I like it - I'm all the way to the end now, and its good. I find the story line interesting, and really want you to write more so I can find out how some of the issues get resolved.Author's Response: My beta and I have been sidetracked by re-reading the Harry Potter series and some other things, like real life. The story is in rough draft all the way through the 19 years, and in even rougher draft well into and past Albus's school days. It will be a labor of years, but I will finish.
The problem with anything that tries to imitate life is that as some issues get resolved others crop up.
Thank you for your review!
Hi i have just started to read some of the fanfiction re HP and yours is as good as they get. i was and am a complete HP nut who shouldnt be at my age. and like everyone was at a loss when the books ended, you have given us a new lease on the saga. it is a bit like taking an alcoholic out for a drink. only complaint is proof reading and am not too sure about the interplanetary apparation. but the story is very good and as faithfull as possible to the original story which is very important to its fans. well done and keep it up for as long as you can. ps stay on track but you have already noted that you know this is one of your weaknesses.. again well doneAuthor's Response: A 67 year old father of 4 and grandfather of 7, who's working 50 to 60 hours a week, probably shouldn't be writing a Harry Potter Fan Fiction story!
As you probably noticed the original "Almost Happily Ever After" story has been abandon, due to criticism from people I respect that it had started to drift. It needed more conflict and more plot. LadymBlack and I write about the story often enough, and have even talked on the phone, trying to get rid of the parts that should be cut and adding where it needs to be added to. I think the new series of stories is a lot better, but it is taking a lot of work!
PLEASE, if you do read "The First Year" and the other newly published stories that follow tell me if something feels like padding. I am just re-reading Stephen King's "On Writing" and he tries to make his 2nd draft about 10 percent shorter than his first.
LadymBlack is a fantastic proof reader, and I hope the new story has better proof reading than the old. I even wrote answers to reviews in Word so it can catch spelling errors. The new series of stories sort of ends up in the same place, with Albus going to Hogwarts, but is more involved.
If you have not read Mrs_Granger's fantastic two stories you will enjoy them. Maybe the best stories on this site. The most British Harry Potter Fan Fiction writer is Northumbrian, on the Fan Fiction dot net site.
Your storyline is good, but your portrayal of Ginny makes me want to rip out all my hair. Based on JK's books and the moveis Ginny is nothing like this. But the plotline is good and the writing is good too.Author's Response: What don't you like about my portrayal of Ginny? Her insecurity? That's temporary, and I think I have given a lot of reasons why she is insecure right now. Once she knows she and Harry are a permanent couple that will go away. What else?
Thank you for the compliment on the writing. My beta and I have gone over the writing to make sure the details of grammar and punctuation are right. The plot is all mine, and I'm glad you like it. Lots more plot to come.
We are getting close to posting the next chapter.
from what ive read so far, this seems like it has the potential to be a really good story. its just that while the grammar is mostly correct, a lot of the dialogue jumps around randomly. like the characters can be talking about one thing, something else is talked about, and them without much transition, it goes back to what has already passed. or they would be talking about something serious, and then all the sudden, ginny is thinking about getting in harry's pants. there needs to be more of a flow in the delivery of your story idea. there is also a lot of repetitiveness. I get that harry blames himself and that they are all grieving, but if ginny makes another quid about proving herself.i've counted like 10 in the span of these 2 days since the battle. also, harry has said and shown ginny that he loves her, so why is she being so insecure about it. he gets these letters from fangirls, but shows no interest at all in them, so why is ginny trying so hard when its obvious she has no reason to doubt him? i also get that harry blames himself for everything, but once again, how many times does he need to be reassured before he accepts that he is loved and no one blames him? I also don't think that ginny and harry would want to become teddy's PARENTS...of course they would help andromeda and be there for him, but they wouldn't want to replace their friends, and the breast feeding thing is just a bit weird for me, simply because ginny is forming this bond with teddy when she is NOT his mother. she can love him and care for him, but going that far to step into the role is likely to give the kid a complex.Author's Response: I do get wordy, and LadymBlack and I are trying to cut down that. Sorry. That's just my style.
Mrs_Granger, my favorite author on the site (The Summer after the War and The Winters after the War) thought that Mother Minerva's Nursing Bra was a fantastic invention, but of course she is the mother of two. My wife nursed our four children. I think it's fantastic!
