long. It's just that I've got a lot of stories and work going on right now that this one unfortunately has gotten pushed to the wayside (its really one of my favorites). But don't worry I am writing it however slowly, and I know the general plot its just everything in between. If you have any opinions on anything or ideas or predictions, feel free to go to my MTA or send me a PM on the forums. I really appreciate your reviews you know.
-brithewriter :D Report Review
Hey, this SamMalfoy93 with the review you requested a long, long time ago. *hides*
Anyway, I really like this so far. I've never read Ron/OC. I was confused at first, because of Draco in this chapter. I was like: "what?" LOL.
Draco's character got me at first; him being friends with a Gryffindor. But it's after the war, he will have changed, and it does nothing to your story.
I like your OC, Olivia. I didn't read many OC stories until I started to write and read Next-Gen, so I can't really comment. I love her character already, though. I love how she doesn't pay attention to gossip, not listening to Lavender about Draco.
I'm going to continue reading this story. :)
Sam.Author's Response: Hehe, that's okay! There aren't enough Ron/OC's in my opinion, so I made one lol. ;P
And honestly, I'm not entirely sure why I put Draco in this. Probably cuz it can move plot along if I need it to, but most likely cuz I really like his character. :D
And thank you so much! I'm really glad you liked it and reviewed! Report Review
You were straight to the point, and still you were able to express action and emotion extremely effectively. The speed you posted was quite nice as well, I do hope some more are posted similarly, if not thats all fine and well. The next one will be just as amazing, and it too is awaited on baited breath!!
Will there be more Rom/Olivia development in the next one?Author's Response: It all depends on the queue, it was really short for a few days there, so I was lucky. But it might be a little longer this time because I don't have as much prewritten as my other stories. But believe me, I'm working on it. I want to find out whats happening next just as much as you! ;) And yes, I'm going to have more Ron/Olivia we are getting close to where stuffs gonna start happening. Thank you so much for your reviews I love them! :D Report Review
Indeed it is one of the strongest chapters, the next one is awaited on baited breath!Author's Response: That's an amazing thing to hear. It shouldn't be long now, it's in the queue! :D Report Review
I thoroughly enjoy this fic and where it is going. the entire plot line is moving a slow and steady pace, something rarely seen and highly refreshing. The writing is also phenomenal, though Ive only just begun to read it, I look forward to reading future chapters.Author's Response: Thank you so much! That is what I've kind of been trying for. :D It's good to know that it actually comes across well. Thank you again! Report Review
Heya! here with your requested review, sorry its so late!
First things first, I'll address what you mentioned in the areas of concern. I think the flow is a little choppy? =/ There were times when I had to go back and reread to keep my place and got a tad confused as to just what was going on. It wasn't terrible, but something to keep in mind.
For some good points, I do like the OC you have here and I look forward to seeing more about her. ^^ Also love the accent you write for her, as it gives her a bit more character. Always a good thing to see!
Plot wise, since it's the first chapter obviously the plot won't be glaringly clear, so I'll comment more on this when I get to later chapters. For now I think you gave away the right amount of info and what not to start this all off. ^^
'A witch to lazy to even apparate herself. What is this world coming to?' - that was my favorite line, definitely made me giggle. =) I think overall it could use some work and that perhaps Draco's character is a tad off, but it was a good start! Well done. =)
-Caiti [Cappie/Hufflepuff]Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad for the real constructive criticism, it's totally helpful. I will be prob revising it really soon.
But Im glad you liked it and it made you giggle!
Thanks again :) Report Review
I LOVE YOUR STORY! Your words turn into pictures on a paige, and you need to continue on writing! Just wondering, but how did you make that amazing banner of yours? It fits in the story really well, and I would like to make one for my story. Any advice?Author's Response: You have no idea how much I started giggling with happiness when I read your review. Thank you so much! :D
Anywho, I got my banner made by GinnyPotter25 @The Dark Arts. Based on it and her gallery I'd say she is amazing. Report Review
You know it flows fairly well, it's definitely a good idea from what I’ve read so far.
