Ok, now that is a real protagonist. I really like how you've been so upfront about this character's flaws and imperfections. It's left me torn between identifying with him, and wanting to yell at him, and that's actually really rare. As a result I'm intrigued to know more. Why has he got this way? What's the rest of his family like? And what's happened with his dad? And what's really great is that these questions don't feel forgotten about, or ignored. There's a real sense of drawing me in and making me want to know more.
I also like the way you describe what's going on. There's nothing flowery, and no unnecessary description. Instead there's just enough for us to get the image of it all - each description adding more than the actual words themselves. For example, the stubby pencil for some reason makes me think of someone who just uses whatever he can find, and who doesn't care about opinions or having the best. Not what I expect from a potter, and so very evocative. Sometimes the sentences do get a bit long for me, and could do with a comma, but other than that it's pretty darn near perfect!
Thanks for sharing this with us, and please let me know when more's up!
CapellaBlack, GryffindorAuthor's Response: Thank you so much for this wonderful review!! I'm so glad you like the story, and the characterization of James. It means a lot to me, especially with a newer story like this. Thanks again! Report Review
A very promising start to a story, and definitely intriguing! You've given James a good introduction without revealing too much about him. Just the right mix of explanation and mystery, and I'll definitely be reading the next chapter when it's up!Author's Response: Thank you so much for this review! I really hope to get a chapter up soon, so I hope you are just as pleased with that chapter! Thanks again.
-Sarah Report Review
Hullo! I said I was reading this and now, look! I'm reviewing too.
"nubby" -giggles- such a funny word.
I love how animated Boris is. At first I thought he was Hagrid (you described him as giant, so I just presumed ^.^). He seems really gruff and angry at James but then he seems to genuinely care too. It's interesting. I'm kind of hoping James returns to him but at the same time I don't really know what's going on yet! Argh! Haha :)
Do you mind if I be a bit picky? "...causing a bit of cries of shock from on the other side of the wall." This sounds a little weird, and looks like you were going to write something else before you changed your mind and went onto something else. Just thought I'd point it out :)
I quite like James, though I'm still a bit unsure of him as you haven't revealed too much. He seems really troubled, but I don't yet know why. I need to know more! :)
I like how much of a mystery this is, and I think one more chapter and I'll be hooked. Very good start. I hope I remember to come back to this, so I can see the story really get underway. I like the chapter length too. I prefer reading short first chapters, so I can get hooked into a story first before commiting a lot of time to it. Well done :DAuthor's Response: Jazzeh! You are so awesome at multi-tasking. And thank you for this awesome review! I will go back and fix that because I think you are right :P I tend to do that a lot. Your review is awesome and I love it. I will definitely update this soon and be sure to tell you about it ;D Thanks Jazzeh.
-Sarah Report Review
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