loved it totally nice os liek to read more from you Report Review
Aww that was really cute :) I love the change in Lily's character throughout this story. She had so much faith in Blake and he destroyed that so that she didn't know where to turn or how her life was going to pan out and she'd got herself in a rut. But then all it takes is a random act of kindness from Scorpius, who probably really didn't have an ulterior motive and was just being nice, and she starts to appreciate the good in the world again.
Really sweet, a lovely story :)
MarinaAuthor's Response: Aww, thank you. You summed everything up perfectly. Report Review
I feel I should say that I'm much more of a Rose/Scorpius shipper, but that this might well be the exception to that rule ;)
I loved how you characterised Lily - she was young and innocent and somewhat naive with Blake, but at the same time you could understand where both of them was coming from which was good. It was quite a different characterisation to other interpretations of her I've seen, but it was good. It suited her and made perfect sense, considering what had happened to her.
I also liked Scorpius - how he was so sweet and sort of shy, but also so caring and friendly. Again, it was very different to how he's normally portrayed and it was interesting.
The simplicity of it was so nice as well. There wasn't a hugely complicated plot or anything - it was Lily and her thoughts and then Scorpius turned up. It worked so well, and flowed perfectly.
I really enjoyed it!
Aph xxAuthor's Response: Thanks for your lovely review. I wanted to try something a little different with Lily and Scorpius and capture a simple moment for them. I'm happy it came across. Report Review
Hi, you're tagged!
I liked this story a lot; it was moving and touching to take this little trip in Lily's life. You've got a great handle on angst in this story (sorry I can't really say if it's part of your writting in other stories as well, I have not read enough) and it felt real, not just angst for the sake of it; we could feel it and feel for Lily like we would a real life friend.
Your characterization was pretty good as well. I can tell that it isn't the first time you write these characters because you seem to have a hold and complete understanding of these characters.
The use of a bridge was perfectly in theme. Great work, I enjoyed it a lot!Author's Response: Thanks so much for you're encouraging review. I do write a little bit of angst from time to time. Things don't always go according to plan. I like Lily, she's one of my favourite characters to write. :) I'm glad you enjoyed the story. Report Review
Hey! This is quite an interesting take on Lily. I'm quite fond of stories that take place Post-Hogwarts and with the next-gen as adults. There's a lot to be done with that :D It's also always nice to read about someone thinking about the future, unsure of what they want, and what happens when it conflicts with loved one's interests.
Some of it seems a little melodramatic or a little overdone -- just the sorts of ways you describe her feelings, like how she felt lost without Blake. I'd like to see a little more metaphor or interesting language. That's just a suggestion :)
Your Lily has quite relatable problems. It's nice you didn't make it overtly romantic either with Scorpius at the end. It's about Lily, and the focus is on her.
- justonemorefic, RavenclawAuthor's Response: I have been told I can be a bit melodramatic at times :) I'll have a look and see if I can add more metaphor. It is a technique I struggle with at times. Thanks for your helpful suggestions Report Review
I like how you explore the different harsh and real feelings that people can come across in living life. I've seen it in the other stories and I see it here.
This is also my first Lily/Scorp story so it was a nice change!
It was a tad bit melodramatic but eh, everything can be melodramatic. I just didn't understand how Lily is already looking at being with someone else.
xCharAuthor's Response: I do tend to explore all the angsty sort of drama's don't I. I just love the emotions that these sort of events can conjure. I have noticed that I tend to have people crying quite a lot.
Hehe, it is a little melodramatic, I agree, but then to Lily, Blake was everything and she now had to let him go. The break up happened a year ago, so while a part of Lily hoped that he would come back, a part of her had already moved on. I didn't want it to appear like she immediately with Scorpius, more that she had a friend to talk to and to help her move on. I may need to revise the ending to make it more clear. I did struggle with writing the ending, but now that I have been away from it for a while, it may be easier
xJacqui Report Review
Nawh! Poor Lily! I wanted Blake to just come late but Scorpius suited me just fine. Loved the happy ending. Coulndn't bare to see her so sad!
Lovely writing. Good job!Author's Response: Thank you. She got a happy ending of sorts. At any rate, Scorpius' arrival helped her to move on form a past that wasn't coming back. I'm really happy you enjoyed it. Report Review
This is very sweet; I love the angst portrayed by standing on a bridge, alone, in the middle of the night. I thought that was creative and original. :)
Also, I like your writing style, but you may want to use more descriptive, active words. As my Humanities teacher would say, "Show, not tell." Describe things with unique vocabulary so you bring characters and settings to life. This also works for normal plot writing. For example, "She went to the store to get ice cream" is definitely not as interesting as "Darcy crept steadily into the night with only one thing in mind: the strawberry ice cream that she didn't have the money for. But, there's a reason she's a part of a thief band, isn't there?"
All in all, great fic! :)Author's Response: Thank you for the review. I'll have a look ans see if there are any places where I can expand on the descriptions. I'm really happy you enjoyed my slightly angsty little story. Report Review
Wow! That was a really great one-shot! I loved the word choice and your descriptions especially. I think you had a great idea for this, and you could definitely expand on it if you wanted to. I would definitely read a back story to all of this. You have an amazing way with words, i really love this!!Author's Response: Thank you so much. I'm glad you liked it. I never thought of writing a back story, so thanks for the suggestion. Report Review
Hmm, this was interesting. When I first saw Lily's name, I started freaking out . I had to go back and check, just to make sure it wasn't Lily Evans/Potter.
Great descriptions. I LOVE descriptions like nobody's business. I really enjoy reading fanfictions that are more than just dialogue or rushed description to get to the plot.
Where the dialogue begins, I am assuming that was a flashback. Perhaps you should italicize it to differentiate it between past and present text.
You also had a sentence there, about the middle of the story: "that I still want to be with you, then I you will come back for you." That "I you" is really throwing it off for me, even though I knew what you meant.
Anyways, continuing on, I liked the ending, and the transition to Scorpius's approach, though that scene felt a little rushed. I realize that this is probably written for a contest, but perhaps when the contest is over, you can go back and more gradually bring Scorpius into play, perhaps give more background on Lily and Blake's relationship or something. Just an idea.
This was a good story though, and if you develop it a little more, I'm sure it will be EPIC. Great job!Author's Response: Thanks very much. You are right, this is for a challenge, but there is a still about a month until the close so I can make the amendments that you have suggested to make it more 'epic'. Your thoughts have been very helpful thanks. Report Review
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