Now, is Ginny pushing things by taking care of Teddy? Of course. And after the scene with Cho in the Room of Requirements, you think Ginny's not jealous and insecure? We know that 19 years later Harry and Ginny will be happily married with three beautiful children, but Ginny doesn't know that! Not now!
Ginny's a normal if a little oversexed sixteen year old girl who's "Happily Ever After" ending has ALMOST come through, and she's rather frantic trying to MAKE it come true. Out of character?
Teddy stays in the story, raised by, well, you will see. I like him and he has some very important parts to play in the Albus Potter story that is years away from being posted.
I do read and take all criticisms seriously, and spend time writing reviews.
For Your Information, I also write reviews on my computer in Word, so they can be spell checked, before posting them. It takes more time, but the spelling and punctuation is correct, and my answers are easier to read.
Thank you for reviewing. I really look forward to hearing from you again.
Very interesting story so far. I like the way you write. However, assuming you're trying to follow book 7's line you seem to be mixed up on a few things. In your last chapter, you seem to indicate in this paragraph that Harry, Ron, and Hermione go down to the shrieking shack BEFORE the diadem was destroyed.
“Draco Malfoy unknowingly helped to destroy the last object,” said Harry “although the object itself was destroyed by Hermione. But before that Ron, Hermione and I went to the Shrieking Shack, because that was where Voldemort was at the start of the battle. The snake was there, but so was Snape. Before we could do anything Voldemort told the snake to kill Snape, and before he died Snape gave me some memories. I left Ron and Hermione and went and used Professor Dumbledore’s Pensive to see what they contained."
I'm not sure which last object you're referring to here. In book 7, Crabbe accidentally destroyed the diadem and himself when he used fiendfyre. Is this what you mean here?:
“Draco Malfoy unknowingly helped to destroy the last object,” said Harry" although the object itself was destroyed by Hermione."? The only object Hermione destroyed was the cup and Draco had little to do with it. Bellatrix was the one that accidentally tipped Harry off. Just a little confused as to what you're referring to there. Also, here in this chapter you wrote:
“Killed by Voldemort when he gave news of robbery to Voldemort” Grabhook replied. “No surprise. Wizards often kill Goblins who give them bad news.”
“That’s horrible!” Harry exclaimed. “No wizard should ever kill a Goblin just because they delivered bad news. That’s not fair at all!” Again, not quite in tune with book 7. Remember, Harry was in Voldemort's mind when he got the news and he saw everything. It sounds as if Harry hadn't known Goblins were killed when Voldemort found out. On the whole, I rather like your story as evidenced in my rating. This era is the most interesting to me because the book gives no mention of what happens during these 19 years. I also appreciate your effort in following JKR's pattern. Of all the post Hogwarts stories I've read, I'd say this is as realistic as any. So many people go off in a totally different direction with their post Hogwarts stories and make no sense at all. Really irritates me. So far, I think you've done well in following JKR. Great work, all things considered. BRPAuthor's Response: Bill,
Thank you for the long and detailed review. Although any review is appreciated a long detailed review is most appreciated and valuable.
Re problems with "Harry Tells his Story", this chapter has been revised several times. My most valuable and precise beta Ladymblack and I are in the process of rewriting the entire story. She and her significant other are excellent in catching this type of mistake. We wrote and talked on the phone today, and will be significantly rewrite the chapter. I am sure you have pointed out a serious lapse, and that the section needs work.
Re "The Black and Potter Vault,"
I am not sure how much Harry knew. The books do not mention that Griphook was killed, although I think it is in the movie. This is something that we struggled with. When I first wrote the story I had Griphook surviving, and it was pointed out that he had been killed, and I think he was killed in the movie. My canon is the books, not the movies. We decided to keep it in anyway because of how it adds to the story line.
Harry was not living a double life, but was aware of intense emotions from Tom Riddle. He was aware that Riddle had been told that the locket was taken, but I think you can argue if he knew that Goblins were killed, and even if he knew, did he know that one of the goblins was Griphook?
I should have done this when I read the chapter, but I have been busy writing my story still. I was just wanting to let you know that this chapter was one of your better ones, I can't wait for the next chapter.
I do have news on my story though. I have revised Chapters one and two. Both ended up being split because of chapter length. I will also be adding the revised version of chapter three to the queue soon.
Again thanks for this awesome story.Author's Response: Thank you. My beta and I are massivly rewriting my story, and have just reposted the first chapter. I'll get back to your story when I have a chance.
