I stopped by to post a review for the Ravenclaw Review battle and found this story for the World Building Challenge that I did as well (my story was set in India) so I knew I had to review this one.
A very good first chapter introducing Cristina, our heroine, and the culture in which she lives. It was detailed with little tidbits about history and cultural references, without sounding like a wikipedia entry :-) All the knowledge was incorporated into the narrative flow perfectly.
I can see some of the tensions starting to come out, especially that between what are essentially Muggle-borns and pure-bloods - especially through the use of the character of Evelyn. She has already slotted into her social group of pure bloods, distancing herself from those 'less worthy' as she saw them. It will be interesting to see how this plays out over the course of the story.
I liked how you used something as simple as nightgowns to show what kind of background each girl came from. Cristina seems quite focussed on status and background from a Muggle perspective, I think because her own family is less wealthy, so it will be interesting to see how this informs her interactions with the other girls.
Thanks very much for posting this story! Good luck with writing it.
AlcyAuthor's Response: Hi!
I'll have to make sure to read your entry some time! :)
Cristina isn't much of a heroine, she's just the protagonist, but if you want to see her like that, I'm sure she doesn't mind. I'm glad I incorporated the culture in alright without sounding like a research paper or being choppy.
Blood prejudice is definitely going to be a big part of my story. I've sort of used the same ideas of Muggle-borns vs. Purebloods seen in the HP series, but I've tweaked it a bit. (Or am trying to tweak it.)
Cristina's character is...poor. The Phillipines' population itself is poor. It's a third world country. I tried to reflect that as well. However, there are the wealthy there, and I wanted to establish everyone's economic status even though I'm not sure the information will tie in with anything later.
Thank you for the lovely review and flattery! I'm a bit stuck for my 2nd chapter, but I'm sure it'll get written...
Liberty Report Review
I wasn't sure about this at first but this is great, Libby! I was quickly drawn in and wanted to read more :)
I loved the similarities between the Wizarding world & Muggles in Britain and the Wizards and Kapatagans in Phillipines. There's much the same pureblood prejudice and thinking descendants of Kapatagans are unworthy of magic. It's interesting to see that the blood prejudicism isn't only in England.
I absolutely LOVED reading the similarities and differences between MakaHa and Hogwarts. I think you've really blended the two together very well. :)
Evelyn and her new friends look like they're going to be the group who disapprove of Kapatagans being wizards. Sort of, the Slytherins of Hogwarts. :P I'm interested to see what Cristina thinks of that when she realises and how her realtionship with Evelyn will be affected.
I'm looking forward to reading more of this story. I hope you continue writing it :)
-Sophia xAuthor's Response: Hey Sophia!
I'm so glad you want to read more! I'm trying to figure out the 2nd chapter, but it'll be up soon enough.
I wanted to draw connections between the two places, despite the fact they're on other sides of the world, so I'm glad you got that impression.
I'm glad they have similarities! I just hope they're not too similar...
Evelyn and her friends (they're not exactly new) are like the Slytherins of Hogwarts, except they aren't sorted into it, they choose to band together like that. They're a bit like the blue bloods of England. I'll be writing them to be rich, snobby, and to keep within their circle. Cristina's relationship with Evelyn won't be affected until much later after some...incidents. Can't give anything away!
I will definitely be writing more of this! I just need to figure out my second chapter... Thank you so much for the review and the flattery!
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Hi sorry I am logged in but, for some reason my name didn't appear at the top but anyway nevermind, moving onto the review.
This is a very interesting start to your story. I like the thought of there being other Wizarding schools out there and I like the fact that it isn't just an American school but a Fillipino school, that definitely made this story original:-). I enjoyed learning the terms of the language and how you managed to incorporate it into your story. It was just enough so that the reader wasn't left confused by it all but still had a sense that it is set in a different place. I know it was only briefly mentioned but I feel bad for the boys that they don't seem to get the wizarding gene, i'm a sure they would have loved to be one. But then again it seems that most people seemed to look down on them? Is that right? Anyway interesting start and I look forward to reading more =D
Good Job, and good luck on the challenge
SilverstarletworldAuthor's Response: It's fine! I don't mind you're not logged in :)
I'm glad it's an original. That's mostly due to what I was assigned in the challenge, but I really decided to actually do the challenge because of the connection I have with the Phillipines.
I'm glad the terms weren't too much or too little!
The boys...well, it's part of the plot for them to not have the gene. I think that later they'll be very jealous of Cristina. They would've loved to be wizards, but not for reasons you(?) or I would want, just for the magic of it. They want personal success with little work. That'll be revealed later.
Thank you so much for the review and flattery!
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