Reading Reviews for Impenetrable
  
91 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Jchrissy The Mission

23rd July 2012:
Wow Naida, what a powerful first chapter! I wanted to review this because I have an obsession with longer stories, and I'm currently caught up to most of my favorites.

So, anyway. Tom- what a tricky thing he would be to write. We know enough about him to have an idea and possibly know when he's ooc, but not enough to really know what traits to give him. So with that tricky little balance, you have done a masterful job. I am shocked and I think you should be very, very proud of the in depth understanding you seem to have acquired. Wait. This is Tom Riddle, should I be scared?? ;)

Amaya, what an interesting character - a fascinating OC! She's pureblood, she doesn't agree with that ideology, she has a crush on the words biggest pure blood supremacist! Obviously she doesn't know this now... but it has us swimming in a pool of irony!

I usually harp on authors for descriptions.. but yours are great. You have enough to give us a scene then you let it take control and let your story tell us the rest. It's a perfect combo.

Amaya seems very comfortable around Anabel, I'm excited to learn more about your other OC, too.

Anyway, I'm very excited to read the next chapter, this is a great and intriguing start!

Jami

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Review #2, by MoonPrancerxoxo The Crumbling

8th July 2012:
Yay you updated! :D You don't know how happy I felt when I saw there were 11 chapters now xD

OMG!!! You are killing me with this suspence, Amaya wants Tom to love her yet she'll think that when Tom is trying to manipulate her, argh you're murdering me here!!

Interesting change to the story, so Tom is unaware that Amaya sent that note? Interesting ;)

The ending is epic, I really want to find out what happens next!!!

Brilliant chapter! :) It has alot of suspence and it was amazingly written! Please update soon!!!

Author's Response: YES I DID!!! :D I'm so glad you liked it! ♥

SUSPENSE IS GOOD. I really liked that plot twist :P Not really one I thought of at the beginning, actually, but it works.

Yes, he is. This will crop up later on ;)

I'm so so glad you liked it!! Will do my best on updates!

-Naida


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Review #3, by MoonPrancerxoxo The Suitor

30th April 2012:
Great chapter once more :)

Somehow, I knew her parent's choice was something she wouldn't be too happy about, but making Cygnus is just plain cruel!!! great twist in the story! :)

I can't wait to see Tom again! :D I'm hoping they start talking soon! :) I hope you can update soon as I can't wait to read more! :D

Author's Response: Ahhh, I can't believe you read it all! I have to update now. Yes, Amaya was never too happy with her parents choice. That actually got thrown in here at the last moment (it being Cygnus) so I'm glad you like it. Tom shall return...

-Naida


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Review #4, by MoonPrancerxoxo The Black Lake

30th April 2012:
This was an amazing chapter, I loved it so much! :)

Tom is so sinister and malicious, I love it!!! You've done a perfect job with him there! :D

I actually wanted to murder Black though! :( I felt so sorry for Mary, I wonder why Amaya said that despite not having prejudice views, or does she :o

I'm guessing poor Mary's the next victim :'(

Author's Response: Ahhh, you're amazingly lovely! Thank you!

Tom is supposed to be getting more and more malicious, so I'm glad you like that. I want him to gradually become the Voldemort in canon.

Stupid Black! This was one of the rare plot twists I actually liked so thank you for commenting on it. Amaya's a bit complicated on prejudiced views. She likes to claim she isn't prejudied, and really she isn't, but she goes along with it because she isn't brave enough to say no. That goes back to her Sorting, when she chose Slytherin so as not to anger her parents. She's a bit terrified of upsettng them.

And *cough*youtotallyjustgavemeaplunnyforMaryandI'mstealingyourideaandmakingherthenextvictim*cough*

Thank you!

-Naida


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Review #5, by MoonPrancerxoxo Celebration

30th April 2012:
Another great chapter! :D

Aww I loved that part where the chocolate frogs were new :') I keep forgetting that this is set in the 40's

o so Tom's already chosen his next victim? :o Poor Gryffindor boy :(

So he doesn't like the name Tom, wants a more powerful name, Hm, how's about LORD VOLDEMORT!! xD

Author's Response: Thank you, hon! Can I like hug you forever and ever? :D I'm loving these reviews.

Yeah, I forgot that too, tbh! :P A reviewer pointed it to me, so I felt like sticking it in somehow.

Tom must have a hit list or something, lol.

Stupid Tom. Couldn't think of Lord Voldemort xD You're so much smarter than him. I have a feeling that he won't come up with that for a while.

Thank you!

