Reading Reviews for Neville's discovery
  
9 Reviews Found

Review #1, by eternalangel Neville's discovery

17th August 2012:
This was such a lovely one-shot for Neville. Though it was short, I think it really captured young Neville quite well. It showed his indecision, but it also showed the courage that we would see in him later in the series. You also managed to capture a little facet of each of the other characters in very little words from Percy's studious behavior to Dumbledore's all knowing and kind persona. That is quite impressive.

I really enjoyed reading this piece. Keep up the good work!

eternalangelkiss

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Review #2, by CherryBoom Neville's discovery

27th July 2012:
Oh, Neville. =) You really captured Neville's inner thoughts here and how he tried to weigh between the options of being a loyal sidekick and following the rules.

There was more description in the beginning than in the end of the fic. Adding some would balance the story out nicely. The fic also felt a bit choppy because the last parts of the fic were really short. The dialogue was quite nice, especially Percy's lines felt very Percyish.

The idea was fun and this was very quick read. I quite enjoyed it. Good job! =)

Author's Response: Thanks reviewing. Yeah I tried to get the feeling of self conflict within Neville across.

Yeah, I think the last parts have less description because I was trying to fit it in with the book without including loads of parts of the book, if you get what I mean lol.

I haven't looked at this fic for ages because I wrote it like a year ago. I might try to edit and add more description.

Thanks for the feedback :)


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Review #3, by Singularity Neville's discovery

14th August 2011:
Aww, this was really sweet. I love Neville, and little first year Neville is just so adorable :* I also love missing moments from canon, so this story is right up my alley!

I would love to see you expand upon it a bit more. I want to know a little bit more about what Neville is thinking and feeling when he confronts the trio especially.

I liked the detail with Percy discovering Neville. I had always kind of wondered how Neville got unpetrified. Your reasoning why it was Percy seemed very realistic, and of course Percy's instant reaction would be to go speak to McGonagall :P

Initially, I thought I wanted a bit more of a scene between Neville and Dumbledore at the end, but I think that's just my tendency to overthink and overdo things :P It's a really nice, short, sweet moment to finish up this one-shot, and I think it was a good choice.

~Singularity
(Ravenclaw)

Author's Response: Thanks for the review and I'm very sorry for leaving this respond so late :( I've got the feeling that this story needs to have more deatil so I will update this soon! Thanks a lot for the advice :)

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Review #4, by maskedmuggle Neville's discovery

11th August 2011:
Oh I love this! I loved reading about 11 year old Neville, in the moment when he stood up to the trio! I liked how you started off with him trying to find Trevor, then overhearing them. I really liked how Neville fell asleep then woke again. I would have liked to read more during the time when he was standing up to the trio, i.e. his emotions and thoughts, and what made him say, i'll fight you! like he does in the book. So, it would have been good to further explore the reasons behind his actions!

Anyhow, I loved this! I really liked how Percy was the one to find him, because "Percy was always up at the crack of dawn" Ha! So Percy! My other favourite bit was the last line of this story. Absolutely wonderful, and so Dumbledore! "You could have done no more than I, Neville." His electric blue eyes twinkled and he gave him a smile." I also loved the line before that, when Neville feels despondent again at having "failed", but instead, is told he's done an admirable job! Go Neville! Great plot, and nice writing!

- maskedmuggle, Ravenclaw :)

Author's Response: Hey! Thanks for the review and I'm sorry for the late respond :( I will probably add more detail to this one shot soon :) Thanks for the advice :P

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Review #5, by xtinjsc Neville's discovery

7th August 2011:
This was adorable! *throws confetti*

First of all, I love reading about missing moments, and Neville is definitely one of the characters I really admire in HP, so I was so excited as I was reading this. You've written a really believable version of young Neville here, so kudos for that.

I liked the the flow of the story as well, though what stood out to me the most was how you've portrayed Neville's character, really. He was so realistic and believable here and I really liked how unsure, nervous and awkward he was. You've written his personal conflict really well. I remember the particular moment from the book vividly, and I must admit, it was a tad nostalgic for me.

There was a little problem with spacing, but that didn't really affect the story for me. Just thought I'd point it out. Overall, this was a joy to read, so thank you!

xtinjsc (Hufflepuff)

Author's Response: Thanks a lot :) I've tried to fix the spacing but something keeps going wrong :( Anyway thanks for the really nice review! :D

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Review #6, by blueirony Neville's discovery

27th April 2011:
Firstly, I have to apologise for taking so long to review this. I am so very sorry!

I hope you had fun with this challenge! I absolutely adored your idea when you presented it to me and I definitely was not disappointed while reading this.

Neville was so sweet when he was younger. And you wrote him perfectly. The perfect mix of nervousness, anxiety and just all round awkwardness. He was very believable in this and he was also very lovable.

What I loved most about this was that it felt like I was reading about an ordinary boy. And that is something really special. It is hard to take a character from HP and make them sounds normal and real, instead of glorified. You did really well.

I also love how nervous he was. And that constant battle between whether he should do something or not do something. You wrote it all very well.

I loved this! And hopefully you enjoyed the challenge just as much.

Well done.

Joop.

Author's Response: Thanks very much. I loved doing this challenge and hopefully I will do much more :D

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Review #7, by Akussa Neville's discovery

13th April 2011:
Hello my dear!

First of all, thank you very much for entering my challenge! I know it was your first story here and congrats on finishing the challenge.

Now for the actual review. I found this to be very cute; you managed to bring me back to memories of the first book, when they were so young and naive... You've really captured the spirit of the canon scene and showed it from a different angle and it worked.

I loved Neville's dilema. It felt very emotionaly challenging for Neville to do that and you really showed the stuggle well.

The flow of the story was consistent and kept me on the edge. I found it might have been a bit to fast at times though, like you could have stretched on a bit, describe a bit more thoroughly the scene or the emotion. It would slow the pace of the story a bit, give more time to the reader to get into the story and have it be a bit longer too!!

I noticed some little mistakes through my read. They are very little things that you can chose to ignore if you wish; I am simply very, erm, pointy? picky? a nag? You get the point! You are the author so you decide wether you like your story as it is and wish to keep it that way, or not.

"He scrambled around the crimson, red dormitory"; no coma necessary between 'crimson' and 'red',

This is an example of a ponctuation error you made all through your piece : " “Gran’ll murder me.” He thought "; there should be a coma at the end of this dialogue and not a period (the 'he' shouldn't be capitalized either). This ponctuation error is present at every line of dialogue, you should check it out.

"he would risk them losing so many points for Gryffindor."; maybe it's just me but, I felt like this sentence needed to go on, something like '... losing so many points for Gryffindor that they would drop to last place, or, ... that they would be denied entry to the House until the end of the year..). Another option would be to reformulate; I would suggest taking out the 'so many'.

"He was lying on the carpet and his arms were tight against his side"; should 'side' be plural?

The whole conversation at the end needs to be reformated; there should be a spaceline between the pieces of dialogue otherwise, it is so close up together that it feels crammed and I forgot to breathe during that part of the read too... :)


Overall, I liked you little story; I think you played the missing moment very well, setting it easily through and around the canon timeline. Your characterization was interestingly spot on!! Good work!!

Akussa

Author's Response: Thanks for the feedback, it was very helpful :) I will edit my story soon :P

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Review #8, by TeamRon Neville's discovery

12th April 2011:
Heyy. Your story is really good! Go Neville!

Author's Response: Thank you :D

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Review #9, by awesome247 Neville's discovery

28th March 2011:
Aww! I like this story so much, Neville rocks!

Author's Response: Thank you for the feedback. It helps a lot :)

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