This is a lovely oneshot-- as you wrote, I find it to be a wonderful moment in the early RoseScorpius days.
I think you managed to include everything here: love, uncertainty, fun, family rivalries and of course, the happy ending.
What I liked most is Hugo. I never pictured him like that (and I've never read a story with such a characterization of him) but I was pleasantly surprised. He definitely gives a hint of humor to your story.
Also, I liked the change in Rose' ideas. At first, she's worried about her family but, when she realizes that she really likes Scorpius and that she has to live her life as a teenager. It was a nice touch.
I mostly liked this quote:
"Do you think..." he asked hesitantly. "Maybe we're only in this because it's so stupid?"
I believe it says a lot about their age.
Good work!Author's Response: hi! so glad you liked this!
i had never imagined hugo before, but after writing this i really want tot write more about his life! poor watermelon!
so glad you liked it - that quote says a lot, i think, too!
yay! thanks for reviewing! Report Review
Hahah, I adore the ending! It's so perfectly teenagerish of them to just say "who has to know!" and then have a nice snog. The light ending fits with the overall ligther tone of the piece, and works great with the song. I loved the song, so I was so happy to see that you represented it perfectly with your story and characterization of Rose and Scorpius.
Oh, and watermelon! hahaha I dont' know how hpgrl came up with that, but I for some unexplainable reason think it fits Hugo perfectly; go figure!
Great story, I'd love to see a sequel (:
-ronsgirl29Author's Response: Haha i hoped itd come off as teenagerish! so glad you liked the song, mightnt have made sense as much if you didnt know it! so glad you liked it! haha watermlon - no idea where it came from either, but so very perfect! thanks!!! Report Review
There were so many great epic moments in this short story that, by the time I was done reading, I kind of wished there was more!
I enjoyed your characterization greatly; Rose particularily whose full fledge personality and character you managed to show through this short piece. I also loved the little details showing her connection to her parents' little quirks and perks.
All in all, a very great and funny little story that looke perfect grammatically speaking and with great and enjoyable characters; great work!
AkussaAuthor's Response: Hiya! Thanks so much for this! Aww so glad you liked it, and everything was in order. So happy rose came accross well! yay! such a lovely review, thanks hun! Report Review
That was great! Really really well written. I couldn't find any spelling or grammar error :) Plus I really hadn't thought that Ron and Hermione might be a bit pressuring. I just never thought about them being that way. I kinda figured that they'd compliment each other well enough that with Hermione's perfectionism, Ron would balance that by being his laid back self. Then Ron would take certain things a bit more seriously with Hermione around. So I don't know if I personally like how they came across, but it's entirely possible.
As far as the rest of the story goes, very original ideas. I'm glad to see Rose the part of worrier, other stories make her very out going, which suits her too, but in this story, the way you had her was perfect.
Great job!!Author's Response: hey! thanks so much for this! Yeah, i think ro and hermione could be laid back or could put pressure on, this is always how i saw it, but i realise this isnt for everyone! glad you liked rose, and you thought it was original! thanks again! Report Review
Aw, I love it!! I really wish there was more... that they could somehow openly be a couple and everybody be okay with it. Very well written and it kept my interest the whole time! I didn't see any spelling or grammar errors either. And the whole "explain-everything-with-hyphens-in-between-it thing" made me laugh every time. Great job, 10/10!Author's Response: Heya! So glad you liked it!! I'm planning on writing more about them (all my stories are consistent with one another!) but i dont know when. they will end up together openly for me, but not after some trouble!!! so happy you thought so! thanks for the lovely review! :) Report Review
Heh, this was a nice, short piece, I really quite enjoyed it and I must say I would definitely like to hear more about Rose, and about how Hugo managed to get his highly amusing nickname! Watermelon indeed ;)
I quite enjoyed the portrayal of Rose and her family; quite a different slant to what I usually find, but entirely believable, especially with Hermione and the study plan :S
I thought the flashback was a nice way that suited this piece to weave in the history of the couple, rather than having Rose just remembering it. And I must say liked the hyphenations she had, like 'The "Scorpius-Malfoy-has-been-admitted-to-St.-Mungo's-with-third-degree-burns way.' They made me laugh, - though you are missing the end quotation marks at the end of the hyphenation in that one.
