Reading Reviews for Illusion
  
11 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Santa-of the secret kind. Illusion

21st December 2011:
Another great one shot! I really liked this! The characters and the way it just worked! The idea was really sweet as well and I just loved how you wrote this! I found the first few paragraphs went a bit too quickly and this could be a little bit longer but apart from that it was great!

Your description was good and I love how your characters developed and you showed their emotions perfectly, well done x

Your secret santa

Author's Response: Thanks :)
Yeah, I could definitely make this longer.
I'll work on it over the holidays!
~Chloe xx


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Review #2, by ShelbyBlack Illusion

18th May 2011:
*hugs* Hey lovely! I'm here for your long overdue review, sorry about that :3

I actually read this ages ago, but hadn't had the actual time to discuss everything I wanted too! The first time I read it, I cried hehe! Wow...this is totally awesome!

I absolutely LOVE the storyline, it's so original and unexpected! Where to start? I think this is such a believable story, definitely something that I could see happen! You've picked "adolescence" as your first criteria, you have done an excellent job as conveying this issue throughout the story.

"I won't tell anyone what you did. I won't humiliate you. But if you ever tell anybody what I did that first night, I will never talk to you again." This absolutely broke my heart! The things girls will go through for love, for somewhere to be there...you've displayed the characteristics of being a teenager very subtly and nicely :3

I get all giggly when I read this, which in my case is a good sign when reading HPFF (means I'm enjoying it)

THE QUOTE *flails* This is another story! WOW! This is the first one that was submitted that had it in the actual dialogue. It was so nice to read, I love that like the others you've not only used the quote but understood what it's conveying! The way you've put this in your story is brilliant. I practically had a fit when I saw it! It fits so so well!

Love, thank you so much for this entry! I loved it!
xoxox

Author's Response: Don't worry! :3
Wow, you cried?!!! Thank you! :D
Thank you :) As soon as I got the quote, I knew I had to do an affair story :)
Awwh, I'm glad you think I showed her as a teenager!
YAY :D
Thank you :)
AH ALL I'M SAYING IS THANK YOU BUT THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS AWESOME REVIEW!! :D x


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Review #3, by daliha Illusion

12th April 2011:
I love the last sentence it sums up the whole one-shot. It's well written and captivating. Poor Dominique having to go through unrequited love...still it happens and so made it so realistic. Congrats :D

Author's Response: Thank you :D That was the quote I was given :) I'm so glad you think that! That really means a lot :) Thanks :D XX

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Review #4, by Ronsgirl29 Illusion

7th April 2011:
Aw, that was rather sad! Unrequited love always breaks my heart, because there's nothing harder than having feelings for someone who doesn't return them. I want to say I feel bad for her, but you've created a character that I feel bad for but then I also can't help but think she got what she deserved.

I mean, it's sad that he doesn't like her back, but it was wrong of her to try and force him into feeling something by giving him a love potion. She had to have known that would back fire!

Anyway, I liked this story a lot, but I feel like there's more you could add to it to make it even better. There's a lot of things you gloss over, like the nights they spent talking, or the days he was under the potion. Any moments from those times would be great to add, because then we could understand and see why her feelings for him develop instead of just being told that she liked him.

But of course, that's up to you, I just as a reader would be interested to see some of those scenes!

Nice job,
Ronsgirl29 (:

Author's Response: Totally! She did get what she deserved I think, I mean, love potions just aren't worth the consequences :D
Yeah, I've got a lot of comments about the glossing over of the middle. I was trying to do one of those really general but effective stories that you sometimes see, when it's mostly narrative but I'm not sure that it worked out... I may edit this sometime in the future :)
Definitely :D
Thank you for your lovely helpful review!
~NGHL XXX


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Review #5, by gingersnape Illusion

7th April 2011:
Hello dear, I am here with a review for you! :D

Oh ScoDom! How you are so beautifully tragic and you brought in love potions and the angst that must have been in the Delacour household and then the ending was amazing! I am a real sucker for a tragic story (along with forbidden love, paradoxes, dystopias, and Sirius/OCs) so I have read more than my fair share of them and this really set itself apart from the usual love potion story because Dom ended up like Merope; lost and insecure and not having the only thing she wanted. That right there is powerful and I really liked how you pulled the whole story together with the bit at the end about the illusion and it really tied it all together while keeping the magic of is, so to speak, and just keeping Dom's hopes glistening through enough that I really want more, yet I want Dom to be eith Scorpius, and that won't happen, so I'm stuck! But a very good stuck indeed! :)
-Annie (soon to be Mrs. Lupin! :P)