To be honest I don't generally read this genre/ship, but I do like your idea. I think characterisation is very good and your OC is unique and well thought out. I feel that some of the dialogue as well as her accent is a little forced at times. As well as some of the sentence are a bit confusing.. for example, 'Lavender nodded, and once she had settled looked to Gus and Allan beside her, their interests peaked.' It doesn't really flow well and though after reading it twice I have a sense of what is going on, it can be a little distracting. I think either getting a beta or editing your own work will help. I find reading it out loud is an easy way to find out if it's awkward or not.
Other than that I think it's a good start and introduction about what your story is about and where it is going to go.
So I'm only going to do this chapter, feel free to re-request for further chapters. Good job!
Miss ChrisAuthor's Response: Thank you!
I wanted to write it since I hadn't found many others in this ship.
I usually write my chapters out in like 3 drafts total, but some things do tend to slip through, especially when I really want to get a chapter out, lol. So I'll get on that :).
Again thank you! Glad you liked it. Report Review
Oh, wow. I can really see things picking up from here. Gus and the old man bring a predictability to the story that grounds it, makes it seem real.
The conversation between Olivia and Ron is wonderful. Your Ron is so in character, honestly believable. And he still carries the same sentiments about being in Harry's shadow that he did through Hogwarts; some things never change.
Olivia's admission about her mother's death was extremely powerful. The way the scene played out seemed natural.
You've done good with this so far. I would still recommend a beta to help with grammar and such, but don't stop writing.Author's Response: Thank you so much! Its good to hear that I can keep a character consistent (its always one of my big worries). I'm trying to keep most aspects of it believable.
And I think I am going to look into a beta soon. Thanks again! Report Review
I see trouble brewing already! If Lav's still calling Ron 'won-won,' it makes me feel like there are still some feelings left there. That may be a problem in the future...I like it. Drama!
I enjoyed seeing the two cousins interact. Lav's character was spot on, as well. It was nice to take a break and learn a little about Olivia, and you managed it without making the chapter just filler.
As for the overall plot, I'm not really sure where this is going. Yes, it's fairly obvious that it's going to be the story of Olivia and Ron's romance, but I don't see anything beyond that yet.Author's Response: Indeed. Lavender will definitely play the sort of part you are thinking later on, (or will she ;)?)
For the plot, I don't want it to be obvious about how things are going to play out. I'm afraid of writing cliffhangers :( but yeah. Thank you so much! Report Review
I love the little descriptions you add; the mini dragon, mentioning the messy desk, the orb Olivia plays with at the end. It makes things interesting and real.
Olivia and Draco's interactions are wonderfully written. I was beginning to feel that you were making Draco far too nice for his character, but his comments about Ron prove that he still has some meanness in him, haha.
Ron going to Olivia because Draco was being unhelpful was very believable. And you kept him true to character, blushing when complimenting her. I also liked how you tied Olivia into their time at Hogwarts, and it gives us the time of the story.
Good job with the bright orange too! Chudley Canons :D
The grammar was better in this chapter, as well. There were still a few errors, but less than the previous.Author's Response: I always have to add the little things cuz otherwise I usually don't thing the chapter is enough with out quirks. :)
Yay, I'm glad they are coming across as believable and realistic, I really worry about that. I think I give so much explanation just cuz I dont want to leave ppl wondering, about certain things ;) Woot Cannons!
Thank you so much for the reviews! Report Review
There are a few grammar errors in this chapter. They don't make it unreadable, but are somewhat distracting. Olivia's accent seems somewhat forced as well. I would recommend a beta to help you out a little bit with those issues, but I did enjoy the chapter.
It's a nice first chapter. I've got a feel for Olivia, and you've set up the situation for the readers. A secret relationship with Draco, how interesting!
While there's not much of Olivia's history in this chapter, I'm not left with questions about her. You've done a great job creating an OC.Author's Response: I expect at least a few errors, as its not my strong point, thank you for calling on them.
Im glad you liked Olivia and the whole oddness of her relationship (or whatever it is with Draco, lol)
Thank you so much for the review! Sorry it took me so long to get to it! Report Review
Hello there :)
First off i would like to say im glad you updated. I have been waiting anxiously for the next chapter. Im glad to see more Ron in this one too. I really love the way you know exactly where to end a chapter.
