Reading Reviews for I've Already Walked Away
  
14 Reviews Found

Review #1, by MissesWeasley123 I've Already Walked Away

7th March 2014:
Hey! Wow, this was a really intense piece!

I think you did a really good job on dialogue in this! Everything was really fast paced, and definitely dramatic. I think in the caps lock it was perhaps a bit too dramatic. My only advice to you for that would be to maybe just write some parts normally, and then add exclamation points to the end. A little but more description around the dialogue wouldn't hurt either. Otherwise it was really good and straight to the point, you jumped into the plot excellently.

I think it'd be great if you expanded a bit on both of their characters. Give a bit of background information. It'll really help with why this story took place and make it much more realistic. This was entertaining to read, though I wish it wasn't as short haha! A sequel would be totally cool if you were to write it! I think it's really cool that this was inspired by an original poem! Did you write the poem? :)

All in all, this was a good piece that has a lot of potential. If you work with a beta on developing the story a bit, I'm sure it'll be great! I liked reading, and good luck for the challenge!

Blackout 12/15

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Review #2, by love_is_magic_ I've Already Walked Away

7th March 2014:
Hey, just stopping by for a quick review!

So wow, what a different take on Rose and Scorpius, eh? Usually we only see them fighting in their really early relationship stages, then all cutesy later. It was nice to see a different side of them and good for you, being brave enough to risk such a new take!

I love the references to Draco, Ron and Hermione. You're right in saying that Ron would have warned Rose about an angry Draco, and I'm sure that would have been something to be avoided. I also love that Hermione came in to be an awesome mother and protect/save Rose.

Overall, this was done really well! The only little bit of CC was that the all caps probably wasn't necessary. If you had just left it with the exclamation points, I think the yelling would have come across fine. As it is, I think the all caps is a tad distracting. However, this is entirely a personal opinion and you are free to take it or leave it!

I really did this this was a great one-shot and I can't wait to read some more of your other stuff!

Christy

Gryffindor vs. Slytherin Blackout Battle 11/15

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Review #3, by Akussa I've Already Walked Away

7th March 2014:
Hi! I'm here for the review battle /blackout / Bingo!

Well that was definitly intense and out of the ordinary. I usually read about them fighting before they get together but this idea to have them fight to break up becaue they honestly can't make things work, is good. Accepting that you are too different to ever fit together is very difficult, especially at that age but you make it work. I do have to admit that, when I started reading, I thought that they were adults already because of the maturity of this subject and their introspective qualities.

I spotted a small sentence structure mistake that I wish to point out to you you write :

"...no matter what he says, Heíll always be a pureblood Malfoy and I a blood-traitor..."; first, 'he' shouldn't be capitalised (Scorpius isn't THAT important, I mean, he isn't a god or a king no matter what he may think of himself) and later, I personnaly think there should be a coma around the ending when you say "and I, a blood-traitor".

Overall, great little piece, good job!

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Review #4, by TidalDragon I've Already Walked Away

7th March 2014:
Howdy!

Though I've barely read any Next Gen at this point (a few chapters basically), I think you have the groundwork for something different here with a darker take on the phenomenon that Scorpius/Rose seems to have become.

As you develop it, I think you would benefit a lot from just staying patient with the story and taking time to develop emotions naturally from your character's actions and more extended dialogue. Remember too that you can make the way the characters are speaking clear from just the dialogue tag. For example, when you say Rose yelled after she first unleashes her anger on Scorpius toward the end of the chapter, you no longer need all caps to drive it home. If you want to make it a particularly loud yell, look up some synonyms for yell which are stronger - like roared or screamed or consider using an adverb like loudly. Even though a yell is already loud, an adverb like that makes clear that it is louder than normal and that way you don't have to use all caps.

Just some food for thought. I think you have a good idea challenging the typical Scorpius/Rose plot that will work better as you practice executing certain things a bit differently.

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Review #5, by nott theodore I've Already Walked Away

6th March 2014:
Hello there! I'm here reviewing Slytherin stories for the Blackout Bingo and I just realised that I've never read any of your stories, so I thought that I should come and correct that :)

This was really interesting! When I saw that this was for the No Happy Endings challenge, I knew straight away that it was going to be different from most Rose/Scorpius stories, which as one-shots are usually fluffy and romantic. I enjoyed this take on their relationship and found it really different and quite refreshing because of that.

It certainly seemed a little dramatic at times but it does sound like the two of them have been through a lot and are really struggling, so in a way I can understand that. Rose is just at the end of her tether and they can't see a future together, but in spite of that it's hard to watch a relationship crumble.

I could see some parts here that definitely seemed inspired by a poem - some of the narrative felt lyrical, and I enjoyed that contrast.

I liked the way that Rose was determined not to cry or show weakness - it reminded me of Hermione, and the way that she didn't want Harry or other people to see when she was upset about something (usually Ron :P).

Great job here!

Sian :)

Review 15/15

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Review #6, by FredWeasleyIsMyKing I've Already Walked Away

2nd March 2014:
Hi there!

Here for the review battle!

This was a little dramatic! Poor Rose sounds like she has a really tough time with Scorp. It's so different from most of the Scorose you read.

I completely understand her not wanting him to see her cry, I know I don't like to be crying. I wonder though, if she did give him the chance would it work or are they doomed? There must have been something there for them to be together in the first place! You leave a lot to the imagination... have you ever considered writing a follow up piece?

