Love, love, love. Especially Pansy--Pansy was the best part of your writing. I can picture her so vividly. Smoldering, magnetic. Abandoned, but not lost.
I think you left Draco more mysterious and nondescript on purpose (yes? no?). He is the crux of the whole issue, and the one we know the least about. Sure, we know why he loves Pansy and why he loves Astoria, but nothing about who he is without these two women. Maybe that's the point-- he's nothing without the both of them.
Anyway, i thought the idea was cool. How Pansy was the worst of him and Astoria the best. How he is always going to be, forever, a bad man.
That was my interpretation of your chapter. Love, love, love. You have a really sophisticated voice.
Keep writing! :D Report Review
oh ciara dear this was written so beautifully. the entire time i felt like i was reading the most beautiful poem. the words flowed together so well and i could easily picture the moments you wrote about. you're my favorite draco/pansy ship writer and maybe even my favorite draco/astoria ship writer too. i'm not even too sure of what to say besides the repeated fact of how lovely this was and well written it is. i wish i could use the :wub: smilie from the forums. Report Review
Hi there. Im sorry this review took so lonk but Ill try to make it worth it.
I really liked reading this one-shot (and youll see just how much). It was structured in a very unique way. I actually read it more than once because as you said it was a piece based on a certain style and i wanted to be sure i got everything right before i reviewd, but i loved reading it every time because i always got something new from it that i had missed before.
Loved the way you organise your words into sentences. It flows so gracefully, its almost a little poetic. 'fragiles curves of understanding and sharp edges of love' - loved that turn of phrase. The second person perspective added this level of detatchment that was, according to me, fundemental in making this story flow the way you wanted it to - a point that to the reader is understandable only by the end.
Also, the symetries you created between your characters we very interesting. In a way, you made some fraction of these three characters echoes of each other, even thought they are so very different. Both of these aspects were neatly defined - the similarity of what they felt, but the different way in wich they experience those feelings and this really got throught cleanly for me. I felt that this way of writing them was the only way to keep this triangle beliavable. It made me understand this relationship even thought from a normal pov, it wouldntbe so understandable.
'the moment in which your name falls from his lips and no one catches it' - beautiful
Also, the way you described their emotions, keeping things simple, but so effective because of the words you choose, was what i most liked about this. I got what they were feeling and it all made simple sense. The way what Pansy feel is so pervasive but seems so real, the way she is still Pansy in that tinge of selfish triumph that her emotions have, and that strange unhealthy side that their relationship carries, because it feels like its someting that should be, but that is unavoidable as well (Only in the end it was so clear what this feeling was about, seeing that she was dead, but by the time I was reading it, their being toghether felt impossibly sad, all-consuming and kinda wrong). All the emotional spectrum came out beautifully. Draco's and pansy's relationship made me think of that Death Eater whose head fell into the glass-time-thing in the chamber of mysteries and it kept growin from a baby's head to a man's head and back again. (again, only by the end did i understand the why of this feeling - but the fact that you managed to make that come through is amazing)
I really liked how you made Draco act different with the two of them, because a i read on, more than just women, they became what they represented for him: Past ad future. And it made perfect sense that Draco would want so separate those two parts of his life. I really liked (in a twiseted way) how he seemed full of cold desperation for his past - with pansy - and delicate and hopeful with his future - Astoria. When you describe how he tries to keep her away from his sharpest edges, i got this feeling that he was almost afraid of her. And that she is in some self-induced denial about him.
As i read on i found myself feeling more and more sorry for Draco, because by being stuck in the middle, by having a bit of both women he really has neither. The way you created this picture of him was really smart because you never really phrased it, but it felt like it was the point of this whole thing.
Somting else i liked about this is that you didnt push me into chosing sides. Your writing was ever neutral and this raelly puts the reader in a kind of dilema: which way should he go? The answer that makes sense would be the future, but he would be lost without his past. this is the riddle that came through with this one-shot.
By the end, this took a really different shape. i thougth pansy was alive but the fact that she isnt... I dont kow what to make of it, it caught me by surprise, but it also made sense going by the way you wrote it. It just made everything feel a lot more tragic because it wasnt your average triangle - it was something worse i think, because it felt like there is no moving away from this fixed moment of grief for Draco and Astoria. Love lost in death, the grief of him for the death of pansy and the sadness of Astoria for what he has lost and for what she seems not to be able to have - which is him. Really complicated, as emotions alwasy are, but really simple in its sadness. By the time i was done reading this and really understood the web of emotions, i felt like i was looking at something twisted that i should be looking on.
