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6 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Jimmbo The Fallen Prince

1st September 2012:
Goodness me and you said that my story was sad! "The Prince's Tale" is my absolute favourite chapter in all HP and you have complimented it brilliantly here. Really epicly well done on this story

Author's Response: Awww thank you so much! I'm glad you liked it! And you know, "The Prince's Tale" is one my favorite chapters too (although it's kind of because there's a lot of Lily in it *looks away sheepishly*).
Thanks for the lovely review!
~cb ")


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Review #2, by magnolia_magic The Fallen Prince

13th August 2012:
Hi! magnolia_magic here with your review! Sorry I'm running late...RL has been a little tough lately :/

I think this is a really interesting look at Snape's thoughts and emotions during key moments in his life. I can see the love you have for Snape as a character, and I think you've done a good job of showing us what was going on in his head.

My favorite scene is probably the first one, when Snape and Voldemort are talking. I think you did a good job on the dialogue, and overall I thought it was well-written. Also, my favorite paragraph in the whole thing is in that scene: Snape's reaction when Voldemort reveals that the prophecy is about Lily's son. The one that starts with the sentence "Snape's heart skipped a beat." I love the vivid description of his physical reaction to the news, and I could just imagine how devastated he was. In that paragraph especially, I felt like I was right there watching everything unfold.

I think you've done a good job with Snape's characterization. There are a few dramatic emotional moments, but mostly his narrative voice seems very understated, which seems to fit him. Despite everything he'd been through, he wasn't an emotional wreck all the time. Overall I think you handled his character well, and like I said, it's very interesting to get inside his head. I also think you did really well with Voldemort in that first scene. His dialogue was really convincing and seemed just right for his character.

The one thing I would love to see more of is description and imagery. Remember that paragraph I mentioned earlier? The thing that stood out about that is the vivid description you used there. I think some time spent on describing the physical as well as the emotional would add a lot to the piece.

As far as going full-circle with it, I think you do a good job of sticking with the idea of Snape loving Lily and promising to do anything for her. And I just love this line at the ending: "Couldn't help imagining red hair falling around the boy's face, rather than black." I think that's a beautiful way to show that Snape's love for Lily continued to the very end of his life.

Overall, I thought this was a really nice read. It's well-written, and I think Snape lovers should definitely read it :) Good job, and feel free to PM me if you need anything else!

--Maggie

Author's Response: Thank you for the lovely review! It was extremely helpful!
I definitely see what you mean about description and imagery. It think I got so into Snape's head that I didn't really think to show other things, as well. Which is weird because usually I over-desribe haha.
Thanks for all the compliments!
~cb ")


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Review #3, by Violet Gryfindor The Fallen Prince

26th July 2012:
Here for Pass the Parcel! :D

I know that this is an older story, and usually I try to review newer things, but it was too difficult to resist a story about Snape. I agree that he's one of the most interesting characters ever written, but as a result he's also one of the hardest to write. However, you've done a very good job with him here, capturing his complexities and his powerful emotions. The paragraph that stood out most was that near the beginning when you trace Snape's reaction to Voldemort's news - the fractured sentences and repetitions (like "this was Voldemort, Voldemort, coming after her") were very effective. They quickened the pace and were a perfect example of showing over telling.

It was great to see someone writing about this scene in canon because it's surprisingly neglected. Maybe it's included in longer stories, but rarely in a one-shot, I don't know why. But your characterization of both Voldemort and Snape were excellently in line with canon.

There are a few things that could be improved to make this story shine a little brighter. There are a few "though"s and "as well"s that awkwardly hang off the ends of sentences, but more importantly, there are some blanks that need filling in, such as where Snape got the idea to use a Patronus, particularly when no other Death Eater is capable of it. Or was it just that he didn't think about it - it just happened? The story wasn't quite as strong near the end - I wasn't sure what the last two scenes were meant to do, other than add to the scenes in "The Prince's Tale". The ending needs to be stronger so that it brings the story full-circle and make the beginning relate better to the ending. I don't know if that makes sense at all - I wish I could explain it better.

Nevertheless, you did wonderfully with this and it would be great to see you write more about Snape in the future. You did it so well here that it's definitely worthwhile to try it again! :D

Author's Response: Thank you for the lovely review! I really did find it extrememly helpful!

I'm really glad to hear that I got Snape and Voldemort's characters right! It's such a huge compliment because they really are some of the hardest to write!

Yeah, I've got to admit I did get a bit lazy at the end. It was my first story. I wasn't really sure if I even wanted to write fanfiction, let alone if I was good at it. It's a poor excuse, I know, but I really do appreciate your advice on the end.

Thank you for the wonderful review!
~cb ")


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Review #4, by All_was_well The Fallen Prince

3rd May 2012:
That was so sad! It's mean to make people cry, you know lol:D

Author's Response: Hahaha, aww sorry! Actually, I take that back because it's a huge compliment!
Thanks for the review
~cb ")


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Review #5, by Timechild The Fallen Prince

2nd August 2011:
An interesting fic.

I like how you displayed Snape's emotions about Lily. Especially when he knew she was dead. Well done.

If anything needs to be added, it would be a a little more conversation between Dumbledore and Snape. Just a thought though.

Overall, nicely done

Author's Response: Thank you!
I actually originally had more Dumbledore, but I wasn't allowed to put it in because I had taken it from the 7th book and I couldn't have that many quotes


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Review #6, by spencefa The Fallen Prince

19th April 2011:
it was a nice story of his feelings

Author's Response: Thank you!

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