-Naida


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Review #6, by MoonPrancerxoxo An Attack

28th April 2012:
Wow, that was really harsh of Tom when he threw away Amaya's letter. I'm not surprised at all though, it is Tom after all xD

Hmmm so she's not going home for christmas, alone with Tom, this sounds like fun ;)

:o I'm guessing Tom's first victim has met their demise, or have they? :o

Great chapter once more! :D

Author's Response: Tom is harsh. Very harsh. Better throwing a way a letter than petrifing people, though, eh :P And is she...? Haha, you'll have to see. Let's just say that Tom is very happy about now. Thank you once more!

-Naida


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Review #7, by MoonPrancerxoxo The Basilisk

27th April 2012:
I really liked the concept of completeing challenges to get into the chamber! Really well written out and I enjoyed it very much! :)

Wow he's found the basalisk now! :O Watch out Myrtle!!

Great chapter again! :D beautifully written with amazing descriptions! :)

Author's Response: A reviewer actually suggested having the challenges, and I loved the idea :P Glad you liked it too. BUT WAIT YOU'RE AT THE UNEDITED PART NOW. NO. :P Ahhha, I'll just have to edit faster. And yep, he's good to go. So glad you liked it! :)

-Naida


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Review #8, by MoonPrancerxoxo The Entrance

26th April 2012:
I wonder what Tom's reaction will be when he finds the note from Amaya xD

So he's finially found the entrance :o I can see him becoming more and more like Voldemort now :D great job once again! :D

Author's Response: The sad thing is that I honestly don't remember :P I'm rewriting that part next in my edits though!

Yeah, he found it. I'm so glad you can see that transition. Thank you for all your reviews! After months of clicking on unanswered reviews and seeing 0 pop up, it's absolutely incredible to see all your reviews sitting and waiting for me.

-Naida


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Review #9, by MoonPrancerxoxo The Slug Club

26th April 2012:
Oooo so she'll want Tom by christmas now, this sounds like it will be fun!

Tom as sly and cunning as always, I think you've characterised him brilliantly! :D

Well done once again, I'm really enjoying this story so far! :D

Author's Response: Yeah, Amaya's on a mission :D And I'm glad you like Tom's characterization :) Thank you so much, as usual!

-Naida


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Review #10, by MoonPrancerxoxo The Bathroom

26th April 2012:
Aww I think you're doing a brilliant job at portraying Tom so far :) a nice mixture of quiet, smart and developing into that oh so psychotic wizard we all know and love :D you're welcome about the reviews!! I review everyting I enjoy because I know how good it can make an author feel since experiencing how reviews make me feel! :) Anyways, I really enjoyed this chapter to! Oooo so Tommy's found the entrance to the chamber! I wonder what he'll end up accomplishing in there ;) I really liked how he avoided his friends company with his slyness, no wonder he's a slytherin :') great job again! :D

Author's Response: Thank youuu! I feel like I say that too much :P I definitely didn't want Tom to be completely evil right away. He needs to grow into it :P And I wish more peope were like you! :D Your reviews inspire me to keep writing. Yep, he got lucky :D He's very much a Slytherin! Thank you again! You're totally getting a shoutout in my next chapter. You're like my new favorite person. ♥

-Naida


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Review #11, by MoonPrancerxoxo The Prefects

25th April 2012:
I really liked your insight into Tom's first Hogwarts experiences! :D You've captured his confusion and amazement rather well :) Wow, she must really like Tom if she already wants a future with him :p great use of background information about other characters! It makes your story more believable :) good job once more! :D

Author's Response: Gah, thank you so much! I really appreciate your reviews ♥ I'm glad you like the confusion there. I've gotten some comments that it wasn't pyschopath-enough, so I'm glad you like it. Yeah, Amaya has strange priorities, but you'll find out why. Thank you once more! Your reviews are making me so happy! :D

-Naida


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Review #12, by MoonPrancerxoxo The Mission

24th April 2012:
I did find this first chapter rather interesting! You've portrayed Tom really well so far! :)

Oh so this Amaya wants to seduce the oh so unseducable aye?? ;) now that should be fun! :P

Really well written, I'm enjoying it so far! :)

Author's Response: Oh my gosh, thank you so much. I'm so glad you like my portrayal of Tom :D And Amaya...yeah, let's call it fun :P Thanks for reviewing! Made my day!

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Review #13, by WildCat The Black Lake

24th April 2012:
Great chapter! Just wondering, how many chapters are there going to be?

WildCat

Author's Response: Thanks so much for reviewing again! In my current plan, there are 20 chapters, and that's unlikely to change :)

-Naida


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Review #14, by WildCat The Entrance

23rd April 2012:
This chapter was fabulous! I really enjoyed it!