Wonderful piece that is most definitely going to my favorites. Thanks so much for requesting a review, I honestly enjoyed your story.
Ps: This has got to be the longst review Ive ever left. wow... ;PAuthor's Response: I think this is the longest review I've ever gotten! It kind of has blown my mind, but I love it. It's amazing. You're amazing. Made my week, seriously.
I am not even sure what to say I am so overwhelmed with happiness. Anyway I shall just get into it. What's probably going to surprise you about this fic is that I wrote the first and second sections with a completely different ending in mind. Like, completely different. I went back and edited some parts of it after I changed the ending to it's current state, but pretty much it remained the same. So I am so, so happy you think it fits so perfectly, because it was entirely instinctive on my part.
I love that you thought of the Death Eater in the hourglass! I thought of the exact same thing! No kidding. I was also thinking of Snape and the memories he gave to Harry in book seven- how essentially he lived his whole life trying to change something or give meaning to the past that he could no longer alter.
I had this idea in my head that Draco was both protecting her, and afraid of her. By trying to hide things from her he was saving her the hurt of knowing how far gone he was. But he was also sparing himself having to really look at himself in the mirror and see it, too. Once she knew it would always be reflected back to him and he couldn't face that hopeless reality.
I think that the real tragedy of this is how all of them are pulled into it. That's what I tried to write, anyway. They are all so deeply in love, which should be this amazing beautiful thing, and instead it has become their undoing. Like you said, he has lost not just Pansy, but in being unable to release her he has lost Astoria too.
Thank you so much, I cannot even describe how much this made my day. I was still thinking about it when I was at school. You are incredible, really! Report Review
You're a wonderful writer, you know that? This was just brilliant! The description? BEAUTIFUL. The structure? AMAZING. Very clever. It worked very, very well. (Plus, Pansy/Draco/Astoria = fabulousness.) I love love loved it :DAuthor's Response: Thank you so much! I just got inspired for this one evening watching television and had to write it. I am so glad you enjoyed it, it wasn't really something I planned out! Thank you!!! Report Review
Hi, Ciara! :)
This was really lovely. At first I was a bit confused, wondering about this push and pull between the past and the future - and I didn't fully understand until he said "Astoria". And then a lightbulb went on in my head. OH! So Astoria is the future, and Pansy is the past, and Draco is the present, running between them! A-ha! And then after that, it was this flood of just...wow... Brilliant.
His footsteps are the bellows which control your breath and when they fade, it seems like nothing breathes anymore.
what makes the wheels turn and the breeze blow and the ocean crash into an ever-repeating spectacle of broken crystal.
He loves you in a left-behind way, you are scar tissue on his damaged soul.
This he remembers. The burning, the ashes, the sweet taste of soot in her mouth.
I hope I am correct in saying that Pansy died in a fire? And now the only way Draco can be with her is by visiting his memories? That is so excruciatingly sad... And it's especially sad because Astoria knows about his past love for Pansy, and loves him so much that she feels more sorry for him than she does for herself, and just allows it to happen...
Goodness. Words can't really describe how much I loved this - I thought it was amazing. Poignant and sad and lonely and beautiful and amazing.
I have no CC for you.
Don't ever stop writing. :)Author's Response: I think the confusing part is using the same "she" to refer to them both, but hopefully it didn't deter too much from the story :]
You are correct. When I originally wrote this, it was not going to end that way, but I didn't end up liking the way it did end. So I re-wrote it looking for inspiration, and ended up with a lot of fire themes, and the rest just wrote itself. I think a lot of death related stories end up about the grieving and the person lost, but this story is really about the loss of all three of them. It's a very twisted emotional mess, and they can't put it right.
Thank you so much hon, I can't even tell you how much this means to me! You are so kind for offering your time, and I am so proud to have you enjoy this! Thank you! Report Review
I really like how the emotions were physically represented, and I could visualize so many of the descriptions as being in a scene of an intense silent film. My only problem is that I am not a great reader, so it was often difficult for me to follow along, and I had to re-read often.Author's Response: Thanks love! You should make an intense silent film of it. I know, it helped when I turned off the t.v. Now you know how I feel trying to write with it on. Report Review
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