I have probably mentioned it before but i love the OC you have created. My favorite is how she interacts with people, it makes me quite fond of her.
I shall be anxiously awaiting the next chapter. :)
-- DobbysSockAuthor's Response: Your reviews always make me so very happy! :D
I guess it being a Ron/Oc he can't really be away for to long right? ;) And in all honesty, I kind of just end chapters when I can't really of much else, but thank you!
The next one shall be out ASAP I promise! Report Review
Hmm, Olivia and Draco do have an interesting relationship. I wonder how this is going to play into her relationship with Ron?
I still love her character. She's a firey one, isn't she? Not afraid to make jokes. It's very enjoyable to read.
I thought it was odd that the Minister wouldn't know her, but I suppose it makes sense because there are so many people that work in the Ministry. I feel like he might make a point to know all of them, though.
I'm really curious to see how everything pans out! I don't usually read Ron/OC so this ought to be interesting. :)
DemAuthor's Response: I could tell you, but it's probably best if I don't spoil it. Its probably not what you think, but it def will affect her and Ron's relationship sooner or later.
I kinda figured that there are a lot of just there workers, that there was to many to know what all of their names are and Olivia is one of them.
Anywho, glad you like it, makes me happy!
Thank you! Report Review
DemetersChild here from the forums!
I love how you jump right into this story. There isn't any background explanation or added fluff, it just goes straight in. It's especially impressive because it starts out with a character I don't recognize and it's kept my interest (which is rare with fanfiction, honestly).
I like Olivia's character. She seems really down-to-earth and straightforward as well as having quite a sense of humour. I'm looking forward to see how she and the plot develop!
Lovely start. :D
DemAuthor's Response: WooHoo! That's so what I was going for! Thank you so much for reviewing! Report Review
Hello again, this was another great chapter!
I really liked Ron, and I liked the way Olivia called him out about everything that happened at Hogwarts. And his response was endearing.
I also really like the relationship between Draco and Olivia. They're interactions are cute and realistic.
This story is great. Your writing is fantastic and I love this what you've done so far. It's engaging and entertaining, and just an all around enjoyable read.
Definitely feel free to request the next chapters!
Kristen=]Author's Response: Even more happies!!
It's so great to hear that the characters (especially canon) come across well. I worry about that sometimes. Olivia, I find to be rather bold about things, which probably stems from her friendship with Draco.
Anyway, you have no idea how happy reading your review made me, I literally giggled out loud for like 5 minutes I was so happy. So thank you!! :) I will definitely be re-requesting sooner or later. Report Review
Hello there, Krissyanne426 from the forums here with your requested review. I'm so sorry that it's taken me this long. Real life just got in the way.
I ADORE this story. I'm a huge Ron fan, and I often feel like Hermione isn't quite right for him, so I cant wait to see where this goes.
Olivia is adorable. Shes kind of feisty and I like that she's friends with Draco because I feel like he gets a bad rap.
Your writing is great, the story is interesting, and the flow is good.
See you in the next chaptere!
Kristen=]Author's Response: No problem, as your review has given me the super happies. :)
I honestly never liked Hermione all that much, and didn't feel they fit as perfectly as everyone would think. (I only think they stayed together cuz of the war and all)
Anywho I'm glad that you like Olivia, kinda validates that the OC works out alright. and I love writing Draco so yay!
Thank you so much for the review!! :D Report Review
There are parts where this seems deliciously real-world and others where it drops in quality. A TV? Really? No way she has a TV. Also:
"He always tended to stay late, claiming that idol hands are the devil’s playthings… or in our world Voldemorts. "
The phrasing and tone of this sentence directly contradicts the perspective of the rest of the chapter. This is a first person sentence in a third person chapter.
You got Lavender Brown down pat, but still... Malfoy is insanely OOC and it's kind of distracting. The aunt's family is very well done, though.Author's Response: Well TV's do exist, and I explained why she has one. It's a magical community yes, but things are becoming slightly more modern (set roughly '99-00).
Lavender is a very easy character to write, the rest of her family I had to get a bit creative so thank you.