Jet Report Review
Hey Jet! I finally catch up and then I fall right behind again. I have to admit I saw a few errors here which is unusual for you. One thing that bugged me is when Harry is reading the book to the kids, you kept switching back between Lord Voldemort, Voldemort, Tom Riddle, Tom and Riddle. It made the flow very choppy for me.
Also I thought all the details about flying across the US was a bit too much detail, granted you know your geography but I found myself getting bored with it all.
And Veron worked a Grummings I think.
I see you have a beta with you now, I'm sure this will improve quickly.
~HopelessAuthor's Response: Welcome back!
Ladymblack and I are re-editing the entire story, and are trying to take out sections that do not need to be there. I know I get wordy. We've just posted the first chapter, and she has worked on 4 more that I am going over. I'm stuck on the next couple of new chapters; they just are not flowing like I would like them to.
I can see the whole vacation being one chapter instead of two.
Ladymblack is fantastic when it comes to canon, far better than I am. I really appreciate her suggestions.
The Harry Potter Lexicon says the drill factory is Grunnings, with 2 n's. It is important to the story, so I'm going to have to go back and correct any reference to it. Thank you for catching it.
I really appreciate having a reviewer tell me what works and, even more importantly, what does not work.
I am still enjoying the story immensely however there are some times that the descriptions get a little too wordy with a paragraph describing each character's clothes for instance as well as over explaining why some things are the way they are. I enjoy it but there are times where I want to skip over a section but am afraid I will miss something if i doAuthor's Response: Ladymblack and I are re-editing the entire story, and are trying to take out sections that do not need to be there. I know I get wordy. A review like this is a big help, and when we get to this section I will think about really shortening the section.
I really appreciate having a reviewer tell me what works and, even more importantly, what does not work. I hope to hear from you again.
Thank you! I have searched high and low for a story like this... An accurate story where everything is like it left off. Its an amazing story, dont get me wrong, but i dont like how eager Ginny is to be with Harry, if you know what i mean. It reminds of twilight, but if its what the story is about then i love it :). Thanks again for the amazing story and keep it up.Author's Response: I find a lot of the stories on the site pretty bad. What do you expect? I think the best are the two by Mrs_Grainger, The Summer after the War and The Winters after the War. She has done some beta work on the first chapters of my story and made them better.
I'm not really satisfied. I think I get a little lost in the middle of the story. I do have a rough draft all the way through the 19 years, however, and an even rougher draft through 11+ years of Albus's Hogwarts and Wizarding College education.
I really appreciate having a reviewer tell me what works and, even more importantly, what does not work. I hope to hear from you again.
please sir can I have some more?Author's Response: My next chapter looks like it is going to turn into two chapters. I'm not very happy with it as it stands right now . Sometimes you have a good outline but filling in the blanks, creating all the dialogue, takes some time.
Meanwhile I have a new beta and we are going to go through the story correcting mistakes and, from what little she has done so far, making it better.
Thank you again for the review! Keeps me going. Report Review
Jet, I thank you for you encouragement. Chapter one is now almost double in size and I'm still not done with it. I just have this one question about Chapter two. I know it will be a lot longer once I get done revising it. Should I split it and make it two chapters?Author's Response: There are two reasons for making one chapter two. The first is very practical. HPFF has a maximum chapter length of a little over 10,000 words, so if your chapter is longer than that you have to divide it.
The other reason is that there is a natural break between what you are writing about in one chapter and what you are writing about in the next chapter. The next chapter may be another day, another character doing something, another story line being introduced or being developed or being concluded.
Always ask 'why.' Why make another chapter. If there is no good reason to make another chapter then keep it one chapter.
Do not worry if chapters are different lengths. The last thing you want is all the sentences, paragraphs, chapters to be the same.
Every good writer starts, re-writes, and then re-writes some more. What is interesting about HPFF is that you can see some of the writers develop. Let me know when you have the first two or three chapters re-written, but take your time!
Well, don't stop! I don't read all that many HP stories, but I really look forward to yours. Please continue. I don't care if it roams a bit, it seems more "real" that way.Author's Response: I am going to continue! I have found a beta, and she and I are going to go back from the beginning correcting mostly typo's and small factual issues. Meanwhile I have some issues with the next few chapters. They are sort of done but I'm not happy with them, plus I'm real busy at work.