Author's Response: Yay :D
Thank you! ScoDom has always intrigued me but I never wanted them to be permanent :) It set itself apart?!! :D And yeah, now I think about it, she is a little like Merope :)
Haha yeah I got the quote for the challenge, and knew it would be perfect! Her hopes are still glistening through but sadly I'm a strong ScoRose shipper and so yes, that will never happen :D
Thanks for the great review Annie! And please tell me what you think of our new character in The Untold Story of Chloe Bonaccord when you have time! :D
~NeverGotHerLetter x x x x x x x


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Review #6, by Owlpost68 Illusion

5th April 2011:
Well, it was really well written. I just personally don't like it because it's just a preference thing. I thought it was a great representation of what can happen if a person in the magical world gets too carried away like she did. I just don't quite understand Scorpius and why he did it that first night. If it was simply because he missed Rose... Well, then I think he'd be a real Arse. I don't like thinking he is one though... and the way you wrote Dom, it sounds like she more coerced him to do it then. I just would have thought he'd have more backbone. So, dramatically speaking, I think you did a great job writing.

Author's Response: Thanks :) Yeah, this Scorpius is a bit of an arse. That's why he did it the first night, Dom didn't coerce him. I wrote it specifically so it would be quite fast and skim over the tiny details rather than delving in to them which is why their characters are kinda vague. Thanks for the review :D xx

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Review #7, by Akussa Illusion

3rd April 2011:
Hello dearest!

Nice little story; I think you could have gone a bit further into Dominique's personality but that's just me liking very strong characterization!

Overall, I have to say it was a bit fast-paced; but still very well written and I didn't spot any grammar mistakes so kudos!

Akussa

Author's Response: Hi :)
Thanks :) Yeah, I usually like strong characterisation too, which is what I've done in other stories, however I wanted to make this one different from my usual writing style :D
Ok, thank you! :D
~NGHL XXX


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Review #8, by Mintleaf Illusion

2nd April 2011:
' She hadnít wanted to spend any time with her controlling, angry, mother, who favoured her older, happier, prettier sister and her more intelligent, sweeter, younger brother.' there is something a tiny bit off about this sentence, in my opinion. I think maybe it could be split into a couple of more descriptive shorter sentences! And maybe change the adjectives that you've used to ones that seem a little more... exciting? The sentences that follow on from this are a good example if this, though. They are short and succinct, which is what I think this bit needs! :)

Also, I thought they were in the Gryffindor common room? How could Scorpius have carried her to his bed? Her bed maybe?

'Did he- did he use me? †Rose? He wants Rose, boring, unfunny and plain, rather than me, beautiful and popular? He should want me. I will make him want me.í She thought.' I think this is another case of what I said before. Also on a characterization note, she sure seems to hate her family a lot!

I like the situation that you've set up here! I like the end especially. It was a good plot! :)

Author's Response: Yeah I think I overused the adjectives there lol XD
Oh Scorp's in Gryffindor too... I always thought he would be :) I'll try and make that clearer.
Ok :) Hahaha yeah, she does, she's the jealous type :)
Thank you, I'm quite proud of it :D xxx


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Review #9, by LilyFire Illusion

1st April 2011:
It's cute. I like it. This whole Holmes thing had me wondering what you were talking about in a couple places, until I realized what it was though! It was a little fast-paced, and maybe you could have went deeper into Dom's personallity, but I still think it's cute just the way it is. I love the last line.
~LilyFire

Author's Response: Thanks :D Hahaha I was so confused earlier too! Yeah, I meant it to be fast paced so it was a lot different from my usual writing style, where I delve in to personalities like you said. Thanks, it's a quote, my given for the challenge :)
~NeverGotHerLetter x x x x x x


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Review #10, by sk8trmafia08 Illusion

28th March 2011:
Oh, so sad! She just wanted love, but he...oh man, if this weren't a 12+ site, I'd be saying really nasty things right now. Poor girl.

Excellent story!

Author's Response: Ikr!! Hhahahahaa thanks for reviewing :D
Thank you! ~NGHL X


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Review #11, by TheGoldenKneazle Illusion

27th March 2011:
Omigosh, I LOVE this. I normally don't go in for Dom/Scorpius because I'm too big a ScoRose fan, but I really love the way you've written them both.

You feel really sorry for Dom, and can empathise - but you end up feeling angry at her too, for keeping Scorpius with her under force. I really feel for them both in this.

Overall 10/10! I found the ending sad, but the only happy and right way :(
~TGK

Author's Response: Thanks :D Neither do I usually as I'm a ScoRose fan too, but I was actually happy and comfortable writing this. I'm glad you thought it was well written :)
Yay! That's what I was going for, totally! :D
Wow thank you! Thanks for reviewing! :D ~NGHL XX


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