Gryffindor. I would definitely say that's fitting for him. Another great chapter!
What I love about this is the voice of Fitz. Since it is first person, it's really easy to add voice, but I think his is unusual. It's slightly snarky and sarcastic, but at the same time, it shows that he really cares about his family.
Eight kids. Wow. An a seventeen year age differnce too. I'm excited to see how this all plays out!
The fight with Declan was a really nice touch. I think it showed another example of how disfunctional this family is, though I did think it strange that a fourth year could do that much damage to a seventh year. Either a really strong fourth year, or a week seventh year XD
In any case, another great chapter. Loved it!Author's Response: I'm not a big fan of first person, from a writing perspective. But it's working for Fitz, and I tend to go with whatever flows from the start. I think you got his voice perfectly. Combine that with an aggressive personality, and you start to get at him.
I'm glad you liked the fight. I've just gone in and edited a sentence towards the end, to clear up any doubts concerning Fitz's strength. Now it reads that Declan only landed that one punch, but Longbottom's spell threw him back and into a wall which did some damage. ;) Thanks for pointing that out, completely slipped my mind.
Thanks for the nice review! Report Review
Wow. Your writing is gorgeous. I'm in awe at how you made a piece of pure background information, with no interactions or dialogue, so easy and interesting to read. So often, when someone's giving background, it can get boring and mundane, but yours was really interesting and it was written flawlessly.
Fitz is a really interesting character. I love his loyalty to his family and his determination. Did I miss what House he was sorted into or did you never mention it? I don't think it's that important really, but I'm curious. His family almost reminds me of the Weasleys, it terms of situation, but I think the Weasleys were a lot more "family-like", if you get my drift. The family you have here is a bit more disfunctional, if you ask me, and I like that.
This was a great opening chapter! 10/10Author's Response: I'm still not entirely sure this is an interesting chapter. Or even one that makes sense, really. I pored over it so many times I finally had to give in and post it because I was just confusing myself. I'm glad you enjoyed it, it gives me hope to hear.
I didn't mention his house yet, that should be the next chapter. Although you should be able to infer it from what you see of him here. ;)
As I was writing this, I was getting major Weasley vibes. You are right, however, in that this is a far more dysfunctional family. They are also in a more dire situation; the Weasleys are stretched thin, but manage. The Finnigans need Fitz to help put food on the table.
Thanks for the review, glad you enjoyed. Report Review
Aha! Here is where the story is going to take off and I am personally pysched. I've already told you that I'm loving your writing and Fitz is a brilliant character to follow. I'm looking forward to the next one! 10/10Author's Response: Yep, it's only taken five chapters for things to really get going... Glad you're still enjoying, and thanks for the review. Report Review
I love this. You have got such a fantastic writing style that - even though some people may deterred by the large amount of text they simply skip through it - people keep on reading. You gave us an extraordinary amout of backstory, which I think was necessary, but you formatted and most importantly wrote the chapter in way that didn't make it boring.
I love Fitz. Like, really love him. He's got such a kind, wonderful character and you write him so well. The stuff about his desire to eat enough food for his family as well as the vomiting and the coming home to earn money for his family just make him such a realistic, lovable character. We obviously haven't read enough/met him properly, but I think you gave the reader a great picture of him.
I really want to met Dom and Cameron! And the little siblings and children and the father and the stepmother...
Your ability to describe is phenomenal. The opening - about the darkness and the balance of the world - is awesome. It was so perfectly written.
Overall, a really gorgeous start to an awesome story. Well done. Author's Response: Gee, sorry for not replying in an age! I never get this far behind, it's embarrassing... Anyway, even I'm deterred by that huge chunk of text. It would be an achievement to hustle people through it and get their interest, it's something that will take time and practice.
My number one goal for Fitz is not to make him the typical martyr who swoops in when the family's down and saves the day. And still get people to like him. ;) To hear you love him is great!
Everyone will have their moments, some more than others. I have so much on Seamus that he needs a story of his own!
Thanks for the lovely review, it was more than encouraging. Report Review
Awww. Poor Fitz. At least he's got a friend like Cameron to help him out. :)
I noticed one thing-- up at the beginning of the chapter, when Fitz is talking about when he made the decision, it says CAMERON wrote out the word 'pregnant' in perky letters. :/ I thought FLETCHER wrote Fitz, and Cameron was Fitz's friend?
Just wanted to let you know; it's a bit confusing is all. :) Other than that little thing, great chapter, and please update soon! :DAuthor's Response: I believe that says "Cassidy's perky hand," actually, so that would be Fitz's younger sister, who wrote to Declan but the owl messed things up and gave the letter to Fitz. He then got a second letter from Fletcher. Sorry for the confusion, it's unavoidable when you spin a story of seven siblings. ;) Thanks for the review, unrequested ones are by far the best! Report Review
I really liked this chapter again. You are starting to really develop your characters further, your plot is moving along well. I like your general writing style of this, I think you have it moving along nicely and the flow is very good.
My only issue is the characterisation of Neville, I don't think I would get so angry so quickly, as an adult I always saw him as a Arthur Weasley figure minus the eccentricity. That is just me, it was only a minor point.
Other then that I really enjoyed this chapter, well done! :)
Hannah xAuthor's Response: I don't know if I'm developing my characters so much as setting the stage! But I'm glad you think it's a good continuation from the information-heavy first chapter. Fitz is on very shaky ground, so writing him isn't so smooth either. ;)
I agree, Neville tends to be a very gentle person. However, I do think he would have matured over the years, and learned to stand his ground better. So if you take this more confident man and have him stumble upon two boys he knows to be brothers beating each other up... Well, I don't think sweet little Neville would stand to see kin fighting. I think there are lots of ways he could have approached the situation, but that's how I see it. I appreciate you pointing that out, that's exactly what I wish readers would do in all reviews.