Jet LaBarge Report Review
is good so far. bit drawn out, but kinda to be expected since you are condensing 19 years in book form. as to the soap opera mess unless you have a surprise in store I dont know about, kinda to be expected.
ps. I've been reading since you first started before all the reedits. :)Author's Response: Are the re-edits making it any better? I've decided that it's not fair to my readers to keep fussing with the beginning of the story. I've actually got several more sort of adequate chapters finished, but I'm a long way from satisfied with them, so you are going to have to wait.
Jet Report Review
This was my favorite chapter yet. It was a great read. I really can't wait for the next ones. Like I said in my last review, if I knew how to be a beta reader your story would be the one I would choose to read. It's my favorite Fanfic on here.Author's Response: Thank you for the reviews and for answering my review. This chapter is one that has been re-written maybe 20 or 40 times. It was written way before some of the chapters that came before, and I kept fussing with it. So it may have had 40 or maybe 100 or more hours put into it. I hope it's good, and got a few tears. And it is part of a much larger story. I do have a beta. I'm glad you have someone helping you write. That should help you. Get a book or three on how to write fiction. And as always have fun! Jet Report Review
This story has to be my favorite on here. If I knew how to be a beta reader I would be one. Every time you put out a new chapter I read it instantly. A few of the earlier chapters were a little wordy, but I do the same thing in my writings. Keep up the great story.Author's Response: Thank you for your offer. Work on your story. Jet Report Review
I encourage you to keep going. I've read quite a few FanFic's and this is a good entertaining story. You have some good plot lines developing, just keep going with it. It's hard work I'm sure, but you have "planted" many seeds of intrigue. I look forward to each new chapter.Author's Response: I've got to do a better job of bringing some of these plot lines to some sort of conclusion. Of course some things will not be settled until Albus Potter settles them; the story has a very long way to go. Report Review
I would be more than happy to help as a beta; even though I've never done anything like it before. I just sent you a friend request on facebook (unfortunately you can't include a message anymore with the request). If you accept me as a friend; you'll be able to see that it's me from my profile page.
I'm a wiz when it comes to grammar, spelling, etc., not to mention a walking HP encyclopedia, lol.
Message me and we'll see what we can set up.
ladymblackAuthor's Response: Thank you!
Google me and you will find me. My name is not all that well guarded, and as a 44 year married grandfather I've very little to hide.
Jet Report Review
Another great chapter, of course! I love how you are allowing time to go by, without making it seem as though nothing is happening. Too many authors do that and then it actually gets boring. You've done the opposite. You give just enough so that we know what's going on and get a snippet of experiences, conversations and such. Perfect! A few questions though: Who is Violet Brown? Based on the description, it sounded like Lavender. I wasn't too sure about that. Also, are Damian and Genevieve Longbottoms or McDivvotts? At first you mention that Damian is a distant relative of Neville's (presumably that's where the Longbottom is from). But then later on another couple by the same names (Mary Sue's parents) are surnamed McDivvott. It was just a little confusing. Thanks, and I'm always looking for more chapters from you!Author's Response: ladymblack
I don't know why I have so many problem with Lavender Brown. Somehow she keeps getting typed as Violet. I had Penelope and Urban Longbottom in my list of characters and then again just botched it as I was typing out this section. That is why you need a good beta or two, and my one time beta Mrs_Grainger is working 12 hour days and hardly has time to read.
You may be happier with my story at this point than I am. I think I would have been better making a series of shorter stories. The first one would end at the one year anniversary of the Battle of Hogwarts. The second would cover Ginny's Quidditch career and the final capture of the last of the death eaters. Trying to do a better job of introducing story threads and bringing them to a conclusion instead of writing a rambling soap opera type of story.
From the time he is born Albus becomes more and more a focus of the story, although even well into the Albus Potter story we never loose Harry and Ginny.
I know I have rewritten the whole first part of my story once. I'm just still not satisfied, and may abandon this after a couple more chapters. I'm really proud of a chapter ahead on Donna and Bill Lionheart. If I don't get more than one or two reviews on it maybe I've lost my way with this long story and need to start over.
Just a quick point - there are no £100 notes in England, £50 is the biggest. Unless they are in Scotland which I suspect notAuthor's Response: I did not know that, I will correct it right now. If you find any other mistakes, or even things that just do not feel right or sound right, please let me know.