In regards to Draco, he's in the chapter for less then 5 sentences, and hardly out of character for it. Report Review
Not enough Ron, too much OOC Malfoy. And with Olivia. Okay, I can believe her as a Ministry financier, I can believe her as a bartender, but still having trouble handling the fact that she's both. I also kind of find it hard to believe that they'd give Draco Malfoy this much power.
But the flow was good. I feel like this story would have been so much better though if instead of Malfoy, it was someone like I don't know... Dean Thomas or someone else. I don't hate Malfoy and will admit he becomes a sympathetic character as time goes on, but I think you're trying to hard to make him likable. Not trying to insult you, just trying to be honest, I swear.Author's Response: Olivia works the two jobs for the money, because it affords her the ability to live in a small wizarding community. I decided that I only wanted to introduce Ron in this chapter, slowly easing him into Olivia's life, so there will be more of him.
Draco, I think I have a pretty good hold on. His character after the war is still his normal snarky self, only privately though as he wants to show the public that he is trustworthy and not a Deatheater, (not by choice at least.) He got the job because he wants to maintain what semblance of respect there is left for the Malfoy name. His character is kinda important for things to come later. Thank you for the review. Report Review
Okay, so, this is pretty good so far. Little to no grammar mistakes, flows well. While I can believe Olivia as a bartender (you characterized that very well), I kind of find it hard to believe that she works both jobs. Good atmosphere, though. But I do have a hard time believing that she's friends with Malfoy, but then, maybe that's the point.Author's Response: Sweet, I've been more careful about grammar in this one. In Olivia's case, she works both jobs for the money, everything gets explained as the story goes on. Thank you for the review! Report Review
Hello again :)
First off, I'd like to say that this chapter was just as good as the first, even if it had a lot of Lavender. I understand why you had to make Hermione and Ron break up for your story, though I don't like how she ended up with Krum, just a readers personal preference. It fits nicely in with your story though :)
There weren't many grammar mistake or spelling mistakes in this chapter and you're really good with keeping the story flowing. I love how you give each character their own personality and voice. It really helps to bring Olivia's world to life.
That's it for now. I'll probably be reviewing the rest of your chapters as you post them, whether you like it or not haha :).
You've completely dragged me in and I (who was never one for Ron/OC based storied) am dying to read more.
--DobbysSockAuthor's Response: Thank you, I love knowing that someone I asked to review actually ends up liking the story. :) Honestly I don't like Lavender or Krum much at all either. She fits in with the story more, and I'm not sure I'll keep Krum in very long.
I just really want to make sure the characters are at least close to right, and it's great to hear the flow is. well flowing. Hehe. I'm so happy you are a reader! You write great reviews, thank you so much!! :D Report Review
Hello again :)
First off, let me just say, if the first chapter didn't pull me in, the second one certainly did (Favorites story as she types). I love the idea you're going with here. It's really great. Your OC is very interesting and really her own person, which I love.
I really enjoy reading Olivia and Draco interact, I love their friendship, it just seems so natural.
I didn't notice any spelling mistakes in this chapter either, just a few grammar mistakes here and there.
I'd continue with a longer review, but my finger's itching to click next chapter :)
--DobbysSockAuthor's Response: Thank you so much for reviewing! I'm really glad you like it, I'm trying to make Olivia as original as possible. I thought throwing Draco in would eventually make for some good tension later on. :) This is my new favorite story to write and so I want it to be perfect. So it's good to know that I'm as close to that as I can get. Report Review
Hello there :)
First off, I love the idea for your story. OC's are my favorite and I love that you're pairing one up with Ron. I noticed that your beginning sentences didn't have many commas where you could use some, so you might want to go back and add some in.
From what I saw, there were no spelling mistakes which certainly helps with the flow of the story :). I like how descriptive you are, it really helps pain a picture in the readers mind, which I love.
Nothing else really for me to say, good job and off to the next one.
--DobbysSockAuthor's Response: I'm really glad that you like it! I figured that since I love Ron and there aren't many Ron/OC's (at all) that I could take the opportunity. Thank you so much for the review, I'll get on the errors that slipped through the radar. :) Thanks again! Report Review
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