Aww, this was different! I feel sorry for Peter and his mum seemed a bit mean not staying with him, poor boy! I thought it was cute how he just wanted to make friends and I loved the line at the end (blantently just going to ignore what he did after lol and just enjoy that he finally felt that he had people to turn to) The flashback was cute and I enjoyed how you showed a younger Peter =).
Just a suggestion mainly in Britain we don't say kindergarten, we say nursery =).
SilverstarletworldAuthor's Response: Thank you so much - I'm glad you enjoyed it! :)
Oh, haha, I'll be sure to keep that in mind. XD Report Review
That was a really interesting story, I've never read one about Peter's childhood before and enjoyed it. It made him seem deeper and more complex, he's more than just the one who betrayed his friends. I think you got a lot across in a short amount of time. The flashback did a great job of showing how important being a marauder was to Peter, and how critical it was that they accepted him.Author's Response: Thank you so much! Even though I strongly dislike Pettigrew, I couldn't believe that intelligent people like the Marauders would "adopt" him for no reason...so there you go. :) Report Review
What a nice little story this is, and so original. You captured this moment in time really well. It's interesting to think about how Peter was as a young child, considering we what his life became. I like how this little event in his childhood influenced his feeligns for his friends at Hogwarts, and in a way it also forshadows what happens with Voldemort.
I love your use of descriptions and metaphores. They were beautifully weaved through out the story and it flowed really well and at a nice pace.
My only critique would be that the dialogue of the young boys at 4 sounded a little old. such as "We’re friends then, aren’t we?". Kids are more likely to say "Do you want to be my friend." They are a bit more blunt and honest and don;t question people as much as adults.
But other wise, lovely story. You write really well.Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm glad you enjoyed the idea.
Thank you again! I tried harder than usual to make style pop out, and it's nice that you could tell. :)
Oh, I agree, thanks for the critique! :) Report Review
Peter is sweet, Peter is loyal...
Whatever came after he turned into an adult is not of importance, for when he was a child, he was a thorough one, and believed, trusted his friends to the ends of the world. A hi5 to you who thinks Peter was innocently loyal as well!
M.H.Author's Response: Thank you so much! :) I'm glad you enjoyed it! Report Review
aw this story was so sweet! :')
the story about onesimus was sad, but it was very nice.
your desciptions were great, keep up your wonderful writing! :D
hehe sorry for reviewing again, but i really need to record some account activity. XDAuthor's Response: Don't be sorry for reviewing!! :)
It brightened my day when I saw that this story had 6 reviews. :) Report Review
Wow Oz. You've done it again.
Although it's such a short story, it's actually very deeply thoughtful. I mean, it's very sad actually. The fact that Peter grew up as a hated child and thus loved his new friends so much. But what's really sad is that he betrays them...
Sorry haha I'm taking a simple story too seriously, but I guess it shows how good of a writer you really are, too express emotions as these! Keep it up, you were born to write :')Author's Response: Thank you so much for reviewing...again! :)
I kind of wanted a, you could say, hidden angsty feel, if you get what I mean, and I'm glad you've uncovered it! :)
Thank you! Report Review
Dude I really like this man. U rock!Author's Response: Thank you! :) You do too! Report Review
VAH SO GOOD =) but i have to do humanities so baaiaiiiAuthor's Response: Thank you so much! Haha, don't forget NHD! :) Report Review
That's great Dorothy! So interesting! I loved the flashback to kindergarten(: such great imageryAuthor's Response: Thank you so much! Glad you liked it! :) Report Review
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