WildCat

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I really appreciate you taking the time ro review, and I'm so glad you like it :D

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Review #15, by AC_rules The Suitor

8th April 2012:
So I very much wasn't expecting this to happen and, as always, I want to reach out and give Amaya a big hug and be like DO WHAT YOU PLEASE MY LOVE and go all fairystory and give her a pureblood frog to kiss and what not (no, I don't know how that would work so don't ask questions -it complicates things that don't need to be complicated and life is a complicated thing before we go down that front).

So, yeah, now she is in a bit of a pickle. -ponders-

Well, it was another lovely update that I really enjoyed my dear :) :)

AC

Author's Response: Hi! You're a lovely person.

I hope this was unexpected. I like surprises >:D BUT AMAYA DESERVES NO HUGS. Is it bad that I'm so mean to my own characters? In fact, there's really no reason I should be so mean to Amaya. She doesn't do much wrong. But her actions are just so...ugh. I want to yell at her to grow a backbone! She's too doormat~like. And she's insanely difficult to write. Well, she was for the first 8 or so chapters when Tom was easy, and now they've flipflopped and she's easier to write. But not by much.

But really. She deserves no sympathy.

And yes, I am a mean person. When it comes to Amaya, at least. (I really don't like anyone in this story. Anabel annoys me too. That's why the ending is the way it is :P BUT SHUT UP NAIDA DON'T SAY ANYTHING ABOUT THAT.)

I enjoyed your review!

-Naida


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Review #16, by AC_rules The Black Lake

18th February 2012:
AHh!!

This was the best chapter you've written to date. Honestly, this was just wonderful in so many ways and I really really really did love it. Sorry for being a rubbish person and not keeping up with updates, it really does make me rubbish. But, alas, I'm here now and I'm going to leave you a nice lovely long review to make up for it.

I love reading an authors work when you can feel them improving as they write. It's so exciting, especially when what they were writing in the first place was really good anyway but, well, this chapter was pretty exceptional.

You've got Tom so perfectly here, slowly becoming more and more, well, Voldemort-ish rather than just another slighty mildly obsessive teenager. Here, I could real feel him beginning to transform and sort of /thirst/ for blood and stuff. Which was why it was even more fab when you tied in the stuff about the name. I wanted to cheer when I read that bit of the chapter, because it tied in so well! You're makiing me both want to write the next chapter of my story written in this era, but also hide from it - cause this was just too good.

Then Amaya! Ah, the poor dear. Send her a hug from me, will you?

Anyway, this was a loverrrly chapter. Now you've got to update soon so I can read some more. Yeah? Yeah. Awesome.

:)

-AC

Author's Response: Well hello there! I saw that the review count on this story had gone up, and on my way to check it, I was thinking "I hope this is from Helen" and lookie there! IT IS! :D

Nahhh, it's completely fine. You are not a rubbish person at all. And this was a lovely long review! I'm all warm and fuzzy from all your lovely compliments. I really hope I'm improving as I write! I was just thinking that I need to go back and rewrite these first chapters because they're really quite awful. I can't believe it's been nearly a year since I started this story.

Seee, this is why I was having Tom issues! It's really hard to write a psychopath :P I'm so so glad that it came across well though. And the name, gah, I felt like that was so random at the end but it keeps cropping up so I didn't want to let go of it completely (especially as the next chapter is almost all Amaya), but that was a huge reasssurance. NO NO NO GO WRITE THE NEXT CHAPTER OF INFRINGEMENT. It's too good to hide from!

As for Amaya, *cough*dontfeelsorryforheryet*cough*

Thank you for the lovely review! Update will hopefully be soon!

-Naida


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Review #17, by JLLshinystar The Black Lake

10th February 2012:
I really enjoyed this chapter! Even though it was quite dark and stuff, I liked it :)

Can't wait for the next one, update it soon! :D xx

Author's Response: Ahhh, thank you so much! I'm hoping to make this darker as we go along, and I'm really glad you liked it :)
-Naida


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Review #18, by lily_evans_ginny_weasley The Black Lake

10th February 2012:
Oh, so beautifully written, as always. I think the word I'm looking for to describe this is haunting. It's scary reading Tom's thoughts as he so casually attempts to kill people, and his joy at hurting people. I mean, we know what Voldemort's like, but it's scary being inside his head.

As for Amaya, I wish she had been braver and had stuck up for the girl, and ultimately for her own beliefs. I think that's what the pureblood mania and the Death Eaters were about, though: frightening and threatening people into agreeing with them, even indirectly. So I think you wrote that aspect of this really well.