The only thing I would say is that I think this could be written as a longer one-shot with Rose not so suddenly agreeing with Scorpius about not having anyone knowing. It just seemed too sudden for me, like it was just finishing for the sake of finishing. I don't know, I felt that 'She was young, had no responsibilities to anyone -why shouldn't she have some fun? What people didn't know couldn't hurt them' sounded a little too blunt; I thought Rose would ponder the idea for a while before reacting.
I did enjoy the last 'Who has to know?' at the end, echoing the song (awesome song) and the title of the piece; a nice touch :)
Personally I was a little dissatisfied with the ending, but overall awesome job, I enjoyed the majority of it!
AmberfireAuthor's Response: Thanks so much for the review! Very happy you liked it! You make a good point about the ending! It is very rushed, but I think Rose would have agreed to anything Scorpius suggested - though she hadnt thought about his option, she was tired of thinking about it generally. But yeah, good point! Thanks again, sorry you didnt like the ending (I might rework it!) and I'm glad you liked overall! Report Review
'After a moment, she came to her senses. Like her mother, she was too realistic to enjoy this for too long – unfortunately.' I love that you said this! It gives Rose a lot of character.
I don't actually think you made Rose seem mean at all, but rather Ron and Hermione! Your portrayal of all the next gen characters was enjoyable and believable, which sometimes can be hard to come by with next gen stories!
I likes the bits of humor you had sprinkled through the place but I particularly liked the ending! I wouldn't worry too much about the predictability of the plot, because I think you've written well enough, and in your own style to combat this! Good work! :)Author's Response: Hey! Thanks for the review! So glad Rose came accross like I planned! Also so glad you enjoyed it, everything was believable etc! Thanks again! Report Review
This is AditiDraco95 from the Forums with the review you requested.
Firstly, I apologize for the long wait I put you through!
And Secondly, I am glad you found my review on "You're Not Sorry." helpful =)
Now, coming to the story,
it is a well-written one-shot, with the right touch of "drama", some fluff and "lightness". Since it is written as a humorous fic, the "big" issues not being highlighted is not a major factor here.
The fic was good all in all. but since its a one-shot I think it lacked some kind of insight into Rose and Scopius' relationship. Had it been a longer fic, you would have covered that up in upcoming chps, but one of the major points to be taken care of while writing a one shot, is to ensure that there's a proper intro and a proper conclusion (which was both there in your fic... congrats for that :D)...and also a proper insight into the characters. Your fic, being centered around Rose and Scorpius' relationship, needs a bit more insight into the relation. Two or three more flashes, maybe of them getting together in the first place, or some memorable moment they shared, or how they share each others' thoughts, or the understanding between them, anything would do the trick. It would involve the reader a bit more into the fic.
Apart from that, the grammar, characterization, flow and writing structure, all was upto the mark, so great job!
Hope I was of help!!
ADAuthor's Response: Hey! Thanks for that! Again, a very helpful review. Some great points, hopefully I'll fill them in in future rose/scor fics! Thanks again for doing this, no worries about the wait!
-B x Report Review
Great song and great fanfic! Because really, who does really need to know anyways?
And I like the idea of the next gen not getting along perfectly with their parents. It is more realistic.Author's Response: Hi! Thanks so much for reviewing! I'm glad you really liked it, and you thought it was realistic! No teenager gets on with their parents ALL of the time :D Report Review
OMG You have got to make this a storyAuthor's Response: Hi! Oh I'm so glad you liked that so much! During the summer I'm going to publish an Albus Potter story, this is actually a scene from it from Roses point of view! So throughout the story theres Rose/Scorpius stuff thats going on thats really obvious to the reader but not to Albus :D Report Review
Hi! I really like this! Thank u 4 reviewing my story Our Broken Fairytale, glad u like it! ;)Author's Response: Hey! It was no prob, I really liked it! I'm happy you like this too :D
Oh, what a sweet story! I really liked reading it, well done =)Author's Response: Awww thanks! I appreciate the review and I'm happy you liked it! Report Review
I loved this! It's such a cute, fun little one-shot, I haven't read a Rose/Scorpius one-shot that I've really liked in such a long time :) I'm going to fave this! :DAuthor's Response: oh thanks! so glad you liked it, and i really appreciate the review! hope you like anything else of mine you read! Report Review
aww! so awesome. i like their little secret romance and that her morals made her put a stop to it -also that he wanted hre to and WATERMELON! so awesome. i particulary dont like the song, but it does go so well with this! its their dirty little secret!
