Reading Reviews for The Promise
  
5 Reviews Found

Review #1, by icecrystal Broken Promises

15th June 2011:
Aw, well done that really did hit quite a few of my heart strings, and I'm generally quite a tough thing to do with writing.
It was very well written and I do love, and admire, at how well you managed to get such emotion across in quite a short piece of writing.
One of the things I truly loved was the opening, very well done in terms of getting the emotion through in such a short amount of time.
Just well done Siriuslover177 and I really do hope that you're going to write a lot more.
10/10 and you deserve so much more, I'm sorry I can't give you more.

Author's Response: Thank you so much!
I am glad you thought I had good emotion, I was quite worried about that.
I really, really appreciate it! (:

-Siriuslover177


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Review #2, by LovelyMioneWeasley Broken Promises

22nd March 2011:
Hi there, LMW from the forums with your requested review.

First off, I really like the banner and I think we have both entered or be interested in the same challenge. I'm not surprised you chose Sirius Black as the character to write about from the banner.

I think you have a good premise; tragic love and how it is involved with the war, the dying moments from someone lost to the First War. Sirius is not an uncommon character to do this pairing for so it was unoriginal but can be well done.

Your grammar and mechanical issues take away from any emotion for me. You use the wrong word in places like--No happy faces where detectable at breakfasts. Should be were detectable for instance.

When you dialgoue, you need to make sure that you use commas or periods between the dialgoue and the speaker. A beta could do some good help with something like this; also, the premise cannot be communicated well in just the 600 or so words you have here. I would consider re-writing and adding more detail. Add more sensory detail to the flashback, add smells or sounds.

It flows okay but because it is so short, a flow never really becomes established. I am interested how you would do something like this but my best reccomendation is to prowl around the forums looking for help to re-write the article about the death, to help with grammatical issues, and to help with detail.

Best of luck,
LMW

Author's Response: First off, thank you.

Yes, I was highly thinking about re-writing it making more detail.
I'll go over it, adding more punctuation, and make sure I'm using the right grammar.

Thank you! :D


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Review #3, by Miss Person Broken Promises

19th March 2011:
Thats so sad! But I loved it! It was so incredibly sweet though!

Author's Response: Thank you so much. (:
I am glad you enjoyed it.

-Siriuslover177


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Review #4, by LadyMalfoy23 Broken Promises

18th March 2011:
This was really sad! I enjoyed your plot line a lot, the idea of this was so sweet and just so, good!

However the story seemed kind of rushed and lacking in details. This can easily be fixed just by adding a few details here and there can really make or break a fic! :)

All in all i really did like this story and wish you the best of luck in your challenge! :)

Author's Response: Thanks!
I'll try and fix them, and maybe it will get better.
Thanks for the criticism.

-Siriuslover177


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Review #5, by mugglemania Broken Promises

17th March 2011:
Awww sweet one shot. Good job!!!
9/10

Author's Response: Aww, thanks hun! :D

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