Thank you for the review! Report Review
This is very well written, Fitz is a very interesting bloke. I enjoined this chapter and can't wait to see what you have in store for this story. 10/10Author's Response: Thank you for the review! Report Review
What can I say? This is amazing.
I swear I've only ever read two next-gen fics that I like but if more of then were like yours I'd definitely read more.
I like that this isn't the story about the happily-ever-afters and their spoiled bratty children; it's about the family who fell through the cracks. It's about the son of a man who was set for a happily-ever-after of his own but, due to circumstances beyond his control (though not completely out of his control; children don't just appear out of nowhere!) finds his life has turned into something else.
Long review is long, and maybe I'm reading too much into this but c'est la vie. I thoroughly enjoyed reading this and I eagerly await more.Author's Response: Next-Gen is interesting, that's for sure. There's lot of potential, but it can definitely get abused. I'm glad you like this one, though! I have a lot of fun with Next-Gen, there's so much left to the imagination.
There is certainly a lack of happily-ever-after here. You nailed it when you put down that Seamus fell through the cracks. That's exactly what he did. He was all set, but made a few bad decisions that led to worse ones that led to this hectic life. I'm so glad you noticed that.
No too long a review! I'm glad you enjoyed, the next chapter should be up in a few days. Thanks for stopping by! Report Review
This is so beautifully written; it's obvious you've put a lot of thought into it but at the same time, you make it seem effortless.
It's a compelling first chapter, definitely leaves me wanting to read more. Besides that, it brings up interesting questions about poverty and Hogwarts and family that I have a feeling will be answered in due time.
I've only just started reading this but I thought I'd leave a review before starting the next chapter.
Cheers!Author's Response: So much thought! So much effort! :P But that's the way it's supposed to be, that you can see one but not that other. There's definitely going to be lots of issues addressed in this story, spread out over the whole thing. I'm glad you enjoyed it. Thanks for the nice review! Report Review
this sounds like a promising story. i'm really enjoying itAuthor's Response: Thank you for the review! Glad you're enjoying it. Report Review
Eight kids? Are you sure Fitz's last name isn't Weasley? :P
Also: someone needs to tell Seamus and Claire that a woman's body does not double as a clown car, because neither of them apparently understand that. ;)
Wonderful start to the story, especially considering the propensity on this site for first-person stories to start out with "Hi, I'm Blady-Blah, I'm in This Year and That House, and This Is the Situation I'm In Currently. Also, This is What I Look Like, just in case you were wondering." You managed to NOT start your first-person POV story with that, and for that I congratulate you and present you with bunches of cyber-cookies. :D
Please update soon-- I wanna see what happens next! :)Author's Response: Haha, I did know when I posted this that people would get Weasley flashbacks. But it was necessary. ;)
This will actually be eight children from four women. Seamus just has bad judgement, and isn't being responsible. He does have his good moments, though, which will come up later.
Oh, I don't like those introductory pieces at all! I was trying so hard to avoid that in this story, except with Fitz it'd be more like a family history.
I'm aiming to update once a week; I have several pre-written chapters, but I need them to last in case anything comes up. Thanks for the review! Report Review
Omg, I totally need to read more. This is so completely orginial and pulls at my heart strings, jeez I just wanted to give him a hug and tell him that it would be ok. I like how this chapter was reasonable sized but you still managed to get a lot of detail in there. I enjoyed the way you managed to incorporate a glimpse of his home life into this chapter and a few characteristics of what he is like as a person. I hate that he feels guilty about leaving his brothers and sister:-(. 'Poverty, see, was something people couldn't look in the eye.' - This is sooo true not only for the wizarding world but for the real world too and I hate that society thinks that way. I liked the way that you managed to incorporate that in. Really good and entralling. I can't wait to read more =D
Silverstarletworld:-)Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad you weren't overwhelmed by the information heap there, I tried make it less forcible and more... detailed. As for the poverty thing, I'm trying really hard not to make it overrated or stereotypical. We'll see how that goes. Report Review
Hey! I really enjoyed this piece. It's an opening chapter right?
I thought you wrote it well, with good character development. You plot idea was good, with the poverty. It's an unusual topic to write about which I love because I think we need more fics like this to take note of the things in the word we choose to forget.
I thought you character was well-written, flt for him and his situation, you showed good and realistic thoughts and emotions for not only your main character but the reactions of the people around him.
I liked your opening paragraph, it was very well written. I am glad you chose to kill the background information, I feel it would have taken away from the feel of the chapter.
Overall I really enjoyed this, Well done!
Hannah xAuthor's Response: Yep, this is chapter one, hopefully of many. I've got plenty of pre-written chapters, so things should go smoothly for awhile. The thing about this story is that it does face poverty, especially concerning wizards, and I want to deal with it appropriately. Not write it off, or fall short of doing it justice. I'm hoping to get feedback on that as I go along.
I agonized over the opening chapter, because even though I'm not really a fan of prologue-type chapters, I do feel this chunk would have dragged down the rest of the chapter. That will come up as chapter two shortly. Thanks for the review!!! Report Review
Wow. Just wow. Tres bien. I really can't wait for the next chapter. I never thougt of someone being like that and going back and forth to help with family and things like that. Rating: 9/10Author's Response: Merci beaucoup! I hope it gets you thinking a bit. ;) Report Review
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