9/10Author's Response: Hey! Thanks so much for your review. Haha I'm glad it! Aww, sorry you dont like the song, hopefully it didnt ruin the one shot! hehe it is! Thanks!! x Report Review
I loved this. Normally I don't read Next Gen, mostly because my imagination doesn't go that far in the future, but I might need to start. The way you wrote this made me really feel for Rose and Scorpius. The way you wrote the 'rents was totally plausible, especially Hermione.
10/10Author's Response: Aww I'm so glad you liked it! Next gen are great to read and write, but its true that it kind of takes a while to get into it! Really happy it came accross as believable. I really appreciate the review :) Report Review
Hello! It's TenthWeasleyWriter, here for the review swap!
Okay, so this was SUCH an adorable little one-shot! ^^ I love the way you've characterised everybody - Rose, Scorpius, and Hugo all had very distinct personalities, and the way you wrote them made those personalities come out without you saying them directly. If that made any sense at all! Trust me, it's a good thing. =]
I have probably said this before in earlier reviews, but I'm going to say it again - you have a really great writing style that just flows very naturally onto the page. It makes your pieces fly by, which is great because to be honest - sometimes the stories I read here tend to drag! But never yours. ^^
Thank you for asking me to read this story! As those below me have said, it's very good - you should be proud of it!Author's Response: Hey! Thanks so much for reviewing, it was a lovely review too!
Haha I get what you mean, I'm glad they all game accross. What you've said here really means a lot to me, I always hope my stories keep people entertained, not getting bored and wandering of halfway hehe! I have such a big smile on my face after this, I'm really happy you thought it was cute!
- B xx Report Review
Ah, Scorpius, how I love thee...he's so smart lol! I like Draco and say I could never hate him, but I bet I could if Scorpius asked me too :). I belong in Slytherin...
I loved this one-shot, I love your writing style and on to the next story of yours...Author's Response: Hey! Thanks for taking the time to review! Scorpius is so cool! Hehe I agree, though I'm still a Gryffie/Ravvie mix at heart!
Aww thank you, that means a lot. Hope you enjoy :) Report Review
Hey! This is lizzacc from the forums with your review. ^_^ I hope you're doing well.
The first thing I noticed was your author's note. :P And it seemed so long! Teehee. I think that's because the spacing was messed up a bit. Trust me, I know all about that. *rolls eyes* But you should probably fix the spacing issue eventually. The author's note seemed very... protective of the story? Hehe, I hope you don't take that the wrong way! It's a good story, really, and I just think you should let it speak for itself. Know what I mean?
Anyways. I loved all of the characters! Rose and Hugo, in particular. I thought they were a brilliant mix of Rose and Hugo. Rose cares nearly as much as Hermione about her marks and all of that, but the Ron in her is careless about it. And like her father, she has trouble keeping her emotions - jealousy, in particular *wink wink* - in check. I loved how Hugo was Hermione's spy, and his reaction at Rose getting an A! I could still see the Ron in him, however. Scorpius was good, too. I liked how he was always pretending to be cool and collected, like nothing ever fazes him. The only bit that bothered me about Scorpius was how he said he hated his father. This is fanfiction, obviously, and anything can happen- especially with Next Gen! But I dunno... it just seemed a bit too much.
In the end, it's a light and fun one-shot. It's not too serious or dark, but a sort of "who cares?" ScoRo moment. It's fluff, at the end of the day, and there's nothing wrong with that. We all need some fluff in our lives. ;) It's believable, as well. How Rose is facing pressure from her family, her thoughts on her relationship with Scorpius, all of her worries and then the "Oh who cares? We're happy together. Who has to know?" moment.