Thank you for the review!
Jet Report Review
YAY - all caught up with you Jet!
Another fabulous chapter. You really are an amazing writer and keeping track of all these people (the names are fitting and humorous) and places is quite a talent!
My big question is how much sin can you really soak up on the shores of Lake Michigan? ;)
Great job as usual, looking forward to the next installment!
~ColleenAuthor's Response: Colleen,
Sin or Sun? You can sin practically anywhere.
You can get pretty badly sunburned with the sun reflecting off the water of the lake, lying on a beach. Ginny is a fair skin redhead, so she is going to have to watch it.
I do have a list of people, and although it is several pages long it's probably not long enough or organized enough. Sometimes I have to try and figure out where I first mentioned someone and go back and get the story straight. Then I can add them to the list. Some characters are one-shots, appearing in one chapter only. I don't try and keep track of them.
I am slowly developing a very large list of students and who their parents are, for when Albus and Rose and Scorpius and another key female go to Hogwarts.
I totally loved this chapter, once again you reiterate the fact that Happily Ever After just might not be what you thought it would be but it can still be awesome.
I've fallen behind in my reading lately but hope to catch up with this sooner than later. Note. I did see a few spelling or grammar errors, not big enough to point them out :)
~HopelessAuthor's Response: Coleen,
Everybody loves a regular reviewer! Thank you.
Always glad to fix misspellings and typos. No mistake is too small to point out and correct. (Besides when I correct it my story gets revalidated and then goes to the top of the queue again.)
You are not registered on the site. If you google me I am not hard to find, and if you want to beta my work I could send you the word files. I do need more than one someone to help me. No problem if this is too much work. Regular reviews are just fantastically appreciated!
Didn't you know that Harry and Ginny and all their children and grandchildren and great-grandchildren (remember how long wizards and witches can live) will just live lives of unending bliss? Sure.
well that was unexpected. after being read harry's school years it a a bit odd feeling that Harry is not just a student anymore. Actually we thought Harry would finish his final year get his necessary NEWTs to become what he wanted to be and all we expected a romantic relation with Ginny but certainly not wedding. Anyway I am going to read the story and see whats coming next.But I am personally a bit disappointing.Author's Response: Thank you for the review.
From what I have read of Rowling interviews it seems that Hermione went back to school, but Harry and Ron did not. Harry and Ron were key to reforming the Auror department, and Harry became head of the Aurors at 26. Rowling is not always consistent on if Ron became an Auror or George's partner in Weasleys Wizarding Wheezes; I have him doing both.
When and how Harry and Ginny get engaged and then married is an Author's choice. I have plot reasons for putting it here. Just because she is married does not mean that Ginny will not finish school, but you will have to read further to see what happens.
Harry will have more schooling, but not at Hogwarts.
I am not going to apologize for doing the unexpected, as long as it works. I love hearing what works and what does not.
Your story just keeps getting more brilliant with every chapter! Love the plot line too, but I'm not sure where you are going with this whole confederation of wizards/regent thing! Always look forward to the next chapter! :) (editing note: in the States we call them medals) ;)Author's Response: Well if I told you where the story is going you would not have to read it. Sometimes I think the whole hundred or so chapters are just a prelude to the Albus/Rose story. Of course well before that we have to capture the rest of the death eaters, get a dozen of Arthur and Molly's grandchildren born, and hopefully develop a more interesting life than just 'they lived happily ever after.' Report Review
Just one small thing really. You used the word "omen" out of context a couple of times as in, "and if the proper omens and spells had been done or were going to be done." An Omen is an observable phenomenom that appears. A better word may have been prophecies or premonition. Other than that a really good chapter.Author's Response: You are right about misusing "omen" some. I have rewritten areas where I should have referred to prophesies instead. I am going to try and look for the same mistake in future chapters. It will take about a week for the corrections to go through validation and show up.
I have reread your reviews. Generally very good. If you wanted to you could be a beta reader, catching mistakes.
Thank you for the review!
this is one of the best stories I have read on here and Harry's power is since the horcux was removed freeing him from the blocking process so he should be doing wandless magic as well and it would be great if fawks was Harry's nowAuthor's Response: Thank you for the review.
Harry develops his power. How much is for much further in the story. The Phoenix is Harry's, and comes up very occasionally.
Jet LaBarge Report Review
Terms of Service
categories & genres
short story collection