There was something about your style that drew me in as a reader. You've used some of the most beautiful and powerful words here. The story almost had that poetic prose feel to it and enjoyed that a lot. And your character was very intriguing, especially since she kept mentioning her insanity and her death. I wonder who she really was and what was her relationship with Sirius exactly?

I would've loved for you to fix some of the awkward phrasing in here, though, because they affect the flow of the sentences sometimes. As beautiful as your words were, they lost a little of their brilliance because of some grammar and tenses slip ups as well.

It was an interesting read for me. Keep writing and improving!

xtinjsc (Hufflepuff)

Author's Response: That is actually an amazing compliment. thankyou so much :D

I'm not entirely sure who she was, I feel that she represented the unknown and she and Sirius loved each other but they grew apart and forgot what they once meant to each other.

Thankyou again, it really means alot to me.

BrokenGirl

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Hi! so I love the conflicting emotions in this one-shot. The subtle balance between love and hate, you portray it wonderfully. Your writing is kind of poetic in a way- it just flows nicely. There are some grammar and word usage mistakes- if you could just fix those, this whole piece would be perfect. I also like that its short and vague, you leave it up to the reader's imagination, but its done skillfully, not like you just didn't feel like adding stuff- if you get what I'm saying.

anyways, great job! You have a lot of potential as a writer, you just need to work on some grammar =D

Author's Response: Thanks! yeah, i know about the issues, but to be honest i couldn't be bothered fixing them but i will try sometime in the future.
i really appreciate that so thanks :)

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