My only CC would be to work on your grammer and the spacing a little bit. There were a few grammer mistakes here and there- nothing major, really. :) Just remember that a comma or a period would come before the quotation marks.
Overall, it was just really light and fun. I loved the bit about Hugo's childhood nickname being Watermelon- very funny! The flashback was a bit more serious, but all of the dialogue between Hugo and Rose lightened it all up. Great job!Author's Response: Hey! Thanks for this, I really appreciate it. Hahaha yes, the authors note.. I really should shorten it shouldnt I? I am protective of it I suppose, though I know I shouldnt really feel the need to defend it for being so fluffy! Oh and the spacing - I'm so bad for that! In a lot of my fics!
Hehe I really wanted that mix of Ron and Hermione and I'm glad it came accross. Yeah, scorpius' attitude is a reaction against his parents I suppose. Yeah, that was a bit harsh? I think Scorpius comes to terms with what draco did, but not just yet. A lot of 15 year olds are irrational about their parents! But you make an excellent point.
Thanks for the CC - I'll have a look at that!
Hehe I'm glad you liked it. Again, credit for Watermelon goes to hpgrl - what a great name!
Thankies again!!! :D Report Review
waow... this story is really exciting, the long pre-thingie disturbed me a bit, I think you might want to have the story speaking for itself? because it's a really good one :)
I quite liked the part with the flashback tells us how things got to be the way they are, and of course the part at the table :)
watermelon? don't get the idea of it... maybe that his head is filled of water but otherwise...
lovely story :)
*huggles*Author's Response: Heya! Just about to go on to yours now!
That's a really good point about the note at the start - the story shouldnt be about me, it should be about Rose heehee! I'll definately think about either shortening it or thinking of this for my next fic!
I'm glad you liked those bits! Hehe the watermelon is just a random thing I saw in another story - its so weird and unconnected to anything as far as I can see!
Thankies! Hugs for you too!!!
- B xxx Report Review
Oooh Ok, so here's your official challenge review:
Hem Hem :D
So first, Characterisation: I loved your characterisation of Rose :) I got a sense of the pressure she was being put upon, just because it was OWL year. A lot of people go through that so it's something that many can relate to so that was nice to see. I haven't seen it before either so that was unique. Also I liked that she was really uptight and almost jealous of and about everyone Scorpius was talking to :)
The way you used the Room of Requirement was brilliant too :D A nice secret hideout for Rose and Scorpius to love each other :) It's really sweet and I'm glad they got together in the end :)
For CC I would say just check up on the spacing again (even though that isn't really CC) and then also, you know when Albus is talking to that girl? What's the symbolism of that? I think you should make that a little clearer.
Hahahaha Watermelon! For some reason that seems like the perfect nickname for Hugo :) And I love that he was like, Hermione's little informer, telling on Rose all the time. I especially loved this line: Rose could see Hugo’s mouth drop. The little squeal – she’d have a howler by the morning.
Hehe that really gave me an insight in to Hugo's character :)
Then, Scorpius was great :) He was just so carefree and cool I think that was really nice.
And Al, to me he seemed like the womanising type, like he finds it easy to get a girlfriend and may well have a couple at a time. I might be wrong, but that's just my opinion, and I think it was a good unique detail if I'm right :)
So Well done!! I really enjoyed it :) 8/10
Thanks so much for entering my challenge!
~NeverGotHerLetter x x x x x x xAuthor's Response: Hey! Thanks for the review.
I remembered how stressed was at that ge, a few short years ago so I had to write that in somwhere. Hehe yeah she really was jelous - remember how jealous Ron always got about Hermione?? :D
Their use of the Room was probably predictable, but it always seemed to be the perfect place for them :)
Sorry, what girl do you mean albus was talking to? Scorpius was talking to Eva, Albus' future girlfriend, though there was nothing going on. I think Al THINKS hes a womaniser alright :L
I love watermelon - i didnt name him, but ive kind of borrowed him from hpgrl :D
Hehehe glad you enjoyed! And thanks for the CC!
- B xxx
Hehe good old watermelon, Report Review
Awww I really liked this!
It was cute and sweet, I adored the watermelon bit though I would've liked to have seen Als reaction there and maybe some general laughter :P
Umm my only thing was the spacing was all a little bit weird which made it a little distracting to the general story.