I feel like Amaya is too good a person to end up with Voldemort and the Death Eaters, but I feel like that is ultimately what is going to happen. Thanks!!

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I really pictured the first scene to be eerie and disturbing, so i'm really glad you used haunting to describe it. Tom's thoughts make me uncomfortable at times :P One of the reasons I'm now having difficulties with his character. I'm working on characterizing Amaya more, which is why i threw this scene in, and you're really spot on. I wanted to show a pureblood "rebel" that didn't actually rebel, if that makes any sense. And haha, you'll just have to see about Amaya!
-Naida


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Review #19, by lily_evans_ginny_weasley Celebration

12th January 2012:
Just recently discovered this story, and I am so looking forward to more! It's very very different from anything I would usually read, but I have been pleasantly surprised. It's really spooky reading young Voldemort's thoughts - we all know how he turns out and it's weird reading about a fifteen-year-old kid who is planning to murder his fellow students in such an offhand manner. I like reading Amaya, too - she is a believable and altogether normal girl who I feel is about to get caught up in something bigger and scarier than she is expecting, but I'll wait and see what happens! Thanks :)

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm so glad you like this, and hearing that it isn't something you would usually read just makes it that much better. It's kinda fun writing Voldemort, as twisted as that sounds. And I'm glad you like Amaya too (because I don't. She's a bit of a whiny brat. But all of that comes later :P) Thank you for the lovely review!

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Review #20, by AC_rules The Slug Club

10th January 2012:
I HAVENT REVIEWS THIS CHAPTER. I'm on a review binge. This will be my 399th review and, oh gosh, you know how I hate number 9's so I've been speading my way through the nineties and... its really going to distract me that this is going to put it on a DOUBLE NINE but it has to be done.

As you know, I love this story but I'll try and make it more chapter specific (gosh, late night reviewing again - I've left the most ridiculous reviews. But... all the nines! they're haunting mee!!)

I feel pretty sorry for Amaya due to her parents letter - which I'd previously forgotten about - are we going to find more about that soon?

I loved Tom sucking up to Slughorn too -the sly dog (yep, that was in an accent) and it was just so Tom and perfect.

Yup, love this story. Give me more chapters? I'm running out of your stuff to review :P

-AC

Author's Response: *gasp* I CANT BELIEVE IT.

Stupid 90's! Go away! Even worse are the double 9s and 3 is a factor of 9 so it's like triple nines D:

Late night reviewing is the best kind. As well as responding, though this is at a very decent hour which is why I sound somewhat-sane.

The sad thing is that I had to re-read this chapter to figure out what happened in it :P I'm so out of touch with this story. GO AWAY TOM. YOU USED TO BE EASY TO WRITE. Letter,yes, that makes an appearance...the next chapter or the one after that! (I have this all planned out...I just have to actually write it) And Tom is a sly dog. Oh yes.

I think I shall write more just to get more of your reviews!

-Naida


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Review #21, by RavenGriffinSlitherPuff Celebration

2nd January 2012:
OMG THIS IS AMAZING! I don't think enough people write about this, cause It's my favorite kind of story to read :) This is so well written and I love the idea :p UPDATE!

Author's Response: THANK YOU!!! I absolutely love getting reviews like this, they absolutely make my day. I can't even tell you how happy you made me by leaving these few kind words! I shall hopefully get an update out soon!

-Naida


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Review #22, by The Christmas Fairy Celebration

1st January 2012:
Hello, Naida!

So, this is the final part of your secret santa gift. I hope you have enjoyed receiving the reviews as much as I enjoyed writing them! It really has been a pleasure to read your stories.

I want to leave you with one final piece of praise for Impenetrable - I think that over the course of the 8 chapters you've written so far, your characterisation of Tom Riddle has become excellent. He strikes just the right balance of menace and youth. I loved the little touch of the reasoning behind wanting a new name. I think you've done a truly fantastic job.