That being said, I think this was really interesting and I would be interested about the poem that inspired you.

I also like the fact you had Rose call her mum not her dad - lets face it, Ron wouldn't have reacted calmly in this situation!

This was a good and interesting one shot! Well done :)

Lauren :)

Review 10 of 10

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Review #7, by TheGirlOnFire I've Already Walked Away

1st March 2014:
Hello,

This is for the blackout challenge:)

I'm a little confused as to what Scorpius and Rose's relation ship is. Are they dating? Or are they enemies? Also, the dialogue and the description is mixed up. I advise that the dialogue start on individual lines.

I hope this doesn't come of rant-y-ish. I did enjoy reading this and it was good but I feel like it could be better.

TheGirlOnFirexx

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Review #8, by Broken Butterfly I've Already Walked Away

15th July 2013:
Thanks for your submission to the no happy ending challenge. I wish this wasn't so short, ans believe me that is saying something for a next-gen to me, because I liked it. I liked the plot , but I would have liked more description to visualize the scene in my head. Otherwise I think Characterization is a strong highlight in this. Good work.

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Review #9, by 800 words of heaven I've Already Walked Away

19th June 2013:
Hello, there! Here from the Slytherin review tag!

Ooh! I didn't know what to expect when I clicked on this. I must admit to being a bit of a sucker for Rose and Scorpius, and I guess I always like a happy ending, but this was really cool!

I really liked Rose in this. She was mature, and honest, and true to herself. Her actions made sense, and I totally understood why it took her as long as it did to let Scorpius go.

I must admit to wanting some more stuff on Scorpius, though. He felt a little... incomplete, like we weren't getting the full story. Obviously, this was from Rose's POV, so we weren't gonna get a detailed description of his thoughts, but I would've liked to read why he acted the way he did around Rose, or why he hated the library, or why they were together in the first place!

The short length didn't bother me at all - I thought the way you just outlined one scene and didn't really dwell on details out of that particular moment was a neat trick, although I did want more background on their relationship.

The way you ended this... is there a sequel in the making, perhaps? I hope so! I want to see how everything turns out for these two!

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Review #10, by EnigmaticEyes16 I've Already Walked Away

11th January 2013:
This was an interesting snippet into the lives of Rose and Scorpius. I kind of liked not knowing the back story or what's gonna happen next. I like how you just focused in on one specific moment, a specific fight--the final break-up, and left it at that. It's very refreshing. I also liked how Rose finally took charge, instead of her walking away being futile again, she made a point of it and left him for good, no more second chances and so on. This was lovely, really. And very well written, I didn't notice any mistakes. I think you did a wonderful job with this.

xxEnigmaticEyes16

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Review #11, by adluvshp I've Already Walked Away

19th December 2012:
Slytherin Tag xD

Hi there! This made for a good & quick read. I liked how you wrote Rose & Scorpius, it was quite different from how they're usually written. The plot idea was nice and the scene description was good.

I would have liked to see more emotion & angst in this piece though, as I felt like it was a little too direct & short. You could have gone a little deeper into the emotions if you had wanted :) Also, the bold and capitalizing was a little annoying to the eye - I would suggest to just either bold or capitalize the words.

Apart from that, I liked reading this. It definitely has room for improvement though. I like that it was inspired from a poem, quite innovative. I hope I wasn't too harsh!

Good work! 7/10

Cheers!
AD
(AditiDraco95)

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Review #12, by roseweasley_03 I've Already Walked Away

8th September 2011:
This one-shot is set up perfectly for a sequel. Please write one, your such a good writer! 10/10

Author's Response: Thank You :) What I might do is attempt to write a novella/novel as a companion to this and mabye have this oneshot as a missing scene or something but im not sure yet. It all depends on where my muse leads me and how much spare time i have on my hands. Thanks again for the review :)

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Review #13, by TenthWeasley I've Already Walked Away

22nd April 2011:
This was a really interesting premise to a fic - it's not often that Scorpius and Rose stories end on a note that isn't all Cinderella-esque and happily-ever-after. It's a rather refreshing change, actually. I have a lot of respect for authors who don't make everything all neat and wrapped in bows and ribbons, because life isn't like that, and it adds a really nice depth and realism to your work.

It was a short piece, but the emotion you conveyed was really good - my heart went out to Rose, and even to Scorpius, although he was a bit jerkish to make fun of her tears. :D Some of your sentences, however, ran on a bit, and could have been separated:

"I would usually wait until just before curfew before I headed to my common room knowing that he would be in the dungeons already but tonight was different, tonight I was staying in Malfoy Manor for Easter holiday, this time he saw me leave and blocked my path."

This, for instance, could have been broken into two or even three sentences. :)

Overall, though, I really liked your story, and I must commend you once more on not ending the story where everything is all rose-colored and pretty and happy. It impressed me quite a bit.

Author's Response: Thanks :) and ya most of my stories wind up without a happy ending...and i talk to myself when i write and actually tell my self the story as i write it down so run on sentences are bound to happen. (i talk really fast and can get two or three sentences read or spoken in a single breath) I'm working on trying to stop doing that but so far no luck.

Thanks again for the review :)


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Review #14, by LadyMalfoy23 I've Already Walked Away

18th March 2011:
Aw, poor rosie! And poor scorpius! Im not sure who i feel worse for!! But indeed all the same it was a very believable story, from the eyes of a teenage girl like me it was just very believable! Great story! :)

Author's Response: AW Thanks!

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