But I really liked it, well done! :)Author's Response: Hey! Glad you liked it!
Heehee I probably should have put Al's reaction in, I just felt he'd know this name already so there was no need.
Grr have to sory out spacing, its so annoying and i keep doing it!
Thanks so much, really glad you liked! Report Review
Oh wow! This is brilliant, hun! So many emotions!
I like all the similarities and differences between Rose and her parents. The fact she is at odds with her parents all the time is interesting. She not studious as her Hermione and she's constantly irritated by the study plans e.t.c. I love that!
I particularly liked: 'The "Scorpius-Malfoy-has-been-admitted-to-St.-Mungo's-with-third-degree-burns way." :D
I think I'll have to read more of your stories, definitely! :)
-Sophia xAuthor's Response: Heya! So glad you liked it, hope you enjoy any more that you read! :D
I think she's more like her parents than she thinks! I think she would be studious, but at this moment in time she really doesnt want to be like hermione! thankfully, though, she knows to take breaks!
heehee i liked that too, really happy you did too!
Thanks so much for reviewing lovey!
- B xxx Report Review
Next gen is normally not my favourite and I have something that even I can't fathom against songfics (I try and get past it). But I really love your writing style here. I think it's the pace -it's brillaint, it's got a real sense of immediacy. I guess the main reason I'm not so into next gen is that I find it difficult to imagine myself what the kids will be like, but I think you're definitely onto something with your characterisations and even more so, their relationships. Dynamic! :D
All in all I guess I'm just impressed how much I enjoyed something that I wouldn't normally read. Btw with Hugo, were you going for a mix of Hermione's tendency to stick to the rules and be a good girl (most of the time anyway XD) with Ron's loveable uselessness and all the other similar things about him that I can't quite work out how to describe? If so (and if what I just said made any sense) I loved it :DAuthor's Response: Ok, I am seriously honoured that you like this considering you dont like next gen or songfics! Thanks so much for your comments, they really mean a lot. Hopefully the characterisations are somewhat on cannon- though yes I agree, it can be hard to imagine what some are like! Dynamic - wow!
I really am so glad you liked it! That is EXACTLY what I wanted to come accross here - so glad you god it!
YAY you loved it! Thanks again for the lovely review, delighted you liked it :D
- B xxx
EP! :) My name! ;) tehehehehe
Anyways this is so good! I really do love this story hun im adding it to my favorites to revisit whenever i need a Rose/Scor fix! :)
The plot flow is really good, its sweet and to the point, and the hugo part. . . he is particularity my favorite next gen! :D Lol. .. This is really sweet and just too the point and i think that is why i like it so much!! GREAT story! :)Author's Response: Heehee you deserved the shout out, thanks again!
I am actually so happy you liked it!! Heehee poor Hugo, I portrayed him as being so annoying but it just fit. Awww thanks so much! And thanks for leaving the review!!!
- B xxx Report Review
'Ello, gingersnape here from the swap! :)
So, this was an incredibly well written piece, and having read your blog, I was actually hoping and looking forward to reading this, so I'm glad I got to read it! It certainly lived up to expectations, and I'm glad you had the courage to enter to confuzzeling world of ScoRose! :)
Rose was portrayed differently from anywhere else I've read her, and it was nice to see her be a little bit mean and have a temper, as I think she reflected her parents very well and it was a really believable way to read about her. As for the story itself, I'd sayyeah, it was a little bit cliched (little little bit) but that's certainly not a bad thing because you wrote beyond the cliches and made it into your own story.
Good luck with ScoRose if you ever do your other ScoRose story
-gingerAuthor's Response: Hey! Just about to go on to yours now!
Thanks so much for the review! Haha I'm glad someone who read my blog read this, I thought it would put people off! It was intimidating but I'm glad I did it!
I'm glad you liked Rose - this is how i imagined her, and I hoped it would seem reasonable for her to be a little mean. I agree it is cliched in a way, but thats the way i imagine it!
I'm glad it seemed to be my own, thanks! I do plan to do that "beautiful dawn" one I blogged about, but god knows when!
hehehe and thanks again :D Report Review
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