I'll be on the gifting thread under my 'real name' - which is also a fake name, honestly it's been bending my mind concealing my secret identity with another secret identity! I would love to know if you've guessed who I am:-)

Good luck with all your stories in the future, and don't be surprised to see me back actually using my pen name in future:-)

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Author's Response: Hello, Christmas Fairy! First of all, I'd like to apologize for not responding to your reviews. I decided that I'd be able to respond a lot more thoroughly when I can use your real identity. And though I would love to guess who that might be, I unfortunately cannot. Being a QTR editor, I have a magical list of all the Secret Santas, so I know exactly who you are. But I don't want to say it here, just in case someone stumbles across this and finds that you are not their Secret Santa, even though they think you are ^_^

But I did want to let you know why it seemed like I was ignoring your reviews, because they were simply wonderful. I'm awed that you were able to review my entire author's page-that's a feat. Each and every review was special to me, and you can be garaunteed that I am very, VERY thankful for them. These reviews were the best part of my holiday season. Thank you for making it so special *squish*

I'm so so glad you like Tom. As strange as it sounds, it was actually quite easy to write him for me up to this point. Now, I'm having severe Tom troubles as his character becomes more complex, but I'm glad to know that you think he's good so far. That gives me confidence for the future ^_^

Thank you again for you LOVELY reviews. I will be responding to each and every one of them, and leaving you a little thank you gift (that can never come even CLOSE to what you've given me) as soon as I can reveal your true identity ^_^

I hope your holiday has been as spectacular as the one you've given me, and thank you so much! *hugs*

-Naida


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Review #23, by The Christmas Fairy An Attack

1st January 2012:
So - chapter 7!

Tom remains suitably horrible. You write his schemeing and two-facedness very well. I liked the fact that you made him a little less perfect this time - having to talk to the basilisk in the cupboard, and being undecided about the message. He felt more like a psychopath in training rather than the finished article, which is as I think he should be.

The contrast between Tom and his evil, murderous plans and Amaya's quest to go out with him is very marked. Amaya feels superficial by comparison. I think this is something you can work with very successfully as the story progresses, although I think you need to be mindful of it.

And finally we have an attack! The ploy thickens:-)

If I can brit-pick just a tiny bit, you should say autumn instead of fall. I also noticed that you have a small formatting problem where the opening words of a couple of your paragraphs have been split across more than one line.

Author's Response: Wait, what? I could have sworn I answered these ages ago! Ack, I've just been stalking review counts on my page instead of clicking on "unanswered reviews" so I forgot all about these *headdesk*

Tom is horrible, but he can't be Voldemort yet. I like what you said-a pyschopath in training. He'll get worse as the story progresses >:D

Amaya does feel superficial for a reason. She tries to convice herself that she's on this noble quest and she's better than her family, but she's a Slytherin through and through-that comes in more at the second part of the story. So yes, that was intentional :)

This is undergoing edits now, so what you mentioned will be fixed!

-Naida


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Review #24, by The Christmas Fairy The Basilisk

1st January 2012:
Hi, Naida,

I really enjoyed the opening section to this chapter. I thought the discussion between Dippet and Slughorn was very well written, and I liked that you made Dippet suspicious. That rang true, as did Tom's explanation and natural charm.

I liked the Slytherin apparition very much, and I thought the description of Tom's racing heart matching his racing feet was lovely.

Then the section in the chamber of secrets was great too. It was pacy, exciting and well thought out. I really enjoyed the section with the basilisk, this was excellent.

I was puzzled why you ordered the chapter as you did though, putting the section in the chamber in flashback. I'm not sure this was necessary, but since you did choose to do it this way, I think the second section would have benefited from some lead-in to make it clear that we were going back in time. I was a little bit confused to start with.

In fact, I think reversing the order would make this chapter all the better, because the last line of the opening section was a perfect one to close.

But overall, I think this is definitely the best chapter so far. Great job.

Author's Response: Ahh, the order. You know, I might actually go back and change that, because even my beta was confused. When I wrote it, I wanted to be all clever and be like BAM! LETS SWITCH THE ORDER ON YOU! But it really is just confusing and strange, so I think I will end up switching it.

The section in the Chamber is possibly one of the most fun things I've ever written. I wrote it on a road trip, and with eight hours stuck with your family in a car, your mind tends to go to strange places :P I'm very glad you enjoyed it, though.

Thank you again!

-Naida


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Review #25, by The Christmas Fairy The Entrance

1st January 2012:
Hello, Naida,

I thought that chapter 5 was great - a real step up! You wanted to get feedback on your cliffhanger, and I think you did a great job here. It made me really curious to know what will happen next.

I do worry a bit that Tom has managed to get into the chamber so early in your story, if it is novel length, but I look forward to finding out where you are going to take it next.

I spotted one mistake - The sentence 'Amaya pushed started up the stairs for the boys’ dorms.' has an extra word in it.

Author's Response: Thanks! The sad thing is that I had to skim through chapter 5 again *headdesk* I'm getting so out of touch with this story. But thank you for the lovely review. I decided that Tom getting into the Chamber early was necessary to move the plot along, because I really did want to set it up as a parallel to CoS. Thank you for your thoughts on this!

-Naida


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